The Four-Word Story #1
By The Beta Site.
Daniel Jackson was in a hut near the pool, flirting with chicks in thong bathing suits. Daniel asked the question: "You chicks want drinks? Because I certainly do."
Daniel walked over to buy some drinks when Teal'c came rushing over and said, "Hey, Daniel... those females require clothing... ...and are actually Goa'ulds... or are they tok'ra?"
"Rubbish, Teal'c! I know they can't be because they are such hotties, with massive rocket launchers pointed at your head."
"Daniel Jackson, lets go kill each other, now."
Teal'c slashed Daniel's neck and Daniel fell dead for the second time... or was it seventy-second?
Meanwhile, Teal'c imploded in a massive outrage and ran into the after life where evil beavers waited to chew him alive because they hated him due to him being a complete wiener. So he started crying because he's a sensitive guy, and he just killed his best friend, who loved him so much because of his shiny tattoo, which was made from molten, gold and cheese... I mean, mouldy cheese, which was so delicious that Daniel tried to eat. Even though he died,
he woke up and went to the toilet, because he was dead so long that he had to hold his fart in for so long that it turned into a solid.
Unfortunately, Teal'c died while he was dancing his way to a place, which was very strange and Mystical. It was called THE UNDERWORLD OF DAVIS FANS. All the crazy Davis fans seized Daniel and threw him off a giant statue of Davis; that was how Daniel came to be a giant purple monkey dishwasher.
When Sam saw him, she screamed and exploded into a bunch of little tiny polka dots. Pulling out his accordion, Teal'c sung to a rocking' salsa beat, while spinning around on his DDR machine with Jack. Meanwhile Daniel rampaged around washing purple monkeys and stomping on people's heads. Jack finally got tired and sat down; only there was a pin in his backside, which can be painful.
Therefore, it all turned out to be a mistake, which is a really bad thing, I guess... unless you count the time I went and caught a really big alligator... Where's my arm? Is the question on your mind, since you're the one who said we should buy a baby alligator and call it "Jimmy"? Who knew it would bite my friend's arm off, and sneeze on his leg?
Now it happened that my friend was sad, because he lost his arm, and got sick of eating Easy Mac, so he decided to go out on the town for dinner consisting of spinach and roasted armadillo. So after he had finished he decided that someone could make for him A LARGE WOODEN BADGER!!
After it was finished, Teal'c went shopping and bought a cute pink dress for His pet camel. The camel's name was potato head, because it's head looked like a giant potato with potato-sized eyes and a waffle brain with syrup for blood. He then decided that Jack tasted like a tasty, tasty thing.
Then Sam decided to go into the SGC with a giant novelty hammer. She hit Hammond with it so that he yelled in pain and pointed at Sam, because she hit him, and then laughed at his big baldhead. She thought it was really shiny and funny so she polished it at once with her magic polishing cloth.
Then Jack grabbed the novelty hammer which was made by Major Davis's little helpers who were all the creepy, crazy people that they were, and they decided to make a oven to cook Daniels sweet sweet candy bars with melted chocolate, which they were going to reshape to look like a big muffin. But Davis's helpers were just so hungry that they ate Daniel. So the police were after the naughty elves but the elves hid, eluding them by starting a nightclub for really retarded snakes. Then Jack went to the club and ordered a chocolate covered glass full of yellow jackets, which are big enough for a wonderful fashion statement. Too many people are not fashion savvy.
So Jack picked up a snake before you can say, "Jtutheizo!" (Which, most people can't, because it's a crazy made-up word with God knows how many ways to pronounce it, and nobody knows what is the right way to pronounce it, much less know what it really means). Anyhoo, the snake decided to bite Jack on his spleen, but Jack had his spleen removed. So the snake was very upset and began chewing on a plastic cup, because he was angry and very thirsty.
Meanwhile on the planet Vort, Carter and Zim were dancing with a giant television set with a plasma screen and 50 bazillion little buttons, none of which are useful in any way because they were damaged by Davis's little helpers. But Davis's little helpers felt sorry, so they made it up to Sam by taking apart the remote and putting it in the toilet and flushing it down, but it got stuck so the water squirted all over the floor. Then the toilet began to explode, so they all ran out and had a party with awesome music like blink 182 and H.I.M and some maroon five and Green Day.
Then Jack and Teal'c sacrificed a horse to a mysterious person named Conan The Tiny Frog, who looked much like George Bush. So everyone avoided him and went to the pub to drink Jack Daniels and party with the fishes and flirt with the really hot girls. However, they got a little drunk, and did the most unbelievable thing, which I would love to think of as something that once happened.
Anyway, they were walking really slowly to the bar (which looked really fancy), and the barman asked what they wanted to wear on their heads. But they said they were happy with their hair and wanted it left as it was. The bartender wanted them all to wear something that would show their bones, but he didn't have anything with the certain material that would show that, so he gave them all jellybeans and cactuses. But this really confused the little girl going to school with her pet monkey and her big fat sheep dog. The bartender said "Hey! You're too young to be hanging around here's wallet and keys are confusing me large..."
