Disclaimer: I do not own Kyo Kara Maoh or its characters, and I am not making a profit from this fanfiction.
Chapter 18
Wolfram quietly walked along the castle's many halls and passageways, not going in any certain direction. His and Yuuri's fight ran repeatedly through his mind. Now that he had some time to cool down from his outrage, he was beginning to feel a marginal amount of guilt. To be fair, what Yuuri said was not okay and absolutely crossed a line, but Wolfram did not think Yuuri deserved to be accused of…that. Wolfram knew he eventually had to head back to his room, where Yuuri was sure to be waiting for him; but Wolfram could not bring himself to go there. He was so exhausted; he didn't have it in him to jump back into the endless circle of his job and what risks it entails with Yuuri. But if he was being honest with himself, he also was not eager to see Yuuri because he was so hurt by Yuuri's threats. They honestly terrified him because Yuuri absolutely had the power to take away everything that Wolfram was and worked his entire life for. Wolfram kept telling himself that Yuuri would not really do that, that all of that was said in anger and fear; but the more he told himself that, the less he believed it. It absolutely terrified him. Wolfram quickly wiped away an angry tear, not wanting to do anymore crying than he already has.
"His Majesty is worried about you," came the gentle voice of his brother, Conrad.
Wolfram's body immediately stiffened as he refused to look at his older brother. He was not in the mood to hear whatever excuses or validations he had for Yuuri right now.
"Well as you can see, I am fine," Wolfram answered back coldly.
"Hmm," was the only response from Conrad, but that one 'hmm' said more than any sentence could. In translation, his brother did not believe him for a second.
Wolfram finally sent an angry and suspicious glare at his brother as he growled out, "What exactly do you know?"
Conrad's gentle smile did not falter as he answered, "I do not know all the details, only what he threatened. And that, of course, he is worried sick."
Wolfram crossed his arms and turned away from that gentle smile, not wanting to be swayed so easily away from his anger. He had a right to be angry, dammit.
"I expect you are here to say he is in the right, can do no wrong, and I should just be okay with everything I ever worked for being ripped away with a snap of a finger," Wolfram bit out. Wolfram felt more bitter anger boil inside of him because of course his overprotective brother would be all for that idea.
There was a chuckle before Conrad responded, "Well if that is what you are expecting, I'm afraid I'm going to disappoint," his trademark gentle amusement evident in his tone.
Wolfram's head whirled back in Conrad's direction, as shocked green eyes gave Conrad another suspicious glare. "What," was all that Wolfram asked, not fully believing what he just heard. Conrad gave another gentle smile as he walked closer to Wolfram.
"I will not lie and say I haven't considered exactly what he threatened because I certainly have. I've had those thoughts ever since you started showing an interest in a military career. I was so scared when you started to express those aspirations. I had hoped you would pursue a career as an artist or a scholar, almost anything else would do as long it did not involve you ever seeing danger or your life being at risk. I can't count how many times I considered going to mother or Gwendal to convince them, knowing that I could eventually convince them. And when Yuuri came to our world and took his right as Maoh, I knew it would be even easier because I need only ask, and it would be done. Every single time you have ever been harmed, or kidnapped, or at risk; those thoughts returned. Even today when I experienced what is now a way too familiar feeling of paralyzing fear when I learned that once again how close I came to losing my precious baby brother."
With every confession, Wolfram's fists clenched even tighter to it was painful while all color drained from his face. Wolfram stared down at his boots, refusing to look up, as small trembles travel down his body. The realization of how fragile everything he had worked for was. Was it all so meaningless to the people who claimed to care about him? A set of gentle fingers threading themselves into his wavy hair interrupted his thoughts. The change was almost instant. The trembling in his body stopped, and he unclenched his fists. It was unfair how such a simple act of playing with his hair could soothe him more than any hug could. Even more unfair that almost every person in his life that had a hand in raising him, including Conrad, knew the trick. Wolfram almost wanted to pout. Conrad was playing dirty. The hand in his hair gently tilted his head back so that he was forced to look up at his brother's gentle gaze. A thumb gently wiped away a stray tear before stating, "Obviously I have never acted on that, and while I can't promise I won't be tempted to the next time you are hurt while on duty, I promise I will never actually try to take your unit or your titles from you. I would never hurt you like that." Whatever tension that remained in Wolfram's body melted away in relief at his brother's promise.
