Ryan rescued her from the memory by announcing there was someone to see her and she wasn't surprised to see John waiting outside.

"Not now." Emma said simply.

"I just don't get it, none of this makes sense. I was already mixed up with a girl like you and there was nothing wrong with you."

She sighed and leaned against the wall, half listening for noise in the kitchen that would indicate Helen was listening but the kitchen was silent.

"You really have no idea."

"Then tell me."

"Its not that simple!" she shouted suddenly, because it really wasn't and she was tired of pretending that it was. Like she could just let go of everything and it would all make sense.

"Yes it is, just tell me and then we can work it out."

"I've been trying to work it out for six years and look where it got me! It got me stuck back here."

She motioned to the house behind her and then covered her face in a vain bid to keep it all together, otherwise she was going to lose it and she'd tell John everything and that would cause all sorts of trouble. The thought crossed Emma's mind so suddenly at first she didn't even pay it any attention and then it came back again.

"Why not tell him? He'll leave and so what if he thinks any less of you? You two are over and you live here now."

She looked up at John who was still standing in the same position.

"Did you really come all this way just for some answers?"

The truth was no, he'd come to talk to her and hopefully take her back with him but he couldn't tell her that now, not when she was looking at him like she was going to start crying and fall apart at the seams.

"Yes." he lied. "I just want some answers. I want to know what else there is between you and Shawn and why you think you're such a bad person."

Emma nodded and wiped her eyes. "Then will you leave?"

Another yes and another lie, once he knew the truth he'd find it impossible to leave Emma alone.

"I was raped." She stated simply as though it was the most normal thing in the whole thing, which was ironic seeing as how she'd been torn apart.

"By Shawn?"

"Yeah."

Before John could even process the information, Emma started talking again, she didn't want to give John time to react.

"I thought he'd leave me alone but somehow he found out I was pregnant and I sort of became his hostage. I never left his apartment and I was too scared to phone anyone, he hadn't hit me during the pregnancy but there was a first time for everything. Once the baby was born I'd be stuck with Shawn forever he knew it and every single day I prayed for my baby to die, then she did."

Another shrug as if it was nothing, but Emma wasn't looking at John.

"As soon as they gave me Halley I felt so guilty about how I'd felt because she was my daughter and I loved her. But there was something wrong, her lungs where undeveloped and she was really sick. I got to hold Halley twice before she died and that was it. She was three days old."

Emma left the sentence hanging like there was something else to add to it, but she didn't. She slid to the floor and John kneeled in front of her.

"Is that why you think you're a horrible person? Because she died?"

She nodded. "Its not just that though, its everything. I failed everyone, Halley, my family, you. I wanted to tell you everything but I thought you'd think…differently of me."

"How?"

"I don't know, but you should go now."

Emma tried to push him away but John grabbed her hands.

"Not without you."

"We're over, everything still stands. I can't let you get back with me."

"You can't stay here." John said. "Not like this. Come with me, everything will be ok."

John was right and wrong at the same time, Emma knew it. She couldn't stay there, not in a place she tried so hard to escape from but no matter what anyone told her she knew everything wasn't going to be ok.