(12-8-04)
In the last chapter: The thing Shadow said about the dark half and the sparrows is from the Stephen King book I was ranting about a while ago. "The Dark Half." It's a good book…
To all reviewers: Thank you all. Pyschopathic Maniac Girl was the first reviewer with the first request of who to interview next and voila. She's special. Karasu, boys and girls! This chapter is screwed up.
To: TrekieGreenieShannaraElfOfMe- I want to know how you plan on stealing Captain Archer's soul. Because I like him. He's cool. Though he tends to get beat up a lot...
To: Bluespark- "I could drink my own blood if it weren't for last night." Think about it. She was talking about drinking virgin blood. She says she could drink her own, if it weren't for last night. In other words she's not a virgin. However, she was joking so it doesn't matter.
To the general Yu Yu Hakusho-watching public: After listening to 'Eternal Requiem' I have a question. What's the deal with Sensui and Itsuki? Are they like... a couple? Cuz... It sure makes it sound that way.
I hope there aren't any errors in this chapter cuz I didn't run it through spelcheck. Though I did proofread it twice and have two friends read it...
ONWARD! TO THE INTERVIEW WITH A GAY DUDE!

-IMAGINARY HORIZONTAL LINE GOES HERE!-

CHAPTER THREE
Time to Play "Who is Gay?"

"And here we have Shadow Jaganshi eating ramen in preparation for our next interview!" Eclipse said, focusing the camera on the said girl. She came into view upside-down. "She's upside-down because I have the power to defy gravity and am standing on the ceiling."

"You have the power to lay on a chair with your head hanging off. Get up before all the blood rushes to your head and you drop the camera and break it and we can't interview anymore."

Eclipse rolled off the chair instantly and sat upright. "So who're we interviewing next?"

Shadow looked at her thoughtfully, freezing with her chopsticks still in her mouth. "Whoever is the next person who... uh... speaks my name. Other than you and the two we've already gotten."

"They're not here anyway. They left once you got through with tormenting them," Eclipse pointing out.

"Pansies."

"I personally think we should interview Toguro."

"That's because you love him. Pity he's in the Purgatory or whatever."

"I don't love him! That disgusting-looking Arnold Shwarzeneggar wannabe!"

"But he's so muscley. Don't you go for that?"

"You're sick! You love Hiei!"

"Oh, yeah, you love Kurama, that's why you deny loving Toguro! Because you go for the feminine gentlemen with the psycho pervert alter-egos."

"You're gross, Shadow. You love Youko, then."

"Ha! Oh, yes, I love him so much..."

"Oh yeah, well you love... Um..."

"Um? That's an interesting person."

"Hey Shadow..."

Shadow looked up, Eclipse snapped the camera up to look at the new speaker.

"Karasu?!" Shadow yelped.

"That's it! You love Karasu!" Eclipse accused.

"No! You're sick! Kuwabara loves Karasu!"

"Well you love Kuwabara, so you can just go off and do that sort of thing!"

"Hey wait a second, you said my name!" Shadow shouted, pointing at Karasu. "You said my name! You're not a tantei, but that's okay! This could be fun!" She leapt over the back of the couch and tackled Karasu, pinning him to the ground.

"Um... What are you doing?" the demon asked.

"Wait a second, why are you in my house?" Shadow asked, confused.

"Because... I needed to ask you something. It's a very profound question and I'm not sure you can help me, but you're the only girl I know who treats me like a normal person, so I came to you."

"Aw, that's so sweet!" Eclipse cooed. Shadow flung a conveniently-placed brick over her shoulder and hit the other girl in the head.

"Is this something you wouldn't talk to a guy about?" she asked.

"Well, from what I know, ningen girls are supposed to be more understanding of love and things like that, so I came to you."

"Yes, but I'm not a ningen. However, I understand 'love and things like that.' I'm making a wild guess here, but is this about Kurama?"

"Well, erm... Yes."

"You're still going after him?"

"Of course!"

"We'll discuss this later, Karasu. I've got to get on with the interview."

"Interview?"

"The Great Authoress Shadow spake these words unto me: Shadow, thou--" she started majestically, but was cut off.

"Oh, come on, you're obeying orders from her?" Karasu asked incredulously.

"Of course I am! She's my other half. Unfortunately, I haven't succeeded in completely controlling her mind, so she's still the boss... Wait, how did you know about her?"