"I know you think so highly of Yuuri, that so often he has been your hero. But he is still a person and is as flawed as the rest of us. He is going to make mistakes; he is going to say and do stupid and hurtful things. Especially when he is scared for himself or those he loves. I'm not excusing what he threatened, just merely providing an explanation. We all act irrationally when we are scared, especially if we are scared that we are going to lose someone we love. You are going the act the same when one day Greta grows up and she starts to explore who she is and how she wants to express herself."
As Conrad's words wormed their way into Wolfram's mind, he felt some of the anger towards Yuuri dissolve a little bit. Stubborn that he was though, he refused to admit to that. Instead, he gave Conrad a cute scowl before saying, "Stop making sense." That earned Wolfram a soft chuckle and the hand that never left his hair gave a gentle ruffle. There was a moment of silence before Conrad gave Wolfram a gentle smile before saying softly, "I'm sorry he said those things to you. It's okay to feel hurt by them." The validation from Conrad was all it took for the tears that Wolfram kept trying to fight, came out in a sob. In second he was in Conrad's arms, crying into his chest. Conrad's hand was stroking his wavy hair while murmured comforting version of 'I'm here' and 'It's going to be alright.' When the tears finally stopped, Wolfram started to take a step back but was stopped when Conrad tightened his arms around Wolfram.
"Will you humor a worried brother, and let me hold you just a moment longer? I truly thought I had lost you today," Conrad whispered.
Wolfram did not hesitate when he stepped back into the hug, basking a little in the brotherly affection that was being showered on him, wanting to also return the affection. Out loud he gave a fake grumpy tone as he said, "Okay, I'll allow it for you." He could almost hear the smile Conrad was sure to be doing when he responded with a gentle, "Thank you." After a few more moments, Wolfram felt Conrad's arms around him tighten a final time before stepping back, smiling gratefully at Wolfram.
"Will you come back with me to Yuuri's office? He is very worried and really wants a chance to talk with you."
Wolfram felt some of the tension return to his shoulders and he stared back down at his boots. Fear and uncertainty bubbled their way up again, but a gentle hand finding its way back into his hair stopped it. This time Wolfram looked up at his older brother's gentle eyes without prompt.
"Yuuri made a mistake," Conrad gently reminded, "give him a chance to fix it."
"What if he doesn't want to fix it," Wolfram voiced his fears aloud in a small voice, "what if he wants to follow through on what he said?"
Conrad's smile did not falter as he stated, "Then I will do everything I can to convince him to change his mind."
"Really," Wolfram asked, voice still small and vulnerable as he searched Conrad's eyes for any insincerity.
"You have my word," Conrad promised. "Every time those thoughts came back to me, including today, I remind myself by doing that, I will be stripping you of a huge part of who you are and your identity. That I will essentially trap you in an invisible prison. That is not a way to love anyone. I wouldn't want that done to me, so I'm not going to do that to you. I will never stop wishing that you chose a safer career or that you weren't so fearless and brave, but my wish for you to be happy and free to be the person you want to be will always win over that wish. Yuuri is still young, you both are. But I have no doubt that he will eventually come to realize that just as I do every time."
Wolfram bit his bottom lip in thought for a short moment before finally nodding his head, and saying, "Okay, I'll talk with him." Inside he was pleading to whoever was listening that Conrad was right, and Yuuri wouldn't follow through on those threats.
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Wolfram felt they arrived in front of Yuuri's office door too soon. Wolfram worried his bottom lip as he stared at the door. He felt his throat tighten again as he wondered what would be waiting for him on the other side of the door. Would he get his gentle and kind, Yuuri; or will he have to face the person he got a glimpse of earlier that could take everything away from him. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Conrad step next to the door and lean against the wall.
"You're not coming in with me," Wolfram asked worriedly.
"I thought it would be best to give you both privacy while you talk this out. So you don't have to worry about someone else listening in on personal matters," Conrad answered with a gentle smile.
The idea of going in there alone distracted him so much, it would be later till Wolfram stopped to think what Conrad meant by personal matters. Instead, he took a hesitant step away from the office door, suddenly not feeling so sure anymore. A comforting hand on his shoulder stopped any further steps. Wolfram looked over to Conrad and relaxed a little at the reassuring smile.
"It will be alright," Conrad assured softly.
Wolfram gave Conrad a hesitant smile before finally taking another step towards the office door and gave a gentle door. Immediately he heard an anxious 'enter' from the other side. Wolfram looked once more at Conrad, who gave him an encouraging nod. Wolfram took a breath before finally opening the door and stepping through. Yuuri was pacing back and forth in front of his desk and was running a nervous hand through his hair. Wolfram took one look at Yuuri's face with red puffy eyes and dried tear tracks, and Wolfram instantly felt all fears and insecurities melt away. And when Yuuri ran to him and wrapped Wolfram in his arms, he had already completely forgiven him before Yuuri even let the first apology fall.
