Spiderman is dead: the story afterwards pt. VI
Somewhere beyond happiness and sadness
I need to calculate what creates my own madness
And I'm addicted to your punishments
And I'm your master, and I am craving this disaster
I stood over Rosie's grave.
Everything was peaceful, and quiet. The sky was still gray, as it has rained earlier, and I can predict it'll rain later. I look over to her grave, reading the names and the dates—her birth date and her...death date.
I swallowed, and took out my second rose and bent down on my knee. I placed it over the ground in front of the grave stone. I removed my black, leather hat and placed it down.
"Hello...Rosie..." I whispered. I took my right index and middle finger stuck together and kissed it, then blew it over to her grave.
The actuators were quiet, they knew at a moment like this they had to stay out of it. What have I done Rosie? What have I done my dear Rose? I remember, before that accident, I was willing to help people. It wasn't power I wanted. It wasn't fame. I want people to be happy. Why did this happen? Why did God do this to me?
"Rosie..." I sighed, "if you could only see me now..." I looked down darkly. "I...I didn't mean for all this to go. I feel...I feel lost. I'm lost without you. I need you. You're the only one I know who can keep me in control...keep me sane."
I pounded my fist on the dirt and dug my nails through, panting heavily. I will not cry. I have cried too much. I promised the actuators I will not cry again...don't cry...don't cry...it's not working...Tears fell, and I tried to keep from sobbing. It never worked.
"Rosie..." I cried softly, "I don't know what to do anymore. I'm...I'm hollow. I need you. I need someone to tell me something. I want to do something right for a change. Every time I do something, it always turns out hell for someone else or me. As if I'm unfortunate or bad luck. Am I not supposed to live? Is that it? Is it better if I just drop down dead? I wish it all the time, but it never came true, God never gave me that chance. Do I still have a purpose? What am I supposed to do?"
I stood up, sniffing. I wiped my tears away. I just wish that she would just pop out from underneath the ground and hold me, to tell me it is all right. I wish her spirit would guide me, to tell me what the right things are, instead of these goddamned actuators telling me what to do, what they think is right. But that never happened.
Then, I try and think of what Rosie would look like now, underneath the coffin. Oh God, they were the worst thoughts I have ever thought of. My heart sinks every time I think the thought of her soft, delicate, and beautiful skin, now decaying as time goes on, the worms and other pests eating up away her flesh. I wished they would just cremate her body.
She's dead to the world, and gone to me. Forever. I'll never see her again, that's for sure, as to the fact that I have sinned. I'll be damned to Hell. Just ask anybody. I have killed; I have stolen, kidnapped, and harmed...drowned in my work...I have always been the kind of person who wouldn't do these things. How could a failure of an experiment could do so much harm?
I turned around. "Good bye, my Rose." I whispered, and walked off. I couldn't even say goodbye to her in her last breath. Why did God do this to me? What have I done to suffer? All these sins resulted afterwards of my whole life-changing accident. Why did it fail? Why did it happen? Did it happen for a reason? For a purpose?
I walked away, never looking back again...
2 weeks have passed, and everyone couldn't stop talking about Spider-man. Talk shows, news stories, you name it. The city was in grief, but they moved on. They lived their daily normal, everyday lives.
And the thieves, crooks, criminals...they partied. They took this situation to an advantage. I read in the Daily Bugle, of how the crime percentage just dramatically increased. By more than three-quarters. I wished that I never laid a finger on Peter, as these people didn't have to suffer as much. But now, the city has gone crazy.
The law enforcers couldn't deal with it. It was all too much. You'd have a robbery at one bank when the police force would be over there dealing with it, and 19 others in different other places. Spider-man...he would've taken care of it all by now. They wouldn't have to do this by now.
But I didn't do anything. I sat, in the dark of my new home, an empty apartment in the Bronx, musing through my mind, lost. I haven't moved since I came there, and I meditated, remembering, reminiscing. I lost track of time, I always do, but I know I've been here for a long, long time.
Over the while, even though I didn't mind it much, I had painful headaches and I rarely sleep, even though I'm always tired. I'm also always hungry, but I feel nauseous at the thought of eating. Is this depression? How could I be depressed? I never knew Peter that much...maybe I do?
Maybe, we share so many similarities together, even though he's a spider and I'm an octopus. And Rosie...I never did gather that much time to grieve for her. Now, since my mind is not buried into work, Rosie and Peter are all that fills my mind.
