Heart and Soul

Author's note: This is a missing scene from 'Letters to Pegasus' after the briefing when John and Teyla return to Atlantis.

Elizabeth Weir watched the team file out slowly from the briefing room, the mood somber as each one retreated into their dark thoughts, the latest news of the impending attack managing to infect every member of the personnel. She glanced again at John Sheppard, the heartbreaking look on his face indicating he witnessed something no human should ever have to see. He stood up slowly, letting out a small sigh as he walked toward Elizabeth and the doorway.

But Elizabeth didn't want to let him go just yet. He stopped and looked at her, and she realised John probably wasn't ready for what she was about to suggest. But, she reminded herself, if it was going to be done, it had to be done now. Before all hope was lost.

"Lieutenant Ford has just finished recording personal messages from all the team members. If you would like-?" She broke off, looking at him, as his broken eyes wondered away, old pain surfacing and reflecting off his already pain filled expressive brown eyes.

"I'm good." He answered, too quickly. There was nothing Elizabeth wanted to do more then to throw her arms around him and comfort him, but the pain of sending a message to Simon –her boyfriend- built a solid emotional barrier. She pretended to shrug it off.

"Okay...well, along with a message of my own, I took the liberty of recording messages to the families of the people we've lost." John nodded and looked back, and Elizabeth realised she had never heard John speak of someone back on Earth.

And for a strange reason, it comforted her.

"That's a good idea." Taking a large breath, she hoped he wouldn't snap at the idea she was about to suggest.

"But there's one in particular I thought maybe you'd like to do yourself." She said slowly, making sure she caught his eyes and gave him a meaningful look. His shoulders slumped slightly and his eyes seemed to break that little bit more and she felt herself draw in large breaths, her own eyes springing with unshed tears. He looked at her and she quickly looked away as he slowly nodded, turning to walk away, his feet dragging behind him.

"John…" She said, unable to stop herself as he walked away. He stopped and turned around, and she felt her heart tear slightly. "It's going to be alright."

It wasn't, his eyes answered her. The single tear that slowly ran down his cheek as he pretended it wasn't there told her he didn't agree, and in her heart she knew he was right.

It wasn't going to be alright.

As he turned and hurriedly walked away, Elizabeth knew they could all die.

And she found it unacceptable.

Following John, she watched as he entered one of the large rooms with Ford, he leaned against the table and looked into the camera, his face glum, and in Elizabeth's eyes, looking like a young boy who had just lost everything.

He began to speak and Elizabeth leaned against the wall.

"Elizabeth?"

The voice startled her, and she looked to her right, spotting McKay looking at her quizzically.

"Aren't you supposed to be sending the message to Earth?" She asked, standing taller and attempting to appear casual.

Rodney narrowed his eyes suspiciously.

"I was about to. I just wanted to come and see that you were alright before I did."

Elizabeth nodded briskly.

"Well, I'm fine. You know, you should really go send that message now…"

The scientist looked at her, before leaning over and looking through the window. He pulled back and shook his head.

"Elizabeth," He said, grasping one of her hands in his, "You should tell the emotionally absent Major how you feel about him."

"What are you suggesting?" Her trembling voice overruling her attempted harsh tones, "It would be totally inappropriate for a ranking military officer and his boss to…"

McKay held up his hand, stemming her stuttering words.

"Don't kid yourself Elizabeth. No one else is fooled."

He nodded and turned, walking hurriedly away as Elizabeth sighed and slowly sunk to the floor, watching through the window as the video ended.

Ford ambled past slowly, carrying the tripod and camera, totally oblivious to the woman still sitting on the floor blocking half the corridor. It was only as he reached the end of the hall that he realised and looked back, but the hall was empty.

"John?" She watched in silent anticipation as she walked toward his hunched figure, his shoulders hunched and his back facing her. She frowned as she noticed his shoulders were shaking slightly, wracked with silent sobs.

He was crying.

"John?" She whispered, walking toward him. His arms quickly attempted to wipe away the tears as his back straightened. She crossed the room in three strides and sat quietly beside him wrapping her arms around his shoulders. He leaned into her embrace and with her hand, she wiped the hair from his forehead, leaning down and kissing his hair.

"I love you John." She whispered as his quiet sobs subsided. His arms went around her middle and he nodded mutely. After a few minutes he looked up at her.

"I love you too."

And she saw just then, not Major Sheppard. Not military Sheppard. Not crude, calculating John Sheppard. Not John Sheppard who can kill in an instant, but John. Just John.

And she had never seen anything more beautiful.

Fin.

(Continues to the next episode)