Last One Out, Hit the Lights
[Season 1 Finale]
Grif, Patterson and Simmons stood atop Red Base. Lopez, visible in the background.
Simmons: Hey.
Grif: Yeah?
Patterson: Hmm?
Simmons: You ever wonder why we're here?
Patterson: Sometimes.
Grif: No. I never, ever, wonder why we're here. Semper Fi, bitch.
Patterson: Hehe
Church possesses Lopez.
Lopez: Keegakergerk!
Simmons: What? What's wrong with Lopez?
They turned to look at him.
Patterson: Hey Lopez, You Good?
Grif: I don't care.
Simmons: Hey, Lopez, uh.. you okay, man?
Church as Lopez: Aye, muchachos, necesito darles... un aviso... ¿Qué? ¿Por qué estoy hablando en español? ¡Yo no puedo hablar español!
[Guys, I need to give... you a... warning... What? Why am I speaking Spanish? I don't know Spanish!]
Simmons: Um... Sure...
Church: ¡No, no, escuchame! ¡La bruja los va a matar! ¡Ella está trabajando en el tanque!
[No, listen to me! The mean woman is going to kill you! She is fixing the tank!]
[BLUES]
Tucker: Aw, crap. Cunningham, she's almost done fixing Sheila. I better radio Church and tell him what's going on.
Cunningham: Jon, try and distract her!
Jonathan: Okay!
Jonathan walks away.
Caboose: Oh! Oh! Oh! Tucker, please! Please! Tucker! Tucker! Tucker! Tucker, please! Tuck-
Tucker: Yes, you can be the one who radios Church.
Caboose: Thanks, man. (turns on radio) Calling Church. Come in, Church. This is your close, personal friend, Private O'Malley.
Barrus: Wait... O'Malley?
Tucker: You said your name was Caboose.
Caboose: I never said that, you guys did!
Tucker: Why didn't you correct us?
Caboose: Because I didn't want to be difficult. (turns on radio... again) Come in, Private Church. Do you copy? Soldier unit Tex almost has the armor vehicle situation rectified. Okay. We require verification of your... mission...ness. (clears throat) How is your progression?
Church: (over radio) ¡Caboose! ¡Nadie aquí está escuchando mí! ¡No mas puedo hablar español!
[Caboose! No one here is listening to me! I can only speak Spanish for some reason!]
To Sheila
Sheila: Thank you for activating the M808V Main Battle Tank.
Scott: (still trapped on Sheila) Shit! Shit! OW OW OW! Help!
Tucker: Oh shit. We got trouble.
[REDS]
Church: Un tanque... grrrande!
Grif: Hey. I think if you're gonna live in this country, you should speak the language.
Sheila: (from a distance) Target locked.
Simmons: What country? We're on an alien planet.
Patterson: Wait... I thought this planet was colonized by the UNSC?
Grif: What're you, a communist?
Fong in the background with a hammer and sickle.
Fong: Did I hear...
He puts the two weapons together.
Fong: Communist?!
[BLUES]
Jonathan walks up to Tex, before Tex could move Sheila.
Scott: Oh hey Jon! (gets ignored) You too?
Jonathan: Hey Tex, did you know when you tie your heart on the moon, the moon tides tugs it?
Tex stops and turns to Jonathan.
Tex: (brief pause)… What?
Delirious What Counter: 1
Tex: You know what, never mind I don't have time for this.
Tex starts to move Sheila, causing agony to Scott.
Scott: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
Jonathan walks back to the other blues.
Jonathan: Well... It almost worked... Then it Didn't...
[REDS]
Sheila fires and hits the side of the Red Base.
Grif: Son of a bitch!
Simmons: Son of a bitch!
Church: ¡MADRE DE DIOS!
[SON OF A BITCH!]
Patterson: Son of a Shit!
[BLUES]
Tucker: Okay, I'm getting really sick of asking people what's going on through that sniper rifle.
Caboose: Church is getting mad at us.
Tucker: Ohhhhh.
Cunningham: Well that's a nice change of pace.
Scott stood up albeit shakingly.
