A/N: Well, here's the next installment of Wolfish Desires..... In case you haven't already noticed, I haven't been updating Gallan Return, and that's for a reason. See, I figured it would be better to just hurry and finish this fanfic before continuing with that one. It shouldn't take too long, seeing as if my outline for this one plays out correctly, this should be 9-10 chapters........Anyway, my apologies to anyone who felt sickened by my last chapter. Don't worry, no more icky descriptions of dead people...... R/R! ^_^
Disclaimer: Hmmmm...haven't left one of these in a while, so I guess I better get to it. I don't own any of Tamora Pierce's characters or ideas.....Really, all I own in this story is the plot, and any minor characters that I managed to come up with, and I think the only one so far is Herrick......anyway, just don't sue me, cuz I didn't do nuthin!
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As sunlight began to leak into the hospital wing of Pirates Swoop, Daine found herself beginning to awake from what seemed like years of sleep. Sunlight poured into the room through the nearby window, spreading over her once sleeping form like a blanket. Opening her eyes, Daine found that very scene. She say staring at the room before her for several minutes, as if in a daze. Then, in a moment's time, it came to her. Where was she, and why was she here? Where was Numair? Panic and curiosity both began to sweep over her as she jogged her mind for any idea as to why she could be here, and where exactly here was.
Then, it came to her. The wall designs, the floor pattern and the coat of arms that was carved into the door; she was in Pirates Swoop! Though she was proud of herself for recognizing her surroundings, the excitement did not last long. Daine still had not found an answer to her previous question: why was she here? Realizing that the only way to connect any of these dots was to find one of her friends who lived her, Daine decided to do just that. She lifted an arm to pull back her covers, and found a chill air to meet her mostly bare skin. It was a chilly morning. Daine then attempted to sit up, but when a sharp pain raced up her back and rested in her chest area, Daine threw herself back down immediately. She found herself entirely surprised by what had just taken place, not understanding why she was in so much pain from such a simple form of action.
"Alanna!" Daine called, hoping that her voice would carry through the walls of this room she was confined in and to whatever chamber her friend was currently in. "George!" Daine called, knowing that if Alanna could not hear her calls, then George would be the next best person. "Anyone!" Daine made this last call as a resort to attract any sort of attention.
To Daine's immense relief, there was a sound of distant footsteps scurrying closer from the other side of the oak wood doors that confined her. Before Daine knew it, the large oak wood door that had the family's coat of arms carved onto it was being pushed open, and the Lioness was stepping through it. Sighing in relief at seeing a familiar face who could probably help her understand how she had gotten here, Daine opened her mouth to speak, but was interrupted by Alanna. "Thank the goddess you're awake!" Alanna all but yelled, striding quickly over to Daine's bedside.
Though Daine had previously had so many questions racing through her head, at this particular moment, she could remember none of them. She was just in too much of a daze from the lady knight's sudden outburst. "I wasn't certain whether you'd live when I found you-" Alanna dove into a session of rambling, but it did catch Daine's attention. What was the Lioness talking about? Daine had a feeling that what her friend was talking about would give her the answer to all of her questions.
"What are you talking about, Alanna?" Daine asked, giving a feeble yawn. She stretched out her limbs, helping to work out a few of the kinks that had formed in her back. "Why in the name of the gods am I at the Swoop?"
Alanna looked suddenly dazed by Daine's questioning. Daine stared back at her friend, thoroughly surprised to see the thoughtful look that rang clearly in the Lioness's violet eyes. There seemed to be a sort of grief hidden in those eyes, but along with it there was a sense of curiosity. All of this confused Daine to no end, but further amplified her own curiosity of the situation. "You mean you don't know?" Alanna asked, voice shocked to match the look on her face.
"Know what?!" Daine replied tartly, her voice filled with exasperation. This whole situation was beginning to frustrate her! She had woken up in an unfamiliar bed, and to add to that, she had not a single clue as to how she had gotten there to begin with! This was not turning out to be a very good morning for Veralidaine Sarrasri. "Alanna, what you're saying isn't making a copper's worth of sense!"
