Sandy hesitated outside the door to the guest room. Ryan had been quiet at dinner, clearly thoughtful about the talk he'd had with Kirsten and Sandy didn't want to push him, but he wanted to get everything out in the open.
"Ryan? Can we talk?" Sandy didn't want to upset the boy further but they had to talk. Sandy had to tell Ryan what he knew. What he thought he knew. He needed to know if it was true.
"Yeah. What's going on?" Ryan sat up with bright eyes from the bed, closing the book he was reading and putting it down.
"Nothing's going on. I…I need to talk to you, though."
"Sure." Ryan's face was guarded now.
Sandy sat down on the edge of the bed, setting the sketchpad that Kirsten had kept between them. "You've had a rough couple of days. I don't want to make this worse or harder for you…but I feel like I need to be honest with you."
"Okay…"
"I hope you'll be honest with me, too. This is just between us…you can tell me anything and it's not going to change the way I feel about you," Sandy said.
Ryan was studying him now. "I think I need to know what you're talking about. Did I say something or…"
"This sketchpad. Kirsten showed it to me. I didn't want to look at it, but she was pretty insistent. You're very talented…"
"Sandy, it's just drawings…" Ryan said.
He nodded, flipping it open. He turned the pad so that Ryan's self-portrait was facing him. "Does this bother you?"
"Why does it bother you?" Ryan asked, his gaze lowered.
"I know you've had a hard life. I try not to think about that. But…but I've seen scars like this before, Ryan."
Ryan was so still that Sandy didn't think he was breathing.
"Ryan."
"You've seen it before," Ryan repeated, not moving. His gaze was locked on a spot on the bedspread.
"They call it a 'mark'," Sandy started slowly. "They do it in prisons…to claim dominance…"
"To show weakness…" Ryan whispered.
"Have you ever talked about it?" Sandy asked.
Ryan shook his head slightly, his eyes blank. "Nothing to talk about."
Sandy closed the sketchpad and moved it aside with a sigh. He'd hoped for more but he had no experience with this. He was a lawyer, not a therapist. There was no way that he could do this the right way. He just needed to know if it was true. Now he did.
"Did you tell Kirsten?" Ryan asked, meeting his gaze for a moment before lowering it again.
"No, Ryan. I wouldn't do that without…it's not my story to tell, Ryan," Sandy replied. "But I think she suspects something."
"Why?" Ryan asked.
"Sometimes you talk in your sleep, Ryan. About things…things we don't know about."
"God…this is just getting worse…" Ryan whispered, covering his face with his hand.
"Ryan, we care about you. You're a part of this family now, and families help each other. We can help you…if you want to stay, if you want to get better…"
"So, I'm sick now?" Ryan asked.
"No, Ryan, but you have to admit that something's going on."
Ryan shook his head, unwilling to look at Sandy.
Sandy started at the floor. "'Doesn't count if you don't cry. Doesn't count if you don't bleed'…"
Ryan had paled several shades and was staring at him. "I said that?"
Sandy nodded. "That's why we were arguing about your file. She suspects…but she thinks it'll all be in your file…but nothing's in your file, Ryan."
"I know…I never told…I've never told anyone," Ryan murmured with a shudder.
"Look at me, Ryan," Sandy urged. "Nothing is wrong with you. You are the same strong kid that I brought into my family months ago. This doesn't change anything. But you have to take care of yourself. Your sleepwalking…it's getting to be dangerous. If this…if your past has something to do with it…maybe you should consider talking about it."
Ryan nodded, but his eyes were dark with thought.
"Okay, kid. I'll let you get some sleep…" Sandy stood up, hoping that he hadn't made everything worse.
"Sandy?" Ryan called once he was by the door.
"Yeah?"
"Thanks. For telling me. I know…I know that if I ever want to talk about it…I can come to you…" Ryan said quietly.
"I'll be here, Ryan."
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Ryan couldn't fall asleep after Sandy left. Sandy knew about his…abuse. He really was just another statistic, another victim.
But Sandy hadn't treated him any differently. Sandy had probably always known.
He'd never told anyone. Except Sandy. Now Sandy knew.
He didn't know that he'd been saying things in his sleep, Kirsten hadn't brought it up. But Sandy…Sandy had trusted him enough to let him know that he was getting…closer. Closer to letting his secrets be known. They were coming out in his sleep. In his pictures.
He felt…relieved. Sandy knew and he didn't talk about kicking him out or sending him away.
They wanted him to stay. They wanted to help him. Even with his issues, Sandy would help him.
He wanted to believe him. He wanted to trust him. He wanted to…belong to this family.
He just hoped he could do it.
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"Did you hear something?" Sandy asked Kirsten, waking from his doze.
"I don't know," She replied, groggy.
"I'll check," Sandy said, pulling on his robe. They'd set the burglar alarm to go off if the code wasn't entered when the doors were opened from the inside at night. They were hoping that the sound would wake Ryan if he slept-walk.
Sandy got to the kitchen as the alarm started to sound. Ryan was walking across the patio in his bare feet.
Kirsten was following him and she punched in the code as Sandy hurried outside.
Ryan paused by the edge of the pool. It was just like the other times, he always stopped by the pool.
Sandy was only a few steps behind but before he could reach him, Ryan did something new.
