((LEGAL STUFF: Inuyasha and Co. are property of the sole ownership of the wise, witty, and wonderful Rumiko Takahashi! I am not making any profit whatsoever except my own enjoyment in writing this. I do not own nor claim any rights to her characters and concepts. However, the original characters in this story belong to me, so please do not copy them or use them without my express permission.))

The White Dog
by Becky Tailweaver

Chapter 3: Seeking the Self

"Sango-chan!" Kagome practically flew out of the narrow crack as soon as there was room for her to squeeze through, tearfully throwing her arms around her friend's neck. "Waaah! I thought we'd never get out!"

Squealing, Shippo pounced on Kagome's shoulders to snuggle gratefully against her--while Sango embraced her as well, very glad to see her. "Kagome-chan, we thought we'd lost you--you and Inuyasha both! What happened down here?"

"Rats," Inuyasha grumbled, picking his way out of the crack at a more sedate pace. "Fecking rats..."

"We know," Miroku said. "We found them on our way in as well. A terrible number of them, too."

"Tons of them chased us in here," Kagome informed her friends, "and then Inuyasha went ballistic and caused a cave-in with the Tetsusaiga. It did stop the rats, but we almost--"

"Tetsusaiga!" Inuyasha blurted, bolting back into the hole as he was reminded of his precious heirloom. "Miroku! Shippo! Get your asses in here and help me get it out!"

"Aw, we just dug a whole bunch..." Shippo groaned, looking as sweaty and tired as the rest of them. Reluctantly, he and the others crawled into the hole, spotting Inuyasha fighting to free his father's sword.

"You really got it stuck, didn't you?" Sango commented, shining the light on the situation. "I've got an idea. Everyone lift this boulder, and one of us will pull the sword out once it's loose."

"Which one of us will pull it out?" Miroku wondered. "Not you, Inuyasha," he stated, before the hanyou could open his mouth. "We need your youkai strength on this stone. You too, Shippo. Kagome-sama, you're not the strongest, so you pull it out."

"Uh...okay." She didn't know whether to be honored by the request or insulted that he had--however politely and indirectly--called her the weakest.

"Here we go!" Sango announced, putting her shoulder into the rock. Miroku and Shippo--in his blue ape-thing form--did the same, and the stone shifted ever-so-slightly.

"Put your back into it, Inuyasha!" Miroku grunted.

"I'm coming." The hanyou stepped in between Sango and Miroku, put his fingers beneath the stone, and heaved with a snarl of effort. There was a grinding noise as the entire stone shifted visibly upwards, and Miroku and the others nearly lost their grip in surprise.

"Whoa...!" Shippo breathed, his own shape-shifted little muscles straining. What's he been eating?

"Kagome...get the sword!" Inuyasha growled.

"Oh!" The schoolgirl snapped out of her awed stare and darted underneath them, pulling on the the Tetsusaiga, trying to wriggle it out. "Just a little further, guys! The end's still stuck!"

Inuyasha let out a rumble as he and the others strained higher. Kagome pulled with all her strength--and flew backwards when the sword popped free with a rusty shwing!

The others dropped the boulder with a gravelly thump.

"Oww!" Kagome groaned, rubbing her tailbone. "Here you go, Inuyasha."

Inuyasha snatched his blade, looking it over carefully for damage, hoping it wasn't irreparably bent. "Thanks, Kagome," he said grudgingly.

"Can't expect any gratitude for the rest of us," Shippo grumbled, changing back to his usual self again. "Jeeze, you could have lifted that rock by yourself, Inuyasha. What were you so busy doing in there that you didn't?"

Inuyasha, who had been hovering unconsciously close to Kagome, turned away from the others and growled. "Taking care of the wench, what else?"

"Oooooh," Shippo said, a knowing look on his face. "I suppose being trapped in a little room all by yourselves was terribly dangerous, wasn't it? I wonder if there was any smooching--"

"Shippo-chan!" Kagome almost shrieked, embarrassed.

"We're getting the hell out of this cave," Inuyasha snarled suddenly. "Kagome needs some air."

"My sentiments exactly," Sango seconded. "This place stinks."

"And you can't even smell half of it," Inuyasha spat unkindly, pulling Kagome along with him, leading the way back down the tunnel.

"Thank goodness I only have human senses, then," Sango retorted, her hand over her nose.

