(12-17-04) Only, what, eight days until Christmas? And I haven't updated Happy Christmas... I'M WORKING ON IT! ::cries::
Now... Oh yeah! I just remembered a half a thousand and four ideas I had for this story... Coolness... I'm staying up tonight. Late. Reading, writing, downloading... Then sleeping through my alarm and missing my shows tomorrow morning... Oh well. Missed 'em last week too.
Sorry if you found some stuff in the last chapter objectionable... But it's Karasu. What do you expect?
Arigatou to the reviewers...
My "winter holiday" to be politically correct, consists of me getting out early the 22nd and I go back to school January 3rd.
Onward...

CHAPTER FOUR
Wandering Hands

"What are we gonna do about Kurama?" Eclipse asked, focusing the camera on the redhead Shadow was currently propping in a chair.

"Wake him up and interview him."

"...How?"

"We're gonna have Karasu and Hiei do sexual things to his unconscious body," she said sardonically, rolling her eyes. Then she said, more seriously, "What do you THINK we're gonna do, you idiot?" She slapped Kurama right across his pretty face... and shortly found a thorned vine wrapped around her wrist. "Ow."

"Oh. Shadow. It's just you," Kurama said, his green eyes focused on her. Yet the vine didn't withdraw.

"You're hurting my arm."

"I know."

"Could you stop?"

"No."

She gave him a pathetic "Why me?" look.

"You knowingly had my gay pervert stalker living in the forest around your house. He could have come and tried to rape me any time he wanted. You were practically giving him permission."

"Was not."

"Yeah right, Shadow."

"Would you really have cared? I thought you demons didn't care so much about genders? Isn't that why he's so fascinated by you in the first place? Wouldn't that be why his father didn't see it wrong to sexually molest him?"

Kurama opened his mouth to retort, then blinked. "He what?"

"Yeah! That poor guy had a very rough childhood!"

"Most demons do."

"Well then you can't blame him for being a little messed up."

"No, it's not right for me to, by human morals and all, but I do," the fox replied. "The Youko half of me doesn't give a shit about his past."

"Heartless bastard of a fox."

"Don't tell me you actually like Karasu?!"

"He's not as bad as he seems. I think he's actually kind of more like a scared child inside."

"What do you know about inside him?"

"All kinds of things, and you can take that any way you want," Shadow said. She grinned devilishly at Kurama's disgusted look. "Anyway, remove this vine from me, unless you want me sitting on your lap while I interview you."

"He probably wouldn't mind," Eclipse pointed out. The vine withdrew instantly.

"If you sit on my lap, you're likely to die," he said. Shadow wasn't paying attention. She was staring at her arm.

"It's bloody."

"Kurama! Look what you did! What will Hiei say?" Eclipse reprimanded.

"I don't give a shit."

The girl blinked, surprised and confused. "Do you think he'll really say that?"

"No, I was saying that I don't give a shit what Hiei says. Now what is this interview you're talking about?"

"I ask you questions. You answer them," Shadow said, licking her wounds.

"...Ah."

"And afterwards, you're going to help us find a new look for Karasu."

Kurama shuddered. "You just had to say that, didn't you. Youko is whispering lewd suggestions of things to do to you in order to delay the 'afterwards' part..."

Shadow snapped her fingers, an excited look on her face. "That's it! I wanna interview Youko first!"

"What?!" Kurama yelped.

"Transform! I wanna interview Youko! Think about it. It's beneficial for you, too, cuz then when you're done, you'll already be hidden behind the more powerful form of you, the one who doesn't cringe away from Karasu, the one who understands the ways of the demons. You won't have to transform once he's already nearby and give the raven guy a chance to rape you before you get the chance to switch forms," Shadow said. Kurama thought for a second. "Hey! Come on, if you don't do it willingly I'll help the fox out."

Kurama stared. "Dare I ask how?"

"I'll lure him out. You'll be dumbstruck and he'll be drooling and lusting and thus more powerful and he'll just appear without a problem!" Shadow said cheerfully. "Come on, transform on your own so I don't have to give you a lap dance or something."

A few seconds later, Youko had replaced the redhead. He looked unhappy.

"Man, stupid Shuuichi. I wanted to stay inside so you'd do that... But now you won't..."

