A/N: The muse just wouldn't let this story line go. One of those that just scratches at you till you say "Fine, I'll continue." That and friends saying you should continue. So between the two we have this "Who Am I?" I hope it will be the same quality the original was, don't be afraid to call me on it. Go back and read Like Father, Like Mother, Like Me if you haven't and you should be on the right page cause this could get confusing. This story is about Olivia's search for herself and the question of Alex. Enjoy

Who Am I?

Sequel to Like Father, Like Mother, Like Me.

1.

Olivia sat in the overstuffed, black leather chair, her mind running over the happenings of the last few days.

Alex was home; she was living at her mother's town house until she found a new place. The ADA's office was trying to figure out what to do with her. They wanted to use her, but for now all places were filled. She was also looking at teaching at Hudson University for a class, just one.

Olivia had finally made it through her flu, Alex had hung around a lot, making sure she was eating and keeping her company when she slept. She slept better when Alex was around. She was returning to work today, she talked to Huang about it. He had told her that he would give his approval to Cragen, since she took a mental health leave, if she started to see his friend Dr. Mays.

So here she sat.

Dr. Angie Mays looked up from the paperwork that Olivia had filled out.

"So, Olivia, where would you like to start."

Olivia shrugged.

"Okay why don't we start with your nightmares over the past two years, you wrote that you have been having nightmares over the last 2 years and worsening in the last few months."

Olivia nodded.

"Was there a common theme?"

Olivia nodded again.

"Would you like to talk about them, any of them, all of them?" Dr. Mays said softly.

"I guess we could discuss the ones about my father."

"Are they the most common?"

"No, not since college… I'm not ready to talk about my most recent ones." Olivia said quietly.

"Fair enough. What about the dreams dealing with your father." She glanced down at her paperwork looking for paternal information.

"You didn't write anything on your parental history."

"I don't know my father," Olivia stated plainly.

"What are the nightmares like if don't know who your father is?"

"Correction doctor, I didn't say I didn't know who my father was. I just don't have a face or name."

Dr. Mays looked in Olivia's eyes waiting for her to continue.

"I know exactly who my father is. My nightmares are about me becoming or being who my father is… My father is a rapist, a violent man."

Dr. Mays nodded, "Have you ever felt aggression, sexually toward anyone?"

Olivia sighed and placed her elbows on her knees, resting her head in her hands.

"I feel aggression all the time toward the perps we get at SVU. But I guess that's not the kind of aggression you want me to talk about."

"If you want to we can talk about it."

"No, No I'll answer your question." Olivia took a deep breath.

"Once, in college. It is something I try so hard to forget, but can't, it reminds me of who I don't want to become."

"Hmm" Dr. Mays waited to see if Olivia would continue.

"We all went out to a party, I was 19, young, my whole group and I had too much to drink. I saw a younger girl, she was 18 I think, she hadn't been drinking, which is a good thing looking back on it. I tried to make a move on her, for some reason it felt right, I don't know; college was a confusing time." It still is, she thought.

"Anyway, she pushed away from my advances. That got me angry I wanted to show her, show her what happens when I get denied. I had a moment of clarity; I never actually hurt her. Before I could I ran out of the building and threw up outside. My friends found me 2 hours later in the grass, curled up. The aggression I felt transferred to anger at myself. The dreams are always what ifs, what if I didn't stop myself. What if?"

"Olivia, you were intoxicated. I understand though, I do. You feel that because those thoughts and feelings coursed through you that you are like your father, but think of this. Your father wouldn't have stopped. You stopped. You're not your father. You stopped. And being intoxicated, that takes strength; you are a very strong woman Olivia."

Olivia looked up at Dr. Mays. She remembered George telling her something similar that morning in the crash room, but it felt different coming from someone outside of her world.

"Alright. Our hour is up, I'll see you in a couple days?"

Olivia nodded, gathered her leather jacket and waved goodbye as she left the office.

&&&

Olivia put on her detective face before entering the precinct. She was ready for this she had to be. She drew up all her confidence and strolled through the doors of the SVU, draping her coat over her chair.

No sooner had she gotten a cup of coffee and welcome backs from all the guys then Cragen came flying out of his office at full speed.

"We got a big one guys. A house with three young girls was vandalized. Mom and Dad where out, babysitter was found murdered. The young girls are being hospitalized for observation, they witnessed it. Olivia, Elliot I want the two of you to check out the scene then go to the hospital to see the girls. Munch, Fin I got another case for you, delivery guy claims that one of his customers sexually assaulted him, The customer also claims assault. It's a he said she said case, check it out. Its gonna require travel time, the customer lives out on Long Island, the delivery man and company are stationed here in Manhattan." Cragen finished his debriefment then handed the respect files out.

