The White Dog
by Becky Tailweaver
Chapter 27: Broken Bonds, Missing Pieces
Later that evening, after the sun slipped beneath the rugged horizon, Inuyasha had carried his project in from the woods and was heading for Kaede's hut at a relaxed walk. Spotting Shippo pacing nervously on Kaede's porch, he tucked his deerskin under his arm and hailed the little kitsune. "Shippo, what's up in there? Is Shirokiba done having his little heart-to-heart?"
The youkai-child's eyes were fixed worriedly. "Well, we don't know..."
"Don't know?" Inuyasha asked incredulously.
"Kaede's inside with the others," Shippo confessed. "Um...we think Kouga's run off somehow. And...there's...no sign of Shirokiba, either."
"What?" A sudden thrill of panic running through him, Inuyasha shoved past Shippo to burst into Kaede's home. "What's going on here?" he demanded, interrupting the three humans by the fire.
"Kouga's taken his things and disappeared," Sango replied tersely. "I don't see how he could have gone off alone. I'm sure he wasn't even ready to walk yet! And whoever attacked him is still out there."
Gritting his teeth angrily, Inuyasha let out a low growl and tossed his deer pelt in the corner. "And Shirokiba?"
"No one's seen him since earlier, when he went in to talk to Kouga," Miroku replied. "Do you think he carried Kouga away?"
Inuyasha crouched by the fire, thinking quickly. "No, I don't think he would. The safest place for Yaseookami to recover is here, and Shirokiba knows it. Stupid Wolf probably took off and Shirokiba went after him." The hanyou snorted in irritation. "Shit-head Wolf...trotting right back out there so those Dogs can finish eating what's left of him..."
"Don't you think you should go after him, Inuyasha?" Kaede asked softly.
"Why the hell would I do that?" he grumbled. "He's Shirokiba's problem, not mine."
"You owe your mentor at least that much," the old miko replied evenly. "And what if Shirokiba himself runs into those Dogs?"
Inuyasha's head jerked up. The thought of Shirokiba--the one who had been his father, brother, playmate, and teacher for half of his childhood--left broken and bleeding like Kouga made the hairs on the back of his neck bristle in agitation. "No...he'll be fine. He's half inu-youkai himself, he can handle..." He trailed off, swallowing, and rose from the fireside. "I...I'll be back later..."
Leaving three very puzzled humans behind, the young hanyou strode back out the door, past a perplexed Shippo. None of them had been able to read the expression on his face.
It's too damn dark in these woods, Inuyasha thought sourly as he trotted slowly through the thick foliage, following Kouga's distinctive musky Wolf-scent. Even though the moon's nearly full, hardly any light gets down here.
Inuyasha thought sourly as he trotted slowly through the thick foliage, following Kouga's distinctive musky Wolf-scent.It was very odd, he reflected, that Shirokiba's scent did not follow Kouga's; in fact, the wolf-dog's trail had taken off in a very different direction. Either Shirokiba had very suddenly lost his nose--or for some reason...he had chosen not to follow his younger brother.
But that just doesn't seem like him. I mean, he's usually so concerned when his friends are hurt...and Kouga's scent is so full of blood... Grudgingly, he admitted that there was enough blood on Kouga's trail that even he was a bit worried--but only for Shirokiba's sake, he reminded himself. His friend and mentor would be very grieved if the Wolf bled to death.
The bloody trail led in a mostly straight line, heading back toward Kouga's territory--the territory of the Wolf Tribes. Inuyasha was reluctant to pass into their lands alone, given how he was already on bad terms with their leader and they'd be none-too-happy to see him. He debated with himself whether or not he needed to follow Kouga that far; if the Wolf's packmates found him, he'd be fine.
The point abruptly became moot when he picked up Shirokiba's scent--faintly at first, and then stronger. The smell of his mentor appeared to be growing nearer--and then, surprisingly, Shirokiba's trail intersected Kouga's and began to follow it. Inuyasha paused in surprise, his trot loosening in relief at the wolf-dog's familiar, reassuring scent.