"No, I won't. The most you'll get is a kiss. But that's only if you're a good boy and answer all my questions truthfully the first time I ask them."

"That depends, sadly, on what you're going to ask."

"First question, Youko Kurama, is this: WHY THE HELL DID YOU BOTCH THAT THIEVERY SEVENTEEN YEARS AGO?!"

"It wasn't my fault!" he yelped. "I didn't expect that hunter to be there and I was distracted and... and... and..."

Shadow nodded. "I see. You have a superiority complex, Youko. What do you think of that?"

"I think you're wrong. I don't think I'm superior, I am superior."

"Depends on who you're comparing yourself to. Do you think you're superior to Hiei?"

"Yes."

"Okay. Eclipse?"

"Yes."

"Yusuke?"

"Yes."

"Kuwabara?"

"Shadow, that's a very stupid question. There's no 'I think I am' about Kuwabara!"

"True. What about me? Do you think you're superior to me?"

"Yes."

"WELL YOU'RE WRONG!" Shadow laughed maniacally for a bit before continuing. "Next question, Youko: What influenced you into becoming a thief in the first place?"

"I was bored. I'd become a master at controlling plants, nothing was a challenge anymore, so I started stealing."

"If you were so great, why did you need a partner?"

"What do you mean?"

"Everybody talks about the great thief Youko Kurama, but what about the great thief's partner, Kuronue?"

"What about Kuronue?" Youko asked.

"I just think he deserved as much respect as you do. Even if he is dead."

Youko didn't say anything.

"Which brings me to my next question. Some people were wondering... What exactly was your relationship with Kuronue?"

"What do you mean? We were partners."

"Like, Kurama and Hiei partners, or... Karasu and Toguro partners?" She made crude hand signals to define exactly what she meant.

"Karasu and Toguro were... like that?" he asked, looking disgusted. "Together?"

Shadow nodded. "It's a secret. Don't tell."

"Which Toguro...?"

"Probably both, but the little one is the one he specified."

Youko blanched. "I'm gonna be nauseous."

"Okay, which brings us back to the question of your relationship with Kuronue."

"What relationship?!"

"THAT'S WHAT I WAS GONNA ASK YOU!"

Youko winced. "I'm deaf now, Shadow. Thank you."

"You're welcome. And the way you keep not answering my question is making me mighty suspicious... You demons and your not caring about genders... I guess it wouldn't be wrong, but--"

"There was nothing between us!" Youko snapped. "He was my partner. In crime, nothing more."

"You sure?"

"Yes. I'm sure."

"Did you ever have a relationship with another male?"

"No."

"Damn."

"You're gross. Even if I had, what business is it of yours?!"

"I'm supposed to be diving deep into the minds of the Reikai tantei here! That is what The Great Authoress Shadow spake unto me!"

"And yet you interviewed Karasu? He's NOT a tantei."

"He said my name, though. I said I'd interview the next person to speak my name and it was him. He just strolled right on into my living room... Said 'Hey, Shadow,' and his fate was sealed..."

"And so, apparently, is mine..."

"So what are your thoughts on gay rights, Youko? I know as a demon, you don't really care about ningen rights, but answer me anyway."

"I don't really care. They can be gay if they want, it doesn't effect me."

"Okay... So, Youko..." She thought for a second. "Why did you choose Shiori Minamino to plant your soul in?"

"She was the first pregnant woman I came across... She was at the right stage for it to work, in theory... I'm very lucky, you know. It was a very, very unstable procedure... Dozens of things coudl have gone wrong."

Shadow nodded solemnly. "Indeed, indeed... We're all very grateful that God was on your side and all that jazz, Youko Kurama, most sought-after bed partner of the Makai."

"I don't understand you, Shadow," the fox murmured, leaning forward a bit. "You admit I'm attractive, and you know most demons would wage war to sleep with me, and yet when I ask you to sleep with me, you won't. Most people would pay to. They'd do anything. Why don't you take up my offers?"

"First off, I don't recall ever admitting you're attractive. To answer your question, even though I'M SUPPOSED TO BE ASKING THE QUESTIONS, I don't want to sleep with you because I'm a virgin sixteen-year-old halfbreed with plans for the future which do not involve carrying a fox child."