"I've, uh... Spoken with her... A couple times."

Shadow stared cluelessly. "Uh... Right. Okay then. On with the interview. TO THE INTERVIEW ROOM!" She grabbed Karasu's wrist and dragged him to his feet and headed for the sparsely furnished Room of Interviewing.

Once inside the room, she locked the door, sat in her recliner, and snapped up a fairly stable chair for Karasu.

"So what exactly is going on here?" the demon asked.

"I'M ASKING THE QUESTIONS!"

"Eeek!"

"Now, Mr. Karasu, what were your very first thoughts when you set eyes on Kurama?"

"The first time I set eyes on Kurama? I had no thoughts. I was too startled by his perfect beauty."

"Ah," Shadow said, nodding. "He can do that to a person."

"His hair is especially captivating... Such a brilliant color against his smooth, fair skin..."

"Uh...huh..." Shadow said, nodding again. "Next question, Karasu. And please get control of yourself."

"Huh? Oh. Gomen, Shadow."

"Yes. Now, what are your thoughts on Kuwabara?"

"Ew, that ugly ningen boy?"

"Yes. And I think that answers the question. Next question: Why do you like blowing stuff up all the time?"

"It's a very effective way to kill, or torture, or move large objects out of your way, or intimidate... I think explosives are a better weapon than anything else I could handle."

"Interesting. Now, Karasu, when the Toguros beat you and forced you to join them, did you have a secret relationship with the elder brother?"

"Even if we had, and I told you, it wouldn't be secret anymore! So I'm not going to tell you that we did!"

Shadow gagged. "I thought there was something slightly homosexualesque about that little freakazoid..." She paused. "The next question that came to my mind was 'what is it like' but I don't think I want to know. Besides, it was a secret relationship, right? So I don't even know about it! Jolly good! Let's move along. Next question: When is the last time you cried?"

"Cried? I don't think I have ever cried... Except perhaps as a very small child when my father abused me..."

"Aww, you had an abused childhood? Did your father sexually molest you?"

"...Yes..."

"Oh, that's so sad! And gross. Did he sell your body to strangers to do with what they pleased for a day or two?"

"...Sometimes..."

"Have you ever had sex with a woman?"

"...No..."

Shadow sighed. "You poor, deprived man. From what I've heard from certain people, it's a very wonderful experience."

"Really?"

"I dunno. I'm just repeating what Youko said. However, some people, I've noticed, even among humans, find pleasure in a wide variety of ways. And demons, especially, are oddly excited by the screams of their dying victims..."

Karasu nodded. "Yes. I've felt that way. Kurama's screams before he killed me..." He shivered, grinning devilishly. "Sensual."

Shadow shuddered. "Ew. You're just a little disgusting, Karasu. But that's okay, I respect your... uh... self-expression. We're going to move on to the next question now, okay?"

"Okay."

"Hm... I guess asking you your thoughts on gay rights would be stupid."

"Yes, it would," Eclipse agreed.

"Butt out, cameragirl," Shadow snapped. "However, Karasu, how would you like to help me destroy a certain asshole highest-official-in-the-USA?"

"Why would I do that?"

"Don't screams of dying victims excite you?"

"Sometimes."

"Does it make you want to have feral animal sex with the nearest attractive humanoid creature?"

"Um..."

"Is this interview a bit to R-rated for the PG-13 rating on this story?"

"Maybe..."

"Well I don't think so. Now, Karasu! Would you like a peppermint?"

"What?"

"A peppermint!" The girl pulled a container of Altoids out of her pocket. "Want one?"

"Um..."

"You probably need it. Here." She took one mint out, then handed him the entire container. "Minty fresh breath is appealing to people."

Karasu raised an eyebrow. "Does Kurama like it?"

"Probably, but having fresh breath isn't enough to make him like you," she said. "Though it'd probably be better you have good breath than bad breath if you ever get close enough for him to smell it. One less thing to be repulsed by."

"Am I really repulsing?"

Shadow sat back and looked at him. Scrutinized him. Examined every inch of his body.

"You're actually kind of attractive, Karasu."

"Kind of? Really?"

"Yeah. You still have the whole creepy vampire look going on, and some people might be repelled by that, but others might find it extremely hot," she said. She looked him over again. "I think we could work on a new look for you. When's the last time you changed your outfit?"