Ryan exhaled all the air from his lungs and stepped off the edge into the water. Sandy reached the edge in time to see Ryan's head collide with the rim as he became submerged.
"What is it?" Seth's voice startled Kirsten from her frozen place at the doors.
Sandy dropped his robe and plunged into the pool in his boxers, grabbing Ryan by the arms and pulling him to the surface. Kirsten and Seth were running across the patio.
"Dad…" Seth reached out and helped drag Ryan out of the pool.
"His head's bleeding, Sandy…" Kirsten knelt beside him.
"He's not breathing, Dad," Seth whispered.
"He was only under a second," Sandy said, gently rolling Ryan's head to the side as he pressed gently on his chest to try and push any water out. Kirsten was dialing a phone as Seth crouched beside his father. "He's got a pulse, he just needs to breathe…" Sandy wasn't going to think about the small trickle of blood from the back of his head, he wasn't going to think about his unconsciousness, he wasn't going to think about losing him.
Ryan coughed suddenly, struggling against Sandy's hands.
"Ryan, just breathe…" Sandy urged, relieved.
"What…God, my head…" Ryan winced, coughing up water. He tried to move but Sandy and Seth held him still.
"You hit it when you fell in the pool," Sandy said. "Are you all right?"
"What happened?" Ryan asked, finally relaxing against their grasps.
"Sleepwalking," Seth answered. "You set off the alarm…"
"Damn…" He winced again. "My head really hurts…"
"The ambulance is coming," Kirsten said.
"No…" Ryan protested.
"Dude. Your head…you have to go, don't argue, okay?" Seth said urgently.
"We'll be right here, Ryan, you're okay, they just need to check you out…" Sandy echoed, needing Ryan to relax. He knew that if Ryan insisted on not going, nothing they could do would convince him.
"Okay…my head really hurts…" Ryan whispered.
"What about your legs? Any other pain?" Sandy asked.
"No…I mean, my ribs a little…but they always hurt…just my head…" Ryan said. He coughed and finally Sandy released him so he could raise up.
"Seth, go get your dad some clothes, I'll meet the ambulance," Kirsten said, hurrying around the house to the driveway.
"Ryan…"
"I'm sorry, Sandy…I…it was the same dream, I don't know what happened…" Ryan said as Sandy draped his robe around him.
"It's okay…as long as you're okay, we'll take care of everything later…" Sandy said, sensing Ryan's tension.
Seth ran out with sweatpants and a t-shirt for his father as well as a blanket for Ryan. The paramedics appeared from the edge of the house with Kirsten leading the way.
"We'll be right here, Ryan, okay?" Sandy said as the paramedics crouched beside him.
Ryan gave him a tense nod and closed his eyes as the paramedics started examining him. He answered their questions quietly and evenly.
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"He's alert and oriented, you were right to call the ambulance, especially since he's recovering from a concussion already, but he's going to be fine. We put three stitches in his head, but he's very lucky…"
Kirsten felt herself exhale for the first time since arriving at the hospital. She had been worried. Sandy had been quiet and Seth hadn't stopped talking until the doctor came to get them.
"That's awesome, can I see him, can we take him home? Where is he?" Seth said in a rush.
"Seth." She put her hand on his shoulder to silence him. "Slow down."
"I'll take you to him. We wanted to set him up with a psychologist that specializes in night terrors and sleepwalking but he says that you're already looking into that for him, is that correct?" The doctor asked.
"I made a few calls today, after he finally agreed to see someone," Kirsten replied. "His first appointment is in a couple of days, though…"
"Keep an eye on him. He should be fine until then," The doctor assured them, leading them down the hall of the ER to Ryan's room.
"He's not a big fan of doctors…is he all right?" Kirsten asked.
"He did very well, he stayed awake the whole time, he was really honest…he told us up front that he didn't like to be touched so we took special care of him. We gave him something for his headache and he's pretty groggy now," The doctor explained. "I'll bring you the papers so you can take him home."
"Thank you," Sandy nodded. He pushed open the door first and walked in.
Ryan was sitting up in bed, holding a hand to his head with his eyes closed.
"Any better?" Sandy asked, approaching him. He immediately sat down in the chair beside the bed.
Ryan's eyes were bright with relief. "Hey. A little. I guess concrete is not good for curing headaches," he joked quietly.
Kirsten went over to him and gently embraced him. She knew that he hated hugs but she had to do it. He returned it with a sigh.
"I'm sorry…" he whispered.
"We're just glad you're okay. You don't have anything to be sorry about," she said, releasing him.
"Dude, this sleepwalking stuff has got to stop, I mean, or we'll have to make you wear a life-jacket to bed or a helmet or something," Seth said.
"You called someone, didn't you?" Ryan asked Kirsten.
"Yes, honey. We'll talk about it in the morning. Right now, we just need to focus on getting you home to bed…" Kirsten replied.
Sandy was watching Ryan closely and Kirsten realized that something had shifted. Ryan wasn't uncomfortable under his stare tonight, he seemed relieved. Ryan seemed to trust him.
"We'll stay with you tonight, okay? Make sure you don't get up again," Sandy said quietly. Ryan nodded. He surprised them all by patting Sandy's hand.
"Thanks, man. This was pretty scary…you guys acted like you do this all the time," Ryan said.
"Well, we don't. And if we ever have to do this again…you're grounded for life," Sandy said.