If I Should Die Before I Wake
Chapter 5
Explanations
Disclaimer: The characters in this story were created by JK Rowling, not me.
---
How do you pick up the fragments of an old life? How do you go back to the way things were, when in your heart, you know… there is no going back. Some scars are too great; some wounds run too deep.
Frodo Baggins, Lord of the Rings
---
Harry lay in his hospital bed, sleeping in exhaustion from his grief. He had just found out that Remus and Dumbledore were dead.
Not one tear had fallen from his bright emerald eyes. Not one drop had splashed onto the bedspread.
When Hermione expressed her concern of his lack of emotions to Anne, she just nodded knowingly.
"I won't tell you that everything is okay, Hermione," said Anne, "because it's not. He is in a deep shock right now. It might take him days to truly realize and accept what has happened."
The four friends each had different opinions on how to break the rest of the news to Harry.
"We should wait a while before we tell him anything else," Ron explained. "I mean, look how shocked he was this time… we should tell him something new once a week to allow him time to adjust."
Draco looked as if this was a bad idea. "That's horrible! Then he'll be depressed for a month! Best to get all the news over with at once, then he'll be alright after a few days…"
Hermione seemed to agree with Draco. "No offense, Ron, but I like Draco's idea better. We want this over as soon as possible, don't we? Just don't do it all at once, though. Do it over a couple days… and make sure to tell some good news in between the bad news," was her proposal.
Ginny had hardly anything to say. "Either way is going to be hard on Harry. Just make sure all sharp or potentially dangerous objects are out of the room in case he wants to murder himself."
Draco and Ron chuckled nervously, but Ginny glared at them fiercely. "I am serious, guys. Do you have any idea of theshit that he's going through? NO, you DON'T! So just shut your face and show some sensitivity!!! I don't see either of you rushing in to explain everything to him, so just shut the bloodyfu-"
It was Draco's turn to be upset. "Oh yeah? You want me to just stroll in there? I'm sure that would go well!! 'Oi, Potter, it's Malfoy, and you're not supposed to bepissed at me anymore.' I'm sure that would sit well with him."
Hermione had had enough. "SHUT UP, the two of you! I know this is difficult, but let's not let it tear us apart."
Draco and Ginny sat down on the bench.
"I'm sorry, Ginny," Draco said genuinely.
"No, Draco, I'm the one who should be sorry."
---
Two days later, Ginny arrived to visit Harry and saw that his eyes were red and puffy, and his cheeks were wet. She immediately asked him what was the matter.
"D-Dumbledore, and-and Remus," he sobbed. "They're really gone."
Ginny just nodded. He finally realized it, she thought.
She looked at Harry's face and noticed the boy beneath the man. Although his body was grown up, he was sobbing like a little boy. Poor boy, Ginny thought. He was forced to grow up so quickly. She loved him so much. She loved his eyes, his smile, his hair… and she loved the man he had become. Filled with love and compassion, Ginny reached out and pulled Harry into a hug.
He gladly returned her embrace. They sat there holding each other for a while, and then Ginny pulled away. Harry wouldn't admit it, but he wanted to hold her, to have her forever. He felt alive again in her arms. Little did he know, but she felt the same way.
Days passed, and Harry had many well-wishers and visitors. Among them was a group that was part of the Order.
Harry saw the huge group approaching and sat up quickly as the door opened, bumping his head on the headboard of his bed. He winced.
"Wotcher, Harry," said Tonks with a wink. She currently had long, straight, black hair with pink highlights, which were accented with her pink sparkly eyeshadow and hot pink belt. She was wearing a black and pink polka dotted t-shirt with washed out flared jeans.
"Tonks!" Harry cried happily. "Wow, you match perfectly today."
"Sure do," she said with another wink. "I try my best, you see, because last time I had purple hair, green shirt, khakis, a black belt, a…"
"Er, that sounds great, but why don't you discuss your fashion… erm, issues, with Hermione or Ginny? I'm not exactly the man for the job," said Harry quickly.
Tonks laughed. "It's alright. Just got a bit carried away with myself, you see."
Then Harry spotted Bill and Charlie there, each with a girl. Bill was with Fleur, and Charlie's girlfriend was not familiar to Harry.
"Bill, Charlie! I see you've found yourselves girlfriends!" Harry said.
The two girls looked at each other, embarrassed. Harry swiftly apologized. "Sorry. It's just, last thing I knew, well, you know…"
Fleur nodded. "Do not worry about zat, Harry. Zis is Lily," she said, gesturing toward Charlie's girlfriend.
Charlie spoke. "I met her doing work with dragons. We both love to work with them as much as we love each other."
"Nice to meet you, Lily," Harry said politely, trying to make up for the embarrassment he might have caused her. "So, are you two married?"
They glanced at each other. "Well, not yet," Lily said with a grin. "Soon."
Harry put on a horrified look. "You mean, you let your baby brother marry before you, Charlie? I'm ashamed!"
