Crimson

By Becki (Houyoku)

Tales of Symphonia (C) NAMCO

'Lo everyone, I hope you had a good Christmas and New Year.

I decided that I'd write my second ToS one-shot today. It's snowing--enough for school to close-- so I decided to make myself feel better and take a short break from studying and write something.

Even while watching the silent snow fall in clumps, drinking some hot chocolate and listening to my new FF:CC soundtrack, I really wanted to write some angst for the longest time. And so I decided 'why not?'

Like the summary says, this is a SheenaxZelos fic, but I must warn you, my angst fics don't usually end with a 'happily ever after'. And I'll tell you right now, this definitely does not. I apologize if the dialogue is incorrect. I don't have my ToS game in my possession, so I don't know the script word for word. In fact, it'll all be from my memory, so sorry about the complete inaccuracies. (I'll probably be making it up, mostly)

This is my second fanfiction that is in the first person. It's from Sheena's perspective, and I must tell you, I'm terrible at romance, and I don't like fluff ..; So please forgive me if it's terrible. But rejoice! This one-shot isn't near as descriptive/long as my others.

Becki

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Of Heroes and Angels

I remember once thinking to myself. When Grandfather told me tales of heroes, of goddesses, of angels. The childish questions that arise inevitably followed. Are heroes ever afraid? Do goddesses cry? Do angels feel pain?

With my mind wandering so, I hardly noticed how late it had become. The sky was a dark cobalt, feathered with white, where the jeweled stars could not be told apart from the lace-like snow. There was no wind to add to the cold, the snow fell down gently, with nothing to hinder its path. In this land where everything was always cold.

I could not say why, but my mind seemed more clustered than it usually was. It was swirling with the anticipation of the greatest battle since those of Mithos. I felt this tenuous grasp in my chest, as if it was empty, no longer there. It was elusive, I hardly understood what I felt. Regret? Perhaps..

I sat outside, just close to the door of the inn where the others slept. Burying my face in my hands, I gave out a cold sigh, the wisps of vapor diffusing with the air, swept away by the snow. Slowly trying to get a grip of what my heart was telling me, I looked up, my arms at my stomach. Was I ill?

The inn's door opened, and I flinched in surprise. Out stepped Lloyd, and he looked in the direction towards the Temple of Martel. With a click, the door closed behind him, and he continued to stare down the snow driven streets.

"Lloyd..?" I said quietly, sitting up. Either his mind was just as occupied as mine, or he couldn't hear me. In eager, zealous steps, he continued down the streets. I watched him helplessly and said nothing else, as he disappeared over the flight of stairs.

I closed my eyes, and touched my temples, the strands of my hair weaving in and out over my temples. I felt so tired, but I wanted nothing more than to stay awake. To think to myself. To let my mind wander in the past, to try and consider what would happen in the future. But nothing happened. I was still left with a dark premonition in my heart. I tried to alleviate my headache, leaned back on a the windows of the inn. The cold flurries of snow touched my forehead, fluttered against my eyelashes.

"Hey."

Indolently, I opened an eye, wondering if it was Lloyd, back from is strange night excursion. But no, that florid voice did not belong to him. At this realization, I sat up with a start, my eyes critically studying the man before me. My pensive mood completely faded away, as I groggily placed cold fingers over my hot brow.

"What do you want, Zelos? I thought you were supposed to escort the Doctor to Ozette." My tone wasn't hard, but I could feel him flinch under my accusation. Still, when I looked back up at him, his face was impassive. Surprised at his reaction, I raised my eyebrows, and lowered my hand. "What--?"

Zelos ignored my question.

"You don't look well." He said, almost in a matter-of-fact voice.

This was frightening. I never thought that there would ever be a time when he would not start a conversation with one of his usual perverse jokes.

"....You don't either." I noted, frowning now. Zelos actually let himself grin this time, and crossed his arms, his strikingly blue eyes staring away. We shared an awkward stretch of silence. His long, fiery colored hair fell over his shoulders, blending strangely with the light from the streetlamps. I watched him, expecting something, wondering what he was up to.

"Err.." I began to break the uncomfortable silence. "You should probably get some sleep. We'll need all the rest we can get when we face battle tomorrow." As soon as I said those words, a strange shiver passed his face. Something definitely was wrong, but he followed my statement as if nothing had happened.

