Hello, my loyal fans! 'Tis I, DarkWarLordofDoomness! Well, it's Sunday, so there's nothin' but reruns on the tv, and even though I haven't played videogames in almost a month, they bore me right now. It's the curse of Sunday. I'm a liiiiiiiittle....stuck....on Money Management for SSBM. Well, not stuck, just sitting like a lump waiting for inspiration. So I figured, "Hey! Why not work on some pointless, stupid idea that's been rotting in my head for a week!!" So here I am! (rock you like a hurricane) Now on to the disclaimer!!

Disclaimer: If I owned SSBM,

I would bake

the characters in a pie.

Such havoc they would make,

Right before they'd die,

If I owned them all,

Life would be so sweet,

Life would be a ball,

That big pie I would eat,

But I can't. I don't own 'em.

That pie I cannot scoff,

If you try to sue me then,

I will say, "F-& OFF!!"

Super Smash Spies Mission 1: Wash the Car

There are many workers in the government. Some are hated and feared, like those tax guys. Some are lauded and loved, like firefighters. Some are considered cool, like those Secret Service people. Some.....I actually don't know where I'm going with this so I'll just get to the point.

There is a very, very secret little section of the government. The agents within it operate in silence and secrecy. Their jobs consist of everything from locating assassination plots and preventing wars to spying and picking up pizza. They are.......

The Super Smash Spies!!!

28/9/04 800hours The City That Sleeps until Noon

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEE-SMASH!!! Beep! Beep! Beep! Bee-SMASH! beep! bee- SMASH!! SMASH!! SMASH!! be-SMASH!!!!!!!!!

Captain Falcon flopped back into bed. That stupid alarm wasn't just annoying, it was as hard to kill as a cockroach. Within minutes of his rude awakening he was oblivious to the surrounding world once again. Well, he was until-

"I said WAKE UP YOU IDIOT!!!"

Samus kindly picked up where the alarm left off.

"Jus' a few mo' min......"

"No! You were supposed to be downstairs an hour ago! Didn't your alarm-" Samus's eyes landed on the pathetic, smoking remains of the alarm clock. Captain Falcon started to snore again. What can a bounty hunter-turned-secret agent do when her fellow agent won't wake up?

KABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMM!!!!!!!!!

She can blast his butt off, that's what. Captain Falcon finally dragged himself out of bed, and Samus assisted him by dragging him to the Mission Control Room. She was so nice, she even helped him clean up by throwing him into the washing machine.

I'm going to stop now and talk about their super secret underground home. It was shaped like a beehive, and it was all underground. On the surface level, it was disguised as an Italian restaurant. The bottom level was where the Mission Control Room was. The second lowest level was where the kitchen and the living room was. The rest were either labs or bedrooms. There were stairs that could be used to go from level to level, but these were scorned in favor of the cool elevators.

The elevators were a marvel of technology. Well....maybe they weren't, but they were still really, really, really, really cool!! The elevators moved twice as fast as normal ones, and they were made of a clear plastic that was almost as strong as steel. They also had lots of buttons.

The Access Area was just below the surface level. Whenever the Smashers returned, they had to go through eye scans, passwords, fingerprint scans, and then look at the camera in the corner so the supercomputer could identify their faces. Only the most important officers had the codes necessary to reprogram the computers.

When Samus and Captain Falcon reached the Mission Control room, everyone else was already gathered around the tape recorder with their mission on it. They impatiently waited for the two ex-bounty hunters to take their seats. Mario was the team leader, with Link as second-in-command. Mewtwo was an experienced hacker and he maintained the electronic equipment they used. Zelda was currently spying in some foreign country. Kirby was a master of disguise, and was able to sneak into buildings unnoticed. (A.N. Don't laugh....don't laugh....please don't laugh...XD HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!) Fox and Falco were wild cards. They had excellent shooting and piloting skills and could punch and kick as well as any of their foes, but they were hotheaded and had a tendency to sometimes go against orders. Luigi spent most of his time in the restaurant and was mostly just back-up. Marth and Roy were balanced, reliable agents. Well, Marth was. Roy was their explosives expert, and at times his temper matched his weapon of choice. The last member, Peach, was self-centered and whiny, but she had two machine guns and she knew how to use them. There was no ignoring her piloting skills either.