"You know we can have sex without you getting pregnant, right?"

"Yes, we could, but you wouldn't want to, because if I bore your child, you would insist I spent the rest of my life with you."

"True, or I could just put my mark on you."

"WHY ARE WE TALKING ABOUT THIS? I DON'T WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU, FOX!"

"You were talking about it because Youko wanted to know why you don't want to have sex with him," Eclipse told her.

"Oh. Okay. But I'm gonna ask another question now. Since you are the most sought-after bed partner of the Makai, I'm just curious: how many people have actually shared your bed? Or do I want to know?"

"You probably don't want to know."

"Is that why I've also heard you called 'slut of the Makai'?"

"Who called me that?!"

"...Um... A little birdy..." She whistled innocently.

"Hiei," Youko snarled.

"What? Whatever would make you think such a foolish thing? Hiei would never insult you! He has too much respect for you! Sure, you're constantly harassing me and stuff, but he still respects you and would never call you a slut, Youko!" Shadow told him with exaggerated flattering honesty which made it clear she was lying.

"Suuure..." the fox muttered. "Wait'll I get out of this room. That little twirp will be hearing about this..."

"No, because when you get out of this room you're going to turn back into Shuuichi and help me get Karasu a new look."

"WOULD YOU STOP TALKING ABOUT HIM?"

Shadow thought for a second. "I have a question."

"I expect you do..."

"If you could choose between sex and a major ego boost, which would you choose?"

"What do you mean ego boost?"

"I mean, if I sat here and complimented everything about you and told you how wonderful you are, would you rather I did that or had sex with you?"

Youko's jaw dropped a bit and he stared. "I... Um, both?"

"Both? How would that work?"

"You know... You'd know more about me afterwards. There'd be more to compliment."

Shadow snorted. "Yeah. Okay. Sure."

"Will you?!" the fox said hopefully.

"Eclipse will," the girl replied. "Though I'm sure she wouldn't be as wonderful as me, she'll have to do, because I'm not about to--"

"SHADOW! I'M NOT GONNA DO ANYTHING SEXUAL WITH THAT FREAK!" Eclipse screamed.

"Shut up and record like you're being paid to," Shadow snapped.

"I'm not being paid."

"WELL I'M NOT BEING PAID TO HAVE SEXUAL IMAGES IMPLANTED IN MY HEAD BY DEMONS WHO MAKE ME ASK SEXUAL QUESTIONS!"

Eclipse blinked. "They aren't making you do anything, far as I can tell."

"Well you can't tell very far now can you? Youko only has sex on his mind, so what else could I talk about?"

"I don't know..."

"Well, then, Youko. What do you think of the current American government?"

"I don't really know anything about the current American government."

"That's cool. Just say 'it sucks.'"

"Uh... it sucks?"

"See? He doesn't know anything about anything but sex, fighting, and stealing."

"You're the one who wanted to interview him..."

Youko sighed. "I'm being talked about when I'm right here..." The girls didn't hear him and they commenced their argument. After about five minutes, when Shadow had thrown herself at Eclipse and carefully removed the camera from her hands and set it on the table, then slammed into her full force, fists flying, Youko decided that was enough. The camera girl was being turned into a bloody, bruised pulp. He got up and went to Shadow, grabbing her wrists and pulling her to her feet in front of him.

"Calm down, Shadow," he purred. She glared at him.

"Leggo my eggo," she snapped. Youko abruptly pulled her into a passionate kiss. Eclipse looked around frantically for the camera and lunged for it, grabbing it and focusing on the pair. Youko's hands were wandering...

"Hey, wandering hands!" Eclipse snapped. Shadow managed to pull back and slap the fox across the face as hard as she could.

"The interviewee is to remain seated at all times!" she snapped. Eclipse blinked.

"That's it?"

"And no wandering hands!" Shadow added. Eclipse sighed.

"I think you don't dislike Youko as much as you say you do."

"Whaddayou mean?" the other girl asked quickly.

"I mean that you're having an INTERNAL CONFLICT whether you want to continue loving Hiei, or give up on him and go for the more sexually satisfying slut of Makai, Youko Kurama."