"I'm so sorry, Wolf. I'm such an idiot. I don't know why I said that, but please know I would never do that to you. I would never hurt or disrespect you like that. I'm so sorry, please forgive me. I swear, I would never do that. I get so stupid when I think I'm going to lose you, but that's not an excuse. I'm sorry… I'm so sorry," Yuuri babbled out, and if Wolfram didn't stop him, Wolfram had no doubt more apologies would spill from his mouth. Wolfram wrapped his own arms around Yuuri's waist and stroked his back.
"I know, Yuuri. All is forgiven. I'm sorry too," Wolfram stated softly.
Yuuri immediately stepped back from Wolfram's arms and shook his head, "No, you have nothing to…" But Wolfram stopped him by gently placing a finger at Yuuri's lips.
"What you said was not okay, but what I said was just as much not okay and unfair," Wolfram gave into the temptation to caress Yuuri's soft cheek before saying, "I know you would never do that to me."
Yuuri smiled gently at Wolfram and brought his hand up to wipe away a tear that Wolfram didn't realize slid free as he said, "I'm so sorry I hurt you."
Wolfram smiled as he gently grasped the hand on his cheek as he assured, "All is forgiven."
Yuuri responded with a relieved and happy smile and leaned in as if to give a kiss. Stepping away from it was the hardest thing Wolfram ever had to do, and the confused hurt on Yuuri's face almost broke his resolve. Wolfram shoved those thoughts away though. He needs to stop this here before irreparable damage is done to their friendship.
"Yuuri, this arrangement needs to end," Wolfram stated gently.
Yuuri face immediately pale as he grasped desperately at Wolfram's hands, "Wolfram, I'm really sorry for what I said. I swear I would never…," Yuri started but Wolfram gently placed a finger at his lips to silence him.
"That's not what this is about," Wolfram assured gently, "I was already planning on having this conversation even before the ambush."
"It's been going great," Yuuri pleaded.
"That's the problem," Wolfram answered back.
Yuuri blinked at Wolfram in confusion as he propped his body against the corner of his desk before saying, "I don't understand."
"Yuuri I still love you as much as when we were still engaged. This has been too good," Wolfram confessed, hoping Yuuri would get what he was saying. Instead, he felt Yuuri gently grasp his hips and tug him closer, spreading his legs to accommodate for the intimate closeness.
"So don't leave me," Yuuri pleaded.
"I'm not leaving you. We will still be best friends. We will still work together. I will always be your protector. We just won't be having sex. It's just this… this game… that will be ending," Wolfram explained. He frowned when he thought Yuuri looked legitimately confused for a second.
"It's not a game," was Yuuri's hurried defense.
"Then what is it," Wolfram asked in a confused frown. He looked at the sad and lost gaze on Yuuri's face, wondering what his Maoh was thinking. A small tingle of hope began to spark within him, but Wolfram immediately shoved it back down. That was exactly what he was trying to prevent.
"It's… it's…," Yuuri faltered as he desperately tried to explain, only to frown when an answer did not immediately come to him.
Wolfram gently ran his fingers through Yuuri's hair before saying, "Whatever it is, it's not real," Wolfram stated gently. When sad black eyes look into his own, Wolfram softly said, "You once said that I deserve to be with someone who is as in love with me as I am with him. Do I not still deserve that?"
"Of course, you do," was Yuuri's immediate and shock answer.
Wolfram smiled as he gently stilled the hand that had been absently caressing his hip before saying, "That will never happen if this," he gestured between the two of them, "keeps happening." Yuuri opened his mouth, but Wolfram gently placed his finger at those lips, fearing his resolve would crumble at whatever Yuuri said next. "Yuuri, all this will do is give me hope for something that will never happen," Wolfram gave Yuuri a pleading look, "I don't want to go through that hurt again."
Immediately, Yuuri's shoulders slumped down in defeat as he let his hands fall back down into his lap. Yuuri's head hung down and his sad eyes refused to meet Wolfram's own. Yuuri grasped Wolfram's hand gently, bringing it to his lips for a gentle kiss.
"I'm a terrible person. I keep hurting you," Yuuri finally stated.