"Inuyasha, I can walk on my own," Kagome reminded him, slightly confused.

Glancing at her, as if for a moment startled he was holding her arm, the inu-hanyou growled softly and released her.

"I'm okay now," she said, more quietly.

"Just don't freak out on me again," he grumbled.

Kagome rubbed her nose and shook her head. "I'm sorry. I won't."

The group made its way back to the large lake-cavern. The rats were still gone as they arrived; standing in the mouth of the little tunnel, Kagome and Inuyasha stared in surprise as Sango shone the light around the silent cavern filled with death.

"What happened here?" Kagome breathed as they crossed the floor of the cave.

"Something very big, and very mean," Inuyasha replied, looking around and sniffing the air. "There's no scent of anything except rats, but if I didn't know better I'd almost say it was--"

He broke off, freezing stock-still, rumbling low and dangerous in his throat.

"What's wrong?" asked four voices at once, accompanied by a knowing rumble from Kirara.

"Something's in here," he growled. "A youkai."

"Is it the one that killed the rats?" Sango asked, clutching the handle of her weapon.

"I don't know. It's close, though."

"Hhhhssssssssssshh!"

The sudden loud, frightening hiss made their hair stand on end and they instantly tensed, battle-ready.

"It's here!" Inuyasha snarled, drawing the Tetsusaiga. "Move!"

There was a thunderous splash as everyone scattered. In the dim, bluish light of the lichens and the wildly flashing yellow of Kagome's "magic lamp," something huge and sinuous lunged at them from the dark water of the underground lake, causing a tidal wave to thunder up the shore and throw everyone off their feet--all but Sango, who was scooped up by a swooping Kirara and carried clear of the deluge.

"It's a tunnel-snake!" the taijiya gasped. Reaching for her giant boomerang, she unpacked it from her back and prepared to throw. Below her, Miroku regained his feet by clinging to a boulder as the lakewater rushed back to its original place.

Inuyasha had managed to brace himself with the Tetsusaiga and had not been sent sprawling, and his tenuous grip on Kagome's arm had kept her from being swept into the hard stone wall by the rush of water. Soaking wet once again and not happy about it, the hanyou snarled and brandished his sword at the monstrous serpentine form that coiled itself onto the rocky shore. "It's a tunnel-snake youkai!" he corrected harshly. "Watch out!"

"Nasssty little bugss killed our preciousss little oness!" the giant black snake hissed, boiling with malevolence. Its head alone was as long as Sango's weapon, and untold meters of its dark coils were still rising from the water. "We will sssquash little bugss! Like our little oness were sssquashed! Our food, our sservantsss, our preciousss children!"

"It...it thinks we killed the rats!" Kagome realized, hugging a waterlogged Shippo to her--she'd managed not to lose him in the miniature tidal wave. "It must be the one controlling the youkai-rats!"

Ears twitching upward, Inuyasha sensed the snake's intent. "Kagome--get clear!" he snapped, tensing; without questioning, the schoolgirl ducked away from his position and hid herself behind a sheltering stalacmite.

Just in time, too; hissing, the snake struck like black lightning--but Inuyasha jumped out of the way, Tetsusaiga transforming in his hands. He swung, but the snake had already drawn back, coiled for another strike.

"Kagome, do you sense a shard?" he demanded, changing his position as the snake lunged at him again, so that it would not be striking so close to her.

"Yes!" Kagome shouted back. "But I can't see it anywhere!"

Before he could dodge again, Inuyasha was thrown into the wall by a loop of the snake's coils slamming against him. The snake oriented itself on Kagome's voice and advanced, hissing; realizing the impending danger, Kagome squeaked and ran, trying to get to Miroku and Sango who might protect her in some way. Miroku looked to be debating whether or not to try to suck the snake in, because it was venomous and his friends were so close, and Sango was trying for a clear shot that would not take Inuyasha with the serpent.

She didn't have to worry. With a thunderous yell, the hanyou charged in while the snake was distracted by Kagome's temptingly fleeing form--and stabbed the Tetsusaiga into the youkai's retreating back. With a hissing screech, the snake whipped around at him to sink its poisoned fangs deep into its tormentor--but Inuyasha's own Fang struck first, and in a flash the giant snake's severed head tumbled across the floor, coming to a stop beside a pile of its "precious" rats.