Shadow's eyes narrowed. "I don't love Hiei. And I don't see what would be more satisfying about Youko."

"So many things, Shadow. Soooo many things," Youko murmured in her ear.

"I'll tell Hiei you said that, then," she retorted. "Now sit down, I wanna finish this interview."

"What else could you possibly ask me? You already accused me of being in a sexual relationship with my old crime partner who, by the way, is dead. You asked me--"

"What are you most afraid of, Youko?" Shadow asked abruptly. The fox looked startled and annoyed that she'd interrupted him.

"I don't know."

"Not a good answer. Are you afraid of Karasu?"

"Not afraid as much as just loathing him... I don't fear."

"Fear is kind of important, though. You know that. Shuuichi told me so before... Actually, no, he said that in the story The Great Authoress Shadow is writing right now... At this very minute... While I sit here in a locked room with you, sitting in a comfortable recliner with refreshments as easy to get as a snap of the fingers, Great Authoress Shadow is slaving over her keyboard, typing day in and day out, never eating, not going to school, pulling out the throats of those who tell her to remove thyself from the computer chair, thinking, writing, getting excruciating pains in her knees from the ridiculous way she sits--"

"You're sitting the same way," Youko pointed out. Shadow realized that indeed she was sitting with her feet tucked up under her in her chair.

"Shut up you bastard!" She changed positions. "Ow, I can't feel my legs..."

Youko shrugged. "Your loss."

"No, they're there, see? I didn't lose them. But I can't feel them."

"This isn't much of an interview, you know. I think the Authoress will be disappointed by your failure to drain every speck of information out of me that you can."

"Well why don't you just tell us about yourself, fox. Save me the trouble."

"No."

"Okay then, how about if I ask you... What does it feel like to have your soul RIPPED from your body and implanted in Hiei?"

"What? Oh. Yeah. That." Youko sighed. "That was interesting, to say the least."

"What exactly did you find out by being in his mind?"

"A lot of stuff about him, but I cared more about the things he knew about you."

Shadow narrowed her eyes. "Things neither you nor Hiei should know, I'm willing to bet."

"Measurements and those sorts of things. What you talk about in your sleep. Secrets you've told Eclipse that she told him and he indirectly informed me of, so now the entire world knows."

Shadow blinked. "Are you a Gossip Queen, Youko?"

"EW, no."

"Okay then. How about I ask you... How you became so good at singing opera."

"Opera?"

"Remember when I was locked in my bedroom and Hiei made you sing opera? Some opera you'd never seen or heard before and you sang it quite beautifully. How did you become such a good opera singer?"

"I didn't know I was."

"You are. You should have made a profession out of singing opera."

Youko snorted. "Opera isn't a highly appreciated music form in the Makai."

"I can understand why. I hate it."

The fox blinked. "That... makes... no sense. You sing opera all the time."

"Yes, and I rap all the time too, but I hate rap. I hate rap with a passion!" She shook her fist in Youko's face and he leaned away from her, eyes wide. "With every fiber of my BEING!" She slammed her hands down on the table. "I hate it! I loathe and abhor it! Detest! Despise! ANATHEMATIZE IT!!!"

Youko blinked. "Okay."

Shadow sat down, folding her hands in her lap and looking dignified and calm. "So what are your plans for the future, Mr. Kurama?"

Eclipse snorted back laughter and Youko stared.

"I... uh... Well..." he stuttered after a minute.

"Do you think there's ever a possibility you will be able to separate completely from Shuuichi in such a way that would leave both of you fit to pursue your own personal paths in life?"

"I doubt it, actually," Youko admitted. "But I could just leave him in the back of my head for sixteen years and go to Makai anyways. That's what he did to me."

"Yes, but he didn't know how to let you out. Now he's more worried about keeping you in," Shadow said. "Because when you're out, bad things happen to certain halfbreed fire demon girls."

Youko shook his head. "You're so distrusting."

"Back to the question of your future, what will happen if Shuuichi's body meets an unfortunate accident?"

"He'll die."

"Well yes, but what of you?"

"I'll either be like this, or I'll be unable to create a corporeal body and have to go fetus-searching again." He sighed. "Maybe you'll be pregnant and I'll be able to hide myself in your child."