"But-you-" the lady knight stuttered in response, her tongue tied for a proper answer. Gods this was going to be hard. "Daine, I would have thought YOU could tell ME!" Alanna finally managed to choke out, frustrated that Daine did not seem to remember anything.
"Remember WHAT, Alanna?" Daine retorted, voice showing a slight amount of annoyance. She could see that this was getting no where fast. "I don't understand!"
"Daine, you're barrier-" Alanna attempted to say, voice choked and raspy. She would rather be anywhere than here. She did not by any means want to be the one to explain all that she actually did know to Daine. It was not fair that it had to be her, but who else could possibly do it? Who was closer to Daine than Alanna that was still among the living?
Daine was not listening to Alanna, she was realizing suddenly, that was the Lioness must be getting at is that something had happened to her and that it had been uncertain as to whether or not she would live. That mere thought brought about several emotions and ideas, but the one that rang the clearest in her mind was where was Numair? If she had been hurt, she would expect him to be right here by her side, waiting for her to wake. That had always been his way before. Daine felt slightly hurt that her lanky lover was no where in sight now. "Alanna, where's Numair?" Daine asked, voicing her thoughts aloud.
Alanna's eyes seemed to explode at Daine's mention of a new subject. The Lioness gasped suddenly, her breathing becoming raspier by the second. Sweat began forming at her brow as her nerves began building from within her. This had to be the most difficult thing she had ever done. "Daine, I don't know how to tell you this......" Alanna began, her words entirely truthful. How was she going to manage to do this? How could she sit here and break this young woman's heart? Though Alanna did not know the answers to the questions, she did know this: it had to be done. It was a task that she could not avoid. Daine would have to know the truth sooner or later, and it would be best to tell her now. Looking over briefly at the younger woman, Alanna could see a fear building up her eyes. Alanna quickly looked away, her eyes darted to the nearby window. "Daine, Numair's dead."
Those words were the single most terrifying words that Daine had ever heard in her entire life. It took several seconds for them to truly sink in, but when they did, she sincerely wished that had not. In the moment that it all settled within her, she knew also what it meant, those words. They meant that the man she woke up for everyday was gone forever, that she would never see him again. They meant that life as she knew and loved was over. But how? How could it be true? She did not even know how she had come to be here, yet alone how her lover had wound up dead.
Without warning, a series of sobs suddenly racked her body. It was as if for the first time in her life, she could not full contain herself from crying. Tears streamed steadily down her paled face, her breathing coming in loud gasps. Immediately upon breaking into tears, Daine felt a comforting hand come to rest on her shoulder, and without looking over, she knew it was Alanna. The older woman's attempts at comfort did nothing however. There was only one thing that could comfort Daine now, and that was seeing the boyish face of her lover, alight with one of his charming smiles that always had a way of melting her heart in a matter of seconds.
"Shhhhh....."Alanna soothed, rubbing her friend's back gently and with great care. The lady knight truly was curious as to what Daine knew about that dreadful night, but she knew this was definitely not the time or the place to ask. But goddess did she want to know! Patience was never one of her finer points, and that rang clearly in her mind now. "It'll be all right, Daine."
Those words, those assurances; they were lies. And how could they be anything but lies? Things would never be all right for Veralidaine Sarrasri ever again! How could things ever even be slightly all right, when Daine was to live out the rest of her life alone, deprived of the man she had turned down being a goddess for? Life as Daine knew it was gone forever. It had been stripped right out from under her feet, and Daine had not known what was happening until it was done. Gods, this was not fair! After all Daine had done to help along the plot of the gods, they pull THIS on her? Was this to be her reward for years of dedication and service? It was all too much for Daine to handle just now.
Finally, after many thoughts of fear, anger, and grief had swarmed through her mind, Daine got up the courage to calm down slightly, cease her sobbing, and ask the Lioness how all of this had come to be. "H-how?" Daine asked simply, sniffling as she did. The tears still came, no matter how hard she tried to push them back. Sobs racked her throat as well, despite her constant efforts to put a stop to them. When the Lioness shot her a questioning glance, signifying that she did not understand the question Daine had presented her with, Daine forced herself to explain. "How d-did all of this......happen?" Daine choked out, utterly surprised by her own ability to do so.
