DarkWarLordofDoomness: Nyuh...I'm sorry people, I'd have gotten this chapter up sooner, but my compy's been acting up. (coughs) Plus, I have a folder.
StevetheEvilTomato: Uh, yeah, so does everyone else who goes to school.
DarkWarLordofDoomness: (smacks Steve) Not THAT kind of folder, you idiot!!(voice starts to croak) A cold and a fever!! FOLDER!!!
Steve: Aw, you poor wittle thing.
DarkWarLordofDoomness: And I had to go to school on Monday even though I was about to throw up, and even though I got no sleep cause I had to keep blowing my nobe....(sneezes)
Steve: oO (covered in snot) Ew. Ew. Ew.
DarkWarLordofDoomness:.......because I had THREE tests that day, in math, French, and English. And the English test was on Romeo and Juliet, acts one and two. Thang Gob it (blows nose) was open book. And math was on those stupid matrices.
Steve: Ew. Ew. Ew. (still covered in snot)
Disclaimer:
TheLazyJellyfishWithoutWrath:.....(wakes up) DarkWar-person doesn't own anything except Steve......(flops thoughtfully) She doesn't own me either....She....uh....also doesn't own me or the EskimoThatSaysBeardo. We belong to Skye Agony, Guitarist of Skies.
DarkWarLordofDoomness: Why are you still here!?!?! Evil jellyfish...(coughs and sneezes at the same time)
Lazy: (flops)
Mission 3.0: Find the Eskimo a.k.a. One Very Bad Morning PART ONE!!!
630 hours in the City That Sleeps Until Noon
Do-Do-Do-dadodado-do do do do-do do do dun dun dun dunananun.......
The mushroom-shaped alarm blasted the ever famous tune for precisely ten seconds before a gloved fist knocked it off the table and against the wall.
'It can't be six-thirty already.....' Mario was just about to drift into luxurious, warm, dream-filled sleep when...
"SIX THIRTY!?! HOW THE HECK CAN IT BE SIX THIRTY!!!"
A little birdy told him that it was indeed 6:30.
"YOU STAYED UP ALL NIGHT WATCHING INTERNET CARTOONS, STUPID!!!!!!!"
"YOU DON'T HAVE TO YELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"Why-a can't they-a let me sleep?" Mario groaned.
"YOU WOKE ME UP!!!!"
"HOW!?!?!" There was a loud whacking noise.
"BY YELLING SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!"
"FOX, FALCO, WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU TWO IDIOTS YELLING ABOUT!?!?!?!?"
"FALCO WOKE ME UP!!!!!"
"WELL, YOU.........STINK!" Smooth.
"PEACH, WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON!?!?"
"ROY, THESE TWO IDIOTS WOKE ME UP!!!!!!!!!"
"WELL, YOU WOKE ME UP WITH YOUR YELLING!!!"
"WOULD YOU! ALL! STOP! YELLING!!!"
Silence. Sweet, beautiful, delightful silence. It was so beautiful, it almost made Mario cry with the sheer relief of it all.
Then all heck broke loose.
"DON'T TELL ME TO SHUT UP!!!!!" There followed a sound similar to the sound of someone getting punched.
"I DIDN'T!! THAT WAS HIM!!!" More punching sounds.
"I CAN'T MEDITATE WITH YOU ALL YELLING!!!" That sounded like Mewtwo. Several crashes shook the entire underground secret base.
"THEN STOP YELLING!!"
"YOU!!!" Noises sounding suspiciously like a blaster and a paintball machine gun erupted.
Mario buried his head under his pillow. That didn't work. Neither did the supposedly soundproof earmuffs. Frustrated and tired, Mario did the only sensible thing. He ran headlong into the fray.
"Everyone stop it!!!" He unleashed his mighty punches and kicks on the noisy ones.
"Hey, Mario, this doesn't concern you!!" Falco threw him across the room.
Mario, as a retort, removed his glove and slapped him across the face. Everyone gasped.
"That stings..." Falco sniffed.
"Will you all shutta up, and go abouta your daily buisness-a now-a!?!?!"
"Okay, okay..."
"Sheesh."
"Grouch."
Mario twitched in annoyance.
"Everyone-a, go to-a your-a rooms, get ready for work, and meet-a me in the Mission Control room in-a one hour!"
"Uh, Mario, I'm sorta tired from that fight, so couldn't it be a little longer? You know, just so we could rest a little...?"
"ONE hour!"
"Aw crud...."
Mario retreated into his room and got dressed. He then went to the Access Room, but bumped into Luigi, who was on his way in with breakfast.
"Hey-a, Mario, whatsa with all-a the racket-a?"
"Nothing-a, just a little-a disagreementa. It was-a easily solved-a. PANCAKES!!!"
Luigi smiled. If there was one thing he was proud of, it was his cooking.
"I've gotta several-a different-a types of syrup, and a choice between strawberries-a, pecans-a, and-a bananas."
Mario helped him with the huge platter. Their agents ate a LOT. The brothers carried it down the hall. As they got closer to where the bathroom was located, they started hearing a lot of noise. Mario left Luigi holding the huge platter, and ran to the end of the hall. He peeked around the corner.