Heh, so he circled around, the hanyou thought with a short snorting chuckle. I knew he wouldn't abandon his yaseookami-otouto...
As he paced on, something loomed out of the darkness before him. He was so intent on the scent trail that he almost didn't see it--but the youki suddenly chilled him and he glanced up, startled, jumping back from the large shape. He stood rock-still for a moment, on-guard and fangs bared, his only movements the quick perking of white-furred ears and the rapid twitchings of nostrils questing for scent.
It was a big creature, easily half the size of Sesshomaru's true form--shaggy and dark, with only a few hints of mottled gray showing where bits of moonlight struck the youkai's back. The shadows of two triangular ears were perched on a broad head, above two glittering blue-gold eyes that glowed their deepest colors even in the darkness of the forest.
As quickly as he'd shied away, he relaxed once more, his night-seeing eyes recognizing the big, shaggy shadow standing in the deeper darkness of the trees. "Don't do that!" he growled. "You scared the shit outta me!"
Blue-gold eyes shone dimly in the shadowy night. A deep rumble filled the air--a short, interrogative noise.
Inuyasha frowned. "Me? I'm busting my ass out here looking for you and Kouga. Where is he anyway? Aren't you going after him?"
The growl that came next was shorter, lower, followed by a soft bark.
"Why the hell not? He's hurt bad and those Dogs are still out here somewhere. You don't want him to get lost somewhere and bleed to death, do you?" Inuyasha demanded.
The giant shape remained silent, its heavy breaths the only sound coming from it.
The young hanyou snorted. "Hell, I don't even like him and I'm out here in the cold and dark looking for him. What's the matter with you? I thought you cared about that stupid Wolf, so why aren't you--?"
The sudden sharp snarl made the hanyou take an involuntary step back in surprise.
"But...?"
The shadowy form continued to rumble dangerously--a longer, varying tone, punctuated now and then with barks. The blue-gold eyes glowed hotly, and long, gleaming fangs could be seen bared in the darkness. The final short series of snarls were so harsh that Inuyasha took yet another step back in retreat, his ears suddenly flattened and his expression stunned and hurt. His jaw hung slack, his claws limp at his sides, in a thick silence that hung between the trees like a strung corpse.
Finally, striding on four powerful limbs, the massive dark shape turned away with one last low rumble, almost a sigh. Gasping, Inuyasha took a single step forward, one hand almost reaching out--hesitant, almost afraid. "Shirokiba...!"
The youkai paused, glancing over his furry shoulder. The catlike eyes glittered, betraying no emotions.
Stung by the hard gaze, unable to meet those eyes, Inuyasha lowered his head, ears pinned in pain and contrition. "I...I'm sorry..."
When the great shadow finally vanished noiselessly into the black woods, Inuyasha sat down right where he was, hurt and shocked at this sudden awful twist.
Something happened, he thought dazedly. I've never...ever heard him say anything like that before. Something happened...with him and Kouga, to make him this upset...this hateful...
Never in his memory had Shirokiba spoken to him that way--never had the one who raised him struck him with such cruel words. It was as unexpected as the arrows long ago that had been shot by someone he'd thought was Kikyo...
It was not the same kind of betrayal...but his mind was awash in sudden loss and anger and pain--as if he'd been hit, out of the blue, by an arrow once again.
What did that stupid Wolf do? his anguished thoughts railed, almost a cry. Why is Shirokiba like this? How could he suddenly hate me? Why did he say...those horrible things...?
He crouched there, drawn into himself, for a very long time. He did not cry--Kami forbid--but could only hide there in the underbrush, arms wrapped around his knees, hunched there much like he had when Kaede-babaa's herbs had sent his mind spinning in terror.
He did not know how long he sat there, his thoughts chasing themselves and his breaths harsh and gasping--driving back the burning in his eyes. It might have been minutes, or it might have been hours before he was able to push to his feet, unsteady, and begin to lope back toward the village.