"I don't know..."

"We need to get you a new look. New clothes. New... interests. Maybe Yusuke could teach you the fine points of heterosexuality. Porn and all that jazz."

"Porn?"

"Never mind. We'll work on making you at least seem normal... Who knows. Kurama might be flattered by the outrageous lengths you're going to in order to get to him and he might start considering you a friend. That's one step closer!"

"Wow, Shadow..." Karasu said, smiling. "You're the most wonderful person I know... Except for Kurama, of course."

"Of course," Shadow agreed. "Now, I think we've done more discussing than interviewing, though I did manage to find out a bit about your past and your secret relationship with elder Toguro that you didn't tell me about, and thus it remains secret. I think I'm accomplished. But just out of curiosity, and since I asked about Kuwabara, what do you think of Yusuke?"

"Yusuke? He's... okay, I guess."

"And what about Hiei?"

"Hiei? Hiei is nice. He's very attractive, but he just isn't the same as Kurama..."

"He had a shitty childhood too, you know. You two have something in common. But he doesn't like you because you abused Kurama, and they're best friends."

"They aren't more than that, are they?" Karasu asked worriedly.

"No!" She paused. "I don't think."

"What?"

"Shadow!" Eclipse yelped. "You're gross! You know Hiei isn't gay!"

"They're demons! They're weird! Just look at Karasu and Toguro, who had a secret relationship that I don't know about! They're demons, and they're gay!"

"You're sick!"

Shadow shrugged. "On with the interview. Karasu, does the number sixty-nine have any significance with you?"

"No."

"We're going to play word association, okay? I'll say a word, and you say the first word that comes to your mind. I won't hold any of this against you. Want to?"

"I guess..."

"Here goes: first word: death."

"Beauty."

"Angel."

"Death."

Shadow paused, then pulled a notebook out of her pocket (it was oddly a lot bigger than what would seem to fit, but oh well), pulled a pen out of her sleeve, and wrote some things down. She looked at the page for a second, then continued.

"Sex."

"Kurama."

She scribbled something else. "How about 'apple'?"

"Uh... Tree?"

Scribble. "Sword."

"Blood."

Scribble. "Blood."

"Pain."

Scribble. "Rape."

"...Kurama?"

Shadow sighed and wrote something. Eclipse moved around to get behind her and try to see what she was writing, and the fire demon girl held the notebook against her chest, hiding the page. "What about 'water,' Karasu?"

"Torture?"

"I won't even ask." She wrote something. "Lust."

"Kurama."

"Would you stop using sexual words!?" Eclipse cried. Shadow wrote something else, then looked up.

"What have 'blood,' 'sword,' 'water,' and 'apple' got to do with sex? I mean, normal sex," she asked curiously.

"They have a connection, in your mind."

"Yes, but that's beside the point. We're analyzing Karasu. Now, Karasu. What about 'chair.'"

"Sit?"

"Black."

"Night."

"Night."

"Dark."

"Dark."

"Night?"

Shadow scrunched up her face thoughtfully, scribbled a few more things on the paper, and set it on her lap face-down. She pulled something else out of her pocket (something which also looked like it shouldn't have fit in the first place).

"Do you know what these are?" she asked, holding them up.

"No. What?"

"Inkblot cards."

Eclipse walked around and stood behind Karasu so she could see them right.

"So what?" the demon asked.

"I want you to look closely at each one as I hold it up and tell me what you see. First one is this."

She held up a card.

"I see... A splatter of ink. No, blood. No, it looks like... Toguro."

Eclipse raised an eyebrow. Shadow did the same, flipping the card around to look at it herself.

"Strange. I see a splash of water like somebody just fell in." She shrugged. "But if it looks like Toguro to you..."

She wrote something down and held up another card.

"A mind. A very complex mind."

Shadow shrugged and took another note. Held up another card. Got another weird answer. Finally, about three minutes later, she'd finished her psychoanalysis.

"Okay, Karasu. My amazing powers have allowed me to draw what is in your mind. Are you ready for this?"

"Um..."

"Good to hear." She held up her notebook so Karasu could see what she'd written. Eclipse zoomed in on the page.

Shadow had written all her notes in just such a way that they formed a drawing. Of Kurama. In the background was blood, carnage, sex, and a fruit tree orchard.

