Part Thirteen – Walk before you run
A light sweat broke out on my forehead. My muscles tensed, inwardly I was screaming with agony. It hurt, oh, it hurt so bad. But I had to do it. If I let on, there was no way I'd be allowed to ride again and that would be worse than the pain.
My arms trembled as they struggled to support my body weight. I gripped the railing tight, so tight my knuckles went a light white colour. Mum bit her lip as she watched me from the other side of the room, and Alex had to restrain her from jumping up and helping me.
I was in therapy. Good old therapy. The doctors were giving me a trial with a prosthesis leg; I didn't actually own it, but there was a possibility I could if I could manage okay with it. Of course it would have to be fitted properly, and more importantly paid for, but such formalities could wait for now.
It kind of reminded me of a ballet room. Bars along the sides, except in this case it was kind of like a treadmill without the spinning floor. I took a quick look at my therapist, who was frowning.
'Stuff you.' I said under my breath, and pushed on. I was going to walk to the end of this passage if it killed me. That's a girl, Charlotte. I thought to myself. One foot in front of the other now, you can do it. I egged myself on, since no-one else would. It became a pattern. Good leg down, swing the other leg forward, shift your weight, break and breathe.
'That's it, Charlie.' Mum said quietly. She'd been told by the therapist to keep quiet, after a somewhat rowdy display last session. She nearly got kicked out. It was rather amusing actually, you've gotta love watching my Mum try to prove a point. We always joke that she should have been captain of the Debating Club at school.
Nearly there. I thought to myself. One more step, come on, that's it now, leg forward…I grunted, and swung my bad leg forward. But I misjudged the distance and was left flailing for the rail. My weight was already too far forward to catch myself, and I felt myself plummeting to the ground.
I crashed nicely on my shoulder, and yelped. Mum rushed over, but the physio held her back. I looked up at her from my place on the floor, tears in my eyes.
'This is hopeless.' I said bitterly.
'Come on, Charls, you're a big, strong girl. Up and at 'em.' Alex encouraged. I glared at him.
'Go AWAY.' I hissed at him. 'Leave me alone.' I turned my back towards all of them. I felt Mum's hand on my shoulder, but I brushed her off angrily.
I could hear them whispering in the corner, obviously about me, and it wasn't long before Mum hauled me up to take me back to my room. She left me there and went out to talk to the doctor. Marion came in to talk to me.
'Hey Charlotte.' She said slowly. 'How are you?'
'Oh yeah, bloody brilliant. Absolutely fine.' I said sarcastically. 'And yourself? I suppose you're having a grand time at home riding MY horse. You know, if you hadn't been riding her in the first place maybe I wouldn't have run away and this wouldn't have happened!' I spat out.
Marion's face was a picture of shock and hurt. Quickly she withdrew her hand from my arm and looked at the floor, and I realised I'd gone too far.
'Hey Marion, I didn't mean it.' I tried to make her feel better, but the damage was done.
Big tears filled up in her eyes, and abruptly she stood up and hurried out the door. I could hear her crying to Mum seconds later. Irritably I rolled my eyes. I She thinks she had problems. /I
I heard Mum trying to comfort her, and at the same time trying to find out what was wrong. She sent Marion over to Alex, and took a deep breath. I could see her from the window and knew what was coming. I cringed as she came into my room and closed the door firmly.
'Right.' She started, hands on her hips. 'Do you want to tell me what's going on, please?'
I shrugged, pretending I didn't know what she was talking about.
'Okay, then, fair enough. I'll tell you.' She looked at me, and I could tell she was furious.
'Charlotte Prudence McLeod, your attitude stinks. How the hell do you expect to get out of here with all this negativity? Okay, so sure, you've had a huge shock and a huge change to come to terms with. But honey, if you think abusing everyone else is going to help, you've got a rude shock on the way. We are your family, Charlotte, we are doing everything we can to help you. And how do you pay us back? By upsetting Marion, who is already feeling guilty as hell, and shouting at your father and I?'
'He isn't my father.' I said sullenly, realising as I said it I probably couldn't have said anything worse. I ducked my head, expecting a blow.
'I hope I didn't just hear you say what I thought you said.' Mum looked at me in disbelief. Her face went slightly white and I could see her knuckles trembling. She pulled away from me, stared at me for a second, and then got up and left without another word. I could hear her work boots slapping against the hospital floor as she collected Alex and Marion, and all three of them left the building.
They didn't even come back after lunch. I knew Mum was really, really mad with me, and Marion probably didn't want to talk to me ever again. Alex, well, Alex didn't usually hold grudges, but Mum…I was starting to get scared I'd said something really terrible. The look on her face…she looked so hurt. I didn't mean to hurt her. You know how it is, you say or do something in the heat of the moment, and you wish you could take it back…but you can't. Once it's done, it's done.
A bit like crashing your bike, really.