Shadow laughed at first, like it was a hysterically funny idea, then abruptly stopped and looked utterly disgusted. "NO!"

Youko blinked, looking innocently confused. "Why not?"

"Because if I have a child that has your soul, and you, having your strength and all, manage to somehow..." She made weird hand motions and noises that, together, were roughly translated to, 'If you manage to take over the body of my child and force it out of existence, like alchemy or something, trading my child for you...' After about three minutes of these hand motions, twitches, and strange noises, she continued in comprehensible Japanese.

"Then you'd be my SON!" She shrieked and fell out of her chair, twitching on the floor.

Youko was utterly baffled. He didn't speak the language of squishy noises and hand motions. He understood what Shadow had just said about as well as he would have understood a llama, had it decided to talk to him. Llamas and foxes did not speak the same language. Apparently foxes and Shadows didn't either.

"Shadow?" he questioned, standing up and leaning over the table to look down at the convulsing girl on the floor. When she only twitched more in response, he went around the table and knelt next to her. Eclipse eagerly taped it all.

Shadow made a gurgling screechy sound and directed her energies towards twitching and convulsing in such a way that she rolled away from the fox. It didn't work, because he grabbed her shoulder and shook her.

"Shadow! Are you okay?"

Snapping out of her convulsions very, very suddenly, she flung herself up and grabbed his shoulders, bringing a short, sharp yelp of surprise from him and knocking him back on his butt.

"NO I'M NOT OKAY! DO I LOOK OKAY? JUST THE THOUGHT OF YOU EVER BECOMING MY CHILD MAKES ME WANT TO KILL MYSELF!" she screamed. Then she paused, looking down thoughtfully. "Or perhaps kill anyone who ever comes onto me in a way that could cause me to ever have a child. Or perhaps I could just protect Shuuichi with my life to make sure that nothing unfortunate ever happens to his wonderful body."

Youko raised an eyebrow. "'His wonderful body,' is it?" He sighed sadly. "I feel very disliked right now."

"Whatever for?" the girl asked innocently.

"Because you refuse to acknowledge my undeniable sexiness but you say Shuuichi Minamino has a 'wonderful body.'"

Shadow surveyed Youko. Then she asked conversationally, "Why do you have to be such a narcissistic son of a bitch?"

The fox blinked. "I'm not narcissistic. I'm just as close to perfect as any creature can be."

"Narcissist..." She snorted.

"I still feel unloved."

Shadow sighed. "Camera girl, compliment the fox so he'll shut up."

"No!" Eclipse retorted.

"DO IT! OR DIE! NOW!"

"Fine! Jeez... Um... Youko... You, uh... have nice hair?"

Shadow groaned and put her forehead on the seat of her chair. "Baka. You've got to be honest about it. Say it with feeling!"

"No!"

"Fine! I can't believe I have to teach you how to give compliments to an egotistical fox spirit... Let's just hope this doesn't lead anywhere it shouldn't." Her hands were still on Youko's shoulders, so she leaned up close to him, putting her face inches from his. "Youko..."

"Yes?"

"You're the most beautiful creature I have ever seen in my life," she purred seductively. Eclipse's jaw dropped. Shadow continued, one hand moving from the fox's shoulder to his chest. "You're so strong and sexy... I would just love for you to--"

Meanwhile, downstairs... You can't hear what Shadow's saying. Yep! That's what's going on downstairs. Oh look, Karasu just got out of the shower... Hiei's watching TV. Okay. Back upstairs.

"However, we can't do that because of Hiei," the girl finished, now straddling Youko, lying on his chest, their noses touching. The fox looked extremely pleased with his position (and perhaps with what Shadow had said, too), though he really would have preferred Shadow was below him...

"Damn Hiei," he murmured. Shadow grinned.

"We can do this, though." She closed the very, very short distance between them and kissed him.

Eclipse, meanwhile, was absolutely disgusted (however, she had moved to get a better angle on the situation with the camera. Possible blackmail material?).

"This is messed up," she muttered. "I thought she loved Hiei."

Just then, the door opened and guess who was standing there?

"What the HELL is going on here?" Hiei shouted. Behind him, Karasu stared into the room with a bit of disappointment on his pale face. Shadow was instantly on her knees in front of Hiei, hugging his leg.