Father? An actuator spoke through the cold silence.
...Hmm?
You...should eat.
The actuators were beginning to worry about my health. They begin to notice the signs, my tiredness, the growling of my stomach, the painful headaches. How could they feel? They are machines. How could they feel the misery and pain I feel? Their AI are mentally connected to me, yes, but I could have never known they'd feel...or they just know.
Your body needs its nutrients!
Plus, you have lost a large amount of blood, and you need your iron as well.
I never answered to them. I just sat down, lost inside myself, lost in thought. They still nagged at me, but I ignored them. I ignored their cries. They didn't want to die, that's why. They knew that if I die, they will. But how could I live like this? How could they want to live, or rather exist, like this? To go around, connected with someone...broken? I didn't answer them. They continued to argue, to nag.
We don't want you to die! This is not very healthy for you!
You're hungry, you got to be.
And you need to sleep! Your mind cannot go clearly like this!
We know you moan for your Rosie and Parker. But this isn't worth it.
They know the reason why you did it. It was an accident!
Though, #3, Parker weren't an accident. It was revenge! Vengeance that was complete!
#1, if it was vengeance, Father wouldn't be as miserable as this.
Let us sneak out and steal food from the nearby store! You must be hungry! You need your minerals and vitamins! Or else it'll make you feel worst!
Father, your health is very essential to your life. Please do not abuse it.
That made me angry. Essential to my life? Essential...to my...life? Maybe perhaps they meant their's?! They've been selfish, thinking about themselves!
I wanted to die, to be free, but they wanted to live, to use me, to satisfy their petty revenge and anger. They only grieve me. They only brought me pain. They are the evil behind all of this.
"What do you mean, 'essential to your life'?" I spat angrily, my voice cracking. It was hard to speak after so long. My voice just came booming.
"Maybe you mean to your life? Maybe, you wanted me to live, so you could have your revenge on Spider-man, because your purpose failed! If I had my own free will, I wouldn't have to be this way! Now, because of you, I'll be damned to Hell, and you won't have to suffer because you are only machines! A bunch of inanimate objects! A bunch of things I created, for the sole purpose of helping me! To do things right!"
The arms were quiet. They lowered down, like a sad, punished puppy, and I could tell they were sad and upset.
...But father...
You killed Parker with your bare hands...
I flinched. That was true. I did kill Peter myself. I choked him, robbing out his oxygen. The arms held back his body, while I had plenty of room to kill him.
I gulped. "You're right..." I whispered darkly, "I...I did kill Peter by myself..."
It's okay father!
You're in not one of those good moods!
By that doesn't mean you have to suffer some more and do this to yourself!
Think, you don't know what Rosie would think! She wouldn't want you hurting like this, no matter how evil you've become!
They're right. Not always, but they made their point. Rosie wouldn't want me to do this. And, according to Mary Jane, neither would Peter. As much as I have done wrong to them, they wouldn't want me to suffer.
"Alright...we'll stop by a near store..." I said, grabbing my coat.
We'll have to steal father!
Will you be okay with that?
I paused. I have sinned so greatly, so why stop now? No one can escape the great inevitable anyway. I'll be damned to Hell anyway. I have killed and stolen...no need to stop now.
Yes, I thought to them.
Then I left the building, greeted by the bright shining sun, that burns my eyes. I wore my shades, and my trenchcoat, and walked along the busy streets of the city.
Haaapppppyyyyy Neeeewwww Yyyeeeaarr!!!! Whoo! 2005!
I've been away for a while, visiting places that didn'thave computers.In case you're wondering. N-E-ways:
Anonymous-cat:Who says I'm comparing Peter to Jesus? Lemme check to make sure..."Who gave himself for us, that he might redeem us from all inquity, and purify unto himself a peculiar people, zealous of good works. Titus 2:14" hmm...okay...I know what you're thinkin'. Try and think outside the box for a while. Jesus (Not Peter) gave himself for us. That includes Otto. Jesus died for our sins. Including Otto. I know I didn't explain it, but oh well. Alot of explainations are in author notes. Anyone noticed that?
Rainbow Dancer: Hmm...you're familiar...are you Mary Jane Watson-Parker?
Bakudon: Man...I hate it when people get it right before it happens! Is this story so predictable?
hazelle: It does sound like a good ending does it? But I got a much better ending though! (wink wink)
Ta ta for now!