"I'll be okay. Thanks for…thanks for everything, Lindsay," Ryan said, holding her in a hug beside her car.
"Call me later?"
"Yeah. You…you're being really great about all this," Ryan said as she pulled away.
"I don't like seeing you like this. I'd like to help…call me, Ryan," she said, kissing him chastely before climbing back into her car.
Ryan took a deep breath and walked up the steps to the front door. He stepped inside and leaned heavily against the door.
"Hey. You want me to come with?" Seth offered from the top of the stairs.
"Um…no. Just…just come out later, okay? I know you'll be listening…but this is kind of about me, so…I have to do it myself," He said.
"All right, man," Seth said. "But I'm here if you need me."
"Thanks." Ryan walked into the kitchen. Kirsten glanced up from her coffee and immediately flushed red.
"Sandy," She said, startling her husband from his newspaper beside her. Sandy gave Ryan a tense smile as he lowered the paper.
"Hey. Sorry about taking off…" Ryan said quietly.
"Where were you?" Sandy asked as Ryan sat down across from them at the opposite end of the counter.
"I stayed at Lindsay's," Ryan answered.
"Honey…" Kirsten started but Ryan shook his head at her, lowering his gaze immediately.
"Ryan, we've only known a few days…we wanted to get our facts straight before…" Sandy started.
"Don't pretend like you were going to tell me. Please…" He whispered, shaking his head.
"I saw Teresa at the mall a week ago. She was with Eddie…she begged me not to tell you…" Kirsten replied.
"So…her begging…it means more to you than I do? I mean…you'd listen to her over me?" Ryan asked.
"No, honey…" Kirsten started, tears springing to her eyes already as she senses the hurt in his words.
"It's not just her decision to make, there's a child involved, a baby…she says she's doing all this for me, but it's not what's right for the baby…not if it's my baby…if it's Eddie's, then maybe it's right…but…she shouldn't have lied…neither should you…"
"Ryan, you're too young for this much responsibility…" Sandy started.
"I wasn't too young this summer. You trusted me to do the right thing all summer, you didn't even ask me to come home until Seth came back, don't tell me that I can't handle the responsibility. I paid her bills this summer, I took her to the doctors, I supported her…I did everything that I was supposed to do…"
"You were miserable," Kirsten interrupted.
"Is that what she told you? That I was unhappy? God…like that's ever mattered to her before. She knew when she asked me to come with her that I'd be unhappy, she knew that I was happy here when she fucking asked me to go with her," Ryan snapped. "I don't know why she would do this for me…"
"She was trying to do what was best for you," Sandy whispered.
"What's best for me? What about what's best for the baby? I can't believe this…I'm old enough to make my own decisions, I don't need you or Teresa making them for me…" Ryan replied.
"We made a mistake. We should have told you but…" Kirsten started.
"But? No, no buts, Kirsten. You should have told me," Ryan stated.
"Yes. We should have told you…" Sandy whispered.
"You guys…you guys have done so much for me…you probably saved my life getting me out of Chino…but this…I…I don't know what to say. I don't know if I'll ever be able to trust you again…this is wrong…"
"Ryan…"
"I want a paternity test once the baby's born. I don't want to talk about it again until then. Teresa…she made her choice. She doesn't want me to be a father to this child and if…if it's not mine, then she won't ever have to see me again. But if this baby's mine…I'm not walking away from it. I'll be in my room," Ryan stated flatly, walking out of the kitchen toward the poolhouse.
"That was…that was worse than I expected…" Kirsten whispered.
"I'll talk to him…I'll make him understand," Sandy said, standing up.
"Dad. Don't. Give him some time," Seth said, walking in. "You owe him that at least."
--- -- - -------- -- - - -- - - - - - - --------- - - - - - -- ----- - - --- - -- - ---------- - --- - - - - - ---- - - --
"Is he here?" Teresa was standing on the front porch when Kirsten opened the door.
"He's in the poolhouse. You've talked to him?"
"A little. He's…he's pretty upset."
She nodded.
"He…he overheard us talking, Teresa. We didn't mean for any of this to happen…"
"It's my fault. I should…I should've told him the truth. Can I see him?"
"You know where to go," Kirsten allowed her inside.
Teresa walked toward the poolhouse. She'd make him understand. Why she lied. Why she went back to Eddie. Why he had to walk away. She'd make him understand.
He opened the door before she had a chance to knock.
"Ryan…"
He didn't speak, simply stepping aside so she could walk in.
"Ryan…" But as she turned to face him, she saw that she had lost him. His eyes were cold. He'd always forgiven her, he'd always been there for her, but she'd broken that trust. "Ryan…we have to talk."