Wolfram tilted Yuuri's chin back up to look at him, "Hey, I'm an adult who made his own choices. I'm the one who is responsible for my choices." Wolfram gave a teasing smile before saying, "Besides, it takes two to tango, remember?" Yuuri finally smiled and let out a laugh as he nodded.
Yuuri squeezed Wolfram's hand a final time before giving Wolfram a gentle smile and saying, "Okay, I'll behave from now on."
Wolfram couldn't help but laugh before he tapped the tip of Yuuri's nose. "We'll both behave," he gently corrected.
Wolfram stepped back from his proximity to Yuuri and gave a happy smile when he said, "It's been a long day. I'm going to retire for the night. You should retire yourself. You look exhausted," he gently suggested.
Yuuri smiled back before saying, "I will soon. There are some things I need to wrap up here, but I will call it a night soon."
Wolfram gave a worried frown before turning fully to face Yuuri and saying, "I can wait. Maybe I can help wrap it up quicker."
Yuuri shook his head with an appreciative smile before saying, "Thank you, but it's all stuff that requires my attention. Besides, you look exhausted yourself. Go rest," he gently ordered.
Wolfram hesitated a moment before nodding his head to acknowledge the order. Wolfram started to turn back towards the door, but Yuuri gently grabbing his wrist stopped him.
"I want you and your men to take the day off tomorrow," Yuuri stated softly, but Wolfram saw the order for what it was. Wolfram nodded his head again, "Of course. I'll ensure we all do nothing but rest tomorrow."
Yuuri gave him a grateful smile, but he did not let go of Wolfram's wrist. Wolfram frowned. "Yuuri…,' Wolfram gently warned.
"Can I hold you," Yuuri suddenly asked, "just for a few seconds?" When Wolfram did not immediately answer, he gently tugged Wolfram a fraction closer. "Please," he asked again. Wolfram took one look at the puffy bags under his eyes and dried tear tracks on his tired face and did not have it in him to refuse. Telling himself it was just a hug, he stepped into Yuuri's arms without a word. When Yuuri's arms tightened around him and his hand buried itself into his wavy locks, Wolfram hugged him back and once again stroke his back in comfort.
"I was so scared today," Yuuri whispered so softly, Wolfram wasn't sure he was supposed to hear. Regardless he whispered back, "I'm okay." In response, Yuuri tightened his arms once more before taking a step back and smiling at Wolfram.
"Good night, Wolf. Have sweet dreams."
"Good night, Yuuri," Wolfram answered back, "sweet dreams."
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When he closed the door to Yuuri's office behind him, Wolfram took a second to lean back against it and let out a sigh of relief. It was short lived though when he heard the sound of the lock on the other side of the door clicking in place. Wolfram frowned but chalked it up to Yuuri wanting privacy so he could quickly wrap up whatever remaining work he had.
"How did it go," Conrad asked, distracting Wolfram.
"It went okay," Wolfram stated sincerely with a small smile as moved to face Conrad.
"Are you two going to be okay?"
Wolfram looked back at Yuuri's door before answering, "Yeah, I think we will."
"I'm so happy to hear that. Would be disappointed in myself if things weren't okay," Conrad answered with his ever-present gentle smile.
Wolfram raised an eyebrow at that before asking, "Why in yourself?"
"Older brothers are supposed to make everything better. It's in the job description. Just ask Shouri," Conrad teased.
Wolfram let out a small chuckle and shook his head, telling himself that older brothers were ridiculous sometimes.
"Wolfram," Conrad suddenly stated in a serious voice, grabbing Wolfram's attention. "I hope you know that despite all I said earlier, I am so very proud of you. I'm proud of your accomplishments and the person you have become. Not a day goes by where I am proud to call you my brother."
Wolfram felt himself melt completely as he gave Conrad a big and genuine smile, "Thank you… Little Big Brother." Conrad smiled back and could not resist ruffling those blonde waves one more time. He laughed at Wolfram's cute scowl as he tried to fix his unruly hair.
"Will you let me escort you to your room," Conrad asked when Wolfram finally forfeited the battle with his hair. Wolfram nodded with a smile, letting a comfortable silence envelope them as they made their way towards his room.
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In his office, Yuuri held his breath as he listened for Conrad's and Wolfram's retreating steps. When he could no longer hear their steps, he finally let the breath go as he collapsed against the door. He let his body slide down the door until he was sitting on the floor with his knees drawn up. He buried his face into his arms, and finally let go of the sobs that had been threatening to burst because for the first time, his heart was broken.