One, big, long line of grumpy spies, all dressed in bathrobes of various lengths and colors, and holding assortments of towels and hair products, waited in front of the bathroom. The ones at the front of the line were glaring at those behind them, daring someone to try cutting in front of them. Those at the back were either sullen and resigned to a shower with cold water, or they looked as though they were about to dare cutting in front of the lucky ones at the beginning of the line.
Marth was dealing with an unusual combination of feelings. Firstly, he was smug at having gotten there before all those poor saps behind him. But he was also furious at himself for letting Peach get in there before him.
"PEACH!!! YOU'VE BEEN IN THERE FOR TWENTY MINUTES!!!! WE NEED SHOWERS, TOO!!"
Peach, her voice slightly muffled, responded huffily, "I, unlike the rest of you, have beautiful hair that needs special treatment!"
Marth glared at the door. She was forgetting who she was talking to. "Hey, ROY!!!"
"What?"
"Come here!!"
"No way. I've been standing here for twenty minutes. I'm not about to get out of line!" Roy was towards the middle of the line.
".............I'll let you cut!"
Roy was there in a second. Those who had been in front of Roy protested loudly.
"That's cheating!"
"No cuts!"
"SHUT UP!!!!" Marth turned to Roy. "Think you can get this lock off?"
Roy inspected it for a second, then sped towards his room.
"I'll take that as a yes."
Mario, having seen enough, ran back to where Luigi was. "We'll be taking a little detour."
Roy was back in less than a minute. He was carrying a small assortment of things, as well as a pair of goggles. After setting them up, he retreated to a safe distance, around five feet away.
In the bathroom, Peach stepped daintily out of the shower. She would be nice (for once) and shorten her the amount of time it took to take a shower. After all, Marth was gonna be mad enough once he learned that she'd used up his shampoo.
She threw on a pair of flares and a t-shirt that said "Bite me". She would put on make-up in her room, away from the mob of people outside the door.
'Funny......it's usually not this bad.....' Then again, they usually woke up at different times, and usually without an all-out brawl.
Peach opened the bathroom door, prepared to bask in her generosity.
At the same time Peach opened the door, Roy pushed the button that caused the explosive stuff attached to the door knob to blow up.
The smoke was everywhere. Everyone was coughing, and they were all now desperately in need of a shower.
Peach, her hair sizzling, glared at Roy. He was about to experience a lot of pain.
Suddenly, an annoying little series of beeping noises came out of nowhere. Everyone, wanting to know where they came from, looked up.
And the fire alarm triggered the sprinklers.
In the Mission Control Room...
Mario stared at the soggy pancakes in front of him.
"Which idiot caused-a the sprinklers to-a go off-a!?!"
Almost a dozen fingers pointed at Roy.
"Uh......Marth told me to do it!!"
The glares aimed at Roy switched to Marth.
"Hey! I wouldn't have asked him to do it if Peach hadn't taken so long!"
Everyone's eyes swiveled towards Peach.
"Well.......I wouldn't have needed to take one then if Mario hadn't told everyone to be ready in less than an hour!"
Eighteen eyes glared at Mario.
"................Just play-a Master Hands' message......" Mario massaged his forehead with his fingers. He could feel one mama-mia of a headache coming.
"Hello, spies. We have recently recieved information from Zelda. The information that Zelda gave us tells us that we need to get information from an eskimo who says "beardo" at the end of each sentence. You need to find the eskimo. Should you fail this mission, I will be very mad at you."
No one cared. They were waiting for the "This message will self-destruct" line.
"And so will Zelda."
They cared a little bit more when he said that, especially Link.
"Since you have a tough mission ahead of you, I will be nice today. This message will not blow up, just quietly erase itself."
Everyone sighed with relief. Things were looking up. Maybe the day wouldn't be entirely bad.
"We believe the eskimo in question is in Antarctica at the moment."
Probably not.
"And that thing about the tape not self-destructing? I lied."
KABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Make that definately not.
EnD oF tHiS cHaPpIe- Do YoU hAtE mE nOw?
DarkWarLordofDoomness: Wow. This chapter ended up being longer that I thought it was going to be. So long, I have to make it TWO chapters. The second half should come vewy vewy soon.....maybe next week. Depends on if I'm still tired. When winter somes, I get so very tired. I must've been a bear or something that hibernates in a past life. Cause I'm tiiiiiiiiired..and sick....and it's only 8!!!!!!! O.O
StevetheEvilTomato: O.o Scary.....well, I'm bored. I'm gonna go chew on your books....
DarkWarLordofDoomness: (wide awake) STEVE, IF YOU LAY ONE TOOTH ON THEM, I SHALL MAKE YOU SUFFER!!!!!
Steve: Yay. You're awake now.
DarkWarLordofDoomness: (slouches) Steve, you're gonna kill me one day. (coughs)
Doubt-bringers: She'sssss almost asssssleep and she'ssss sssuffering from a mere cold..........How pathetic.....
DarkWarLordofDoomness: (hits them with Hokey Pokey Stick of Pain) IT'B A FOLDER!!!YOU STUBID DOU' INGERB!!!!
Doubt-bringers: Ow.
DarkWarLordofDoomness: (turns towards audience and waves Hokey Pokey Stick of Pain) YOU WANT SOME OF THIB!?!?!
Audience: (runs away)
If you do not press the purple button, this fic will self-destruct.
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