Everyone breathed a sigh of relief into the silence that followed.

"He did it!" Shippo crowed at last, as the body writhed in noisy, crashing death-struggles. "We're safe!"

"Where's the shard?" Kagome wondered aloud, her eyes darting to and fro. "I don't see it at all. Where is it?"

"Maybe one of the youkai-rats has it," Sango suggested, hopping down from Kirara's back and strapping her boomerang on.

Then Inuyasha growled loudly, bringing them all around. The snake's body had reared up, the stump of its neck pulsing with a faint glow as two new heads pushed through the severed flesh, each growing out its own neck and covered with glittering new ebony scales.

"We are Karasssuhebi, now the immortal sserpent," one of the heads hissed. "We will never die!" spat the other.

"We'll see about that!" Inuyasha snarled. "Kagome, find that damn shard!"

"I'm trying!" Kagome shouted as the inu-hanyou rushed back into battle.

But the snake heard the exchange and banned the humans' interference, crushing them into the cave wall. Sango was knocked from Kirara's back, and the firecat yowled and savaged at the snake's scaly skin with her saberlike teeth, but it was so large that her fangs and slashing claws were mere annoyances.

Coil after coil of the giant snake rose from the frothing lakewater, cutting off more and more of Inuyasha's space. The others could do nothing; they were pinned to the wall by lengths of the snake's body.

Shippo was the only one free, being small enough to slip under the coils, and he was ineffectively throwing Foxfire at the massive youkai, trying to distract it. Inuyasha battled alone, and it was only his superb ability to fight and his youkai night-vision that allowed him to survive his too-close encounters with fangs of venomous death.

At last, gasping, Kagome spotted the singular, steady glow of the shard she sought. As the very end of the snake emerged from the water, she fought to draw enough breath to cry out to Inuyasha. "The tail! The shard is in Karasuhebi's tail!"

Inuyasha did not have time to reply, dodging along Karasuhebi's rippling coils; one slip of his sure feet and he was lost to the poisoned fangs that snapped just behind him. It was a jungle-gym of writhing snake, leaping from length to length, ducking beneath writhing coils and dodging the striking heads. Fortunately for the hanyou, he had perfect reflexes and was just able to avoid certain disaster.

"Sango, can you get free?" Kagome gasped, struggling for breath beneath the snake's weight.

Sango, the one with the least of the snake's body on her thanks to Kirara, nodded grimly as she continued to work herself loose.

Kagome grasped at the hope. "If you can get out, try to distract the snake so Inuyasha can hit the tail!"

Meanwhile, Inuyasha was leaping and fighting his way toward the snake's tail. It was not an easy venture; the serpent was intelligent enough to know the gig was up, and put a lot of effort into protecting itself and keeping him from reaching its rear coils. He had chopped off another one of the heads, made the unwelcome discovery that the head-growing trick worked with them, too; Karasuhebi now had three heads, and none of them were inclined to cut him any slack. He had sliced the snake open in a hundred places, but because of the Jewel shard each wound healed almost instantly.

He darted forth, and Karasuhebi shrieked in to cut him off; a slash across the face of the slightly larger head made it flinch back with a spitting hiss, dragging the other two with it. And in that moment, the tail was nearly within his grasp!

"I've got you now!" he crowed, flinging himself at the wriggling end of the snake, Tetsusaiga raised to strike. All three heads dived in to stop him, venom-dripping fangs only centimeters from sinking into his back.

"Inuyasha, look out!" Kagome screamed.

A great whirr cut through the air, right on top of them, and Karasuhebi pulled up with a hissing screech, all six eyes widening in surprise. In that split instant of shock, all three of its heads were severed at the main trunk by Sango's great boomerang, Hiraikotsu.

At the same moment, the Tetsusaiga slashed down on the snake's tail, slicing through it, cutting off the youkai's source of life and power.

The body writhed--but this time, no new heads sprouted from the severed neck. The long body began to disintegrate into something akin to dried-out, dusty snakeskin, which shattered into fragments like autumn leaves and fluttered to the ground. The three heads gasped, "Our preciousss..." in hissing unison, before following the same crumbling path.

Wearily, Kagome fished out the glowing shard of the Shikon no Tama before the still-living stump of tail section could grow itself a whole new snake, fed by the Jewel's power. She put the shard into her little jar, making sure the lid was firmly closed.

