Arigato Shaami, as always. On with this ignored fic, which I still don't know what I'm doing with. Oh and Shaami, no more comments like that, the dead girl isn't based on anyone, so leave her alone. Wait, I named her didn't I? Uh, I guess I'd better check the last chapter before I write anything else.
~-~
I'm currently pacing in my room, with both Marik and Bakura watching me intently. How am I supposed to answer that question? I can't talk about that, I just can't, it's no one's business what happened anyway, they shouldn't ask. I need to calm down; I'm verging on hysterical.
Anything else and I wouldn't have minded too much, but I don't want to talk about losing Kaldea, that night was hell and I don't want to re-live it. On the other hand, I promised an explanation, and it might help me remove some of the guilt I have because of the events that occurred, though I doubt it.
"It's hard to talk about, or even think about and I wouldn't know where to start." I say eventually and very shakily.
"I know hikari, but it has to be done." Marik states, looking very apologetic.
I take a deep but shuddering breath and take a seat on my bed, mainly because my legs have begun to feel like jelly. Marik looks at me concerned, while Bakura seems to be contemplating something. He looks at me suddenly and I know he intends to tell me something.
"Wadjib was the name of the girl I told you about, Pharaoh's guards followed me to her home, yet she hid me and told them I wasn't there and that she didn't know me. From where she hid me, I saw them rape & disembowel her."
"Bakura...." No wonder he caused so much trouble for Pharaoh after seeing something like that.
"Why didn't you help her?" Marik asks in a naïve tone.
"I couldn't, she made sure I couldn't get out of where she put me, not for hours at least. I think she knew what was going to happen, so she made sure I wouldn't be caught. I know talking about events like that are hard Malik, but if I can do it, then you can."
I've never seen Bakura show so much pain before, or open honesty for that matter. Marik looks slightly awed, and I just feel awful. Still, at least from Bakura's story, I know that it's possible to talk about Kaldea and I know that I had something really special, that she never hated me at all.
"Thank you Bakura, I think I needed to hear that."
"I know you did, I would've have said it otherwise. I know that Wadjib wanted me to move on, to get on with my life and find love again. I'm sure that Kaldea wanted the same for you." Bakura states softly, though allowing a hint of mock-smugness to enter his tone.
"You said hadn't looked at another woman though?" I enquire.
"No one ever said I had to love another woman, I don't think I could if I tried, that doesn't mean I haven't been looking for another partner though." Bakura replies, albeit cautiously.
"Neither of us cares if you like guys Bakura, we're not going to tease you about it. Besides, I swing that way myself." Marik admits, surprising me.
I had a feeling that Marik was attracted to a particular 'friend' of ours, but I never expected him to admit it. I certainly didn't expect Bakura's confession of his sexual preferences either, though I am slightly curious as to whom he's attracted to, actually, maybe I'm not.
I've never considered the possibility of caring for anyone else, any possibility of love in my life shattered when I lost Kaldea, as with Bakura, I found I couldn't even consider the possibility of being with another woman, but unlike him, I never considered the possibility of loving a man either.
Still, this isn't the issue right now; I'm supposed to be talking about what happened. Still, Bakura seems to be doing a good job of not providing too much information, so maybe I could do that too. If I leave out some of the details, it would be easier to say.
"I think I can explain now." I say quietly.
Marik and Bakura both usher me to continue.
"There'd been a lot of trouble at the time, she protected me too and I practically screamed at her for doing it, but I hadn't expected the attack and I would have died if she hadn't."
"Sorry to ask Malik, but how did she die, I never saw any wounds." Marik enquires hesitantly.
"Her own dagger, I think my arm was over the wound." I reply emotionlessly.
"Why do you feel so guilty about it?" Bakura asks suddenly.
I turn away from them both, wishing my emotions would cease. I don't understand how the thief can read me so well, but I have to find a way to stop it. On to the newest problem however, how to answer Bakura's question? I can't just say it's because she died for me, because he knows that isn't true, he wouldn't have asked the question otherwise. I guess I'll just have to tell the truth.
"Because I hid her and my feelings for her away, she died alone in the dark because I was afraid of anyone seeing me upset, I wasn't meant to be weak."
"She wasn't alone hikari, you were with her, that was probably all she wanted. I don't think mortals like being surrounded by people when they're at their weakest."