It was a hard journey this time, somehow--something deep inside him was broken, painful, and ached with every jagged breath he took.
Sitting on her bed in her pajamas, Kagome brushed her hair out, preparing for bed. She was quiet, her mind turned inward, contemplating the events of the day.
She had seen that dark-haired boy again--the one named Nikumarekko Akudou--when school had let out. He had smiled at her...well, more like grinned at her, and waved cheerily, calling out a "Halloo, cutie!"
She had blushed, ducked behind her friends, and hurried on while they giggled and nudged her and called her a coward.
Thinking back on it, Kagome thought with a small smile, she probably was a coward. She could have at least waved back--it was only polite.
The abrupt clatter outside her window startled her badly, bringing to mind memories of the Noh-mask that had attacked her home. Her heart thudding in her chest, she jumped to her feet in dismay--seeing for a moment only the lambent glow of catlike golden eyes right outside the glass.
Limbs trembling, she stared wide-eyed for a heartbeat before a familiar warm-tingly aura made her gasp in recognition. "Inuyasha!" she hissed, stepping quickly to the window and sliding it open.
The white-haired inu-hanyou all but fell into her room as soon as the opening was wide enough. He stood shakily in the middle of the floor as she stared at him--body taut, fists clenched, his breaths hard and rough. "Can I stay here?" he rasped out quickly, biting his lip as he stood, head low, before her.
Kagome gasped when she saw his face--it was bleak, pained, and his eyes were so full of grief, desperation...and a strange fear. She stared at him, startled into silence for a moment, and she had to swallow hard to find her voice at last. "Inuyasha...what's the matter?"
"Shirokiba..." he choked, suddenly losing whatever composure had allowed him to stand before her this long. He slumped into her desk chair, eyes dulled and ears lowered as he turned away from her. "I saw him, and he said...it's all my fault--he and Kouga fighting..."
Kagome blinked, almost unable to believe what she was hearing. "Did...did you and Shirokiba-san have a fight?"
"No, but..." Inuyasha was trembling, hardly able to continue. "He said...if he hadn't saved me when I was little...if he'd just left me to die...then he'd still have his brother. He said...Kouga disowned him because he chose to help me...cast him from their Pack..."
Kagome drew a breath in disbelief. How could Shirokiba have said something so cruel to Inuyasha? It seemed utterly impossible for such things to have come from the friendly wolf-dog; for a youkai, he was so kind, almost gentle.
Something truly awful must have happened to make him lash out at the poor hanyou that way. Whatever had happened between Kouga and Shirokiba must have hurt the wolf-dog a great deal--so great, that in his pain he would turn around and hurt Inuyasha as well.
"He said...he said..." Inuyasha choked on his own words, unable to express the pain he felt at his friend, mentor, would-be brother's words.
Struck by sudden impulse, Kagome stepped up behind him and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. He tensed sharply, ears flipping back in alarm, his eyes wide and surprised in the corner of her vision. "Kagome...?"
"It's okay--you can stay here," she told him softly, holding on tight. "I'm so sorry this happened...you must feel awful."
The young hanyou drew a deep, quavering breath, relaxing visibly; one hand reached up to grip her wrist gently, squeezing briefly in mute gratitude.
They remained still like that for several moments, Kagome listening to him breathe, feeling the residual trembling in his muscles; Inuyasha listening to her heartbeat and feeling the warm comfort of her aura and scent. Gradually, he began to calm; perhaps this wasn't the end of the world--someone still cared...
"I'm sure Shirokiba-san didn't mean it," Kagome said softly, squeezing his shoulders a little.
Inuyasha swallowed hard. "He doesn't lie...he never lies..."
"But...if he and Kouga had a fight, I'm sure he was probably upset," she insisted gently, still holding on. "I'll bet he'll be alright soon, and then you'll be able to patch things up. He doesn't hate you--he couldn't." He can't hate Inuyasha...not with what he told me then...