"I'm listening."
"I…I thought I was doing the right thing, I thought you'd be better off, I had no idea that you'd…"
"That I'd find out that you lied? That I'd find out that you didn't want me to be a part of your baby's life? How could you pretend to lose the baby?" His blue eyes kept flickering to her swollen stomach.
"I didn't know what else to do, you were miserable with me…"
"Teresa. I was there because you needed me…" Ryan said, shaking his head.
"I shouldn't have asked you, you should have never come…" Teresa said.
"Why, so you'd be happy and domestic with Eddie? Does he make you happier than I did? Is he going to be the father that your baby deserves?" Ryan snapped. "You'd rather be with Eddie than have me in the baby's life?"
She had to make him stop. She slapped him and he froze, not moving. Finally, he took a step back and held his hands up in surrender.
"I…I'm sorry…" She whispered. "I…"
"I'm sorry, too. Why don't you tell me what you came here to say and I'll listen," He said with a flat voice.
"I shouldn't have…"
"Why are you here, Teresa?"
"I did it for you. So you could finally have what you deserve, a new life, a good life with a family that loves you, with people that care about you…" She started, pausing as she saw a flash of pure hurt on his face. "Ryan…"
"You've made your decision. I'm out of your life. You got what you wanted, so why are you here?" Ryan whispered.
"You think this is what I wanted? You hating me?" She gasped
"You've made your decision, Teresa. Nothing I say is going to make a difference," he clipped.
"Ryan…you belong here. You shouldn't be stuck in Chino supporting a baby you don't want, a girl you don't love…"
"Don't tell me what I want and don't tell me who I love," Ryan whispered. "That's not your place. You've decided everything for me, you didn't talk to me about it, you never asked what I wanted…stop saying that you did this for me. You did this for yourself."
"Ryan…"
"You asked me to come with you to Chino. You asked me to help you…"
"It was a mistake…" She started.
"Tell me the truth, Teresa. For once…tell me the truth…" Ryan whispered. "Is it mine?"
She froze.
"You know, don't you? You know…"
"It's not yours."
His face was blank.
"I didn't know I was pregnant when I came to Sandy for help…I didn't…but I did the math…" She stammered, walking toward him. He stepped back before she could reach him.
"I think you should leave," he whispered.
"Ryan, please…"
"I think you should leave," he repeated.
"Ryan. We've known each other too long for this to…"
"You lied to me. You know better than anyone…you lied, Teresa. When the baby's born…I still want a paternity test. You don't have to tell Eddie, you can keep up your story as long as you want, but for my own peace of mind…I want a test. Will you do that for me?"
She nodded, tears streaming down her face. "Ryan…I didn't want it to be like this…"
He turned his back on her.
"I…I'll call you, Ryan…"
"Call me when the baby's born. Better yet, call Sandy," he murmured. She stepped closer and put her hand on his shoulder. "Don't…" he whispered. "Just go."
--- -- - -------- -- - - -- - - - - - - --------- - - - - - -- ----- - - --- - -- - ---------- - --- - - - - - ---- - - --
Seth walked out to the poolhouse later that afternoon. He knocked softly on the door. Sandy and Kirsten were sitting on the patio but he didn't acknowledge them. He knew they were keeping a close eye on Ryan.
"Yeah? Hey, Seth…"
"Hey, man. Heard you had a visitor. You okay?" Seth asked.
"Yeah, yeah, I'm okay. I was about to go see Lindsay. Work on some homework…" Ryan said, distracted. He didn't look up from the magazine he was reading.
"We're on break until the new year, man…"
Ryan didn't seem to hear him. "Yeah…"
"Dude?" Seth waited until Ryan looked up at him from the bed. "What's up?"
"I…I need to get out of here. I need to be away from this family for a while. You think your parents will fight me?"
"Depends," Seth said carefully. "When you say 'a while'…"
"I mean, a few hours. They've been camped out on the patio since Teresa left. I don't think I can take another serious discussion today. I…I need to get out of here."
"Can I come with? Take your mind off things?" Seth offered.
"Yeah. If you can get me out of here without it getting sticky…" Ryan said. "But I can't promise that I'm going to be real social today…"
"I'll drop you off at Lindsay's, man. I have to work tonight at the club, why don't you bring her by?" Seth said.
"That's cool. Thanks," Ryan agreed.
"Get your stuff together, I'll fend off the parents," Seth said.
Ryan was clearly relieved but his face was still clouded with tension.
"Man…are you sure you're all right?"