"Nah. Can't sleep." He said, but I already had figured out by his incoherent speech that something was bothering him. It seemed more than a mere coincidence, so I stood up, and felt that I should do something nice for him.

"Neither can I. Let's take a walk or.. something." When I said that, I saw surprise in his expression. Something in that expression reminded me of his usual self, so I couldn't help but speak to him sternly again.

"Don't- Don't look so surprised!" I ordered. "C'mon, are we going or not?" I started ahead without him, but he caught up eventually.

"So, what's been on your mind?" I said quickly, before he could stick in one of his statements of mockery, or something equally caustic.

"I've been wondering. What was your first thought when Kuchinawa appeared with the Papal knights at the Otherworldly gate?" He said casually. I scoffed, secretly hating him for asking such a thoughtless, insensitive question.

"Have you been thinking about me this time? And what have I done to earn this honor?" My tone was contemptuous, but he contained his equanimity. In fact, he actually joked back.

"Well, you're in reality a rather cryptic person. Your discipline doesn't allow you to show any weakness. It's not normal for women to keep their thoughts to themselves, so I'm afraid that you'll completely fall apart without my help." Of course, he can't help but add a first person pronoun while complimenting or degrading someone else. I felt that this insult wasn't meant to sting, but it did. But because I felt that it was unintentional, I decided not to explode on him.

"Oh? And since you're such a man, you decided to do the chivalrous thing and aid me? Really Zelos, I'm not that naive. What do you want?" He stopped, and I nearly ran into him. He had his usual mischievous expression, and he leaned down towards me, closer than I would have liked. Warmth instantly flushed my face.

"...Do you really want to know?" He asked, his tone suggestive.

A few seconds later, I was walking down the street in stiff steps. He trailed behind me, sporting a nasty bruise.

"You didn't have to take that seriously." He said, holding his head. I clenched a fist, and turned around to face him. Jabbing a finger at his chest, I advanced, though not all that furiously.

"Then what should I take seriously, especially when it comes to you, Zelos? And for a moment, I actually thought that you were being somewhat civil." He simply looked back at me, almost apologetically. But I think he wasn't exactly sorry for the crude joke.

We stared at each other, in silence, once again. The snow continued down, just as bountifully as before. And involuntarily, my face grew warm again. Slowly, I retreated my hand back. Zelos' blue eyes flickered momentarily.

"Sheena?" He called, noticing my sudden discomfort.

"Oh, never mind!" I turned back around, covering my red face. I shuffled through the snow, and he followed behind. Part of me wanted him to go away, but the other part wanted him to continue following. He somehow always managed to get my mind away from the tense matters. I found myself at a dead end, at the far side of Flanoir, where a set of strange statues had been erected. I stopped, watching the snow flutter down, my arms crossed, shivering with the cold.

"Sometimes.. I wonder." I started, my voice trailing off, without the consent of my mind. I bowed my head, not caring if he was listening. "I wonder if we're all just here as pieces in a cruel game. Why it is that things happen as they do?" I sensed him just behind me, his breathing soft. each word that came tumbling off my tongue was greeted with fervent silence. Without thinking, I continued.

"I never knew it was possible for someone to hurt so much. When I found out that almost nobody actually expected me to return from Sylvarant as a successful assassin... I felt so alone. As if... nobody cared if they would ever see me again.

"What is it like.. to be nobody? To be somebody no one notices? Is... is this exactly how Mithos felt? Despite the fact that he had urged to save the worlds.. they still rejected him... because of what he was...?" I covered my face, feeling the tears already pressing out of my eyes. Silently I yelled at myself for suddenly falling apart-- in front of Zelos, of all people! I was never known to be so effusive.

Suddenly, I felt him draw towards me, and he put his arms around my shoulders, pulling me closer. His warmth stopped my shivering, and I was too surprised to react. I wanted to start crying again, for letting him pity me. Pity was the last thing that I had wanted.

"Zelos.." I cried, unable to stop the tears from coming. I turned around to push him away, placing my hands on his chest to produce more room between us. "Zelos, please... stop."

Ignoring me, he smeared a tear from my cheek with his thumb. His expression seemed so hard, so different from how I've ever known him. I closed my eyes and thought not to give any more fruitless protests.