Alanna looked over at Daine and was surprised by the forced bravery that shone in her blue gray eyes. The gods had dealt the young woman a terrible card, and Alanna hated to think that Daine would have to play on it. Gaining up courage herself, Alanna decided to answer Daine's question. "I had thought you would know more that I...." Alanna voiced, surprised by all of this. She had believed, and in truth hoped that Daine would have a full memory of what had happened, so that justice could be brought in. Alanna wanted desperately to know who or what had done this to her friends, so that she could make them pay.
"I- " Daine started to stay, but was stopped by an odd sensation. It generated mostly from within her own mind, causing her to gasp suddenly, but not in pain. It was almost a pleasant feeling, its coolness rushing over her like water rippling through a summer stream. Daine did not have to wonder for long what had brought on this sudden feeling, for soon it explained itself. It came on in a flood of memories. That night was coming back to her.
***FLASH***
"Daine!" she heard him call out to her. His call rang loudly in her ears, making her head spin. Her magnified hearing made his cries to her a hundred times louder, and she could barely stand it on top of everything else. "I'm coming for you!"
Her mind was now in a whirl. She had to ward him away, and yet he continued to come! It seemed as if all was in slow motion. It had to be the pain, for everything took longer when you were in pain. She had to stop him, but she was losing herself. She tried to make herself do something, but she felt trapped. Pain surged through every inch of her body.
***FLASH***
"N-no!" Daine shrieked, her voice choked and frantic. "You have to get out!"
"No! I'll help you-" Numair argued back, his voice firm, yet filled with panic such as he had never felt. He was taken aback as Daine fought his reaching arms, the arms meant to help her. Blood dripped down the side of his arm now. She had scratched him in her attempt to fight him off. He was completely taken by surprise at this, but would not give in to her pleas for him to simply flee. He would do no such thing.
"G-et out!" Daine moaned, subconsciously watching the blood drip down his arm. She could smell the fear on him. It was as if he were drenched in the substance, if it could even be called that. It generated from his face. Her lover's eyes were wide with fright, his face gleaming with tiny beads of sweat. The smell of his fear and newly shed blood was almost refreshing. That scared Daine.
"I won't!" He cried back, his movements frantic as he fought to get to her. He was afraid that he would hurt her further if he fought too hard to get to her, so he didn't. He would have to coax her into calming down. It didn't seem as if any of this was under her control to begin with, though, so he doubted this would help.
***FLASH***
She cried out loudly when she made contact with her lover's body. She landed on him with a thud, sparing him no mercy. Daine wished more than anything that she could get ahold of herself and stop this madness; she didn't want to hurt him! However, she had little choice in the matter. Her body was not her own. Tears streamed steadily down her face as she began swinging her arms around wildly, slashing her lover with untamed fury. She could feel her claws digging deep into his skin, tearing his clothing. His cries of pain and agony filled her ears and mind, and she begged and pleaded for herself to stop, but she would have no such luck. The wolf-like coat of fur that was now spreading up her arm in the stead of the skin that had once been there was slowly being sprinkled with her lover's blood. At the sight and realization of this, she thought she would be sick.
***FLASH***
"I... l-love...y-you....." With that, he was gone. His body lay lifeless before Daine now as the wolf she had become continued its assault.
When Numair breathed his last, it was as if the last chord inside Daine had been severed. Not only did she lose all of her mind, but she lost all of her form. Her body gave in, for it was weak. Painfully, she shifted fully into wolf form. Though she could remember none of this, the shift proved to have taken too much out of her. Before she could stray farther than a few steps, she passed out. As she lay in her forced sleep, Daine had no idea what sort of horror the morning would bring her.
****FLASH****
Daine was soon back in the present, her mind reeling with this new found knowledge. Pain seeped through her entire being, so much that she wished she could just die and make it all go away. The memories had come back to her so fast, like a flood of unwanted memory. Gods how she wished she could just forget. The sound of his voice played constantly in her mind now. He was calling out to her, begging her to come to her senses. He was repeating to her how he loved her, and how he would not run away and leave her in this state. Again and again, Daine could hear his dying breath, and more than that, his last words to her.
