Truths of the Heart Series, Part Five: Everything
Author: Batdz Angel (0/)
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer or any of its characters. They are the property of Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy. This is just a way to honor them. And the song belongs to Lifehouse.
Rating: PG-13
Pairings: Spuffy. Mentions of Tara/Willow and Anya/Xander.
Summary: Sometimes, you don't know what you need until your heart tells you. A songfic series for the lovely couple of Spuffy.
Season: Alternate Season Five ending/Season Six.
Author's Note: Fifth chapter. Review please!
It burned.
He didn't know how long he'd lain in the cave, how long he'd stayed there, trying to block out the sounds of the screams and whispers. He crawled on his belly towards the small tribe and remembered only the sounds of voices in a language he didn't know calling to him...
He awoke, half mad and half sane, managing to make it back to London. He stayed in his hotel room, craving blood but knowing he couldn't drink any because he couldn't, no matter what, hurt the girl. He sat for weeks, staring at the walls, and willed the voices to go away.
He wrote letters, knowing his Bit would worry and knowing his Sun would wonder. He wrote but didn't send them, too afraid that they wouldn't understand what he had done...
Find me here,
Speak to me,
I want to feel you,
I need to hear you...
He managed to sneak onto a barge in dock, heading towards Mexico. Once there, he contacted Clem, rambling to him over the phone what had happened and begging him to come for him.
He did, within a few days, worry written on his face as he took in the state of the vampire.
"Oh Spike," he said with a quiet sigh. "What did you do?"
You are the light
That's leading me
To the place where
I find peace again...
Clem bundled him up, tucking him into the car he had brought, the motorcycle having been left in New York. The floppy-eared demon promised him to find it and bring it to Sunnydale. Spike huddled up into a ball in the backseat, rocking back and forth as he mumbled to himself.
Clem drove, slowly, knowing that he couldn't really help the vampire.
After all, what did he know about having a soul?
You are the strength
That keeps me walking
You are the hope
That keeps me trusting..
Spike's mind was racing.
He could see that little girl he had told Dawn about. Large, liquid brown eyes and russet curls, innocence written in her flesh, in her blood. She had struggled and then died, with Dru's and his own fangs buried in her flesh...
He howled as he remembered how she had shed tears...
So many tears, like his Bit had cried on the tower as Doc cut her...
You are the life
To my soul
You are my purpose
You are everything...
He saw the two Slayers he had killed, seen the acceptance in their eyes as they fought with him. Felt them die in his arms as he drank from their blood but then when he dropped them to the floor, he saw golden hair and tan skin...
He saw Buffy, lying there, with accusation written in her gorgeous eyes...
His Slayer...
And how can I
stand here with you
And not be moved by you?
He saw all the victims, the men and women and children he had killed over the years, the swath of blood he had cut across the world. He saw Angelus beating and dominating him, saw himself hurting Drusilla for her own pleasure...
Saw his Slayer die at his hand.
He could feel William cower in the corner of his mind, the demon quiet at the guilt and pain. William sobbed, tears spilling down his pink cheeks as he scratched at the blood on his hands and the demon whimpered in pain as the scratches appeared on its claws. The demon and the man both stared at each other, blue meeting gold, and then curled up side by side as they allowed the guilt to drown them.
"Mustn't be found," Spike mumbled startling Clem. "Dropped my board in a puddle. The chalk ran..."
Would you tell me
How could it be
Any better than this?
Clem rubbed his eyes wearily as he pulled into the graveyard. Gently, he carried his friend into the crypt, ignoring the soft whimpers the vampire emitted. Settling him down in the lower level, he clambered back up and closed the trap door, figure he would go and see the Slayer in the morning.
What he'd tell her, he didn't know but he knew she was the only Spike would react too. Hopefully, she wouldn't stake him on sight...
With that, Clem fell into a restless sleep.
You calm the storms
You give me rest
You hold me in your hands
You won't let me fall...