"No, man. I'm totally not all right. Everyone I know has been lying to me," Ryan replied. "I just have to remember what that's like…"
"I'll be right back," Seth said. "Call Lindsay. Tell her we're on the way."
--- -- - -------- -- - - -- - - - - - - --------- - - - - - -- ----- - - --- - -- - ---------- - --- - - - - - ---- - - --
"Ryan? I was all about being supportive and letting you have your quiet…but this is getting to be a little much for me," Lindsay whispered. Seth had dropped him off three hours earlier and he'd barely said anything. He was curled up on the bed with his head resting in her lap. She loved being close to him but she knew he wasn't sleeping.
"Sorry," he murmured.
"What happened today?"
"Teresa came to see me."
"Teresa…how…how'd that go?"
"Not good. She slapped me…" he murmured, not opening his eyes.
"She hit you? Oh, Ryan…" Lindsay whispered.
"She says it's not mine. She says she knows, that she's done the math…" he says, sitting up slowly.
"Are you okay?"
"I'm so tired of all the lies…Teresa lies to get me to come to Chino…she lies to get me to leave…Sandy and Kirsten lie to get me to stay here…I just thought they were different…I thought Teresa was different, all this time, all the years I've known her…she's never lied like this…" Ryan said. "I trusted her…I trusted them…"
"I know…but they thought they were doing the right thing…"
"The right thing? Lindsay, you know first hand how much lies can hurt people…how could they do that to me after they saw what it'd done to you?" Ryan asked.
"So, you don't lie? Like, ever?" Lindsay replied. "I'm not saying its right, I just want you to see both sides."
Ryan sighed. He remembered his encounter with Julie and Jimmy the night before. If they were back together, then Caleb would be pretty upset. Marissa would be happy. But Jimmy didn't know everything about Julie, either. Julie had messed Luke's head up pretty bad and if he had come clean about that, Ryan doubted that Jimmy would be mixed up with her now. It was a chain reaction.
"Ryan? I don't mean to make you angry…" Lindsay said when he didn't respond.
"No, no, you've been great, I was just thinking," Ryan replied with an apologetic look. "I'm sorry I'm being like this…"
"Its fine, Ryan. You stood by me when I was having my emotional crisis. This is just payback…right?" She asked, leaning in for a gentle kiss.
"Right…" he answered, returning her kiss.
--- -- - -------- -- - - -- - - - - - - --------- - - - - - -- ----- - - --- - -- - ---------- - --- - - - - - ---- - - --
Seth smiled widely when Ryan and Lindsay walked into the club. "Hey, guys. You made it…"
Ryan patted him on the back with a slight grin. "Yeah, we did. Thanks for the invite…"
"You're always on the list here, man, if it wasn't for your hatred of live music, we'd have ourselves a hang-out," Seth teased.
"I'm going to go grab some sodas, I'll be right back," Lindsay said, rolling her eyes at Seth.
"Dude," Seth grinned. He was looking at Ryan with mischievous eyes.
"What?" Ryan asked, wary.
"You have a hickey, like, spanning the length of your neck," Seth said, tugging on Ryan's collar.
"Damn…"
"I must try this studying technique that you speak of," Seth laughed, finally satisfied that he'd disguised the love mark.
"Thanks," Ryan said.
"So. You're looking better…"
"I talked to Lindsay about everything…"
"Are you going to talk to Mom and Dad? You were pretty harsh on them today…not saying that they didn't deserve it…but I know that they're worried about you…"
Ryan nodded, meeting Seth's gaze. "Worried that I'll leave again?"
"Yeah."
"I'm not leaving, Seth. I don't have anywhere else to go," Ryan answered.
"That's not really a reason for staying," Seth replied.
"You guys…you're like my family now. I don't just walk away from my family. I didn't when I went to Chino, I still called and came by…I don't walk away from my family, Seth," Ryan spoke quietly.
"Okay, man…" Seth said, startled.
Lindsay returned and held out a cup for Ryan. He put his arm around her, relaxing slightly. "What's up?"
"Nothing. We're here to relax. We'll be upstairs, Seth, come see us on your break," Ryan said, leading Lindsay away.
Seth watched him go. He knew how much his parents had hurt him but he didn't know how it would ever be the same. Ryan now was a completely different person than last year and they finally seemed to be real friends that respected each other. Seth didn't want to lose Ryan again. He'd told him the truth when he said that he would have told Ryan if he'd found out about Teresa, but inside, he knew that he would have wrestled with it just as much as his parents did. He was selfish. He wanted Ryan here, with him. But he also knew that he would have had to tell Ryan. Ryan hated lies. Seth wanted to make it better but he knew that it would just take time.