"Horselords, no....."Daine breathed, so shocked from what had just taken place in her mind that she had stopped crying all together. Tear tracks still showed clearly on her cheeks, though she cried no more. Her eyes were wide in sudden realization. What had she done?
"Daine?" Came the sound of Alanna's worried voice. The young woman had seemed to trail off, as if deep in thought. It was not long after that that her crying had suddenly ceased, her tears gone.
"No, oh gods no......" Daine began mumbling, her tears suddenly springing back. Sobs once again racked her entire body and the tears began falling once again down her face. Those memories, they could not be real. Could they? She would never do what she did in them, so how could they be true memories? Ah, a voice in the back of her mind said, but what you did in those memories wasn't by your own will. By the gods, it was true! She herself had killed Numair! "How could I? What have I done?!" Daine was frantic now, her arms thrashing violently. She shook herself out of Alanna's grasp, moving a distance away on her bed. She buried her head quickly in her arms, her entire body trembling with a previously unknown fear.
"How could you what?" Alanna asked suddenly, voice alight with concern. She did not by any means understand what the young woman was ranting on about, but she had every intention of finding out. "Daine, what are you talking about? Do you remember what happened, now?"
Daine's eyes snapped open at this last question. Roughly, she lifted her face from its haven within her hands and shifted her body to look at the lady knight. Alanna had been a trusted friend of hers for a very long time. She could trust her, couldn't she? Gods how she did not want to admit what had happened, but she knew how it would haunt her all the more if she did not find someone to tell. If it had to be told to someone, it might as well be the Lioness. Daine's only hope was that she would not be abandoned for the terrible thing she had done. Memorizes of being hunted back in Gallan flashed through her mind, arousing an unpleasant feeling. Chills ran down her spine, though not chills brought by pleasure.
"It was me," Daine voiced, quiet as a mouse. She kept her eyes glued to the floor, unwilling to look into the eyes of her friend as she made the most painful confession of her life. Her entire body shook with her next words as she prayed to every god she could name that Alanna would not hate her for what she had done, "I killed him." This last statement came out in nothing more than a ragged whisper, but the Lioness heard every word.
Alanna gazed back at her young friend in a sort of awed expression. Had she just heard Daine right? Did Daine really say what Alanna thought she had heard? "I'm sorry Daine, I must have misunderstood you-" She began, but was cut off sharply by Daine's tear-streaked voice.
"I did it! I killed him! What else do you want me to say?!" Daine shouted, voice laced with tears. Upon instinct, Daine threw her head in her hands, sobbing uncontrollably. She could not remember having ever cried so hard in her entire life, not even when her Ma and Granda were murdered. At least then, she had someone to blame, someone to hunt down and thus avenge the needless deaths of her loved ones. Now, she had no one to hunt down but herself. It was the worst feeling Daine had ever felt. She was now incomplete in more than one way, and it hurt terribly.
Alanna sat, staring fixedly back at her young friend, eyes filled with a sudden realization and shock. Though she had no way of knowing it, her lips were parted slightly, allowing a small portion of her mouth to gape open. What Daine had said, what she had confessed, it could never be true! Could it? Was it even possible for a black robe mage to be slain by a wild mage, no matter how powerful? Alanna had never thought it to be, or even begun to fathom such an idea, and if she was honest with herself, she did not believe it now either.
The lady knight opened her mouth as if to speak, but then closed it just as quickly, not knowing what the proper thing to say. She had so many questions, but before she asked them, she had to confirm for herself that Daine was not merely confused as a result of what ever terrible event took place that stormy night. "Daine-" Alanna began awkwardly, her voice shaking with a shameful weakness. Alanna hated nothing more than the show of weakness, but hear she was, showing it for the umpteenth time within the past few days. Gods, none of this was fair to anyone involved!
The young woman's head snapped up suddenly, realizing that Alanna had spoken to her. Daine's blue gray eyes gazed back at Alanna, bearing down on the lady knight. Eyes darting hastily away, not knowing what to make of the sentence, Alanna finished her previous thought. "Daine, may I have a glance at your memory?" she asked quietly, thought her voice shook a great deal less.