At last, the tail fell limp and melted into dust, joining the rest of Karasuhebi in oblivion.

"Feh...all that for just a little tiny one?" Inuyasha huffed, sheathing the Tetsusaiga. "Cheapskate snake-youkai."

"At least it's something," Kagome sighed. "I'd hate to think we came all this way for nothing at all." She stood up, taking a deep breath. "Let's get out of here. I want to see the sun again, and I don't think we want to be here if the rest of the rats come back."

"The rest of them?" Shippo screeched, while Inuyasha quietly gulped.

"There were a lot more than these here when we came," Kagome told them. "They must have run away when whatever-it-was killed the others."

"We're going," Inuyasha announced quickly, grabbing Kagome by the wrist and heading toward the lake. "Kirara can fly us all back up to the tunnels, and after that it's up to her if anyone wants a ride. I don't care who's tired--I'm not a horse-for-hire."

But despite his firm declaration, he carried Kagome all the way back to the surface.

She did not protest, either.

There were eyes in the dark--narrowed, amber eyes that watched the small party in the cavern from a safe distance, guaging their prey.

"Mmm..." said the whispered voice, sensuous and feminine. "Formidable, for a hanyou. Strength to go with his beauty." There was a low chuckle. "Just who I've been looking for. He's so much more than any of them said. I wonder if they know?"

"Ahhh!" Kagome stretched and smiled, taking deep breaths and enjoying the warm sunshine and bright light. "It feels so good to be back in the light!"

"Easy for you to say," grumbled Inuyasha, striding beside her. "You didn't have to climb all the way back up to the mountainside with somebody on your back."

He and Shippo had been most affected by their sudden arrival at the cave mouth. In the dimness below, Kagome had seen his catlike pupils dilated wide as she rarely had before, catching every available photon of light. Advancing into the sunlight, he'd had to shrink and squint for some time to allow his night-seeing eyes to adjust to the brightness.

"You told me to stay on!" Kagome retorted good-naturedly. "I'm really grateful you did, though," she continued sincerely, more quietly. "I was really worn out from...what happened down there. But I feel better now. Thank you."

"Feh." Inuyasha only snorted in reply, looking away to hide his faint flush.

They were well away from the cave, far down the mountainside on the same narrow little trail they had followed on their way up. Kirara was once more in her miniature form, chittering happily on Sango's shoulder. Miroku walked beside her with Shippo on his own shoulder, and the three were in animated conversation, congratulating Sango for her masterful job saving Inuyasha's hide from the snake-youkai. Kagome and Inuyasha hung back a bit, letting the others stay further ahead.

"Hmph!" Inuyasha snorted, quite able to hear the others' words. "You'd think I never needed help before."

"Well, you usually don't," Kagome observed thoughtfully. "And when you do, you never say so. And then you get grumpy at us when we have to save you."

Inuyasha glanced sideways at her. Coming out into the light, his shame had sprung anew when he saw plainly the red marks across the bridge of her nose, set into her clear, pale skin. He hadn't drawn blood, but she had still been marred--and it clenched painfully in his heart to know it was his fault.

None of the others had noticed or commented on it, with all the other scrapes and bruises she had--but Inuyasha knew, and felt horrible for it. Every time he looked at her, he was reminded of what he'd done--and he still couldn't understand why he had.

"I'm alright," Kagome said softly, noticing him watching her, making him redden again and look away.

"Wh-what do you mean?" He tried to sound unconcerned and derisive.

"What happened in that tunnel...I..." Kagome cleared her throat, her voice a whisper as they followed along. "I won't tell the others about your problem with rats, or this..." She rubbed her nose. "...if you don't tell them I went hysterical. Deal?"

Inuyasha swallowed. It would be supremely humiliating if the others knew he'd actually bitten Kagome like some animal, not to mention that they'd be angry with him. There were things that humans just didn't understand--and things even he didn't. It was best to keep it between the two of them. "It's...a deal."

Then Kagome smiled at him, her cheerful face lifting some of the awful burden that had been resting heavy in his heart of hearts. "Okay then! Let's get going--we should to get back to Kaede-baachan and let her know we're alive and that we got another shard."

He was forgiven. And for once, Inuyasha did not argue about going further for more shards--he was simply glad everything was still okay.