"What happens tomorrow will happen. It is unpreventable." I heard him say. His voice was no longer the eloquent tone he often had, and I was suddenly afraid. Was this what I had been fearing this whole night, what had kept me awake these late hours?

"Zelos.. you're frightening me.." I admitted, not because I gave in to my fear, but because I wanted him to stop. To go away, to leave me in my loneliness. I said it, because I felt that I could not trust him.

Slowly, he parted the wild hair from my eyes and gently brushed his lips on my brow. Softly they touched my eyes, my cheeks, leaving me astonished at how subtle it was. I was trembling... trembling with a chaotic storm of emotions. It all happened so slowly, time was distorting the moment. I was suddenly afraid, fearful of rejection again. It was all too cruel.

Taking in a sharp breath, I stepped back, suddenly angry.

"Zelos!" My hand was raised as if to hit him, but it stayed in the air, and did not move. I froze as I looked into his face, and I felt that empty feeling stretched across my chest, like an eternal wound that could never heal. His expression had regret, sadness.. and above all, so much pain. It was an expression that made death seem more agreeable.

I lowered my arm, not knowing what to do. Zelos turned away, his back towards me. His voice was quiet, and I almost missed his words.

"I'm sorry for hurting you, Sheena."

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I don't remember what happened the rest of that night. The next morning was normal. The escort party returned from Ozette, delivering good news, and joining with the rest of the party. The eight of us assembled outside of the inn, the sunlight streaming through the clouds. It had stopped snowing.

My eyes looked to every member of our group. I had put on one of my usual masks, acting as if nothing had happened the previous night. Zelos seemed to do the same, and was busy convincing Lloyd of some subject. As I watched them from a distance, I noticed that Lloyd had something in his hand, it looked like a necklace; a pendant, perhaps? My eyes traveled further up, and for a brief second, I made eye contact with the Chosen of Tethe'alla. He grinned at me, and I shot an annoyed look back.

Yes, this was the best way. It was better for the entire group not to know what troubles I had been carrying with me.

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A cold wind swept around inside this cursed tower. Even if it was the third time stepping into this place, I was so unused to the cruel, whimsical air of this so called 'symbol of salvation'. As we walked over the bridge towards the eternal sword, I couldn't help but glance at the sarcophagi that were lined in circles, swirling and suspending in the air below us. It was so revolting. I held my breath, keeping up with the group.

Zelos stepped ahead, and we all looked expectantly at him, as if he would cast some magic spell to show us the way. He gave a glance in my direction, but I decided not to humor him, casting my eyes down towards the ground.

He called Colette, the Chosen of Sylvarant, bidding her to approach the pedestal with him. Pleasantly she complied, and I heard her join him up the steps. There were some unidentifiable sounds, but when I heard Lloyd gasp, I looked up instantly.

Angels circled around everywhere, their sordid faces like dolls. But what I saw before me was worse than these lifeless puppets.

A woman stood, holding Colette captive. Her overly ornate apparel made sound as she moved, and she looked down at the other Chosen, gloating.

"Good work, Chosen. You've done well." Her voice had a drawl, and she spoke as if she were superior to us all. Zelos flashed a grin, but I saw that it was fake. Lloyd looked somewhat calm as he surveyed the situation. However, I hardly hesitated to yell at him.

"What are you doing?!" I hissed. Zelos looked directly at me, but remained composed.

"What, did you really think that we could win?" The red-haired Chosen asked us. Pronyma looked over at us, not resisting the temptation to taunt us in our misery.

"Zelos here has been our spy since the beginning." She said. We all paused, horrified by the news. Colette clenched her fists and looked down from the platform, her eyes shining.

"Please tell us this isn't true, Zelos!" She pleaded.

"I simply placed myself on the winning side." Zelos shrugged.

Those words hurt us all. Lloyd threw his arm in a threatening gesture.

"Zelos! You told me that I could trust you!" Lloyd shouted.

"Oh, shut up." Zelos said. "It was all a matter of knowing the situation. Weighing down Cruxis, the Renegades and you guys. It's not difficult to comprehend."

"You--" I felt the old anger bubble within me, threatening to burst. "You were confiding with the Renegades too?! Zelos! I can't believe you.." But in my head, it all made sense. "I always knew that you were a pervert.." I forced all thoughts of last night out, speaking earnestly. "But I never doubted that you were a good person!"

