Summary: Sequel to 'A snake's advice'. My view on the scene where Alexander kisses Bagoas.
Author's notes: Yes, here's the (short) sequel to 'A snake's advice'. :) For the ones who have not read that story: if you insist on reading this story first I won't stop you (how could I anyway? :P), but not only will the ending of the previous story be spoiled, there are also things that just won't make sense. So please, read 'A snake's advice' first!
More Author's notes: As the summary says, it's about the scene in the movie where Alexander kisses Bagoas. However, I've only seen the movie once and have not remembered everything that happened in it, or after it, so I've kinda made it so that it fits what I wanted to write. Also, I seem to remember that later that evening all that stuff with Cleitus happened, but in this story it doesn't happen. Or perhaps another day, but not this one. Be glad. :)
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Bagoas' dance was amazing. Enthralling. Hephaistion watched from the crowd as the eunuchs lithe figure moved with an abandon that he had never seen in a dance before. It reminded him of a warrior, who slew his enemies with a deadly grace that was so natural it seemed an art. But Bagoas was killing no one, on the contrary. When Hephaistion looked around he saw that all, men and woman alike, seemed to radiate life as they watched the dark-haired boy and his companions bring down the stars. Where Bagoas had ever learned to dance with a passion like this was beyond him.
When the dance ended, the air was filled with a most admiring silence, no cheering or clapping. The crowd seemed in trance.
Bagoas sat on the floor as the dance had ended, his arms around one of the other dancers. It was Bagoas who had trained them. Not all people knew, but the eunuch had gained his freedom long ago, and had decided to stay with them, with the words: "All great things follow in your path, why would anyone choose to stay away from it?" Even though it would have been hard for Hephaistion to see his friend leave, he had wanted Bagoas to live his life in freedom. This was not as free as a person could be, perhaps, but in his heart he was glad it turned out this way. Because yes, the Persian boy seemed to have found his path. When Bagoas glanced at him, he could see it in his eyes.
He did not know how the eunuch had known exactly where to find him in the crowd, but Bagoas' attention always seemed to be focused on him, in every situation. It regretted him the boy still loved him. Even after Hephaistion had told him that for himself, there would never be anyone but Alexander. He knew Bagoas had accepted it, but he doubted if the eunuch had ever let his heart stray.
He smiled when he saw Bagoas raise his eyebrows in question. "Amazing," Hephaistion mouthed, and gave a quick wink. He was rewarded with a hint of a smile, but then the boy's attention moved to someone approaching him. Alexander. What was his lover up to?
Bagoas stood up, and waited for the king to near him with his head bowed down. Being a former slave, he had never learned to let that manner go.
"Kiss him!" Someone yelled, as Alexander halted. Others took over the chant, and soon the night air was thundering with the force of their words. "Kiss him! kiss him!"
With warm interest, Hephaistion watched his lover's face turn into a smile as Bagoas looked up at him. The dislike between the two had vanished long ago, and that pleased Hephaistion a lot.
Still, a bolt of happiness shot through him when Alexander moved forward and kissed Bagoas. He had not been sure Alexander would do it. But he could see the care in his lover's movements when he cupped Bagoas' cheek, he could see how their was no hesitance in Bagoas' demeanour as he accepted the kiss, even put his hand on his lover's side. A bright smile graced Hephaistion's face. Everything had finally turned right again. This was Bagoas' night.
He did not miss the soft words Alexander spoke towards Bagoas after their kiss ended, nor the mingled surprise and gratitude on Bagoas' face. When the king finally stepped away, bright black eyes met Hephaistion's again. Just a glimpse, then they were gone, as the dancers retreated to their tents.
Hephaistion caught Alexander studying his face, and their eyes met. Hephaistion nodded to him. Alexander would visit his wife this night, then would be back to sleep in his arms. It was always like that, but his lover ever asked for permission and understanding. After a silent nod back, Alexander disappeared into the Indian building, following Roxane.
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Soon after Alexander and Bagoas had departed, Hephaistion left the feast as well. Even though he was never jealous at Roxane – he rather pitied her – he still couldn't help but feel a little left when Alexander was with his wife. He wished things to be different, as he had often done, but also knew he had nothing to fear. He would wait for Alexander in the room that had been assigned as his own one for the time being.
When he approached his room, he suddenly stopped in wonder. Why was there light coming from his room? Had Alexander changed his mind? Cautiously, Hephaistion opened the door, to find Bagoas sitting on his bed. The younger man was dressed in a colourful Indian garment, and looked up at him shyly.
Hephaistion smiled, surprised. "Bagoas, what brings you here?"
"Alexander… he said I had to go to your room this night."
"Oh, has he?" Hephaistion replied, then stood motionless for a moment, as he tried to figure out what this meant. And he really quite knew it. Oh, Alexander… He sighed inwardly.
Bagoas had taken Hephaistion's silence to heart. "Has he not told you?" And then added quickly: "I will go, I did not mean to disturb you."
The Persian boy stood up to leave, but Hephaistion quickly stopped him. "And I did not mean to send you away, Bagoas. I was just a little surprised by my beloved's sudden… scheming, if I may say so." He smiled genuinely at the dark-haired, who looked up at him with his large worshipping eyes. "Please stay?" What was he doing?
He saw how Bagoas bit his lower lip in doubt, swallowed, then sat back down again. Hephaistion looked around. Bagoas had put on the fire and some candles, bringing a warm feeling to the dull little chamber. Oh, this was not right. He joined Bagoas on the edge of the bed. "It was not very fair of Alexander to send you here without telling me."