Back at the village, Kaede was quite glad to see them. A fair amount of time had passed since they'd gone into the cave--hours spent in timeless darkness had seen the night go by outside, and it was after noon the next day by the time they got back home. They really hadn't noticed that much time had passed.

Inuyasha had seen to it that Kagome was safely cleaned up, bandaged, and put to bed in Kaede's hut. The marks on her nose had finally faded away--before they'd even reached the village, to his relief; there'd be no awkward questions from Kaede-babaa--but still he disappeared into his forest with hardly a word to anyone. He made it clear to all, however, that he wanted Kagome rested completely before going on another shard-hunt.

This seemed quite odd to the others, but the hanyou gave no reasons for his firm stand and vanished before he could be questioned further. Kagome was also closemouthed about their time trapped in the tunnel, so the others began to wonder if something had happened in those hours--with a big margin of guessing on what something was, from the logical to the absurd.

While Kagome napped peacefully under Kaede's care, Miroku, Shippo, and Sango pow-wowed to see if they could figure out just what had changed between the girl from the future and their resident inu-hanyou.

In the meantime, Inuyasha was beating himself up over the incident with Kagome.

Literally.

The inu-hanyou was tearing recklessly through the woods, on all fours for full speed, burning off his upset and swirling emotions in a blur of rapid travel. Ears pinned, eyes front, he followed a straight line through the forest, leaping downed trees and ducking underbrush. His breath was chugging gasps in time to the rhythm of his galloping lope, his tongue lolling out as his body overheated from his massive exhertion.

He was running himself into the ground in his own form of penance.

But his mind was running even harder. Damn shithead! How could I have done that? How did I lose control? I know better! I'm a man, dammit, not a freaking animal! I don't care if I am half-youkai or half-dog--what I did was horrible! What the hell is wrong with me? Why did I do that?

There was so much about himself that he still didn't understand--so much of his youkai heritage that was foreign and strange even to him. And though he'd been living with it all of his life, there were things that lurked in his youkai blood that still even frightened him.

Damn you, Oyaji, there's still so much I don't know, and you died before you could teach me...!

He snarled to himself in remembered pain and grief, feeling more alone than he had in ages--reminded once more of the two sides of himself that pulled constantly in radically different directions; halves of his whole that he couldn't completely understand, left alone all his life with no one to help teach him who or what he was.

Youkai ferocity and instincts and impulses seethed inside him, frightening his human side as well as his human companions; his gruffness and aggression drove others away from him, fearing his unruly temper and swift violence. His doglike hanyou appearance--teeth and talons and silver hair and piercing golden eyes--made them terrified, as they cursed him and dreaded him as a youkai.

Ningen emotions and complexities and indecision confused him, conflicting with his youkai blood, always arguing with his first instinct and confounding him with uncertainty; his compassion for other beings caused him endless pain and made youkai ridicule him for his softness. They spat on him for his dirty heritage, his pathetic half-dog features--like a pitiable youkai-cub unable to learn how to transform properly--and scorned him as a misshapen weakling.

A monster to both races--to one, a bloodthirsty beast; to the other, a deformed mistake.

And he had learned so little about himself and his heritage that he was still wrapped in confusion, anger, and fear--but forced to deal every day with a world that had hated him even before his birth.

Ofukuro didn't know enough about youkai--not what I need to know now. And I was a kid when she died; we didn't have enough time. Even after she was gone...all I could do was learn to survive, nothing about myself. Shit--Oyaji, why did you have to die? I never even knew you... Damn Sesshomaru! We could have been brothers, but he has to be a jealous bastard. I can't believe I actually liked him once! Before I met him, I liked him! He wouldn't teach me a damn thing--I know that now--except how to hate and how to kill...

The burning in his eyes and throat might have been the beginnings of tears, but it had been so long since the last time he'd actually cried--his early childhood--that he did not recognize the sensation.

Curse it--is it the youkai part of me that's doing this--making me bite Kagome? Is it the same thing that makes Sesshomaru so cruel? Could I be...like him?

Giving a half-choked growl, Inuyasha put on an extra burst of speed, his already burning muscles protesting this overbearing activity. He'd never run so fast, so far, so long...