Not daring to speak for fear of another outburst of tears, Daine merely nodded, her entire form looking weary. A single tear rolled down the side of Daine's face as she awaited the feel of her friend's chill fingers under her chin. In the back of her mind, Daine knew that this would likely be the last moment of 'peace' in Tortall for her. After the Lioness herself witnessed what she had done, she would be done for certain. How could anyone still want anything to do with her after seeing such a cruel, grim and completely horrifying action on her part? She had murdered her own lover for Mithro's sake! He had been the very person that she was supposed to be in love with, but how could anyone believe that now? Now, only she would know the truth, even if she did bother to explain. No, no one would ever trust her again, not ever. It would be just as it was before when she fled from Snowsdale. The mere thought chilled Daine to the bone.
Alanna's entire arm trembled as she reached out to place her fingers on Daine's temple. If truth be told, she was afraid of what she would find in Daine's mind. She did not by any means want to think that Daine was telling the truth. Alanna was certain that all of this was just a misunderstanding. It was obvious that Daine had been through a lot since that night, but it was impossible that she had murdered her own lover! Alanna had seen the two together on many occasions, and every time she had found herself awestricken over the amount of love she saw in their depths. They were in love, Alanna had no doubt of that. Daine just could not have killed him! Still though, Alanna was afraid. She did not want to witness her close friend's murder, no matter who had committed it. It was her duty though, and she must complete the task before her.
As soon as Alanna's hand was in place on Daine's temple, she entered the young woman's mind. There was a mess of memories and instances that flashed before Alanna, but the lady knight carefully sorted through them until she found exactly what she was searching for. She found the memories of that night. It was their anniversary, she remembered, and she could definitely see that from their formal attire. There seemed to be nothing wrong with the scene before her, and Alanna found this puzzling. Daine and Numair were simply dining together on a candlelit table, an entrancing scene. Alanna saw no terror, just pure, sweet romance. There seemed to be no tension between them, and how could there be on such a wonderful, romantic night as this?
Seeing that she was getting nowhere, Alanna sped the memory up a little, only to find that the night had indeed gone on just as she had seen it, with nothing to prove that anything out of the ordinary happened at all. Sighing in frustration, Alanna probed further into Daine's mind only to find that the two lovers had drifted off to sleep. Pushing it forward once more, Alanna received the shock she had been looking for. She watched as Daine stumbled out of bed, clearly feeling what Alanna assumed to be a terrible pain throughout her body. Alanna assumed from the few things that she already knew that this was the first sign of the barrier in Daine's mind breaking.
The memory continued, and Alanna found herself liking it less and less. She watched as Daine broke down completely, losing herself to the wolfish desires from within. The older woman longed to reach out to her friend, and to help her before it was too late. But she could do nothing, and it hurt. It hurt her terribly that she had to just sit and watch as her friends experienced what was most definitely the worst night of their entire lives.
Soon, Alanna saw Numair entering the scene and attempting to help his young lover. Alanna saw also that his attempts were in vain, for Daine was soon attacking him. Before long, Daine had lost herself entirely to her wild magic, and Alanna was then face to face with every blood freezing detail and image that that night had brought upon the two lovers. For what felt to the lady knight as forever, she watched her close friend come to his death, murdered by his own lover. When it was all over, and Numair had breathed his last, Alanna thought she might be sick. Her stomach turned painfully, making her wish greatly that she had not bothered to tap into Daine's mind. There were some things that no man or woman was meant to ever see, and that should definitely be one of those things. It had to hands down be the most terrible, heart wrenching thing that Alanna had ever seen.
"Goddess...." She breathed, feeling completely overwhelmed over what she had just witnessed. Daine sat next to her, crying softly to herself. Alanna noticed that the young woman had inched over as far as she could from the lady knight. Though Alanna felt for the Daine, she had to admit that even now, Daine showed much more bravery than she herself ever could in a situation such as what Daine now faced. If Alanna had every been the cause of George's death, she would have killed herself on the spot, knowing that she could not live a life without the one she loved. Alanna just prayed to every god and goddess she could think of that Daine would be able to think rashly, and see that Tortall needed her; for Tortall, she must go on.
