These are first person views of Merry and Pippin as they deal with being separated, the war...and the memories of it after. What they think and speak aloud is in Scottish Gaelic, to add a bit of flavor to the story, since there are so many languages in the films. I just hope that it doesn't throw anyone off, or provoke any negative reaction with Gaelic speakers. Plus it features Pippin's song from the film. The events in here aren't completely accurate and the story is a bit mushy, just to let you know.

A few words of warning: this is slash, which is gay romance (if you don't like it, then don't read it), with a bit of sensuality and violence, death too.

I own none of these characters or Lord of the Rings, but I'll survive knowing that they aren't mine. I'm not doing this for money; it's just for my personal pleasure and for your pleasure, I hope.

Dochainn Nam Blàir
(Trauma of War)

Pippin:

"Merridh! Na fàg mi, ("Merry! Don't leave me,
Le do thoil! Dè tha a' cheist?" Please! What's the matter?")

It was all my fault and I knew it. I had done something,
Otherwise, Merry would not be so angry with me.

"Merridh, ma 's e do thoil e, ( "Merry, if thou please,
Abair dhomh mar a tha ceàrr! Bruidh'nn dhomh, tell me what is wrong! Speak to me,
Tha mi gad iarraidh! I'm begging thee!")

But he just stalked ahead of me with Gandalf, and when he
Did look back, his face was twisted with a scowl.
What had happened? I winced as memories washed over me...
Gandalf falling at Khazad Dum...it was because of me.

"Th'e mo choire..." ("It's my fault...")

I'd said for days after. 'Twas all because I was, and still am, so
Curious I always hear that it will be the death of us.
I can't begin to say how much it hurts, and also when Gandalf,
And even Merry(!), cut me down even further at today's meeting.
Tears stung my eyes at the thought that my Merry, my love,
He that had always loved and protected me, would be capable of that.
I wanted to start crying, but I didn't dare in front of everyone else...
Not even with Merry. We had to be strong...

Merry:

"Rach air falbh, Pippin. ("Go away, Pippin.
Th'agad ri fàgail. Thou must leave.
Nach eil thu gam thuigsinn?" Dost thou not understand me?")

I practically snarled these words at him. I reeled at the realization of what I
Had done, but it was too late. And though I wanted to hug him and
Apologize to him right then, I knew that I was forbidden to do so.
He was my love, and I nearly died at the thought of the terrible pain that
I had caused him.

"Tha mi 'n duilich, Pippin, ("I'm sorry, Pippin,
Ach chan urrainn dhuinn bi còmhla a-nis." but we can't be together now.")

I whispered, though I know that he would not hear me. It was heartbreaking
To hear him calling to me over and over, especially when I knew that
I shouldn't go to him. But what could I do?

How could I tell him that Sauron thought that he had the Ring?
He would be frightened and want me with him. I want to be
With him terribly, but there is a War about to occur, and with
Sauron tracking him, I must leave him...

Pippin:

"Merridh! Le do thoil, freagair mi! ("Merry! Please, answer me!
Carson a cha bhruidh'nn thu dhomh?" Why won't thou speak to me?")

Would he not ever answer me? I had to run
To him and grab him to get his attention.

"Pippin, leig mi rach! ("Pippin, let me go!
Carson chan eil thu ga thuigsinn?" Why doth thou not understand it?").

He raised his hand, and I flinched, thinking that he would beat me...

Merry:

I will forever regret what I did. As I raised my hand up, I nearly
Killed myself at the sight of Pippin cowering because of me!
I let my hand down and grabbed him by the shoulders and said
To him in a harsh tone, though I didn't intend it...

Pippin:

"Tha Sauron smaoineachadh gu bheil 'n fàinne agad, ("Sauron is believing that thou hath the ring,
Agus th'agad ri fhàgail 'gus rach do Minas Tirith. and thou must leave and go to Minas Tirith.
Bidh sinn air falbh bho gach eile, ma till sinn..." We will be away from each other, if we return...")

Though he'd but grabbed me, I felt that he had struck me
With a stone. I was relieved that Merry had explained to me
What was happening...but I hated the thought of leaving
Him, even if it were but a little while, and if we returned...
I winced, a hard knot forming in my throat, my heart
Felt like it was being squeezed in a fist. I felt a rush of tears
Sting my eyes. I wished that I was dead already, or that
Merry was holding me, like he had done. But I knew that
We couldn't...

Merry:

I will never forget the look on Pippin's face. I saw,
As only I could, the tears shining in his eyes, ready to
Spill over, his lip trembling...the whole of his face was
Terribly pale. I was ill as it sunk in that I caused this.
So terribly I wished to hug him and kiss his tears
Away. But what would Gandalf, Aragorn, and the
Others think? The thought of my sweet little
Pippin crying because of me brought my own tears forth,
Though I refused them to pass.

Pippin:

I was quiet the rest of the short journey to the
Stables. As Gandalf and I rode off to Minas Tirith,
I longed to look back, to try to see Merry one
Last time. But I dared not. Suddenly, I felt it
Stab at me. It felt like half of me had been
Torn away. Weights anchored themselves to
My heart, the knot in my throat tightened...
More of my tears rushed forward, stinging even
Harder. I nearly started sobbing, but with Gandalf
And with a War ahead of us, I was forbade that.
I screamed inside,

"O Mherridh, tha mi gad ionndrainn cheana! ("O Merry, I miss thee already!
Cuin a dh'fhaiceas mi tu a-rithist a-chaoidh?! When will I see thee ever again?!
Ma bidh mi gad fhaicinn a-rithist a-chaoidh... " If I ever will be seeing thee again...")

I had to keep it to myself if I was going to survive...
If I would see Merry again...

"O Mherridh...!"

Merry:

Why didn't I at least tell him that I loved him?
I saw him riding off into the distance, away from
Me, and it was as if he was being buried. I longed to
Be buried with him, but... I wanted to at least tell him
That I was sorry and that I would go if I could.
But what good would that have done? Would he have
Been better off? I thought of the looming battle
Ahead...of death...of Pippin among them, his sweet,
Plump, rosy face white and pinched, his whole body gaunt
And battered from the struggle...silent... his merry, bell-like
Laugh never more to grace the air...
I shuddered, trying not to cry.

"An toir mathanas thu dhomh a-chaoidh, Pippin?" ("Wilt thou ever forgive me, Pippin?")
I thought.

I wanted to call out to him, to say that I was sorry,
But it was no use. He was too far away.
"Tha gaol agam dhut, Pippin." ("I love thee, Pippin.")

My words were unheard as the wind
Carried them away...