The young girl then pulled out a gun while skipping. She pointed the gun at the bogyman, yelling at him incoherently while doing the hippy dance she learned at the village down the hill and across the ally way in the woods near grandma's house, which is down the lane in a little tree. But the tree fell over and smashed all the windows, where Sam's grandmother had planted magical beans which grew into the tree's branches and were soon dead due to poison released from the beans that Jack had inserted secretly in case of something big had happened like what just happened.
Sam said to Jack, "I wish I could've eaten all those vegetables," but before the bean incident, she didnt want to eat the vegetables. But Jack shoved them down his mouth then puked them up in Sam's bedroom, which used to be Jack's room, but switched when he moved out, due to Sam moving in to it because her house burnt down, and she needed someplace to have a party. S
he asked Jack and me to come and didn't forget to pick-up Jtutheizo as well Jack. Then they headed off to the bottle shop to buy a bottle for a Teal'c to get him to help out at the gardening show which was being held on Teal'c's birthday, which is tomorrow. "Oh crap! Better buy a cake and rent Starwars again, or not rent, but buy the boxed set as a present that he'll watch many times more then nine, so he can do the hippy shake after he gets lost in the casino, because he spends all his money on dolls, and yummy fast worms."
Then Teal'c found a chainsaw, and started cutting up all of the streamers and balloons at the casino. He left to join his party in bedroom number 4, where he slammed open the trunk near the bed and got out a favourite hippy outfit that was quite revealing. "Wow," he thought as he did the hollahoo in front of the mirror the bedroom that was covered in cobwebs and had seen better days. But there was a cyclone and he felt very sick so he phoned Dr Frazier to ask for her opinion on sickness. But she was on the toilet so she was gone for a while, and it took all evening.
So he had to wait while she was on for dinner with her date. He got bored so he paged her and ran away screaming "KREE! arrhhh...KREE KREE..KREE!" he shouted, but then Master Bra'tac came to stop him. Bra'tac jumped up onto a chair because he saw mice, and he's been afraid of mice ever since he got locked in a cupboard by an evil little girl named Benny-Benny Jo Kenny III and her pet mice nibbled his toes. Then Bra'tac dived into a nearby hole hidden by a fat donkey, which was even uglier than a bullfrog but cuter than a bummed horse that craps almost every fifty yards. But Jack didn't really notice all this because Sam was unusually pretty that day with her Invader Zim tee and hot pink pants that screamed, "NO FASHION SENSE!!"
But Sam was ignoring Major Davis, because he didn't look like a decent human being, because of his large and unsightly nose. But not just that; also his eyes bothered her in a way because they stuck out in seven different directions, and blended in with his camouflage boils. Altogether, he wasn't a pretty sight and had green moles on his hands. Also, his banana nose (which looked ridiculous) was sticking out of his behind, which Sam may have thought was weird, because she was laughing at Davis; he looked like a monkey eating a comically misshapen radish. But he vomited it into an acoustic guitar that Daniel was playing just because he wanted to sing for the ceremony that was being held in honour of the good old General, who sold his undies for 3 dollars to a small Japanese dog which had no eyes because he got into a fight with a tiny big foot which had a big mole hair on its behind.
"You are behind alot," said Teal'c to Daniel. Then he remembered that it was bogyman day so Sam had to blow her nose, which was really gross because her boogers got really sticky and were causing a blockage in the nostril. So they called the fire departments, who were part time, but they sent an elephant with a big nose to help get a cupcake. Due to its nose being so big, they couldn't fit it in her car, what with the monkey and the clowns. There were twenty of them, but they were not funny at all.
So Teal'c joined the Navy because he was a sailor at heart and slightly camp too. Teal'c thought it would be very scary. Was he very confused? I believe so, but not so much confused as scary, because he had a really, really big gun which was a water pistol that made noises like a weasel. And he said, "I'm a hippapotimisssespip," and he laughed like a monkey eating a half eaten pasty on a stick.
A little friend of the pie club gave out free pies for those naughty children who like to eat poo for their dinner, which doesn't taste nice, but this poo had alot of poo poo, due to it being made of poo poo, but it had spices, so it didnt taste nice, but still excellent. And they all ate the poo with no forks.
Then, the old pie was ditched at the altar for a speedy getaway. They ran to the third moon of the third planet in the third galaxy. They landed on the island that belonged to King Rum Tum Tum and drank to his daughter, who was getting married to Mr Burns (who is really in "The Simpsons," but he has a machine that allows him to switch TV shows).
Now Mr. Burns likes Weddings, as he can get presents from all the rich and famous guests who come to get drunk and eat yellow squares that Thor cooks just for the occasion. In fact, Thor loves to cook because he is so multitalented, but he loves to cook more than anything because it makes him feel special.
Jack, however, loves to fish, as he catches chocolate on his hook constantly. He has a pig named Mr. Francis Pig, who oinks all night unless he gets chocolate shoved up his nose. But the RSPCA never seems to care anymore. They just eat the animals and throw up anyway, because they hate fur getting stuck up their behinds, coz it's hard like a hard piece stuck up their noses.
But they started bleeding, coz they didnt have any tissues to wipe their behinds coz they have poo stuck to their eyes and ears and behinds due to a pooing festival being held at Jacks place, with mouldy sauce in the toilet. There was toilet paper was thrown everywhere and they all lived happily ever after.... the end!