The disclaimer telling all of you that I don't own any X-Men Evolution characters is watching TV somewhere. This is just another mad Brotherhood fic for the fun of it.
Brotherhood TV
"Cyke! Come here! You gotta see this!" Kurt called out.
"What's going on?" Scott walked into the living room to find several X-Men around the television.
"It's the Brotherhood! They're on TV!" Kurt shouted.
"What'd they do? Get arrested?" Scott grumbled. "Blow up another building? Threaten Kelly again?"
"Worse…" Rogue moaned. "See for yourself!"
"Oh Kitty! You came and you gave me your heart, then you took it away! Oh Kitty!" Lance was playing his guitar and singing. "I love you but you keep stomping my heart again and again! But I need you today! Oh Kitty…"
"You had another fight with Lance huh?" Scott looked at Kitty.
"This is not what I meant when he should be more sensitive!" Kitty moaned.
Lance finished his song and the camera cut to Pietro behind a desk wearing a well pressed brown suit. "Wasn't that pathetic folks?" Pietro remarked. "But stay tuned! There's a lot worse coming up on our show, live on Brotherhood TV!"
Suddenly the screen cut to an animated logo with little animated faces of the Brotherhood on it. The caption said BROTHERHOOD TV. "Oh god no…" Scott felt very afraid. "The Brotherhood have their own TV show?"
"It's the end of the world as we know it," Rogue moaned.
"How could those losers actually get a television show?" Scott asked.
"It's a local station," Bobby said. "They're so strapped for cash they'll let anybody with a hundred bucks put on a show."
"And apparently anybody did," Rogue moaned.
"Well…" Jean was trying to put a positive spin on it. "Maybe this is a good thing. Maybe this way the Brotherhood will show the public another side to mutants?"
"That's what we're afraid of Jean!" Rogue snapped.
"Maybe we should get our own show?" Bobby thought aloud. Everyone else looked at him.
The scene cut back to Pietro. "Welcome back to Brotherhood TV," Pietro smiled. "The show made 100 by mutants! Now for today's call in question: How pathetic to you think Lance is for falling in love with an X-Geek? This is a no brainier folks, which should be answered by at least half the viewing audience."
Just then the station shook. "The truth hurts Lance!" Pietro snapped. "Okay new question: Who in your opinion is the lamest X-Man of all? The phone lines are open now! That's 555-HOOD! And kids you don't need your parent's permission to call."
"Oh it figures!" Kurt threw up his hands. "They're using this just to trash us and make us look bad! Why am I not surprised?"
"Don't worry Kurt," Kitty said. "I mean who's gonna call their show! I mean people have better things to do then call them in the afternoon and complain about us."
"Whoa man the phones are ringing off the hook!" Todd could be heard exclaiming. "Hey Pietro, you were right about putting in those extra ten phone lines!"
"You were saying?" Kurt glared at Kitty.
"All right," Pietro clapped his hands. "Before we take our first call I think it's fair that I remind our viewers that technically Evan Daniels is no longer an X-Man. Even though I love to trash him he doesn't count. So sorry folks we can't talk about him."
"Aw man more than half the lines just went out," Todd said.
"But there are plenty of other X-Men you can complain about," Pietro added. "Scott Summers and Jean Grey for example."
RING! RING!
"They're back again!" Todd called out.
"I'm gonna kill 'em," Scott grumbled. "Anybody got a cell phone?"
"You're actually gonna call them?" Bobby asked.
"No, I'm gonna go down there and shove it down their throats!" Scott snapped.
"Scott no!" Jean told him. "That's just what they want you to do. Just ignore them! Anything they say doesn't matter. Besides nobody of any consequence will actually call them."
"Brotherhood TV, you're on the air," Pietro took a call on the speakerphone.
"Yeah hi, my name's Taryn and I really, really hate Jean Grey…" A familiar voice said.
"You got that right Jean," Rogue snickered.
"Okay you know what really bugs me about her?" Taryn said. "Not just the fact that she used her powers to cheat her way through high school but she used them to score. And I'm not talking about the soccer goals she made."
"WHAT?" Jean snapped.