Charlie laughed. "Ah, yes, I admit it. But they have been in love for many years. We just met each other a year ago."
"Fleur and I are married, though," Bill said proudly, holding her hand. She smiled. "Two years ago."
"That's wonderful!" Harry said.
Kingsley Shacklebolt and Dedalus Diggle smiled at him, as did all the other Order Members. Then Harry spotted Snape in the back. He appeared to be trying to hide himself. Well, Harry wasn't exactly thrilled to see him either, so he didn't acknowledge him. Obviously, since the whole Order was coming, Snape was required to come.
Mrs. Weasley was there again, and this time, Mr. Weasley had come too. He was on a cane. Harry didn't want to appear rude, but nonetheless he stared at the cane. Mr. Weasley wasn't that old, so why did he need a cane?
Mr. Weasley must have seen Harry staring, because he smiled grimly. "Ah, Harry, just got hit by a nasty little spell during the great battle, that's all." Mrs. Weasley shot him a warning glance, but it was too late.
Harry frowned. "That's the second time I've heard of this 'great battle.' Can someone please explain to me what it is?"
All the Order Members shifted slightly in their stances, obviously uncomfortable. Nobody wanted to be the one to tell Harry about the great battle. The room was utterly silent.
Finally Mr. Weasley spoke. "I guess since nobody else wants the honors of explaining this, then I will because it's my fault that I brought it up. Anyone want to explain? I'm sure a whole lot of you could do it better than I." When no one spoke up, Mr. Weasley began.
"Well, Harry, in your 7th year, the Order heard a rumor that Voldemort was hiding only a few miles away from Hogwarts, planning an assault on the school within a few days."
Harry cut in. "Who's Voldemort?" he asked, though he thought he might have heard the name before.
A hush fell over the Order. Everyone exchanged shocked glances.
"Oh, Harry, you don't remember You-Know-Who?" asked Dedalus Diggle, horrified.
"Dedalus, the war is over, and Voldemort is dead. There is no reason to be still calling him 'You-Know-Who' and such names anymore. We have discussed this, Dedalus…" Mr. Weasley said in an exasperated voice.
"Of course, Minister, of course."
Harry's mouth fell open. "You're the minister of magic, Mr. Weasley?!"
Mr. Weasley smiled. "Why, yes I am."
Harry grinned. "That's wonderful!" Then his grin faded. "So about this Voldemort guy…"
Mr. Weasley's smile vanished in the blink of an eye. "Erm, yes, Voldemort. He is an evil wizard, Harry. When you were a baby, he murdered your parents and then tried to kill you. But he couldn't. Something about you stumped him that night."
Harry gasped. "I remember! I dreamed about that while I was sleeping!"
Mr. Weasley was shocked. Usually bouts of amnesia lasted much longer than when the memory was first mentioned.
"Well, go on!" Harry said excitedly. "Tell me of another time I met Voldemort!"
"Well, perhaps my son Ronald might be better fit to-"
"I'm here, Dad."
Ron had appeared by the door. Mr. Weasley looked mortified.
"This was a meeting for the former Order, Ronald Weasley!" he practically yelled. "And you, may I remind you, were NOT part of that Order!"
"Well, I overheard you talking," Ron said casually. "I'd like to thank Fred and George for that."
The twins beamed. "Using the old Extendable Ears, eh, bro? I always knew they'd come back!" said Fred.
"Remember the days, Fred…" George said dreamily. "Listening into Order meetings with the sacred things-"
"Now that's enough!" Mrs. Weasley cut in sharply. "Well, dear, if you want to explain to Harry, I'm sure you know more than I do."
Ron sat on the edge of Harry's bed. "Well, er, I only would have been there in your first year, Harry…"
"And I was there for your second," a voice cut in.
Harry smiled as Ginny had appeared by the door.
"THAT'S IT! I WILL NOT HAVE ANY OTHERS IN THIS ROOM! Arthur would you please go make sure no others are listening in?" Mrs. Weasley roared.
After a moment Mr. Weasley was back. "I shooed them away; but it was only Hermione and Draco after all…"
Mrs. Weasley cleared her throat loudly, but again, it was too late.
"Draco? Draco Malfoy???" Harry asked suspiciously.
"Well, yes, dear. Draco Malfoy indeed," Mrs. Weasley forced a smile, and immediately attempted to redirect the conversation in another direction. "So, Ronald, would you care to explain things to Harry?"
For the first time since he woke up, Harry looked truly angry. "I will not have that Slytherin git near this room!" he said in a strained voice, a failed attempt not to lose his temper.
"Oh, please Harry, he's not that bad anymore… he helped our side a lot in the war."
"Hermione? What are you doing here?" Mr. Weasley cried in despair, because obviously his attempt to 'shoo them away' hadn't worked for long. He would've yelled louder, but Hermione was not yet his child… though she would soon be his daughter-in-law.
"Sorry Mr. Weasley. Let's just say the outdated Extendable Ears have been replaced. I wasn't listening in, but when I saw Draco's face… well, I couldn't help it," Hermione admitted, her face turning red.
