Legolas and Haldir's Most Excellent Adventure

Authors: the Gruesome Twosome (you know who we are...;))
Betas: ourselves...
Rating: S for silliness or Pg-13
Pairings: Everyone and Haldir's ass...(makes pinching motion...)
Disclaimer: if we owned Bill and Ted or LOTR, we wouldn't be writing
fan fic...actually we probably would, only more of it, because we'd
be rich and have lots more free time...
Summary...: we are so making you guess...

Clinging to each other, both elves held their eyes shut tight as the violently shaking box slowed down and landed with a thud. Peeking through one eye, Haldir looked around nervously, afraid of what might happen next.

Relieved that the strange contraption seemed to no longer be moving, Haldir realized that Legolas was still clinging to him a bit too tightly for his comfort. Tapping on the prince's head with one finger a bit irritably, Haldir looked down at him disdainfully and cleared his throat loudly.

The noise startled the nervous elf that jumped back quickly also realizing just how tightly he'd been clinging to the warden. Unfortunately there was not enough room in the box to jump back, so he bounced forward again, slamming into Haldir. This set off another round of arguing and shoving, and fighting.

"Stop being so PONCY!" Haldir shouted at Legolas…

"Stop being so BOSSY!" Legolas shouted back…

Both began pushing each other harder, despite the cramped space. To neither of their notice, the box began to rock violently back and forth with their actions. When the box finally tipped over, both fell silent, Haldir looking slightly embarrassed as he lied on top of the blonde elf.

"GET OFF ME, YOU BIG OAF!" yelled Legolas as he pushed against the larger elf, to no avail.

"LOOK WHAT YOU DID, YOU BRAT!" Haldir yelled back, struggling as hard as he could to get up, but there being no room could not. In his struggles, he wrenched his head back, trying to avoid Legolas' rank breath, apparently traveling with Aragorn had led to the development of some nasty habits, especially for an elf. Pulling his head back, he slammed it against the little black device with the "U" shaped thingy.

"OW!" Haldir cried out, trying to reach behind him to rub his head, and in the process elbowing Legolas in the eye.

"MANWE'S BALLS!" Legolas cursed, trying to grab his eye, and in the process not-so-accidentally ramming his fist in Haldir's chin. Before Haldir could retaliate, a soft knocking was heard on the clear 'door' of the box. Both stopped, fists in mid-air and turned to look at who crouched next to them.

A strange looking man, with his hair pulled tightly back into a pony-tail and odd dark coverings over his eyes, peered through the door. He wore very dark clothing and seemed to be about middle aged, for a human.

Legolas looked at Haldir. Haldir looked at Legolas.

Both put their fists down and looked back at the strange man. He was apparently trying to say something to them, but they couldn't understand or hear what he was saying. Looking at him in confusion, they just shook their heads. Finally, the man pulled on a small vertical handle on the outside of the box, shoving the door down so that it opened fully.

"I said, what happened to Bill and Ted?" Rufus stared at the strange creatures lying on top of each other. This was all very confusing. Bill and Ted had been sent on an important mission to pass an English assignment on the Lord of the Rings series. And instead of them returning, here were these too strange beings, trying their damnedest to destroy the telephone booth.

"Damn Bill and Ted!" Legolas shouted in anger. "Just where are we!? I am the 'prince' of Mirkwood and when my father finds out…." Rolling his eyes, Haldir clamped his hand over the sputtering elf's mouth, so now the only sounds were his muffled cries of protest.

"I apologize for my friend's outburst," Haldir started off politely. "What he meant to say is…" he reached out with his free hand to grab Rufus' collar and pulled him closer to them. "Wizard of Darkness! 'I' am the March Warden of Lorien, and when Lady Galadriel finds out you have…"

Rufus' eyes grew wide at the two irate elves shouting at him. He was too stunned to speak. It couldn't be…something had happened to the boys and somehow, these two characters from the stories had been sent back instead! And not only that, but too VERY angry ones…with sharp weapons…

"P-p-please…" he stammered. "Please just listen to me!" He finally shouted, getting both of their attention, as they had begun to argue and fight with each other again. Both stopped and looked at him in annoyance, as if they had hardly expected him to still be remaining there.

"Please, there seems to have been some sort of mistake…"

"No shit," huffed Legolas, rolling eyes. "Ow!" He cried out as Haldir jabbed him in the ribs. Looking hatefully at Haldir, he shut-up.

"Do you recall meeting two boys, Bill and Ted, before you were whisked away…"

Both elves shook their heads no. Rufus sighed in mild frustration, and then another thought came to him.

"Okay then, do you remember two boys named…" he stood up and positioned his hands for an air-guitar, and almost perfectly imitated the two Haldir and Legolas had met earlier. "I am Bill S. Preston, Esquire…And I am Ted Theodore Logan…And together we are…Wyld Stallyns!"

This one makes that same strange noise as the others had, thought Haldir to himself.

Legolas, finally free of Haldir's hand, blurted out happily, "Oh yeah! We met them. The morons!" Then a thoughtful look of concentration crossed his face, causing him to go a bit cross-eyed. "But…they were slain by orcs."

Rufus' face drained to a ghostly white as the information sank in. Bill and Ted were dead, and now he was stuck with two misplaced elves.