"I mean who does she think she is?" Taryn asked. "She was leading on Duncan Matthews for his popularity while dangling that other freak Scott Summers on a leash! Any idiot can see she was only using Duncan."
"Well any idiot but Duncan," Pietro added.
"She even told me once how much easier school was to have the captain of the football team as a boyfriend and how she had him wrapped around her little finger! I'm just glad everybody knows what a tramp she is," Taryn sniffed. "She was even flirting with the teachers. You know, using her powers to influence them to get good grades. I wouldn't put it past her."
"That lying little…" Jean shot up out of her seat. "She's one to talk!"
"Jean, calm down," Scott put a hand on her shoulder and made her sit back down. "It doesn't matter, remember?"
"The hell it doesn't!" Jean snapped at him. "She knew how much I liked you but she couldn't wait to get her claws into you just to tick me off! And flirting with the teachers? I know for a fact that every day we had History she always wore a short skirt so that Mr. Johansen could see it and he did! The next time I see her I am gonna give her a good telekinetic shove into the trash where she belongs!"
"Jean what are you so mad about?" Rogue asked.
"Yeah, you're not even in high school anymore," Kitty said. "Stuff like this doesn't matter."
"Hey Jason here," A male caller had called in. "Look I gotta say something. You know I thought Kitty Pryde was an okay girl, but man is she a lot of trouble."
"WHAT?" Kitty glared at the screen.
"I mean what about the day she was supposed to be sick but instead she pops in with that freaky blue thing in the middle of class?" Jason asked.
"Oh yeah I heard about that," Pietro nodded. "Hey Toad pop in that picture we got from a viewer." On screen it showed Kitty in her pink pajamas on top of the teacher's desk holding onto a sleeping Kurt's tail. "Thanks to TF for sending in this picture she took on her cell phone."
"Oh my god…" Kitty cringed. She grabbed a pillow and hit Kurt. "I am going to kill you Kurt!"
"How many times do I have to say I'm sorry?" Kurt whined and teleported out of the line of fire. "I was sick!"
"You're gonna be in the hospital when I get through with you!" Kitty snapped.
Jason was still speaking. "Now I have to admit that Kitty was a good kisser but still…"
"HOLD ON A MINUTE!" Lance barged in. "WHAT WAS THAT? WHEN WAS THIS?"
"Yeah, we want details," Pietro perked up.
"Shut up Pietro!" Lance snapped. "Give me the details Jason!"
"Well, it was during the cast party after we did the Dracula play," Jason began. "Hey! How was I supposed to know what she was?"
"Oh I think we all know now exactly what Kitty is," Pietro grinned.
"She said I was her first!" Lance snapped. "She told me that I was the first guy who kissed her! She said I was special!" He looked into the screen. "Kitty…if you're watching this, we are going to have a serious talk the next time I see you!"
"School Monday is gonna be a nightmare…" Kitty hid her head into her hands. She heard a snicker. "It's not funny Bobby!"
"As long as we're showing embarrassing pictures here," Pietro said as another picture flashed. "Here's a good one from an anonymous viewer. Okay it was me." It showed Bobby wearing only his underwear dancing around singing. "Wow I didn't know they made Spongebob Squarepants underwear that size."
"Oh man…" Bobby turned bright red.
"HA!" Kitty snapped.
"And here's another fun picture," Pietro showed another one. It was a shot of Roberto and Sam hanging upside down from a rope trap on the mansion's obstacle course. "Just a couple guys hanging around."
"Oh man those two are not gonna be happy," Scott groaned.
"They're not the only ones," Xavier said as he wheeled in. "What are the Brotherhood doing now?"
"Oh nothing much," Rogue said casually. "Just shooting whatever's left of our reputation down the drain."
"This one isn't of any of the X-Men but I just had to show it," Pietro said. A shot of Kelly in a passionate embrace with his secretary Dorothy was flashed. Kelly's pants were around his ankles and he had a pair of bunny ears on his head. "There are more pictures but we can't show them without getting in trouble with the FCC."
"Oh man…" Scott groaned. "This is really helping our reputation!"
"And here's one of my sister," Pietro showed a picture of Wanda with a mud mask on.
"PIETRO!" The entire studio shook as Wanda stormed on camera. "YOU ARE SO DEAD!"