Bagoas looked hurt. "I know… I thought you knew, that you… approved. He surprised me as well." He looked up and his dark eyes were sad. "You really don't have to feel obliged to welcome me here."
Hephaistion closed his eyes in pain, knowing that he could not let Alexander have his way, nor send Bagoas away, not without doing further damage to the young one's heart. He was sure his lover meant well, but this was not good. Even though the eunuch had stirred his heart often enough.
He knew the other was biting back tears. Gently, he wrapped his arms around the slender form, and pulled him to his chest. Bagoas didn't resist. The Persian boy might have found his way, his fate was a sad one.
"Bagoas," Hephaistion whispered in the dark hair, "I am afraid to hurt your heart even more, if I give this to you now, and if you have to miss it after that." He wanted to say more, that he was sorry, regretted it, but he also knew the words would not make anything better. The other did not need to hear words of pity.
"I would rather have my dreams come true once, and hold the memory, then to live forever like this. But I will not beg you for it." The hunched form in his arms, that had danced so proudly earlier, trembled. It saddened Hephaistion's heart greatly that he had this effect on the young man.
"I wouldn't have you beg anyone for anything. But…" Hephaistion sighed. "If it is your wish… Are you very, very sure, Bagoas?" His voice had dropped to a soft whisper, as his own doubts presented themselves in his mind once more.
Bagoas straightened up and looked in Hephaistion's eyes, a pained frown on his fair forehead. "Yes. I…"
"Hush," Hephaistion told him, as he felt the words of love burning on the other's lips, spoken clearly in his eyes. "Then it will be so." He did not know what he was getting himself in to. But this had been Alexander's idea… He wished with all his heart this was indeed for the best.
And so, for the very first time since he had met the beautiful young eunuch, Hephaistion kissed him. He could feel the very touch of his lips made the other tremble. Oh, poor Bagoas, Hephaistion thought, despite his earlier decision to not make this about pity. The younger had always moved his heart, gained his love, from the very first moment, but he was bound to Alexander in more then spoken promises. He could not give himself to Bagoas as he might have done had Alexander not been there.
With a sigh he cut of his own thoughts, and cupped Bagoas' cheek with his hand before deepening the kiss. He would focus on his feelings for the young one this night. After all, he knew, this was Bagoas' night.
He decided not to take the young dark-haired dancer. No, rather would he let Bagoas know that true love was not about taking, but about giving. Pleasure in other forms than just the usual one. So he took his time undressing Bagoas, stroking and kissing him over his whole body, and finally making him come with his mouth.
He could not deny he felt disturbed at the intense, loving stares he received during his lovemaking, but he did not deny the Persian boy even that. He wanted to do this right, and wanted to make sure that if it was indeed the only memory Bagoas would ever get when it came to his loving, that it would be an exquisite one. He wanted Bagoas to feel that he would not deny him anything that he would not deny Alexander.
Bagoas cried out the same words over and over again when he found release. When he had quieted, Hephaistion pulled the young man into his arms. Slowly he seemed to regain his consciousness, and when he did he looked up in Hephaistion's eyes. Again, Bagoas repeated the Persian words, and lifted his hand to stroke Hephaistion's hair.
"What are you saying?" Hephaistion realised too late that perhaps he didn't even want to know.
"Blue Eyes. It means Blue Eyes." Bagoas looked almost guilty. "I used to call you that to myself before I knew your name. I..." He swallowed. "It fits you."
"I see." Hephaistion closed his eyes for a moment. Alexander would go on about his eyes sometimes. He smiled gently, tried not to show his sadness.
Hephaistion knew Bagoas wished to say something, could see it in the way the boy looked away from him, and began to look doubtful. Had he not pleased the young man? What was wrong now? "What is on your mind, Bagoas?" he asked quietly.
"Why did you not find your own release?" Bagoas kept avoiding his eyes. "Why have you not taken me?"
So that was the problem. "Would you like me to do that? This evening is about your pleasure, not mine. Say what it is you want, and I will give it to you." Hephaistion gently stroked the other's hair, and looked down upon the fair face. Why did such beauty have to hold such sadness?
Bagoas' voice was very small when he spoke. "You have given me a lot, Hephaistion, but all I have ever dreamed of is to have you… be one with me. You, instead of…" He didn't finish his sentence, but Hephaistion understood. It was never Alexander the boy had wanted.
Hephaistion made slow and beautiful love to his friend and beloved, until they were both ready to let go. Bagoas sobbed after his release, crawled into Hephaistion's arms, and refused to speak another word. Hephaistion did not push him, just slipped out of the bed for a short moment to put out the candles, and pulled the young man to his heart again. He could and would not send Bagoas away this night. Alexander would understand.
They both slumbered off, but Hephaistion woke when the mattress of the bed moved. Alexander. He looked over his shoulder to catch his lover's eyes, and Alexander smiled and held a finger to his lips. The king of the world slipped inside the bed beside Hephaistion and put his arms around the other's waist. "I love you," he whispered, and then added even softer: "And he does too." Alexander pushed his nose into the other's hair, and a warm breath ghosted over Hephaistion's shoulder, carrying the words: "Sleep well, beloved."
Hephaistion's heart almost burst with love. He suddenly understood the feeling that caused Bagoas' speechlessness earlier, this intense happiness that makes tears leave your eyes, and makes your tongue stuck to the back of your throat. He took Alexander's hand in his own, and moved it over his heart. The gesture said more than a thousand words ever could.