Author's Note: Really quick I would like to thank my two reviewers (how sad is that I think that is sad, and because it is raining like a dickens here right now and my doc says I can go singing and dancing in it I would like some more from this chapter). Anyways thanks to froggy0319 how always reviews my stuff I know if you could you would send a million and one reviews to keep this fic going. Also I would like to thank Tina Frank, I brought up some things in this one that you briefly mentioned in your review thanks and I hope you enjoy this chapter just as much as the last one. Finally, as promised here is another chapter for your reading and REVIEWING pleasure… Enjoy…

I stood in the rain today. I took my cover off and just stood there looking up into the sky as the raindrops slammed into my face. It wasn't a soft, gentle rain that one welcomes in the summer it was an utter downpour outside. The streets were flooded and most everyone was walking around wearing ponchos to keep dry, but I stood out there on the side of the street on the way to my corvette without a poncho and then without a cover. That's how I feel these days I am living without a poncho to keep me safe and dry from the rain of life. I stood there thinking, thinking about the news from the day before, mostly thinking about my poncho or lack there of.

I decided that there was no reason to tell him, at least not right now I don't know if the doctor will be able to retrieve any viable eggs much less get one fertilized. I still am unsure as to whether or not I should ask him for a donation, I know we made that deal 3 years ago, but I haven't the slightest idea if that is something he even wants. I know he would like to have children some day, it always makes me laugh to think of little JR's running up and down the stairs with Tomcats in there hand pretending to fly. I would give anything to carry his child to give him his JR, but what my heart wants and what my head is telling me to do are two completely different things that rarely ever run on the same wavelength. My heart was telling me to jump in my car and fly to his apartment, he would still be there running late as usual, and tell him what the situation is and ask if he would be willing to give me half his DNA. It would have worked and the Admiral would have forgiven us for being late once I explained to him my infertility problem. It was a wonderful idea and had I gone through with it instead of merely standing in the rain I might be feeling better right now. I would have someone to talk to rather than an empty book whose lines all though provide relief cannot provide a much needed and desired hug.

We women desire commitment above all else in life, because with commitment comes love, happiness, security, and joy all the things that we cherish most. With my background and history with men it is no wonder that I am terrified of saying anything to him, I would risk losing everything losing the one and only good no scratch that wonderful relationship with a man. No relationship with a man has ever lasted for me, sure the Admiral, Bud, and Sturgis are all my friends but that is quite different. Even my guy friends have died, like….Eddie. Men should just take one look at me and run away, sure I am attractive I guess but I think that gives them a false sense of security. And security brings us back to commitment.

Some how I made it to the office in one piece, I looked like a drowned rat because having no poncho meant no security from the rain. I spoke to Tiner and made an appointment to see the Admiral later that day. I was on my way back to my office when I ran into him and almost made him spill his coffee on his freshly pressed dress blues. I quickly apologized and scurried off to my office avoiding making eye contact with him, I knew if I did that my current fragile state would cause me to give into my heart's thoughts rather than my head's. I am not sure how I managed it, but I made it through the day in one piece, more or less, and all I had left to do was inform the Admiral. I have decided that I am a stronger person than I ever imagined because I made it through the whole conversation without crying or even having tears well up. As much as I wanted to cry, I knew I couldn't there was no reason for me to cry about something so far beyond my control and take pity upon myself. I am a Marine and I can take on any challenge placed in front of me. The problem at the moment is that I am being attacked on all fronts and I have only so much ammunition with which to protect myself I am slowly crumbling apart behind this mean green Marine façade I have created. I am wet, cold, alone, and still without any poncho. I still haven't told my best friend about a life altering decision I am being faced with nor have I asked him for his comfort or to borrow one of his ponchos to keep me dry.