"Now Sis, it's all in fun…Sis…AGGGGGHHH!" Pietro shouted as he was hexed.
A cartoon picture of Pietro being zapped by Wanda was shown. The caption read EXPERIENCING TECHINCHAL DIFFICULTIES: WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK. "Well at least this show isn't totally without any redeeming value," Kitty sighed.
Then there was a shot of Todd sitting at the desk. "Due to circumstances beyond anyone's control…"
"With Wanda that's saying a lot," Lance interrupted off camera. "YEOW! WHAT DID I DO?"
"As I was saying, due to that I will be hosting the show now," Todd grinned. "We'll take more of your calls later, but for now we are off to our guest portion of the show. To prove that we of the Brotherhood are fair and balanced, we have invited a special guest tonight. Fresh from his stint in the county clink is everybody's least favorite jock, Duncan Matthews!"
"Get me out of here you stupid frog freak!" Duncan was struggling in his seat. "Once I get unglued from this chair…"
"Oh it's not glue," Todd said. "Its super sticky honey. See?" He took out a jar and poured it on his head.
"AGGGHH!" Duncan shouted.
"Now you don't like mutants, right?" Todd asked. "My friend Blob here has a rebuttal to your position. Blob if you please?"
"Right," Fred walked in carrying a pie and smashed it into Duncan's face.
"Ha ha…" Jean snickered. Then stopped herself. "I mean, that's really bad."
"Should we go down and save him?" Kitty asked.
"No, I think we'll let this one ride…" Scott said.
"Technically they're not really hurting him," Jean agreed.
"Oops!" Todd said innocently as a buzzing sound was heard. "Somehow a group of hungry bees has made their way into the studio."
"YEOWWWWW!" Duncan screamed.
"Well that looked like it hurt!" Kurt exclaimed. "I can't believe they stung him there! And again! And again!"
Todd quickly ate the bees. "See Duncan, mutants are useful. If you're ever attacked by angry bees, we'll just eat them."
"Mmmmmm," Duncan's face was already purple and swollen.
"Well it's time for us to say goodbye to Duncan," Todd kicked the chair Duncan was sitting on down. "Freddy why don't you take him to the hospital with Pietro? Yeah that's good! Thanks pal."
"We have got to put a stop to this," Kurt said.
"Well let's not be hasty here," Scott said. "I mean…accidents happen."
"Oh brother," Rogue rolled her eyes.
"Face it Scott, if it was anyone but Duncan you'd be down there in a flash," Kitty said. "Not that I blame you but…"
"Well he deserves it!" Scott snapped. "He does!"
"I agree with him," Jean said.
"Scott when I said that you should try to make peace with the Brotherhood, I said so in hopes that you would influence them," Xavier sighed. "Not the other way around!"
"Look I think we all agree that if the Brotherhood has to prank someone, Duncan Matthews is the most deserving," Jean said.
"It's not like they stole his wallet or anything!" Scott protested.
A shot of Todd holding a wallet and counting his money could be seen next. "Fifty eight, fifty nine…" He realized he was on camera. He looked up and smiled. "Just seeing if he has enough money for his hospital bill. He'll get it back. Honest."
Everyone looked at Scott. "He said he'd give it back," Scott replied weakly.
"And now for everybody's favorite firestarter, heeeeeeeere's Pyro!" Todd introduced.
"G'day everybody out there in TV Land!" Pyro waved happily. "And welcome to everyone's favorite segment, 'Fun With Fire'!"
"Uh oh…" Scott gulped.
"Today on Fun With Fire, we're gonna take this boring old lamp and rubber tire and make them into a festive decoration the whole family can enjoy!" Pyro took out some objects and put them on the table. "It's real easy! Just take one full can of gasoline and some matches…"
"Professor…" Scott's voice grew very concerned.
"Perhaps it wouldn't hurt if you did go down to the studio," Xavier rubbed his head, indicating a huge headache.
"Whoa! That's a big one isn't it?" Pyro said happily at the huge blaze.
"Look at the bright side Scott," Bobby said as they left. "At least this way we'll get on TV."
"Yeah as murder suspects when we kill the Brotherhood," Scott said. " Film at eleven."