Mario turned on the cassette player. Master Hand's voice soon addressed them.

"There is a foreign diplomat who has come to negotiate with the president. His car is very dirty. You need to take the car and get it cleaned and returned by 1300 hours. Should you fail this mission, you will be forever known as pathetic idiots with too much funding, just like every other military department. This message will self destruct in....NOW!!! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!

Link wiped soot out of his eyes. "I wish he wouldn't do that."

Mario shook his hat. "There is no time to lose. Peach, Fox, Falco, prepare for flight. Marth, Mewtwo, Kirby, and Samus, prepare to go skydiving."

Marth paled ever so slightly but nodded. Mewtwo frowned. He didn't like going on missions. He prefered fiddling with computers and being left alone. Kirby hopped up and down with excitement, and Samus idly wondered if jumping out of a plane was scarier than facing down a planet of hostile creatures.

1120 hours: Above the White House

"Kay guys, in ten seconds you need to jump."

"Alright...."

"Why do I have to come along?"

"Why can't you shut up!?"

"Five seconds...."

"Yaaaaay! I get to be on a mission, I get to be on a mission!"

"Kirby, quit dancing!"

"Two......"

"I'm an electonics expert, not a lackey."

"GO!!!"

Kirby jumped out first, followed by Mewtwo and Samus. Marth took a deep breath, then jumped.

"WHEEEEEEEE!!! AAAAH!!!" Kirby was so light the wind blew him off course.

'Don't look down...don't look down...' Marth opened one eye, then, feeling sick, closed it and started to mentally go over every single prayer he knew, and parts of those he didn't.

Mewtwo continued to grumble to himself about idiotic leaders sending him on pointless missions.

After what felt like an eternity to some, they were low enough to release the parachutes and land. Kirby finally managed to get back on course and Marth found some bushes to throw up in.

"There's the foreign diplomat's car." The Mission Impossible theme played as Samus ran over to it. "Mewtwo, open it, wouldja?"

"............" The car door unlocked.

"Thanks!" Samus tried to open it, but it was jammed.

Kirby studied it closely while Samus unsuccessfully tried to open it again. He opened his mouth and sucked the door off.

"Thank you....ug...so much Kirby. Now we have less than two hours to get the door on and wash it!" Marth ran back to the barf bush.

Kirby's face fell as he studied his boots. "I just wanted to help..." he muttered.

Samus slapped her helmet. "Okay, Mewtwo, get that door back on. Kirby, start cleaning the interior."

"With what?'

"This from a living vacuum cleaner."

"Oh."

"Marth, help me wash the outside."

They worked quickly. There was very little time left. Mewtwo took advantage of his psychic powers by using them to hold the door in place and turning his shadow ball into a makeshift torch. Kirby diligently sucked up crumbs, then tried to dry the exterior. This caused one of the mirrors to fall off. Marth was still disoriented by the skydiving and barfed on the car, eating away at some of the black paint. After it was cleaned away, Kirby scribbled on it with a sharpie to hide the spot.

Marth checked his watch. "We're outta time!!"

Samus ran to see if the diplomat was coming. He was. "We have to go!"

Mewtwo, being a perfectionist, said, "If I stop now, the door will-"

"It doesn't matter! We need to go." So they hiked to the pick-up point in the woods where Fox, Peach, and Falco had parked the jet.

The diplomat got in his car and drove away, oblivious to the missing headlight and slightly torn upholstery. When he finally reached his house in Russia, which he somehow managed to drive to from the White House, the door fell off and burst into flame.

"Good job, spies. You will recieve another mission tomorrow morning. This message will self-destruct in 30 seconds... 30...29....28...1!!!" BOOOOOOOOOOOMM!!!!!

"I hate it when he does that..."

YoU hAvE rEaChEd ThE eNd Of ChApTeR 1

There you go! A chapter of off-the-top-of-my-head nonsense!! Oh, I meant to say this earlier. I got the idea for this story from Whose Line Is It Anyway? They have that game where Colin and Ryan act like secret agents with stupid missions. It's so funny. Anyway, adios until the next update.

This fic will self-destruct unless you press the purple button.