Title: Have You Ever Contemplated Upon It?
Summary: A brief, humorouspiece – a comic short, if you will, during 'Surprise'.
Note: I was bored to tears, so I wrote this after having read the page and started giggling. Not for the younger crew, as there ARE sexual references. Italics - Lines from Patrick O'Brian's 'HMS Surprise'.
Disclaimer: I do not own anything. At least, very little. What little I own does not include any of the characters mentioned, or the bits in the italics. I wish it did, because then I would be damn rich.
Stephen said, 'Have you ever contemplated upon sex, my dear?'
Jack started in his chair – where had this sprung up in conversation? He had only just decided to give up on his endeavour upon a proper joke involving the Poultry Compter – it was, indeed, a rather uncouth suggestion, vulgar to a shipmate –, and suddenly THIS had arisen? What had Stephen been talking about, while Jack contemplated his jibe, anyways? His already ruddy cheeks flushed with ready blood.
'Never,' said Jack. 'Sex has never entered my mind, at any time.'
Stephen raised an eyebrow. To the unknowing, even – to the stranger –, Jack's answer seemed guilty. To Stephen, a close friend of some years – if that indeed did it justice – it was painfully obvious. He winced inwardly. At the very least, Jack could seem less… Eager to remonstrate. He continued with his original point, even accidentally slipping about Diana's rope of pearls that he hoped to bestow upon her…
Jack's mind wandered – why in God's name did he bring up SEX? 'That is a solemn thought.' Jack spoke when Stephen had paused in his ramblings, clearly expecting a response. As soon as the doctor was pacified, Jack's thoughts meandered away again.
His thoughts roamed guiltily: to Sophie, arbitrary barmaids, and even his mother-in-law (his tastes were alarmingly similar to that of his father, who took the dairy maid as his wife not long after Jack's mother's death – and after Jack had bedded the woman). He shifted in his seat, his attention returning to Stephen.
… 'There would be none of this disappointment in missing Linois.'
Disappointment. Jack gave the first reply that popped into his head – of course, it concerned the men, who were, obviously, disappointed with their present circumstances. 'Never mind the disappointment. Salt water will wash it away. You will be amazed how unimportant it will seem in a week's time – how everything will fall into place.'
'Indeed,' said Stephen, rising. 'I am glad we had this conversation, I admit, Jack, my dear. I am so very glad to have your company – dear, consistent attention, from one as easily spoken to upon the burdens of carnal desire as with horsemanship.' He smiled at Jack, who returned with a guilty grin. 'None of this infantile inability to confer – to understand – to discuss, forsooth, without leading to less honourable contemplation.'
Jack smiled serenely. Aubrey refused to directly address his virtuous capability to consider carnal matters without ignoble thoughts. 'I shall always be quite happy to be confided in, my dear.'