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A/N: I'm sorry its so short.....I know to some of you this isn't short, but for me it is. I would like to make it longer, but I haven't got time. Also, I thought this was a good place to leave it. Just so you know and because I know this will be the first thing you ask: no, Alanna does not hold Numair's murder against Daine. She understands that Daine could not control her own actions. Just so you know, this story has like 3 to 4 chapters left, in which I shall pull off the happy ending.... So stay tuned, and don't give up on me! For once I actually know what I'm doing! REVIEW! ^_^
Disclaimer: Hmmmm...haven't left one of these in a while, so I guess I better get to it. I don't own any of Tamora Pierce's characters or ideas.....Really, all I own in this story is the plot, and any minor characters that I managed to come up with, and I think the only one so far is Herrick......anyway, just don't sue me, cuz I didn't do nuthin!
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As sunlight began to leak into the hospital wing of Pirates Swoop, Daine found herself beginning to awake from what seemed like years of sleep. Sunlight poured into the room through the nearby window, spreading over her once sleeping form like a blanket. Opening her eyes, Daine found that very scene. She say staring at the room before her for several minutes, as if in a daze. Then, in a moment's time, it came to her. Where was she, and why was she here? Where was Numair? Panic and curiosity both began to sweep over her as she jogged her mind for any idea as to why she could be here, and where exactly here was.
Then, it came to her. The wall designs, the floor pattern and the coat of arms that was carved into the door; she was in Pirates Swoop! Though she was proud of herself for recognizing her surroundings, the excitement did not last long. Daine still had not found an answer to her previous question: why was she here? Realizing that the only way to connect any of these dots was to find one of her friends who lived her, Daine decided to do just that. She lifted an arm to pull back her covers, and found a chill air to meet her mostly bare skin. It was a chilly morning. Daine then attempted to sit up, but when a sharp pain raced up her back and rested in her chest area, Daine threw herself back down immediately. She found herself entirely surprised by what had just taken place, not understanding why she was in so much pain from such a simple form of action.
"Alanna!" Daine called, hoping that her voice would carry through the walls of this room she was confined in and to whatever chamber her friend was currently in. "George!" Daine called, knowing that if Alanna could not hear her calls, then George would be the next best person. "Anyone!" Daine made this last call as a resort to attract any sort of attention.
To Daine's immense relief, there was a sound of distant footsteps scurrying closer from the other side of the oak wood doors that confined her. Before Daine knew it, the large oak wood door that had the family's coat of arms carved onto it was being pushed open, and the Lioness was stepping through it. Sighing in relief at seeing a familiar face who could probably help her understand how she had gotten here, Daine opened her mouth to speak, but was interrupted by Alanna. "Thank the goddess you're awake!" Alanna all but yelled, striding quickly over to Daine's bedside.
Though Daine had previously had so many questions racing through her head, at this particular moment, she could remember none of them. She was just in too much of a daze from the lady knight's sudden outburst. "I wasn't certain whether you'd live when I found you-" Alanna dove into a session of rambling, but it did catch Daine's attention. What was the Lioness talking about? Daine had a feeling that what her friend was talking about would give her the answer to all of her questions.
"What are you talking about, Alanna?" Daine asked, giving a feeble yawn. She stretched out her limbs, helping to work out a few of the kinks that had formed in her back. "Why in the name of the gods am I at the Swoop?"
Alanna looked suddenly dazed by Daine's questioning. Daine stared back at her friend, thoroughly surprised to see the thoughtful look that rang clearly in the Lioness's violet eyes. There seemed to be a sort of grief hidden in those eyes, but along with it there was a sense of curiosity. All of this confused Daine to no end, but further amplified her own curiosity of the situation. "You mean you don't know?" Alanna asked, voice shocked to match the look on her face.
