Legolas and Haldir's Most Excellent Adventure

Authors: the Gruesome Twosome (you know who we are...;))
Betas: ourselves...
Rating: S for silliness or Pg-13
Pairings: Everyone and Haldir's ass...(makes pinching motion and kissy noises...)
Disclaimer: if we owned Bill and Ted or LOTR, we wouldn't be writing
fan fic...actually we probably would, only more of it, because we'd
be rich and have lots more free time...actually, I think we wouldn't because if we owned it…it would be called a SEQUEL…or PREQUEL if you are George Lucas…
Summary...: we are so making you guess...

The telephone booth thumped to a stop again, this time in the middle of a glorious, silver and gold forest. Haldir reached up and peeled Merry's ass from his face, before opening the door and tossing the Hobbit out.

Climbing out of the booth, the four travelers stretched themselves after their cramped, albeit short, ride.

"I need a drink," Pippin muttered, his legs giving out. He plopped on the grass, and looked up soulfully at Legolas. "Please…I need to get drunk. Now. Please."

"No, Pippin. We don't have time. We have a report to give in somewhere called 'San Dimas." Trust me…it's complicated, but we need to hurry," Legolas replied, patting the Hobbit on the head.

"At least I know where we are now," Haldir said, motioning for the other three to follow him. "Caras Galadhon is not far from here."

"Well, whoopie! He finally knows where we are. Do you want a medal or a chest to pin it on?" Legolas smirked at the silver haired Elf.

"You're on my last nerve, Legolas. Don't think I didn't feel your hand on my butt during that last trip!" Haldir retorted a bit lamely.

"Um…that was me…" Pippin giggled, holding his little hand out toward Haldir and making pinching motions.

"Ew!" Haldir said, suddenly jumping about, brushing at the seat of his pants. "Hands off, you Hobbit pervert!"

The four companions, led by Haldir, who was still occasionally shuddering and swiping at the back of his leggings, headed toward the Elven city deep within the Golden Wood.

Haldir led them directly to the Royal Talan, where Galadriel, ever the spooky mind reader, already knew they were coming and was waiting for them.

The look on her face left no doubt as to the mood she was in.

"Haldir! How could you get involved with this nonsense? Shouldn't you be leading our troops in battle right about now?" she asked, hands on her slim hips.

"Yes, My Lady, it's just that…we…I…" Haldir mumbled. Pointing at Legolas he said, "It was his fault!"

Legolas looked up stunned, his eyes flying from Haldir to the Lady of Light and back again. "Me? It wasn't my fault…you pulled me into the telephone booth, you silver haired freak!"

"Stop it, the both of you! Let's just see what my mirror has to say about all this." Galadriel pulled out her scrying mirror out from somewhere - later Legolas was certain it was from her ass, and this time, Haldir was inclined to agree with him - and peered into its silvery surface.

"I see a large room full of screaming teenaged humans…a building with many vendors…and something called a 'water park.' I cannot begin to imagine what these things have in common, but I know this for certain…you must complete your quest, else the universe be altered forever and darkness descend on all the land. Jumping Jimminies…this looks to be worse than the problems we've had with the One Ring!" Sighing, Galadriel stepped away from her scrying mirror, which continued to hang suspended in space (she was always doing creepy things like that), and walked to join the four travelers.

"Well, what are we waiting for?" she asked, looking at the four of them. "I believe you have a deadline to meet!"

Shrugging their shoulders, the other four set off, escorting the Lady back to the telephone booth.

She eyed the contraption warily, while Haldir and Legolas consulted the list again.

"Who's next?" Legolas asked Haldir, trying to read over the taller Elf's shoulder.

Haldir rolled his eyes at the blonde Elf. "Well…remember how you said that you wanted to see Gimli again? This is your big chance, blondie…"

Legolas groaned, rolling his eyes. "Not Gimli…he's alright for a Dwarf, but…he stinks like a dead warg. I've barely gotten the stench out of my nostrils…"

Dejectedly, Legolas followed Haldir to the booth, helping him cram Galadriel, Merry, and Pippin inside, before squeezing in themselves.

Haldir jabbed his one free finger on the telephone key pad, and soon the screams of the three new passengers echoed through space - after all this was Legolas and Haldir's fourth trip, and they were growing used to it.