My words made no effect on him. He grinned at me.

"Why thank you, my dear. But the fact is, Cruxis in the end will win."

He wants me to hate him. I thought, stepping back in surprise. No.. this can't be..

"But you're the Chosen!" Genis protested, trying to use his cogent arguments to win Zelos back over.

"You've gotta be kidding." Zelos replied. He turned around, facing away from us. "It's because of my title as Chosen that my life has been a total joke. Mithos has agreed to repeal my name as a Chosen, and give it to Seles. Besides, it's what she's always wanted, right?"

"Enough chichat." Pronyma commanded. "I trust that you'll take care of them, right, Zelos?" Zelos stepped down, and unsheathed his sword.

"As you say, Lady Pronyma."

With no further hesitation, the elevator started its ascension, escorted by a line of angels. Colette stretched her hand out towards us, screaming Lloyd's name as she was taken away. Lloyd ran forward, but Zelos stepped into his way. Lloyd looked at his former friend angrily, and stepped back again.

"So, it comes to this." Zelos said.

"Zelos, you traitor." Presea said, her stoic face depicting the smallest bit of agitation.

"Call me what you will." He replied. He held his Cruxis Crystal in his hand. We all watched him as he placed it over the back of his hand, replacing the exsphere that was once there. A bright light came from the crystal, and I covered my eyes to protect them from the glare.

We recovered and watched as Zelos had gained an angelic form, feathers glowing in a fiery haze.

Our group spilled across the platform to make use of as much fighting space as possible. Anger was unavoidable. It was so strong.

I hated him.. I hated him because he did this to me.

Lloyd and Regal advanced with their close-combat skills. Presea followed behind to help them if needed. Genis stood beside his sister Raine, and that left me alone, with my cards and my summons. I could see that everybody still hesitated as they attacked.

Zelos did rather well, aided by his new angelic powers. His sword clashed against the light, his hair flying freely in his advances and retreats. But by the way he fought, it was obvious that he expected defeat since the beginning.

"This must end now." I muttered disdainfully. Quickly I stepped in, my deck of cards clutched in my hands. I weaved in through the group of fighters, jumping quickly as weapons collided with each other. Zelos swung his sword at me, and I jumped up, prepared for it.

Landing back down, we faced each other. Angrily, I shuffled my deck between my hands.

"Is this why you wanted asked me those questions yesterday?" I demanded, stepping to the side and tossing a couple of cards at him. He raised his shield, and the cards ricocheted away. "So you could know how I would feel?"

"There is no turning back." He answered, his sword jabbing towards me. I stepped to the side easily, and called back to him.

"Then fight with the last bit of dignity you have left." I said, my voice so low and menacing. "Words are unnecessary." I ran towards him and threw my cards. They bit his face, leaving a long cut below his eye. He responded by swinging his sword towards me, and I hardly had the time to move. I heard one of my companions call my name from behind, but it was all a blur as Zelos' sword came down so close. I moved my arm to protect myself, knowing it would be too late.

His sword had come down and rested on my arm, perpendicular to it. The metal was just inches away from my face. But the blade did not pierce my glove. He had stopped mid-swing, unable to force his weapon to draw my blood. My face was perplexed, but he refused to look at me.

Lloyd cut across and advanced with his sword, taking us both by surprise. The blade pierced through the Chosen's shoulder, and I could feel specks of crimson warmth splatter on my face.

Horrified, I slid back, nearly falling.

How could I explain what happened next? When I saw in terror the blood that ran out, how it stained scarlet on his clothing, even anger was not enough to suffice. I dropped my deck, and the cards fell to the ground silently, scattering away. It was like during battle my eyes were blinded with raw rage, but when the flow of blood sprang out, I could see.

He fell, his own blood spilling out and staining the ground. His sword and shield clattered to the ground with a deathly vibration, his hair fanning out before him like flames.

Lloyd stepped back, and he looked grim. Then his expression fell to despair.

I heard the others run towards the fallen Chosen, all simultaneously calling his name.

And I was left in the silence, my eyes lost in crimson.

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"Grandfather? What about the angels? Do they ever feel pain?"

"Yes, Sheena. They bleed."