First off, thanks for the reviews QHII and Shaami, as always.
Sorry, with being so used to the names now, I forgot you wouldn't be, my bad. I'll do the list for you again.
Saharen (Sah) is Yami
Setepennub (Nub) is Bakura
Ankhenbamaat (An) is Ryou
Merenra is Malik
Messheps is Seto
~-~
Do you know what it's like to have all your dreams shattered? That's how I feel right now, I can't believe this is all for nothing. I thought, I guess I was a fool for thinking the way I did; it should have been obvious that the past is forever lost. I let my futile hopes rule, which clouded everything; I was better off not remembering anything. Don't you understand queen? Without you, I have no purpose, so what am I meant to do? I feel so lost and helpless and she knows it, even though she tried to give me hope, we both know it isn't true, Noble's cannot change their path; she will join the others, regardless. The past is gone, my purpose is gone, and all I am left with is this pathetic feeling of self-pity.
Back in my time, things were easy, I followed my orders perfectly and always knew what to expect, now, everything I took for granted is gone. To make things worse, my poor brain is struggling to cope with an entire lifetime suddenly being added to it, things are getting created, merged and altered, including my own feelings and actions. Things were never how I thought of them earlier, like some sinister plot, it was simple and easy, just looking after her and helping her find information on a past she was forbidden to know.
Still, even knowing this, I still wish I didn't remember any of it, that only Malik still existed and not Merenra being around too, because I hate knowing that I'm always going to be alone, unable to talk to anyone about all this confusion, or my pain, always held by my oath, that only she my know the truth, that only she may know the secrets we uncovered. My beloved queen, oh how you have cursed me.
Still, I have no time to be selfish now, do I? Lest I fail my duty to you, which I could never willingly do. I pledged my loyalty and life to you and I will honour that forever, whether you are with me or not. Enough pettiness, I can deal with that any time, this time is for her and the ritual, nothing else matters.
~
I've been watching Merenra for a while now, he's been moping around, so I guess he finally understands. He seems a little more like himself too, so hopefully the transition is almost over for him, I don't want An getting hurt any further, even though he understands things are difficult for Merenra, I can tell this is still hurting him a lot, I know my dear ototo all too well.
Still, the answers I wanted in the first place are still unknown, even if he fooled the others in to thinking that he provided information, he talked without letting us know anything, something Nef used to do all the time, I guess she taught him well, which is unfortunate. I don't understand the one thing I need to and I know that I will never have the answer, as the only two people who know, would never talk to another about it.
I want to know how she could have prepared for this, there are only two options; she either saw the future, or made it. Neither seems likely to me though, not even the Sennen Tauk can see so far and so clearly into the future, yet I don't believe she would deliberately have killed herself either. Is it possible that this is yet another unknown secret of the Noble's however, that they know what their life has in store, after all, it was rumoured that they were already prepared for death long before Pharaoh Ankhnetjer arrived. I also heard that they were respectively immortal, that the only way they could die, was if they chose to.
At that time, she chose to sacrifice herself, when she could have made anyone give their life, in fact, many were willing to, if it meant saving the life of their queen. She had been strange up to that point, talking as though she was already dead, refusing to allow us to rely on her, we thought it was nothing, we thought wrong. If she knew what was to come, why did she do nothing to change it?
We are all set to our fates thief, the Noble's were never meant to exist here, and therefore, we were always destined to die, understanding our mistake.
I forgot she said that, but I suppose the memory so long forgotten provides my answer, they all knew their lives, or rather, their deaths and knew not to change it. It is strange to think that someone who gave so much to those around her, would be chosen to die as a threat to this realm. The power of that realm is a great threat to us, I suppose if their power was greater, then they could easily have destroyed everything, should they chose. In their realm, there was no threat, but here, they became too human, which made them too weak, they couldn't guarantee their power was safe, they couldn't be sure that one of their own wouldn't destroy all.
I understand too late though, maybe that was part of the plan though, had I known my future, I would never have allowed myself to get close to her, which means her amazing presence wouldn't have changed my life and given it purpose, more importantly, I would never have met Saharen. Perhaps that is why they can know what life has planned and we can't, since humans automatically hide from harm, whereas they have the strength to do whatever is required, even if it means submitting themselves to a painful death.
It's strange to suddenly have such understanding, it explain so much of the past, especially why she always seemed so depressed, also why she gave all she could to those around her, because she knew she wouldn't need anything and that those who's lives she improved, would need the hope and faith she gave them to continue after her passing. Why could you never explain anything to us Nef? Why did someone so kind have to live in so much pain? Strange that I feel so guilty now, I tried to take your pain away, but I couldn't, why should I feel guilty for something I couldn't change? Was it, perhaps because I failed to understand your pain? Gomen nasai Nefersheps.