Marik's comment startles me, for someone who only earlier asked me what love is, he's now giving me wise advice. I think he's right though, she never asked for help, she said it was worthless, she knew what was coming and she didn't mind. I can't help but smile slightly; perhaps talking about it really wasn't so bad after all.
Because of tonight, I now realise that I have nothing to feel guilty about, she made her own choices and didn't regret any of them. I guess I have to let go of what happened now, but that doesn't mean I have to forget her, not that I think it would be possible to. I understand now Kali, so you can rest easy.
"Thanks guys." I say, turning back to face them.
"You're not sad anymore?" Marik asks, slightly confused.
"No, I'm not, thanks to you. You made me realise that she made the choices and was fine with them, so I don't need to be sad about it, because she wasn't."
Marik smiles and pulls me into a hug.
"I'm glad I could help you hikari, I don't like to see you upset."
The phone chooses that moment to ring, so my grumbling yami reluctantly leaves the room to answer it.
"You helped me a lot too Bakura, thanks."
He shrugs my comment aside.
"As I said, I know what it's like, so I knew what needed to be done."
Damn my curiosity for getting the better of me, because now I have to ask something I'm not even sure I want to know.
"Bakura, who is it you like?"
He briefly looks startled at my question, and somewhat vulnerable, though he quickly masks this and smirks.
"That would be telling, now wouldn't it? I'm afraid I'm going to keep you guessing."
"Ryou sounded pretty mad, he wants you home now." Marik states from the doorway.
Bakura nods, still smirking. "Motto ato no minna."
Marik allows Bakura passed him, before saying good night to me and closing my door behind him. Even though today has been painful, I'm glad it happened, because I'm finally free of a burden of guilt. I know without a doubt that what I had was real and that even though she will always have a place in my heart, I can find love again and that she wants me to, because she wants me to be happy. For the first time in a long time, I know I can sleep easy tonight.
~-~
Well, that's finally done, even if it was rather sappy. Unfortunately it now means that I have to come up with some ideas. I could always resort to the major flirting I used in the ties that bind us I guess, though I don't think I want to, considering I find mush highly unpleasant.
Oh and if it wasn't obvious, 'Kali' is a shortened version of 'Kaldea'.
Hope you enjoyed the chapter and please remember to review (not that I need to say that since you're the only person reading this junk Shaami). Ja!
~-~
I'm currently pacing in my room, with both Marik and Bakura watching me intently. How am I supposed to answer that question? I can't talk about that, I just can't, it's no one's business what happened anyway, they shouldn't ask. I need to calm down; I'm verging on hysterical.
Anything else and I wouldn't have minded too much, but I don't want to talk about losing Kaldea, that night was hell and I don't want to re-live it. On the other hand, I promised an explanation, and it might help me remove some of the guilt I have because of the events that occurred, though I doubt it.
"It's hard to talk about, or even think about and I wouldn't know where to start." I say eventually and very shakily.
"I know hikari, but it has to be done." Marik states, looking very apologetic.
I take a deep but shuddering breath and take a seat on my bed, mainly because my legs have begun to feel like jelly. Marik looks at me concerned, while Bakura seems to be contemplating something. He looks at me suddenly and I know he intends to tell me something.
"Wadjib was the name of the girl I told you about, Pharaoh's guards followed me to her home, yet she hid me and told them I wasn't there and that she didn't know me. From where she hid me, I saw them rape & disembowel her."
"Bakura...." No wonder he caused so much trouble for Pharaoh after seeing something like that.
"Why didn't you help her?" Marik asks in a naïve tone.
"I couldn't, she made sure I couldn't get out of where she put me, not for hours at least. I think she knew what was going to happen, so she made sure I wouldn't be caught. I know talking about events like that are hard Malik, but if I can do it, then you can."
I've never seen Bakura show so much pain before, or open honesty for that matter. Marik looks slightly awed, and I just feel awful. Still, at least from Bakura's story, I know that it's possible to talk about Kaldea and I know that I had something really special, that she never hated me at all.
"Thank you Bakura, I think I needed to hear that."
"I know you did, I would've have said it otherwise. I know that Wadjib wanted me to move on, to get on with my life and find love again. I'm sure that Kaldea wanted the same for you." Bakura states softly, though allowing a hint of mock-smugness to enter his tone.
"You said hadn't looked at another woman though?" I enquire.