"Olivia are you ready for this?"

"Yeah Cap I can handle it."

Olivia and Elliot head out to the sedan while Munch and Fin decide the best place to start.

&&&

/A few hours later back at the station/

Elliot and Olivia sat at their desks going over all the information that they had. It seemed as though the assailant entered the apartment around 9, figuring that it was empty and found the babysitter on the couch. The kids were already in their rooms. The commotion awoke the kids and brought them out into the living room. He didn't notice them; he did the babysitter in. They were waiting on a rape kit. Lucky the kids were not physically hurt, and if there was a rape they didn't see it. The oldest one who was 7 was able to give them a description of the guy. White, younger then Elliot, about her Dad's height, which is 5'10", it was dark so she couldn't see his face, but he had a hat on anyway. The hat was red, with no words. He had on a dark sweatshirt, and dark pants with white sneakers, she remembered the sneakers she had said. She likes white sneakers. It was a good description for a 7-year-old, but it wouldn't get them too far, yet anyway.

Just as Olivia and Elliot were finishing the paperwork on the follow-ups, statements, and going over the evidence one more time, for the night, Alex entered the squad room.

"Hey guys, rough day?" Alex asked taking in the detectives' haggard looks.

"Yeah you could say that." Elliot replied. "What brings you to this neck of the woods?"

"Well I got a lot of great news today and I wanted to share it with friends."

"Oh do share." Munch cooed as he and Fin entered the room, looking tired themselves.

"Well I just got back from Branch's office. They decided that I would be a consultant for the ADA's office until they could ease me back into a spot, I guess one of the ADA's in another unit is up for promotion soon. Anyway I'll be a consultant for the Manhattan SVU and for City Policies in Manhattan. The only reason I got SVU is because of my experience, the board made sure I was very clear on that. Branch is filling Casey in now, she missed the meeting."

"Hey congratulations Alex. It will be great getting to work with you again."

"Thanks Fin, but Casey is the primary, I'm just for consulting and I can get you warrant's when she is unavailable."

"So what other good news you acted like you had lots of stuff to share." Elliot said his eyes dancing.

"I was accepted as a teacher for an advanced public justice course at Hudson University. They were really excited to hear I wanted the position. I'm just teaching one course, on Tuesdays and Thursday mornings but it should be fun, and I'll still have enough time for the ADA's office if a spot does open up."

"That's great Alex. You sound so excited."

"I am, thanks Captain."

Olivia remained quiet through out the entire conversation, taking everything that Alex had to say. She really was back now wasn't she?

"Hey Alex we gotta get out of here for a while, why don't you join us for a drink."

"Sounds great, Thanks Munch." She smiled. It felt great to be part of the gang again.

&&&

They all sat around the table a pitcher of Beer in the middle, all their glasses filled. Cragen had a bottle of Pepsi he was enjoying. They were laughing about nonsense, reminiscing about when Alex first came into the SVU.

Casey entered the bar; she scanned the room looking for the detectives. She located them, hearing Fin's laugh. She saw Alex, head back, laughing at the story that was being told by Munch and Elliot. The Captain was chuckling and Olivia looked lost in the moment.

She marched up to the table. Everyone stopped laughing for a moment to welcome her and invite her, but she didn't want to intrude. She just started talking.

"Congratulations Alexandra, I'm sure it will be a pleasure working with you, but don't get the idea that I'm going to need you."

With that she spun around and left the bar, leaving the detectives and the Former ADA watching her leave with befuddled expressions ontheir faces.

"What was that all about?" Fin asked.

"I think I over stepped my bounds when I first meet her."

"No you didn't, she just thinks she can handle everything." Elliot reassured her.

"Well I have to get out of here, we have a lot to do in the morning, I'll see everyone bright and early."

A chorus of "yes Cap" went around the table as they each got ready to leave.

Elliot caught up with Olivia on her way out.

"Liv, are you okay, you seemed distant in there."

"Yeah El, I was just thinking."

"Okay, well if you ever need to talk I'm here partner."

"Thanks El. I'll see you tomorrow."

&&&

/Olivia's/

Olivia entered her living room, she decided to tidy up a little before trying to sleep. She started folding the blankets around the couch, she never got a chance to put everything away from being sick. As she glided around the room replacing pillows and straightening books her mind started to wander.

She remembered when she saw Alex for the first time. She was so happy to see her, but she was so sick she couldn't express it. She remembered how it felt to sleep with Alex so close, she slept peacefully when Alex watched over her.

Olivia finished up in the living room and headed for a quick shower before turning in. She wanted to be able to get to the precinct early so they could catch the creep they were after.