Ummmmm….Yeah
A story about some people with powers.
Chapter the First: This is the time to turn back before it's too late.
Disclaimer: Ha! Yeah right! This is all MY invention! I created it! I…(police sneak up from behind, holding those hit sticks.) Um…yeah…about that…I was only kidding. All the stuff that is obviously from the story, is from the story.
So anyway…
Once upon a time there was a boy. He was a bit cute except he had this ugly looking scar on his forehead. It looked like a umm…like a ummm….what was that thing? It was kind of a weird shape and umm…oh yeah, it looked like ham, arugula, and radicchio on rye. Ick. Anyways, that kid. Oh wait I forgot to name him. Let's call him Sally. Ok, so Sally was living with his parents. No, wait, his parents died (they were probably smote for calling him Sally). Yeah so he lived with his Aunt Ragweed and Uncle Chevy Trailblazer and their daughter, wait son, their SON who was named also Sally. Sally hatedSally. And Sally hated Sally too. Sally would always do all the housework and Sally would sit on his fat arse (because he's British so he doesn't sit on his a$$ like Americans do). One day, Ragweed began irritating Sally and Sally (or Sally squared) to the point that they asked her husband to kill her. So, needless to say, the irritating Ragweed was run over by Chevy Trailblazer.
That night, Sally and Sally were fighting with the narrator. They wanted manly names. So the beautiful, omnipotent narrator decided to name scarred Sally ham, arugula, and radicchio on rye, or HARRY for short (get it? ham, arugula, and radicchio on rye. I so make sense). And because she couldn't think of a clever acronym to describe the fat one, she prayed to the gods at the Rowling temple and came up with Dudley. Chevy Trailblazer liked his name because it was tough and could be used humorously, but he did kill Ragweed, so the narrator changed his name to Vernon. (Chevy Trailblazer-turned-Vernon: "Not fair! You made me kill her! And she was my little Petunia!") Hey, good idea. Ragweed is now Petunia. And together they're…THE DURSLEYS BUM BUM BUM! Except for Harry, because nobody loves him. At least not in this chapter.
So now you know the background info., or exposition as those who have nothing better to do but dedicate their lives to literature may call it. Next chapter: UNDER CONSTRUCTION