"How can I know that?" The hanyou closed his eyes, afraid. While many youkai seemed cold and empty, in truth their emotions ran stark and intense, deep and powerful. The tides of feeling could overwhelm and sweep aside all reason, leaving nothing behind but passion and instinct...which was exactly why so many kept their emotions so perfectly in check.
It was so easy to lose control--even Inuyasha knew that. And Shirokiba showed much more emotion than most youkai--and felt things so much more deeply because he cared so much...
"Because Shirokiba-san really cares about you," Kagome replied, unconsciously mimicking his thoughts. "I don't know him as well as you do, but...from what I've seen, he loves you like a little brother."
"Brother?" Inuyasha snorted derisively. "He had a brother long before he found me--and now because of me he's lost that. Kouga means so much to him..."
"And you don't?" Kagome didn't want to ask what the fight had been over--she didn't think that Inuyasha could spare the effort to tell her; he was far too broken up inside just then. "You mean just as much, Inuyasha. That's why he'll need you," she insisted. "Since he and Kouga are fighting, he's hurting too. You need each other."
Inuyasha shook his head, lost. "He's a real youkai, not like me. He doesn't need anything."
"It'll be okay," she insisted quietly, hopefully, praying that her earnest promise would not be broken. "You'll see."
Inuyasha remained silent, still aching inside from Shirokiba's scalding words--but Kagome's gentle presence was balm to those wounds, soothing the pain he felt at being torn from someone so important to him. It seemed she was all he had left, now--he had done himself in with Kikyo, with Shirokiba, with everyone else in his life; everyone who mattered was gone or dead, and Kagome was the only one who still cared.
She was there, she loved him, and she was still holding on to him...so he held on to his hope.
Later, when the lights were out and she went to bed, she held true to her word and allowed him to stay. He slept on the floor as he had earlier, curled up under the very same blanket--the one that held traces of her comforting scent. Her presence, so near, was enough to hold at bay the terrible nightmares that would normally plague him--so he spent the night in fitful dreams that shifted from hurt and fear and Shirokiba's sharp angry gaze, to warmth and comfort and Kagome's gentle blue eyes.
The days between Kouga and Shirokiba's departure and the upcoming Full Moon Howl-Gathering were, Inuyasha would later reflect, some of the most miserable in his entire life. While they certainly didn't take first place in that category, they ranked quite high and would remain in his memory as a period of time in which everything was irrevocably dismal.
During the day, he lurked about the village, frequenting Kaede's roof and snarling at Ginnezu whenever he happened to see her--which, thankfully, was becoming ever more rare as his mood worsened. Stupid she-Dog that she was, at least she seemed to have enough brains to stay out of his way. Shippo and Miroku found themselves on his bad side more often than not, the kitsune becoming the victim of several merciless thumpings when he tried to cheer the hanyou up--and the monk gaining several bruises and snarling diatribes when he tried to inquire as to what had put Inuyasha in that state.
Sango, having always been the more intelligent of their little band, stayed out of the line of fire completely. She did not seek out the sullen hanyou, nor did she pointedly demand answers; the most she did was pass him his bowls of food during their suppers at Kaede's, or ask if he had caught wind of any malicious youkai near the village, looking for the Shikon no Tama.
Inuyasha couldn't bring himself to go looking for his mentor, nor even to venture out into the woods--almost afraid to run into the wolf-dog again, to face those angry, painful, accusing eyes. He put up with nagging from the monk and the kitsune, and sat sulking on the old miko's roof away from everyone, while he made do with well-water and Kaede's cooking, instead of fresh creek-water and his own kills.
At night, he went to Kagome's world. Trying to sleep in his own land had become impossible, and while he no longer went into her house--which would risk her mother's displeasure if she knew a male was frequenting her daughter's bedroom at night--he would sleep on the roof above her room or the tree outside her window. Just close enough to soothe him to sleep.