"...Is the orchard symbolic of something, Shadow?" Eclipse asked as Karasu examined the paper with a puzzled look.

"Karasu, were you ever raped in a tree orchard?"

"Um... No..."

"Did you ever rape somebody in an orchard?"

"No..."

"Does the orchard have any particular significance to you?"

"No..."

"Maybe I just zoned out and drew the wrong thing." Shadow looked at her paper. "Oh. Yeah. I think that's supposed to be Toguro." She made some adjustments, then held it back up. "Is this accurate? You think of the one you had, the one you want, blood, sex, and carnage."

"That's pretty accurate... How did you do that?"

"Now if I told you, it wouldn't be secret anymore, would it? You'd have to be my student in the art of mind reading, and I don't have time to train somebody in such a complex thing as this. So we'll just keep it quiet."

"Um... All right..."

"I still don't know about your secret relationship with Toguro, by the way, but I do have another question. Was the entire Toguro team gay?"

"I'm not sure Bui was, but he might have been. I'm not sure about Sakyo either. He started liking that one girl... The sister of the human boy."

"Shizuru? Yeah, I guess so... But the Toguro brothers both were? And you are, too, of course."

"Yes, I think so..."

"But before Toguro beat you... You and Bui were travelling together, were you not?"

"Yes..."

"Was there anything between you?"

"Well... Maybe."

"There WAS! The entire Toguro team was gay! Wait until prejudiced Yusuke hears this!" She jumped up and darted to the door, unlocked it, and pulled it open just as Kurama left his bedroom and started down the hall. Abandoning her original objective of finding a telephone and calling Yusuke, she flew down the hall and tackled him.

"Guess what!"

"Um..."

"The entire Toguro team was gay!"

Kurama's eyes widened slightly. "Who told you that? Because I have a suspicion and if I'm right--"

Karasu peeked out of the doorway of the Room of Interviewing. The color drained out of Kurama's face and he struggled out from under Shadow.

"Why is Karasu here?"

"He came to get advice for something involving you, but I interviewed him instead."

"Interviewed?!"

"Yes. And now..." She grabbed Kurama's wrist and dragged him towards the Doorway to the Room of Interviewing. As she got closer, the redhead put up more resistance, but she managed to get him there and push him past Karasu into the room.

"Karasu, I'll tell you what." She sniffed at his clothes. "You smell terrible. Why don't you go take a shower while I interview Kurama. Go to the downstairs shower... The bathroom up here has some... issues. Then, when you're done, and I'm done, we'll work on your new image."

"New image?!" Kurama blurted, looking incredulously between the two people in front of him.

"Yes. Karasu is going to try out some new looks. In fact, we might need your help, so you'll stick around once I'm done interviewing you. Karasu won't bite. Go on, Karasu. The fox will still be here when you're done," Shadow said. Reluctantly, Karasu left. Shadow shut and locked the door, and was instantly pinned to it by a deranged-looking Kurama.

"WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?"

"What? He's not that bad."

"Maybe not to you," Kurama pouted, crossing his arms. "You haven't been stalked by him since he was revived by a fool with a pacifier who allowed himself to be bribed with squid... Put my sanity at stake for squid. Bastard."

"Now, now, Kurama, stop muttering to yourself. Karasu has been living nearby for quite some time. In the forest. You never noticed?"

"WHAT?"

"I'M ASKING THE QUESTIONS!!!"

Thud.

"Kurama?"

"I think you killed him, Shadow."

-IMAGINARY HORIZONTAL LINE GOES HERE SINCE IT WON'T LET ME MAKE A REAL ONE!!!-

Okay kids, a few things: if you have any ideas for Happy Christmas, I hope to finish it sometime in the near future, but I am BRAINDEAD for ideas (that's why I stopped in the first place). So, any ideas will be appreciated. ANY IDEAS! YES, EVEN THAT STUPID ONE YOU THINK I'D NEVER CONSIDER! I MIGHT GET AN IDEA FROM IT! TELL ME!!! NOW!!! But remember, that story takes place nearly a year ago, when Shadow was still fifteen, Hiei was still pissy (he's a lot pissy-er in that story than in my more recent ones), and there wasn't much of a closeness relationship between the two of them. GIVE ME YOUR IDEAS WILLINGLY OR I WILL TAKE THEM BY FORCE! I WILL SEND OUT MY MINIONS!
-Shadow