Fullmetal Insanity Chap. 3
Disclaimer: No, but wouldn't be the shiz if I did own Fullmetal Alchemist?
"Hello…hello…guys..?" said Alphonse, walking into the front door. " I brought Chinese." Ed looked over at Al. " Al, why are you soaking wet?" Al looked down. " Oops…well, you guys said that you were in the mood for Chinese, so I swam to China." Now it was Dizzy's turn to look over. " Al, are you aware of the fact that there's a Chinese restaurant across the street?" Al looked out the window. "Oh. Well, so there is…" Al looked at the two older boys. Neither of them were looking at Al anymore. They were engrossed in Final Fantasy 9. Out of nowhere, a tornado of darkness came out of the floor. " Hey, what's that?" said Al, pointing to the cyclone. " "Hmmm…" said Ed , as he poked it and licked his finger. " It appears to be a swirling vortex of pure evil shooting from the seventh layer of Hell. Or Alabama. I can't tell." Ed licks his finger again." Hey, it tastes like eggnog!" Dizzy raised an eyebrow and looked at Ed. " Ya know, I don't think that my landlord allows this."
Suddenly, a plump figure stepped out of the vortex. He was wearing a latex rubber devil suit and had a giant spoon. " I am Phil, prince of insufficient light and the supreme ruler of Heck!" Phil looked at Al. " Hey, do you do the Robot?" Al glared at him. " What's Heck? And besides, I thought Satan's name was Lucifer." said Dizzy, looking in disgust at his rubber suit. " No, Lucifer is my cousin. You see, Hell is for major sins, but Heck is for minor ones. Like giving someone a hard pinch." Phil narrowed his eyes and pinched Ed. " Hey, I can pinch you all I want, cause I'm doomed already." said Phil, as Ed cried out. "Anyway, I will drag you kicking and screaming to the bloody bowels of Heck!!! MWHAHAHAHAHA!!!" roared Phil, tossing his head back. "Why?" said Al, questionably.
" Ummm…" Phil opens a pink fuzzy Hello Kitty journal. "Dizzy, you for writing dumb fanfiction, Ed, you for using a strategy guide on Tetris, and Al, you for the death of Jimmy Kofka."
" Wait a tic, Phil. Doesn't killing someone count you in for Hell?" said Ed. Phil flipped through a few more pages. " In most cases, yes, but in the Kofka case, no one really missed him. So you are sentenced to Heck."
" One more question." said Dizzy. " What??" said Phil, glaring at Dizzy. " It says in the Bible that the pain you indure in Hell is equal to what you did in life. Since Ed, for instance, is being sent to Heck for using a strategy guide on Tetris, he should endure something small, insignificant, and painless." Phil flipped a few more pages. " Yes, that's right. But you, Dizzy, will get the worst punishment Heck has to offer. Writing dumb, pointless, plotless Fullmetal Alchemist fanfiction is right up there next to eating edible napkins." Dizzy got an anime stress mark. " Eh! No! That's not cool!" Phil swallows a pill and acquired a deep, intimidating voice. " Dizzy 7, I sentence you to a lifetime of smacks with a wet noodle!!" Phil pulls a baby boom box out of the latex. He pushes the button and dramatic music floats out. "MWHAHAHAHAHA!!! Alright, step nice and orderly into the creepy vortex of pure almost-evil."
"Erm…" said Ed, not moving. "You're kidding." said Al, not moving either. " Surely you jest." said Dizzy, plopping down on the couch and popping in a tape of Mayonnaise the movie. " No, dammit! Go into the eggnog vortex!!" said Phil, poking Al with his spoon.
" That's it! Cue the evil fury music!" A lesser demon popped out of the vortex and cued evil music. Britney Spears started playing from the radio. "Aiiieee! No!" Phil takes out the tape, turns it around and plays the evil music. " Hmmm, if I'm right, listening to Britney Spears lands you a nice little niche in Heck." said Dizzy, flipping through the fuzzy diary. Dizzy reached into Phil's pocket. "Are these the pills that make your bowel movements smell like cinnamon rolls, or are these the voice ones?" Phil studied the wrapper. "These are the bowel ones. Here you go, these are the voice ones." Dizzy took one. "Phil, prince of insufficient light and supreme ruler of Heck, I sentence you to be the monkey boy for Bob Dole for all eternity!!! MWAHAHAHA!!!" said Dizzy. "AAGGGHHH!!! No!" cried Phil, as the vortex grabbed him and sucked him in. The vortex closed.
"Have you ever noticed all the weird stuff that happens to us?" said Al, as they were eating kung pow chicken that Al brought from China and watching Mayonnaise the movie. " Hey, Al, you're right! It does taste better when it comes from authentic China!" said Dizzy, swallowing a piece of shrimp. " Yeah, Al, I have. It's all really odd." said Ed as the anti-Semitic play-doh slithered by, still whispering anti Jewish statements. " You know, Al, you really should get rid of that thing." said Ed, looking at it. "I keep it for the shock value." said Al, eyes not straying from the mayonnaise.
Phil stared at the trio from his mystic ball of evil and naughtiness. " I will get you, scum…one of these days…MWAHAHAHA!!" laughed Phil, throwing his hands up. " Go to sleep, Phil…" said his wife, turning away from him and going to sleep. " Yes, Martha." Phil turned and went to sleep.
So, whaddya think? This has been my favorite one so far. Please R and R!!