The next morning, the demon went to see Buffy. Disappointedly, she wasn't home so he loped across town towards the Magic Box. Entering the store through the back, he paused as he saw the group of humans sitting around the table, books open.
"Um, excuse me?" he said timidly.
You still my heart
And you take my breath away...
The Slayer was out of her seat before he could blink and he squeaked as Anya let out a cry of, "Buffy, wait!"
The Slayer paused and Clem opened one eye as he said, "Thanks Anya..." who smiled back in return. Clem coughed and said, "I'm a friend of Spike's..."
Buffy's eyes widened as she let him go and Clem straightened up, wiping his hands on his shirt. He scratched the back of his neck and said, "I just wanted to let you know about him."
"Is he home?" Buffy demanded and Clem winced slightly at her harsh tone.
Would you take me in?
Would you take me deeper now?
"Kind of," he said. "He's...well, he's pretty bad Slayer."
"Buffy," the blonde girl said. "Call me Buffy." She wrapped her arms around her middle and said quietly, "How bad is he?"
Clem hesitated but upon seeing the desperation in Buffy's eyes, he sighed. "Okay," he said quietly. "He's...kind of crazy right now."
And how can I
stand here with you
And not be moved by you?
At the look on her face, Clem said quickly, "Not Drusilla crazy but crazy crazy. But then again, I guess that's supposed to be expected right? What with him having a soul and all."
"What?" Buffy said in a tiny voice and Clem groaned, smacking his head. "Sorry!" he said hastily. "I didn't mean to tell you about that until I got you to the crypt." He shuffled his feet and added, "I thought you'd want to see him but..."
He looked up and blinked.
Buffy was gone.
Would you tell me
How could it be
Any better than this?
She ran; her legs pumping, arms at her sides as she flew through the city towards the crypt. She didn't feel the wind flying past her, the full power of her Slayer abilities pouring out of her in her worry.
She paused in front of the crypt, her hand pressed against the door. Swallowing the lump in her throat, she pushed it open and slipped inside. Looking around, she frowned and then spotted the trap door. Lifting it up, she peered down in the darkness and said, hesitantly, "Spike?"
"Got to hide," came the reply. "Killed the girl. Hurt the Bit. Evil, disgusting thing..."
She jumped down into the lower level and bit back a cry of alarm. A figure was huddled in the corner, wearing dirty clothing, knees up to his chest and arms wrapped tightly around himself as he rocked back and forth, whispering, "Hurt the Bit. Killed the girl. Hurt the Bit. Killed the girl..."
"Spike?" she whispered stepping forward gingerly.
'Cause you're all I want
You are all I need
You are everything
Everything...
His head shot up to meet her eyes and she felt her knees grow weak at the anguish written in his eyes. His hair was long and the bleach had grown out, the honey blonde color throwing her off for a moment. That wasn't the vampire she knew looking at her.
"Hurt the Bit," he said. "Killed the girl." He dropped his gaze and murmured, "Slayer of Slayers. Deserve to burn..."
"Oh, Spike," Buffy fought back tears.
And how can I
stand here with you
And not be moved by you?
Slowly, she moved herself over to him and touched his arm gently. His fist shot out, cracking against her jaw and Buffy winced in pain as Spike shrieked, "Killed the girl! Killed the girl! Hurt her, my precious girl..."
She worked her jaw slowly as she coughed. Gently, she touched Spike again, catching his fist and whispered, "Spike?"
He refused to look at her, eyes tightly shut, and she said softly, "William?"
Blue eyes shot up to meet hers and she fought back tears. "I'm right here," she whispered fiercely. "I'm not hurt. You haven't hurt me or Dawn."
Would you tell me
How could it be
Any better than this?
"Buffy?" he whispered as tears spilled down his cheeks. She swallowed and touched his face, following the curve of his face as he closed his eyes, nuzzling her palm as a purr rumbled from deep inside his chest. "Yeah?"
"The spark burns," he sobbed raggedly and she finally let the tears fall.
End Part Five