Scott: I'm free! Ow!
[REDS]
Sarge: They attacked before us! Simmons, I'm coming around in the Warthog. Get ready to take the gunner position when I come by, Hanby aim your minigun at the tank, Fong get yer large red dotted pistol. And Patterson, don't die!
Simmons: Roger that.
Sheila fires.
Grif: I'll uh... I'll stay here.
Wine: What about me?!
Simmons: Yeah. Stay here, and guard this cement ramp. It's vital to our success.
Sarge skids near the base, Simmons hops on, and they take off.
Simmons: Alright, I'm on board.
Sarge: Alright, here's the plan-
Sheila fires and hits the rear passenger tire, blowing up the jeep and launching Sarge and Simmons.
Grif: Wow, back so soon? You guys win the war already?
Simmons: Yeah, uh, did you want to finish telling me the plan now, Sarge?
Sarge: If we survive this, I'm gonna kill both of ya. Slowly.
Grif: (kneeling down next to Simmons) Uh, hey, Simmons? By the way.. The ramp is secure.
Wine: Call an airstrike!
Patterson: The phone's not working!
[SHEILA]
Tex: Target the owl.
Sheila: There are now owls in the canyon, search another target.
Tex: The one in Amber.
Sheila: Amber spotted, Target locked. (fires)
[REDS]
Fong sees the shell approaching on to him fast.
Fong: Oh Shit!
He quickly dodges it... causing an explosion from the back... with a shockwave so big he dropped his comically large red-dotted gun
Donut: Hey, what're you guys doin' up here?!
Fong: (in the background) Oh Shit! the tank's targeting me!
Grif: That chick in the black armor's back!
Hanby: (in the background) That's karma BITCH!
Donut: What chick? The one that stuck the grenade to my head?
Fong: (background) AAAAAAHHHHHHH!
Fong tries to grab his comically large red-dotted pistol and fires, unfortunately misses by a large margin, blowing up the Toilet on the middle of blood gulch.
Fong: (background) Oh shit! I missed!
Grif: Toilet NOOOOO!
Simmons: That's the one.
Donut: The same chick whose fault it is that I'm stuck in this light red armor?
Patterson: Donut, I understand the need to safeguard your masculinity, but really, dude.. It's a whole lot faster just to say pink.
Donut: Ohho..! Oh, I been waiting for this. (runs up to the edge of the base and yells) Hey, bitch! Remember me!? I saved somethin' for ya!
Donut throws a grenade. Grif, Simmons, Patterson, Fong and Hanby are shown following its arc, then Church, then finally Cunningham, Jonathan, Barrus, Tucker and Caboose.
Tucker: Man... that girl's got a really good arm.
Jonathan nods in agreement, as Scott walks behind them.
Scotty: Fuck you guys!
The grenade lands right on Tex's chest inside the tank.
Tex: Aw, CRAP!
Donut: (yells, voice echoing) Hell yeah! Three points, ya dirty whore!
The grenade explodes.
Church: ¡Dios mío, no! (runs out of the base toward Tex) ¡Tejas, Tejas!
Grif: Uh, where's Lopez going?
Sarge: To fight the enemy head on, in hand-to-hand combat. Mano e mano. What a brave little compadre. Lopez, I never understood a word you said. But I do know one thing: You hated Grif, and that's the most important thing there is. Adios, amigo... Adios.
Simmons: Shouldn't we help him?
Patterson: I think we should..
Sarge: Naw... That would just ruin the moment.
Hanby: I think he's betraying us...
Sarge: Impossible! He would never do that...
Church over Tex's body.
Tex: Church, is that you? It-It's gone, Church. The A.I., it's gone. Thank you. Heeeee, bleah…
[BLUES]
Tucker: Crap. Church is gonna be pissed, and now he's got a body to kick our ass. Come on, Caboose, let's get back to base.
Caboose: I told you, my name isn't Caboose... (turns around and speaks in a deep voice) My name... is... O'Malley.
Cunningham: Yeah Yeah, whatever O'Man.
[SEASON 1 END]
[WE SHALL RETURN SOON]