He knew she sensed his presence those nights, and had even tried to invite him into her warm home, but when he repeatedly refused she seemed to grasp his need for solitude and let him be. She would smile and offer him a kindly "Oyasumi" or "Ohaiyo" when she happened to see him, but for the most part she held off further contact unless he initiated it. He was grateful for her gentle understanding, her quiet sympathy--glad that he had at least one friend left he could turn to.
His only bright spot in those days--besides Kagome--was the fact that he had indeed convinced the village tanner to take on the pelt he had procured. It took a bit of work; the hanyou had never before requested services from any of the villagers, and none of them were expecting it, so the tanner wasn't exactly sure how to respond.
Refusing Inuyasha's grumbled request was certainly not an option, in the middle-aged, balding human's mind; one did not simply turn youkai customers down without dire and deadly consequences. It was further surprising when the hanyou demanded to know what the tanner wanted in return for his work--though he made it clear he had no money with which to pay him.
The tanner quickly realized that his new would-be client was offering some service or goods as compensation, and was rather stunned by the notion that the hanyou was trying to be fair. Impressed--and not desiring to push his luck too far--the tanner was inspired to be reasonable in return; without monetary payment with which to buy food, he would need some other source. So the tanner hesitantly asked for a wild boar--the meat could last his family for weeks, he himself was not a very good hunter, and buying a slaughter-aged pig from one of the village farmers cost more than the worth of a single tanning job.
At his rather timid request, the hanyou shoved the well-cleaned deerskin into his arms and barked that he'd return presently with the boar. Leaving the startled tanner standing in the doorway of his workshop, Inuyasha leaped off in a blur--and true to his word, returned with the promised pig in less than an hour. Standing once more in the doorway with the dead boar on his shoulder, he ordered the deerskin be tanned with the finest work the tanner had ever done.
His glowering seemd to have worked; while Inuyasha generously butchered the fresly-killed wild pig for the lady of the house to prepare and store--the family's children daring to gather about and peek at the near-legendary hanyou--the anxious-but-pleased tanner hurried to get started on the deerskin.
Word got around the village quickly, as usual; though the villagers were startled, they did remark on the hanyou's apparent fairness--few expected youkai to give payment for their demands, and Inuyasha's actions were seen as a deviation from the norm. But the gossip did help change his gruff and dangerous reputation somewhat--the people were more inclined to accept him knowing that he seemed to be just and honest in his dealings.
All the while, the moon continued to grow fat and round in the sky--and Inuyasha often found his gaze drawn to it each night, both dreading and anticipating what was to come.
Ginnezu, when he did see her, seemed to smile and simper all the more--which annoyed him, given how often he'd told her to flat-out get lost. However, one night--just as the moon had begun to rise, as he was walking to the well--she dared approach, and despite his warning snarl informed him that the gathering of the Dogs was to be the very next night. He growled at her for presuming to speak to him, but mentally catalogued the information.
Inuyasha was found himself more reluctant to go than ever before--but he felt that somehow this was something that he had to do. He had to face the inu-youkai, his father's people, not just to prove to Ginnezu that he was no cowardly pup, but to find out if what she spoke was true--that they truly did want him to return, and that he might actually be welcomed, as impossible as it seemed.
Now all he needed was a shard of the Shikon no Tama...and he knew exactly where one friendly, trusting human girl kept an entire bottle full of them.
Kagome was restless.
She didn't know why, but she felt like something was wrong--something she just couldn't put her finger on.
Inuyasha had not been himself when he'd come this evening; he had arrived quite early--though he was strangely distant and his ears were twitching as if he were nervous. And for once, he'd actually come in her window instead of hiding on the roof--perching on her desk chair, watching her do her homework on the bed, talking to her.
Uncharacteristically, he'd asked her about school--how things were going, if she was going to be finished with her studies soon--as well as her family and friends, frowning when she mentioned the dark-haired boy who'd been hanging around her so often and calling her "cutie."
