Truths of the Heart Series, Part Two: All the Way
Author: Batdz Angel (0/)
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer or any of its characters. They are the property of Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy. This is just a way to honor them. And the song belongs to the beautiful Frank Sinatra.
Rating: PG-13
Pairings: Spuffy. Mentions of Tara/Willow and Anya/Xander.
Summary: Sometimes, you don't know what you need until your heart tells you. A songfic series for the lovely couple of Spuffy.
Season: Alternate Season Five ending/Season Six.
Author's Note: Second chapter, hope you guys are enjoying the series so far.
Buffy opened the crypt cautiously, peering into the darkness. Swallowing her nervousness, she called, "Spike! Are you here?"
Silence greeted her.
Chewing on her lip, the Slayer entered the crypt completely, leaving the door open behind her. She slipped over to the trapdoor that led to the lower level and opened it. Peering into the darkness, she fished into her coat pocket and pulled out the flashlight she had grabbed on her way out the door.
She hadn't seen Spike in a week and Dawn had requested her to check up on him, worried that his injuries might have bothered him more than he let on. So, Buffy had agreed to check his crypt and had made her way there after breakfast.
Lighting her way down, the Slayer jumped down nimbly and shone the light around.
The crypt was empty.
Her knees trembled as she realized that she hadn't been mistaken that night a week ago.
Spike had left.
Tears blurred her eyes and she wiped them away roughly as she shone her light around the dark room. Her eyes caught a flash of white and she moved forward, picking up wto slender white envelopes. Her name was scrawled on one and her sister's on the other. Stuffing them into her pocket, she scrambled up the ladder, and ran all the way home.
She entered her house quietly and left Dawn's letter in her sister's bedroom. Entering her own, she closed the door behind her and turned on her radio, sitting down on the bed. Turning the envelope over, she studied it for a moment and then slid her nail underneath the flap, breaking the glue easily. Unfolding creamy white stationary, she began to read.
Dearest Buffy,
As you may have guessed that night, I've decided to leave Sunnydale. It's getting to hard for me pet, living in a place I don't really belong. I can't be a man and I can't be a demon so I've opted to go and see the world on my own.
I doubt you'll miss me; in fact, I don't think any one of you will, except Dawn. I love her like she was my own sister Buffy, so please let her know she didn't do anything wrong. I didn't leave because of her or because of you. I left because it's gotten far too hard to stay on the outskirts of your little group...
Unnoticed, an old song began to play on the radio as tears filled Buffy's eyes.
"When somebody loves you
It's no good unless he loves you
All the way..."
I meant what I said that night. Before we faced Glory. You treat me like a man and that's more precious than any declaration of love. I love you Buffy, I truly do and it's not just an obsession. I love what you are, what you do, how you try. I love the best and worst of you.
Do you know what it is that I love most about you? Your smile. It's like the sun Buffy, did you know that? And I'm sorry that I never got to see it directed at me but it's not like I gave you reason enough to smile is it?
The last night I saw you, I wanted to make you smile. I wished I knew how but I didn't. I asked you to dance and you shot me down again. And I finally understood.
You don't love me.
"Happy to be near you
When you need someone to cheer you
All the way..."
I could blame anyone for you not loving me but I won't. A Slayer can't lower herself to loving a vampire. But I really thought we could work, pet. I would've done anything to make you happy...
I would've died for you that night we faced Glory. I was ready for it, you know? I've lived for so long and it just becomes a chore to wake up at times. I suppose it's my age catching up with me but I think it's more loneliness. I've spent all of my time as a vampire looking after someone and now...
I don't have Dru to look after anymore. Harmony isn't even an issue and you...
You're my sun, pet.
"Taller than the tallest tree is
That's how it's got to feel
Deeper than the deep blue sea is
That's how deep it goes, if it's real..."
You're my bloody sun. Shining, bright, and effulgent. I will love you until I'm dust pet.
That's a promise I'll keep.
I promised to protect the Bit and I haven't forgotten it. I'll keep in touch, write letters. Maybe even learn to use a computer and write an e-mail. Tell Red to keep an eye out, just in case. Tell Glinda I'll miss her too, she was always kind to me. Think she had a soft spot for the Big Bad...
"When somebody needs you
It's no good unless he needs you
all the way..."
I need you Buffy. I need you to just exist. Don't give up pet. You're a hell of a Slayer and I should know, yeah? I could never have killed you pet; you were my match in everything. I fell in love with you from the moment I saw you, I suppose...
I remember that night so clearly. You were dancing, all grace and power, and I knew you were different from the others. I knew you were more than the Slayer and when I realized you had connections, I knew my time was up. You were going to kill me...
And you did. Not with a stake but just by being yourself. Being Buffy.
"Through the good or lean years
And for all the in between years
Come what may..."
We've danced since that first night pet. You know it, deep down, and I knew it when I saw you stake that vampire. I knew that this would be the dance to finish me. I knew it and I wanted it...
It was a hell of a dance love. And even if I had known what would happen, what would occur, I wouldn't hesitate to do it all over again. I'd do it just to see your face, to hear your voice...
"Who knows where
The road will lead us
Only a fool would say..."
I loved every step we took, every parry, every turn. I loved every moment I had with you pet and I won't forget it, not even when the world's done for.
I love you Buffy Anne Summers.
And it's real.
"But if you let me love you
It's for sure I'm gonna love you
All the way..."
That's all I wanted to say.
Always Yours,
Spike
The letter slipped from her grasp and Buffy stared numbly at the paper as it floated to the floor. She rubbed a hand across her eyes and bit back a sob as her bedroom door flew open, admitting her sister.
"What did you do?" Dawn shrieked, her blue eyes red-rimmed and her cheeks red. "Why did he leave? Buffy?"
"Dawnie..." Buffy didn't have a reply. What could she say?
"I hate you," Dawn cried fresh tears spilling down her face. "You couldn't even give him a chance, could you? You and the others just didn't want to face the fact that you were all wrong about Spike and now he's gone!"
"Dawn," Buffy tried to calm her sister down but Dawn stepped back from her.
"Just because he isn't human," she spat her eyes flaring with pain and anguish. "Doesn't mean he wasn't good. Angel's a vampire and the only reason he's good is because of his soul. And you hate that Spike can love you without one and Angel can't." Her lips trembled as she spat, "And I think it's stupid and it's unfair."
Spinning, she left the room, yelling, "And I hope you're happy. You made him leave."
Numb, Buffy sank down onto her mattress and cried.
End Part Two.