"No one ever said I had to love another woman, I don't think I could if I tried, that doesn't mean I haven't been looking for another partner though." Bakura replies, albeit cautiously.
"Neither of us cares if you like guys Bakura, we're not going to tease you about it. Besides, I swing that way myself." Marik admits, surprising me.
I had a feeling that Marik was attracted to a particular 'friend' of ours, but I never expected him to admit it. I certainly didn't expect Bakura's confession of his sexual preferences either, though I am slightly curious as to whom he's attracted to, actually, maybe I'm not.
I've never considered the possibility of caring for anyone else, any possibility of love in my life shattered when I lost Kaldea, as with Bakura, I found I couldn't even consider the possibility of being with another woman, but unlike him, I never considered the possibility of loving a man either.
Still, this isn't the issue right now; I'm supposed to be talking about what happened. Still, Bakura seems to be doing a good job of not providing too much information, so maybe I could do that too. If I leave out some of the details, it would be easier to say.
"I think I can explain now." I say quietly.
Marik and Bakura both usher me to continue.
"There'd been a lot of trouble at the time, she protected me too and I practically screamed at her for doing it, but I hadn't expected the attack and I would have died if she hadn't."
"Sorry to ask Malik, but how did she die, I never saw any wounds." Marik enquires hesitantly.
"Her own dagger, I think my arm was over the wound." I reply emotionlessly.
"Why do you feel so guilty about it?" Bakura asks suddenly.
I turn away from them both, wishing my emotions would cease. I don't understand how the thief can read me so well, but I have to find a way to stop it. On to the newest problem however, how to answer Bakura's question? I can't just say it's because she died for me, because he knows that isn't true, he wouldn't have asked the question otherwise. I guess I'll just have to tell the truth.
"Because I hid her and my feelings for her away, she died alone in the dark because I was afraid of anyone seeing me upset, I wasn't meant to be weak."
"She wasn't alone hikari, you were with her, that was probably all she wanted. I don't think mortals like being surrounded by people when they're at their weakest."
Marik's comment startles me, for someone who only earlier asked me what love is, he's now giving me wise advice. I think he's right though, she never asked for help, she said it was worthless, she knew what was coming and she didn't mind. I can't help but smile slightly; perhaps talking about it really wasn't so bad after all.
Because of tonight, I now realise that I have nothing to feel guilty about, she made her own choices and didn't regret any of them. I guess I have to let go of what happened now, but that doesn't mean I have to forget her, not that I think it would be possible to. I understand now Kali, so you can rest easy.
"Thanks guys." I say, turning back to face them.
"You're not sad anymore?" Marik asks, slightly confused.
"No, I'm not, thanks to you. You made me realise that she made the choices and was fine with them, so I don't need to be sad about it, because she wasn't."
Marik smiles and pulls me into a hug.
"I'm glad I could help you hikari, I don't like to see you upset."
The phone chooses that moment to ring, so my grumbling yami reluctantly leaves the room to answer it.
"You helped me a lot too Bakura, thanks."
He shrugs my comment aside.
"As I said, I know what it's like, so I knew what needed to be done."
Damn my curiosity for getting the better of me, because now I have to ask something I'm not even sure I want to know.
"Bakura, who is it you like?"
He briefly looks startled at my question, and somewhat vulnerable, though he quickly masks this and smirks.
"That would be telling, now wouldn't it? I'm afraid I'm going to keep you guessing."
"Ryou sounded pretty mad, he wants you home now." Marik states from the doorway.
Bakura nods, still smirking. "Motto ato no minna."
Marik allows Bakura passed him, before saying good night to me and closing my door behind him. Even though today has been painful, I'm glad it happened, because I'm finally free of a burden of guilt. I know without a doubt that what I had was real and that even though she will always have a place in my heart, I can find love again and that she wants me to, because she wants me to be happy. For the first time in a long time, I know I can sleep easy tonight.
~-~
Well, that's finally done, even if it was rather sappy. Unfortunately it now means that I have to come up with some ideas. I could always resort to the major flirting I used in the ties that bind us I guess, though I don't think I want to, considering I find mush highly unpleasant.
Oh and if it wasn't obvious, 'Kali' is a shortened version of 'Kaldea'.
Hope you enjoyed the chapter and please remember to review (not that I need to say that since you're the only person reading this junk Shaami). Ja!