The rest of the wedding seemed like a blur. I continued to dance with Sean and a few dances with Craig. During one of those dances, Craig asked if everything was alright. I explained to him that I knew why Sean left but didn't know if I believed him.
"El, why would he lie to you? I understand that it seems a little outrageous, but he still loves you. He knows it has been rough on you and he wants to makeup for all he's lost. Believe him and forgive him." He leaned forward kissing my forehead.
"I know. I've been trying to reason with my heart. I think I'm just scared to get hurt again."
"Everyone its time for me to toss the bouquet. Okay girls, get ready!" Ash shouted cheerfully. She turned her back to where the girls were standing. I wasn't part of the group I didn't like any of this tossing of the bouquet. I never felt that it told you who was going to be the next bride. Craig then pushed me in the middle of the group as soon as Ash threw it behind her head. All the girls around me started fighting over it until it landed in my lap. I looked down to see the red and purple roses and my face got deadpanned. I didn't want it. Ashley and Craig didn't look surprised.
Craig and Ashley left soon after and I was left alone again. I headed into the house to change into some comfortable pajamas. Another night alone, I murmured to myself. I walked up the back steps and turned the knob when someone called my name. I turned around to see Sean running towards me.
"El, could I ask you for a favor?" he was breathless. I nodded. "Would you mind if I stayed here for the night? I'm supposed to go to Craig's house and I feel a little strange staying in his house while he's not there. It would just be one night. I wouldn't throw a party like when we lived together. I promise." He held his pinky up to me. I hooked mine with his taking his promise.
"Why don't you just go home if you don't want to stay at Craig's?" I asked curiously.
"It's 8 and Wasaga Beach is three hours away. Plus with the few drinks that I had, you can say I'm not the safest to drive right now."
"You know I hate people who drink. My mom killed herself driving drunk, but you wouldn't know that. I can't let you drive so I'll make up the guest bedroom. It may smell a little like Ashley. She's been sleeping here the last few nights because of the wedding." I walked into the house, Sean following behind me.
"You mean I'm not sleeping in your bed?" he joked pulling me to him. He held my waist to his as he leaned against the backdoor. His finger curled around my body made chills go up my spine. "You know you want me. It's in your eyes."
I looked away and pulled from his captivating grip. "I'll show you the room." I walked into the kitchen and up the stairs. The stairs creaked under our feet. The hou8se was old when I had bought it but I put a lot of work into it to fix it up. The house was now the way I wanted it to be.
The room was just a bit smaller than mine with a mixed blue carpet and light blue painted walls. Hanging on one wall was my favorite piece of art: Van Gogh's Starry Night. The other walls were bare except for the oak dresser against the wall with the door. The bed was an Oak Norman bedstead with carved paneled decoration that I had inherited from an aunt that I never knew.
Sean glanced around the room, "Small but nice. Can I see your room?" He winked at me and put his arm around my shoulder. "El, would you loosen up a bit? You're so tense around me."
I shrugged him off continuing down the hall to my room. I stopped in the doorway and turned back to Sean. He smiled and his eyes glowed that made his face light up. "I'm getting in the bath. Help yourself to the refrigerator and to the entertainment system."
"Thanks, I'm going to stop at Craig's and pick up my stuff. I'll be back later." Sean pulled his keys out of his suit jacket and left for Craig's.
I went to my room and turned on the water for my bath. I filled the bath with hot steaming water and vanilla bubble bath. I lit the vanilla scented candles that hung in the chandler. I slipped out of the bridesmaid dress and into the tub.
Lying there, I had flashbacks of Sean and me. The moment I told him I loved him, the time I moved in with him, the time he was supposed to move and the moment he left. I loved Sean and I still did. Thinking about our past, tears formed and fell into the tub. Sean and I couldn't get back together. He's been gone for seven years. How am I supposed to pick up things where we left them after we both have changed? I can't forget what he did to me when he left. I looked down at my wrists and saw the scars that now imprinted my skin. Not all of them were his fault, but some of them were. Those ones were the deepest and hurt the most.
I wanted to move on with my life. I wanted Sean to be in that life. The problem that bothered me most was being able to stay in love with Sean. I loved the old Sean, but could I love the new Sean?
There was a light tap on my bedroom door. "El, I'm back. I'm just going to watch some TV. before I go to bed." The door closed and I wiped the tears from my face. I got out of the tub and wrapped my black robe close around my wet body. I went back into my room and sat upon my bed. I took my brush and ran it through my hair pulling it into a sloppy bun. I slipped into an old concert t-shirt and gray sweatpants.
I could hear the TV. playing reruns of 24 from the living room. I ventured downstairs to say goodnight to Sean. The steps gave way to my entrance as he saw me come down the last two steps. "Hey beautiful. Come to join me for a little boob tube?" He smiled at me hopefully.
"No, I just came down to tell you goodnight."
"Oh, okay. You don't have work tomorrow, do you?"
"No, not on Saturday. I'm just tired from the wedding. I need to catch up on sleep. I'll see you tomorrow. Night, Sean."
Before I could head upstairs, he grabbed my wrist and kissed my hand. "Good night, Ang-El."
That night sleep wasn't even a word in my dictionary. I tossed and turned, fidgeted and fussed. I tried turning on my radio and reading the thriller novel I bought the week before, but nothing seemed to work. I got so tired of trying to sleep that I got up and walked downstairs to watch TV. I wasn't paying much attention when I got there.
"Couldn't sleep either?" Sean's voice scared me. I hadn't realized he was there. I looked at him seeing the TV. light his face.
I shook my head realizing he asked me a question. "Yeah, I think I just need a bedtime snack." I walked to the kitchen to grab a pint of Ben and Jerry's Half Baked ice cream. Half Baked was chocolate and vanilla ice cream mixed with brownies and cookie dough, my favorite. I pulled two spoons from the kitchen drawer and rejoined Sean on the loveseat.
"Mmm, ice cream, good choice. Ben and Jerry's even better. Thanks," Sean said taking the spoon from me and dug it into the fattening sweets. "Hold on, let me get a blanket. We're going to get cold after eating this." He got up and went to grab the fleece blanket off the big couch. He laid it across our laps.
I leaned into him so I could feel his body heat. I stole the remote from the arm of the couch and flipped channels until I found West Side Story. I left that on as we ate the ice cream.
Sean stopped eating when Tony first saw Maria. He looked at me placing his spoon in the tub. "El, stop eating for a sec. Look at me." I dropped the spoon and his hand pulled my face to look at him. "Ellie, I love you and I'm sorry for the way I acted. Ellie, you mean the world to me. I don't understand why you don't let me love. I want you to know that I will do whatever it takes to make it up to you. I love you, Ellie Nash, more than you know. Let me love you." He held my face in his hands. His eyes were clear and more sincere than ever. He leaned in and so did I until our lips met in the middle. I let him kiss me. I let myself fall back into that trap.
We separated a few moments later. A smile spread across my lips. I loved Sean, and even if it wasn't the same Sean I could learn to love this Sean. I placed my head on his shoulder and watched the movie. After that I didn't have a problem sleeping.