Shit, no...I couldn't be like him... Was Sesshomaru...good once? Did he change because of the youkai blood? Is this the beginning for me? First that one little bite, then another that bleeds, then another that kills...?

An image came to him--he saw himself with Sesshomaru's cold, cold eyes and his own fanged grin, laughing darkly as he licked blood from his talons; the rosary that bound him was broken and his friends lay strewn about, dead...

...and Kagome was nothing but a torn, lifeless corpse.

No! I can't be like him! I won't be like him! I'm a hanyou...and I kill...but I'm not a cruel, murdering bastard like him! I won't--but could I...? I can't...but I might...no, no, no no no!

His pounding feet lost their rhythm at that moment; his forelimbs entangled in the vines and brush as they stumbled, flipping him end over end, crashing painfully through thickets until he skidded and rolled to a stop.

For a while, all he could do was lie there and gasp for air, his muscles throbbing and his tongue hanging out. Already aching with wounds half-healed from his battle with Karasuhebi, he felt new pains all across his body from his over-exhertion and his rough fall. Uncounted minutes passed, with only the sound of the birds and the wind--along with his own pounding heart and ragged panting.

When he could breathe more normally, he pressed back to his feet--but not quite his feet; his aching limbs could barely support him when applied fourfold. He didn't have the energy to stand erect, so instead he staggered a few feet through the brush, finding himself following the sound of running water.

Another instinct, he realized disgustedly; with his body strained by his sprint, it sought nourishment--water, since his panting tongue was as dry as a dusty road. Tracing the bubbling noise, he soon came out of the bushes beside a babbling brook.

This is...Kurokappa's Creek...to the east... Did I really run that far...?

He was so very thirsty; ignoring twinges from muscles that hadn't quite recovered yet--as well as faint, humiliated protests from his human side--he leaned down to drink from the cold creek. Having no bowl or cup, he simply lapped, gulping the cool water quickly and desperately, guiltily soothing his parched throat.

When he felt somewhat less thirsty, he sat up stiffly, wiping a trickle of water from his chin. Flopping down to lie miserably at the creek's edge, he traced a claw in the water and wallowed in his depressed thoughts. For a long time, his previous ruminations chased themselves in repeating circles in his head. Scowling, he regarded his reflection in the smoothly rippling waters.

In this stupid pool you couldn't tell if it was me or my brother, he thought derisively, seeing only a white-haired humanoid form with a hint of golden eyes in the distortion of the water. We aren't that different on the outside.

"What matters most is found on the inside, my little Inuyasha...deep in your heart."

Inuyasha blinked as a memory of his mother's words flitted through his head, then closed his eyes and tried to focus on it. Yes...she'd said that to him once, long ago...just a while before she died...

She died, and left him alone to face the cruel world, and he'd shut out so many memories--even those of her--to keep the pain away...

It was after he'd witnessed firsthand what youkai did to humans. Something horrible had happened to some villagers in the place where he and his mother lived, and Inuyasha had been there to see it, along with several other children and villagers. A big youkai--Inuyasha no longer remembered what it was, only that it was big and dark and scaly and awful--had ripped the poor folk to pieces, devouring their flesh and bones while he and the remaining others fled in horror.

Back then, when he was only a pup, monsters had terrified him--as they would any other young child. Raised in a human manner, by his human mother, he'd had no idea he could be as strong--or as terrible--as that youkai.

And later that evening, before going to sleep, a very frightened and upset young Inuyasha had asked his mother a terribly important question...

"Okaasan, are youkai bad?"

His mother hesitated where she sat beside him, her expression changing to something deeply sad. "No, honey."

"But...I saw what that one did to--"

"I know, Inu-chan." His mother tucked his blankets close to his chin, smoothing his silky white bangs with gentle fingers. "There are some good youkai and some bad youkai, just like there are some good humans and some bad humans. You saw the youkai that killed Yoshi-san and his wife, but I know you also remember the bandits that came and burned Ichirou-san's house and killed his son."

"Oh. Yeah..." The tiny hanyou's face scrunched up with concentration and thought. "But I never saw any good youkai. I never met any. All of 'em I ever saw are bad. They always come an' hurt people..."

His mother was silent, a sad inward look on her face.

"An'...an' I was scared, 'cause I know...I'm a youkai too...an' I don't wanna grow up to be a bad youkai, like them..."