"OH MY GOD, THANK YOU FOR SAVING ME! THAT FOX WAS GONNA RAPE ME! HE TOLD ME THAT IF I DIDN'T KISS HIM, HE'D BE EVEN CRUELER ABOUT IT! AHHHH! YOU SAVED ME, HIEI, AND FOR THAT I AM ETERNALLY IN YOUR DEBT! I'LL DO WHATEVER YOU ASK OF ME!"

Youko stared, his eye twitching. Eclipse made some squeaky noises, but didn't manage to get out a sentence to tell the fire demon that Shadow was a lousy liar.

"We'll discuss it later," Hiei said simply. "Karasu says something about you helping him get Kurama?"

Shadow's eyes darted around the room. "I never said that."

"Maybe not in those exact words, but that's what you meant, isn't it?" Karasu said pleadingly.

"Uhm..." Shadow's eyes darted to Youko. "I... er... don't think so..."

"You don't think so!" Youko snapped.

Shadow whimpered, then jumped over to Karasu. "I'm sorry for your misinterpretation! Didn't I tell you Kurama hates you?"

"Well, yes... But..."

Youko stalked right up to Karasu, pushing past Hiei, and pointed his finger barely a centimeter away from the pervert's violet eye.

"I hate you, Karasu." Then he walked away. They all watched him go, Eclipse recording him as he walked down the hall and into his room. Their attention, however, was diverted to Karasu when he sniffled sadly.

"That was uncalled for," he said. "He's putting me back in the frame of mind to kill him. But I don't WANT to kill him! I think I love him! Can you understand that?"

"Yes, I think-- Ack!" Shadow was cut off as Karasu abruptly hugged her tightly. Hiei's eye twitched.

"I don't wanna kill him!" Karasu wailed. "What should I do?!"

"How about you let go of Shadow?" Hiei snarled. Karasu instantly obeyed, fearing the death Hiei's voice promised if he dared defy him. The little demon grabbed Shadow's arm and pulled her away from Karasu. Eclipse was eagerly taping every second of it.

"Oooh, protective, aren't you?" she taunted. Hiei flipped her off. Karasu continued sniffling pathetically, looking like a child on the verge of tears.

"Wow, Karasu, you're in quite a predicament, aren't you?" Shadow said. "You wanna kill him but you don't. You love him but he hates you. You kill what you love, but you don't want to kill him because you love him too much. This is a really touchy issue. Hiei, why don't you talk to him."

"Me? Why?!"

"Because you... uh... You're a demon? And you know Kurama? And... You can give him advice on stuff."

"I don't want to give him advice on stuff."

"Fine. But I wasn't finished interviewing Kurama."

"Yeah. Interviewing. That's what it looked like when I opened the door," Hiei muttered under his breath. Shadow kissed his cheek.

"I already begged forgiveness for that, dear. Don't be mad at me." She grinned to show she was joking, then headed down the hall to Kurama's bedroom. She knocked on the door. "Hey fox! Get back out here, I wasn't through talking to you!"

"Is Karasu still there?"

"Crying like an upset child."

"Tell him to go away."

Up the hall, Karasu made a choked, sobbing noise and shuffled away, shoulders slumped. Hiei watched him leave.

"He's gone," Shadow said once the front door had closed downstairs. Kurama, human again, stepped out of the room. She grabbed his wrist and dragged him to the Room of Interviewing. "We'll be back out in a little bit, Hiei. Then it's your turn."

"Oh joy," he said sarcastically. Then the door shut and he was alone in the hallway.

Just to let you know, there's nothing wrong with me. It's all Shadow, I told you. I believe there were some references to other stories/TV shows/books/movies/potatoes in this chapter and the last one, but I can't remember what... I know there was something in this chapter I wanted to put a note on... Oh yeah! The thing where she asks about the ego boost, that question came from reading "Pretty Youko." Never read it? It's on my favorites list.
Ew, and another thing, the little Toguro, I say he's gay cuz also he said something about when him and his brother found Karasu and Bui, "They were a lot prettier then." And he said that thing about Kurama's hair, and... Yuck.
And due to a screwed up joke between Eclipse and I, Karasu is now bisexual, not plain out gay...