Legolas and Haldir's Most Excellent Adventure

Authors: the Gruesome Twosome (you know who we are...;))
Betas: ourselves...
Rating: S for silliness or Pg-13
Pairings: Everyone and Haldir's ass...(makes pinching motion and kissy noises...)
Disclaimer: if we owned Bill and Ted or LOTR, we wouldn't be writing
fan fic...actually we probably would, only more of it, because we'd
be rich and have lots more free time...actually, I think we wouldn't because if we owned it…it would be called a SEQUEL…or PREQUEL if you are George Lucas…
Summary...: we are so making you guess...

Galadriel wandered the aisles, looking down her Elven nose at the people who milled all around her, letting her eyes do that freaky green-glowing thing whenever one of them ventured too
close.

She peered curiously into the store windows, raising an eyebrow once or twice at the odd merchandise she saw in the windows. At one particular shop, however, she came to a dead stop,
staring agape at the display in the windows.

Carefully, she read the small sign that hung next to a mannequin in the window. "W-O-N-D-E-R-B-R-A, she read, eyeing the lace and silk confection that was draped across the mannequin's
ample bust. Galadriel looked at the mannequin, then down at her own chest…back at the mannequin…down at herself…then nearly threw herself through the doors of the shop.

Legolas, still running, got a glimpse of who he thought fleetingly might have been Galadriel, inside a shop, stripped of her gown, dressed in what appeared to be a couple of lace doiles that
barely covered anything at all. He ran smack into a wall, and bounced off, landing hard on his ass.

Stepping out of the shop, and nearly stumbling over Legolas, who still sat on the ground looking dazed - even for him - Galadriel smiled, seeing herself in the reflection of the store window. She had her gown rolled up in a ball in a shopping bag and was now dressed in a red satin teddy that barely covered the tops of her thighs, with a plunging neckline that showed off her newly lifted and separated breasts, encased in her new Wonder-bra. On her feet were matching, stiletto heeled red mules.

She stepped over Legolas, giving him a view he would take to the grave, and continued on her way, looking for something…someone…whatever.

Gimli, grumbling and cursing all the way, had followed his oversized, rather lumpy nose to a shop from which wonderfully enticing aromas wafted. "A-L-L-Y-O-U-C-A-R-E-T-O-E-A-T-B-U-F-F-E-T the sign read. He walked in, and was immediately greeted by a smiling, pony-tailed, fresh-faced teenage girl, wearing a pink and white striped dress that barely covered her knees, white socks, and tennis shoes. A perky little white hat was on her head, and she wore an white, frilly apron over her dress.

"Hi! Welcome to the Golden Circle Buffet! Are you here with your Mommy and Daddy?"

"Me mum and me dad were eaten by orcs."

"Oh…um…table for one then, sir?" the girl asked, blushing as she realized at the deep sound of Gimli's voice that he was an adult. Although, you'd think the beard would have given him
away…let this be a lesson to you kids - stay in school.

Galadriel made her way to another level of the Mall, Legolas following her like a pup on the scent of a bone - sniffing and whimpering a bit when he got close enough to her, causing her
to whip around and smack him in nose, saying "Bad puppy…bad!"

She walked past an eatery of some sort, pausing a moment as her Elven eyes caught sight of what appeared to be a Dwarf's stubby body running back and forth across a narrow bar. Bowls
and platters of food had been laid out on the bar and Gimli (dwarves being just the right height to fit under a sneeze-guard), was busily shoving handfuls of food into his bearded mouth. He
pulled a sack out of somewhere - Galadriel would later swear it was his ass, and considering he now heaping food into it, would hope sincerely that she was wrong.

Smirking, she strode into the restaurant, followed by Legolas, who was finally distracted from her rear end by a machine that sat in the entrance to the eatery. The square glass box held
dozens of stuffed animals and shiny thingies, as an equally shiny steel claw hovered tantalizingly above them. Legolas stood there, with his nose pressed against the glass until Galadriel cuffed him upside the head on her way out of the door, Gimli held securely under her arm, his little stubby legs kicking madly.

"We need to find Haldir now!" Galadriel ordered. She realized that Gimli had stopped wiggling, and soon thereafter realized why…he had a most excellent view of her Wonderbra from his
vantage point. She dropped him on the ground, and smiled as he bounced several times.

"Come on…let us go find my March Warden! I've had enough of this place…I'm bored and I want to go home…" she said, tossing her blonde mane.

Gimli looked at Legolas as Legolas watched Galadriel's ass wiggle under it's dressing of red silk, and said, "I could give her something to keep her busy, laddie…"

"Get in line, my friend…get in line," Legolas whispered back, his eyes never leaving Galadriel's hindquarters.

On their way to find Haldir, they passed a shop called Leafy Green's Sporting Goods. Legolas put a hand up to his face, trying to hide it, hoping that the brown uniformed guards would
not recognize him as they passed.

Gimli shot the tall blonde Elf a questioning look, having seen that the entire inside of the shop was studded with arrows firmly implanted in every conceivable surface.