His mother suddenly snatched him up, hugging him close and rocking him. He didn't understand her sudden action, but he held on to her all the same--it comforted him, easing his confusion.

"You'll never be a bad youkai, Inuyasha. Never."

"But...they--"

"Right now, there are many more bad youkai than good, but darling, I know there are good youkai. I have met them. Your chichiue is one--did you know that? He's the most wonderful man I've ever met. And your brother--he's so very nice too, and they both love you very much. See? With such a good family, you could never be a bad youkai."

"What if they are bad? What if all youkai are really bad?" Inuyasha's chin quivered; he was deathly afraid of becoming "bad." It would make Okaasan cry, he was sure of it.

His mother drew back, sitting him comfortably on her lap and wiping the tears from his cheeks, smiling gently as she did. "What matters most is found on the inside, my little Inuyasha...deep in your heart."

"My heart?"

"Yes. You know you're half human too, don't you? So that means even if all youkai are bad, my Inuyasha won't be all bad. If you have a good heart, it won't matter what you look like on the outside--youkai or ningen."

"Really?" The little hanyou child was immensely relieved at that. "So...even if I do some bad things..."

"We all make mistakes, Inuyasha. Even Okaasan does! But I'm always sorry when I do, and I always try my best to do good things instead of bad." She smiled at him again, her violet eyes shining. "You are my little boy too, my Inu-chan...and the human part of you will always ensure that you have a good heart."

Inuyasha pulled himself out of his reverie, forcing down the bittersweet memory of his mother's voice...face...touch...love...

It was my human heart that I cursed as weakness, he thought, resting his head in his hands. What a fool...not to realize it's what keeps me from being like him. It keeps me from becoming "bad."

Once more, he stared at the glassy rippling water, seeing the reflection of a youkai. She was right. Ofukuro was right from the beginning. My heart is...good. And it's thanks to her--it's what makes me different from them...

Them--the hearltess, pitiless beasts they had to slay to retake the Shikon shards; monstrous bloodthirsty beings that cared only for themselves and their own power. Even other humans--evil, twisted humans who were just as cruel, just as power-hungry.

It was the first time he had ever admitted it, to others or to himself. He was a youkai with a gentle heart--a demon with a soul. It was a mind-bending concept to grasp; he was far too accustomed to cursing his "human weakness"--to wishing dearly he was all youkai so that his heart would not hurt so much--not realizing that the very thing he cursed was the key to all he held dear.

"Thank you, Ofukuro..." he sighed, almost a prayer. "You were right. You were always right. I'm not like Sesshomaru...and I never will be."

He sat for a while, resting, still worried. He had actually bitten Kagome--used his teeth on her like a wild dog. Despite his good heart, he still had his youkai nature--quick temper, powerful instincts, vicious responses, feral spirit--and in a single carelessly angry instant, he could do more damage than he ever wanted to contemplate.

And yet, pensive, his mind dwelled on it until he nearly snarled, wondering if and when he might lose his temper and do something that would break him when the rage was gone--when it passed and he realized what he'd done.

Good heart...Ofukuro...help me...

After a time, he remembered that it was getting late in the afternoon and he should head back; the others were likely wondering if he'd picked a fight with something bigger than he was and not come out on top. He ought to go reassure them he wasn't dead.

And tonight was the night...and it was approaching sunset. Damn this change...if my human heart is my strength, my human body is my weakness! Damn this change--I hate it!

Despite his depression, worry, and anger, it would do him no good to sit out in the woods and sulk--not this far from the village. Tonight--this most hated of all nights--somthing might just eat him.

Fighting off the shiver of fear that trickled up his spine, he arose to hurry back before sundown arrived.

A figure moved through the woods, loping smoothly but panting raggedly. It stopped in the dappled shadows of the underbrush, where there was a glint of silver as sunlight played over a lock of hair the color of thin rainclouds.

"Whew...that hanyou can run. Now where the hell is he?" whispered the low female voice. "Damn, I've lost him. Where did he go?"

The figure froze. Distantly, the sound of pattering footseps could be heard, yards away from the shadow's position. The footsteps headed rapidly back toward the west.

"Aww...don't tell me he's just going to run all the way back to--dammit!"

With a grumbling growl, the shadowy figure turned and hurried back the way it had come, ever-careful to stay out of sight.

To be continued...