A/N: Gods, don't blame me for this… okay so do… well I'm not sorry, you hear me!

Dumbledore's Wedding.

The day dawned with a burst of colour and Falkes scwark's of 'oh what a beautiful morning', which was soon taken cared of by Snape with a well aimed avada kedrava

All of Hogwarts was a flutter with excited chatter. Today was the day. Today Albus Dumbledore marries Minerva McGonagal.

Albus took a deep breath and smiled, his eyes twinkling madly. He saw Minerva and grabbed her, dipping the stunned and completely in-versatile woman back, her nose scrapping the floor painfully as Albus' arms quivered perilously.

"Albus!" Minerva screamed as her back cracked.

Dumbledore giggled.

"Oops!"

He pulled her up and her back pooped. She gave a slight whimper. Dumbledore kissed her on the cheek and skipped off down the corridor singing "here comes the bride".

In the corner unnoticed came a sad sniffle and a faint yet nauseating smell of used socks.

-

Everyone was enjoying the day. Dumbledore had ordered a fairground to be set up outside of Hogwarts and everyone was having fun on the rides.

Well, almost everyone.

One person wasn't having a fun time at all. One person wondered how this whole thing could have happened. One person was sitting in an outside toilet cubicle crying as if this was the end of the world, smacking his head on the toilet seat repeatedly.

"How could this be happening to Dobby? Dobby's Dumbly is being taken away form him! Ooo ooo oooo, poor Dobby!" the ugly little creature crooned into the muddy looking toilet water.

"Um, hello? Anyone in there?" a voice called.

"No!" Dobby snivelled back miserably, "no one is here anymore or soon won't be being! Just tell Dumbly I love him!"! Dobby said dramatically as he stuck his head in the poo filled water and was about to take a deep breath when the door opened.

"Dobby!"

Dobby turned around, very wet and very embarrassed as he saw Dumbledore in the doorway. Dumbledore shut the door and the two were now nose to knee.

"Well, well young elf. What have you been keeping from me?" Dumbledore chuckled, the twinkle in his eyes almost manic.

Dobby backed up, a little scared at his strange expression.

"Um… I's not done anything bad sir," the house elf stuttered.

"You love me?"

Dobby nodded wretchedly.

Dumbledore grinned, " You want me?"

Dooby nodded, quicker this time as he looked up with wide runny eyes.

"Let's do it," Dumbledore said as he picked up the small bristly toilet cleaner and raised his overgrown eyebrows. "How about it?"

Dobby leapt up and kissed the old man's wrinkly lips and started humping his neck.

"Yes!"

-

An abused toilet cleaner later, Dumbledore crept out of the cubicle and straightened his crooked bow tie. He looked back behind him at the contented and now sleeping elf and smirked in a disturbingly smug manner. He then started to walk towards the chapel he'd set up where he'd finally be able to pin down that foxy hag that'd been avoiding their inevitable marriage for some centuries…

-

"I now pronounce you man and-"

"Dobby objects!"

The Hogwarts crowd turned to look at the creature with a synchronised gasp.

"We did the bad thing in a toilet, he's mine now. Mcgoogly can't have my Dumbly," The elf said defiantly.

McGonagal looked slightly relieved but still got out her wet fish she kept down her corset and slapped Albus across the face with it. She then strode off, looking angry but when she then jumped in the air and clicked her heels together no one was convinced.

"You little bitch," Albus murmured to Dobby who just hugged his leg.

"Mine," The elf said hungrily.

"And so I pronounce you man and er," the muggle vicar looked at Dobby calculatingly, "thing. You may now kiss the erm, you may now kiss."

The crowd let out a great "Urgh" as the newly weds followed the vicars directions. A few threw up. Then to the surprise of everyone present Hagrid let out a delighted scream and started to roll in crowds puke provocatively. A few people stared but most were out of there faster than you could say, "Ron's naked".

And so that is the end of this tale. Dumbledore and Dobby lived happily ever after in their oh so wrong, fetish filled relationship.

The end.