Normally, he was gruff, short-spoken, and to-the-point--and never wanted to know about "pointless" or "frivolous" things like her education or her social life. Little alarm bells had gone off in her head at his unusual interest--had he actually been making small-talk?--but she pointedly ignored them; the young hanyou was already upset enough over Shirokiba's anger, and he didn't need her nagging him and making it worse. So she didn't say anything--didn't ask any untoward questions.
Now, she reflected as she watched the setting sun, she wished she had. Something had been wrong, darn it, and she hadn't tried to find out what.
She flopped backwards on her bed with a sigh, throwing her arms out on the blankets. It was only seven--much too early to sleep--and she wondered what Inuyasha was doing, intending to turn in at this hour...and asking her about school, about her family, about how many Shikon shards they had...ye gods, what was wrong with him tonight? He had never been so...chatty.
And when she'd gone downstairs to answer her mother's summons, poking her head back in the door to warn him to be quiet, he'd had such a guilty look on his face as he glanced at her. What on earth had he been up to?
That restlessness just wouldn't leave; she felt on-edge, hollow, as if something were missing, misplaced. Something familiar, just on the edge of her perceptions--something she knew she should see but just couldn't yet grasp...
Her eyes fixed lazily on the glittering bottle of Shikon shards that sat out on her desk. Prone as she was, it appeared sideways in her vision, and she stared at it for several moments, just thinking--wondering what it was that was missing from her heart. Something warm that had always been beside her was gone...
Frowning, she abruptly sat up, no longer able to bear the stillness! All but stomping, she went to her window and drew it open, poking her head out and craning her neck upward. "Inuyasha!" she called softly toward the roof, knowing his sharp ears would hear her even were she to simply breathe his name. "Come down here, please. I need to talk to you."
No answer.
Kagome frowned, pursing her lips and raising her voice just a bit. "Come on, I just need to ask you something. Are you asleep already? Inuyasha!"
Okay, this was going beyond the bounds of even sleeping--even zonked out twenty feet up in a tree, he would still wake in a heartbeat if she so much as breathed wrong. So even had he been asleep, he should have responded--unless he was simply being rude and sulky, which might have been a good sign that he was returning to his old self.
"Inuyasha, last warning!" she called firmly.
Nothing. For a long time, nothing. That did it.
"Osuwari!"
Kagome waited for the expected thump and "Argh, you wench! What the hell was that for?" that usually followed a rather unfair Sit. She was oddly surprised that, again, nothing happened.
He wasn't there.
With a cold tightness in her stomach, she realized that it was his youki, his presence that she had been missing. That warm-tingly feeling whenever he was near--a sensation that was, by now, so comforting and familiar to her--was gone, and there was nothing left but fear's cold grip on her heart.
He's gone! But...after all that talking we did...wouldn't he have waited to tell me he was going back...?
She hadn't seen him after she'd gone down to answer her mother's call; she'd assumed he'd gone up to his usual rooftop perch since she hadn't seen him in the tree outside her room. Something had to be wrong--he'd taken off back to the Well without even telling her! What on earth...?
As she stood near her desk at the window, her hand brushed against something cold that scraped a little on the tabletop as she bumped it--and she looked down at the little bottle of Shikon shards, left vulnerable near the open window. Picking it up to slide it into her desk drawer, she suddenly paused, staring at the bottle--a slow, horrified suspicion growing in the corner of her mind.
Swallowing hard, she jerked the bottle open and sat at her desk, carefully spilling the shards out into a little pile. Carefully, quickly, she counted them, one by one--then she frowned, confused, and counted again more slowly. Counted a third time just to be sure.
There was no mistaking it. One Shikon shard was missing--one of the littlest ones, unnoticeable unless one checked how many there actually were in the bottle.
With a faltering breath, she sat back in her desk chair, eyes wide with shock and disbelief--unable to comprehend how this could happen, struck by sudden fear and apprehension.
Inuyasha was gone--and he had taken a shard of the Shikon no Tama with him.