~
Things have become strange since we arrived here, but I have yet to truly understand how. The group is split into two halves, those who know what is going on, and those who came because they were asked to, since our arrival here however, it seems the equality of the groups has become less. Both Seto and my brother seem to have been taken into Pharaoh's group of secrecy, though my ototo seemed to have problems with them earlier. I thought about asking him, but realistically, I know he wouldn't answer me, other than the fact that he is far too proud, he seems even less willing to talk than the others, which is strange. I spoke to Shadi earlier but his only interest is in helping Pharaoh and not in what is going on, or why they refuse to tell us anything. Perhaps I shall try talking to Malik anyway, I mean, all he can do is refuse to answer.
"Malik?"
"What is it neesan?"
He seems distracted and didn't even look up from whatever it is he is doing.
"I just wanted to make sure you're okay. You've been quiet and withdrawn."
"I'm fine neesan, just busy."
"Do you know what this is about? You have been speaking with Bakura a lot."
"That was about something else I'm afraid Ishizu, so I can't help."
"Okay, well I'd better leave you to get on then."
"Arigato neesan."
Now I'm worried about him, for him to be so distant and to pay so little attention isn't like Malik at all. My ototo is a perfectionist and is very good at knowing how to speak to people, he also always has time for me, after what happened before, he's always weary about how he presents himself to others.
This event that is to occur later tonight is also a concern, I know it is some sort of ritual and that it links to someone Pharaoh knew in the past, but that is all. We have no name, no title, no explanation as to why it is required, or what we have to do, though I believe the latter is because they didn't know at the time.
I suppose I had better get on myself, rather than worrying over things I have no knowledge of. I do not believe Pharaoh would have us do something dangerous, so I should simply apply myself to my duty, lest I fail the Pharaoh's wishes.
~-~
Yet another bizarre chapter, but at least I actually updated the fic, even if it did take me forever. I really have no idea what's happening with this fic any more but I think the poor thing is pushing its limits, so tell me if I'm wrong.
Anyway, hope you enjoyed and hope you review, since I seriously need inspiration to start writing again. I'll update whenever. Ja!
Sorry, with being so used to the names now, I forgot you wouldn't be, my bad. I'll do the list for you again.
Saharen (Sah) is Yami
Setepennub (Nub) is Bakura
Ankhenbamaat (An) is Ryou
Merenra is Malik
Messheps is Seto
~-~
Do you know what it's like to have all your dreams shattered? That's how I feel right now, I can't believe this is all for nothing. I thought, I guess I was a fool for thinking the way I did; it should have been obvious that the past is forever lost. I let my futile hopes rule, which clouded everything; I was better off not remembering anything. Don't you understand queen? Without you, I have no purpose, so what am I meant to do? I feel so lost and helpless and she knows it, even though she tried to give me hope, we both know it isn't true, Noble's cannot change their path; she will join the others, regardless. The past is gone, my purpose is gone, and all I am left with is this pathetic feeling of self-pity.
Back in my time, things were easy, I followed my orders perfectly and always knew what to expect, now, everything I took for granted is gone. To make things worse, my poor brain is struggling to cope with an entire lifetime suddenly being added to it, things are getting created, merged and altered, including my own feelings and actions. Things were never how I thought of them earlier, like some sinister plot, it was simple and easy, just looking after her and helping her find information on a past she was forbidden to know.
Still, even knowing this, I still wish I didn't remember any of it, that only Malik still existed and not Merenra being around too, because I hate knowing that I'm always going to be alone, unable to talk to anyone about all this confusion, or my pain, always held by my oath, that only she my know the truth, that only she may know the secrets we uncovered. My beloved queen, oh how you have cursed me.
Still, I have no time to be selfish now, do I? Lest I fail my duty to you, which I could never willingly do. I pledged my loyalty and life to you and I will honour that forever, whether you are with me or not. Enough pettiness, I can deal with that any time, this time is for her and the ritual, nothing else matters.
~
I've been watching Merenra for a while now, he's been moping around, so I guess he finally understands. He seems a little more like himself too, so hopefully the transition is almost over for him, I don't want An getting hurt any further, even though he understands things are difficult for Merenra, I can tell this is still hurting him a lot, I know my dear ototo all too well.