Fred and George were delighted. "Miss Granger being naughty? I thought I'd never see the day!" George beamed at her.
Fred was grinning. "So they really worked, did they? Brilliant little things. Much better than the Extendable Ears, I must admit, though those were a classic…"
Mrs. Weasley was as furious as her husband. "What are these 'little things'? TELL ME RIGHT NOW! Honestly, you two will never learn!"
The twins shrugged. "Not important right now," Fred mumbled.
"Yes, you'll find out soon enough," George said.
Hermione tried to bring order back to the room. Harry looked overwhelmed and hadn't spoken for a while.
"Everyone, please? Can we just get through this; I think Harry is utterly confused right now."
"Hell, yeah!" Harry said loudly.
Hermione looked nervous. "Well, Harry, please don't be mad. You need to know… Draco? Draco, please," she called down the hall.
Pause.
"No, I'm sure it'll be fine."
A longer pause.
"Draco, just come in here this instant. I will take no more of your nonsense."
An even longer pause.
"Draco, don't make me hex you!"
A very short pause and then a blonde haired man appeared by in the doorway, looking very frightened.
"Hello, Harry," Draco Malfoy said hesitantly.
"Hello, Malfoy," Harry said rather coldly.
Draco turned slightly red, and then looked to Hermione for assistance. But someone else came to his rescue.
"Oh, honestly, Potter, could you just stop being such an insufferable prat?"
Severus Snape had decided to make his appearance.
Harry was completely speechless. Of course Snape had always favored Draco Malfoy in school, but he had encouraged the conflict between them. Now he wanted them to become friends?
Once the shock wore off, he glared at Snape. "Oh yeah? You expect me to become friends with the person who insulted me and my friends all throughout school? And I'm supposed to believe that crap from the person that always put me down because of my father, who, I am happy to say, I AM DAMN WELL PROUD OF!"
Snape looked just as shocked. He was seething. "I favored Draco because I thought he had a chance! I knew that there was a chance he wouldn't become a Death Eater like his father! Believe me, Potter, I know what it's like. I wanted to keep him on our side before it was too late!"
Before Harry could speak, Hermione cut in. "I think Draco should take up the story from here."
Draco spoke rather quietly, and Harry noticed a change in him. He was still not prepared to accept his childhood enemy, but at least he was willing to listen to him.
"I didn't know how else to treat you guys. My father taught me no other way to treat people than to bully them and make their lives miserable. Crabbe and Goyle were only my friends because they were afraid of me.
"One day, when I was visiting my father's house over the holidays, and he said we needed to go somewhere. I told him, 'Go yourself, I'm going to take a nap,'" or something along those lines.
"So I went to sleep, and then next thing I knew, I had woken up in a dark place, staring into the red eyes of Lord Voldemort. I soon realized that I had the Dark Mark on my arm and I was his newest Death Eater.
"I went back to Hogwarts proud of being a Death Eater. But in the back of my mind… I was worried. I had never really dreamed of being a servant of Lord Voldemort. That was my father's dream, not mine.
"Soon enough, Dumbledore, God rest his soul, found out. He called me to his office and questioned me. He said, 'Draco, I can tell that you are unsure of being a Death Eater.'
"I admitted that I was. I would rather just stay out of it, but now that I was a Death Eater, I might as well go through with it. But Dumbledore gave me another option. He said, 'Spy for us. If you do not want to pledge your loyalty to Voldemort, then join the Order."
"I was a little bit scared of this, but it was better than serving the Dark Lord. I was instructed to never tell anyone of this.
"Then, the great battle came. Voldemort had called all of his servants to him when he sensed the battle coming. I was petrified. What was I to do now that I was with his Death Eaters?
"Dumbledore found me. I was hiding behind a rock in hopes of the Death Eaters not finding me, or assuming me dead. He spoke to me, he said, 'Now is the time to redeem yourself, Draco. Fight with us, and everyone will accept you as a good man."
Draco began to clear his throat more often, and his eyes were watering. "He helped me up out from behind the rock, and my father saw. 'Kill him, you fool,' he told me, but I was frozen, unable to respond. Then, Voldemort raised his wand and shot the killing curse at me…"
Draco took a shuddering breath. "Albus Dumbledore lunged in front of me and took the curse. He-h-he did not die immediately, he was too powerful. His l-last words to me were…"
Tears were streaming down his face now, but Draco continued. "His last words were, 'You have a good heart, Draco. Tell Harry Potter goodbye from me.' Th-then, he… died."
Harry looked at Draco with new respect. Through his tears, Harry slowly nodded and held out his hand.
Draco accepted it and the two of them shook hands, teary eye upon teary eye stared at each other with new friendship.
---
Please review! I'm sorry for the delay… the disk I had this story saved on broke, so I had to retype everything. Do you like it? Thank you reviewers! I appreciate all the feedback!
Kelsey