Still, the answers I wanted in the first place are still unknown, even if he fooled the others in to thinking that he provided information, he talked without letting us know anything, something Nef used to do all the time, I guess she taught him well, which is unfortunate. I don't understand the one thing I need to and I know that I will never have the answer, as the only two people who know, would never talk to another about it.
I want to know how she could have prepared for this, there are only two options; she either saw the future, or made it. Neither seems likely to me though, not even the Sennen Tauk can see so far and so clearly into the future, yet I don't believe she would deliberately have killed herself either. Is it possible that this is yet another unknown secret of the Noble's however, that they know what their life has in store, after all, it was rumoured that they were already prepared for death long before Pharaoh Ankhnetjer arrived. I also heard that they were respectively immortal, that the only way they could die, was if they chose to.
At that time, she chose to sacrifice herself, when she could have made anyone give their life, in fact, many were willing to, if it meant saving the life of their queen. She had been strange up to that point, talking as though she was already dead, refusing to allow us to rely on her, we thought it was nothing, we thought wrong. If she knew what was to come, why did she do nothing to change it?
We are all set to our fates thief, the Noble's were never meant to exist here, and therefore, we were always destined to die, understanding our mistake.
I forgot she said that, but I suppose the memory so long forgotten provides my answer, they all knew their lives, or rather, their deaths and knew not to change it. It is strange to think that someone who gave so much to those around her, would be chosen to die as a threat to this realm. The power of that realm is a great threat to us, I suppose if their power was greater, then they could easily have destroyed everything, should they chose. In their realm, there was no threat, but here, they became too human, which made them too weak, they couldn't guarantee their power was safe, they couldn't be sure that one of their own wouldn't destroy all.
I understand too late though, maybe that was part of the plan though, had I known my future, I would never have allowed myself to get close to her, which means her amazing presence wouldn't have changed my life and given it purpose, more importantly, I would never have met Saharen. Perhaps that is why they can know what life has planned and we can't, since humans automatically hide from harm, whereas they have the strength to do whatever is required, even if it means submitting themselves to a painful death.
It's strange to suddenly have such understanding, it explain so much of the past, especially why she always seemed so depressed, also why she gave all she could to those around her, because she knew she wouldn't need anything and that those who's lives she improved, would need the hope and faith she gave them to continue after her passing. Why could you never explain anything to us Nef? Why did someone so kind have to live in so much pain? Strange that I feel so guilty now, I tried to take your pain away, but I couldn't, why should I feel guilty for something I couldn't change? Was it, perhaps because I failed to understand your pain? Gomen nasai Nefersheps.
~
Things have become strange since we arrived here, but I have yet to truly understand how. The group is split into two halves, those who know what is going on, and those who came because they were asked to, since our arrival here however, it seems the equality of the groups has become less. Both Seto and my brother seem to have been taken into Pharaoh's group of secrecy, though my ototo seemed to have problems with them earlier. I thought about asking him, but realistically, I know he wouldn't answer me, other than the fact that he is far too proud, he seems even less willing to talk than the others, which is strange. I spoke to Shadi earlier but his only interest is in helping Pharaoh and not in what is going on, or why they refuse to tell us anything. Perhaps I shall try talking to Malik anyway, I mean, all he can do is refuse to answer.
"Malik?"
"What is it neesan?"
He seems distracted and didn't even look up from whatever it is he is doing.
"I just wanted to make sure you're okay. You've been quiet and withdrawn."
"I'm fine neesan, just busy."
"Do you know what this is about? You have been speaking with Bakura a lot."
"That was about something else I'm afraid Ishizu, so I can't help."
"Okay, well I'd better leave you to get on then."
"Arigato neesan."
Now I'm worried about him, for him to be so distant and to pay so little attention isn't like Malik at all. My ototo is a perfectionist and is very good at knowing how to speak to people, he also always has time for me, after what happened before, he's always weary about how he presents himself to others.
This event that is to occur later tonight is also a concern, I know it is some sort of ritual and that it links to someone Pharaoh knew in the past, but that is all. We have no name, no title, no explanation as to why it is required, or what we have to do, though I believe the latter is because they didn't know at the time.
I suppose I had better get on myself, rather than worrying over things I have no knowledge of. I do not believe Pharaoh would have us do something dangerous, so I should simply apply myself to my duty, lest I fail the Pharaoh's wishes.
~-~
Yet another bizarre chapter, but at least I actually updated the fic, even if it did take me forever. I really have no idea what's happening with this fic any more but I think the poor thing is pushing its limits, so tell me if I'm wrong.
Anyway, hope you enjoyed and hope you review, since I seriously need inspiration to start writing again. I'll update whenever. Ja!