"Know what?!" Daine replied tartly, her voice filled with exasperation. This whole situation was beginning to frustrate her! She had woken up in an unfamiliar bed, and to add to that, she had not a single clue as to how she had gotten there to begin with! This was not turning out to be a very good morning for Veralidaine Sarrasri. "Alanna, what you're saying isn't making a copper's worth of sense!"
"But-you-" the lady knight stuttered in response, her tongue tied for a proper answer. Gods this was going to be hard. "Daine, I would have thought YOU could tell ME!" Alanna finally managed to choke out, frustrated that Daine did not seem to remember anything.
"Remember WHAT, Alanna?" Daine retorted, voice showing a slight amount of annoyance. She could see that this was getting no where fast. "I don't understand!"
"Daine, you're barrier-" Alanna attempted to say, voice choked and raspy. She would rather be anywhere than here. She did not by any means want to be the one to explain all that she actually did know to Daine. It was not fair that it had to be her, but who else could possibly do it? Who was closer to Daine than Alanna that was still among the living?
Daine was not listening to Alanna, she was realizing suddenly, that was the Lioness must be getting at is that something had happened to her and that it had been uncertain as to whether or not she would live. That mere thought brought about several emotions and ideas, but the one that rang the clearest in her mind was where was Numair? If she had been hurt, she would expect him to be right here by her side, waiting for her to wake. That had always been his way before. Daine felt slightly hurt that her lanky lover was no where in sight now. "Alanna, where's Numair?" Daine asked, voicing her thoughts aloud.
Alanna's eyes seemed to explode at Daine's mention of a new subject. The Lioness gasped suddenly, her breathing becoming raspier by the second. Sweat began forming at her brow as her nerves began building from within her. This had to be the most difficult thing she had ever done. "Daine, I don't know how to tell you this......" Alanna began, her words entirely truthful. How was she going to manage to do this? How could she sit here and break this young woman's heart? Though Alanna did not know the answers to the questions, she did know this: it had to be done. It was a task that she could not avoid. Daine would have to know the truth sooner or later, and it would be best to tell her now. Looking over briefly at the younger woman, Alanna could see a fear building up her eyes. Alanna quickly looked away, her eyes darted to the nearby window. "Daine, Numair's dead."
Those words were the single most terrifying words that Daine had ever heard in her entire life. It took several seconds for them to truly sink in, but when they did, she sincerely wished that had not. In the moment that it all settled within her, she knew also what it meant, those words. They meant that the man she woke up for everyday was gone forever, that she would never see him again. They meant that life as she knew and loved was over. But how? How could it be true? She did not even know how she had come to be here, yet alone how her lover had wound up dead.
Without warning, a series of sobs suddenly racked her body. It was as if for the first time in her life, she could not full contain herself from crying. Tears streamed steadily down her paled face, her breathing coming in loud gasps. Immediately upon breaking into tears, Daine felt a comforting hand come to rest on her shoulder, and without looking over, she knew it was Alanna. The older woman's attempts at comfort did nothing however. There was only one thing that could comfort Daine now, and that was seeing the boyish face of her lover, alight with one of his charming smiles that always had a way of melting her heart in a matter of seconds.
"Shhhhh....."Alanna soothed, rubbing her friend's back gently and with great care. The lady knight truly was curious as to what Daine knew about that dreadful night, but she knew this was definitely not the time or the place to ask. But goddess did she want to know! Patience was never one of her finer points, and that rang clearly in her mind now. "It'll be all right, Daine."
Those words, those assurances; they were lies. And how could they be anything but lies? Things would never be all right for Veralidaine Sarrasri ever again! How could things ever even be slightly all right, when Daine was to live out the rest of her life alone, deprived of the man she had turned down being a goddess for? Life as Daine knew it was gone forever. It had been stripped right out from under her feet, and Daine had not known what was happening until it was done. Gods, this was not fair! After all Daine had done to help along the plot of the gods, they pull THIS on her? Was this to be her reward for years of dedication and service? It was all too much for Daine to handle just now.
Finally, after many thoughts of fear, anger, and grief had swarmed through her mind, Daine got up the courage to calm down slightly, cease her sobbing, and ask the Lioness how all of this had come to be. "H-how?" Daine asked simply, sniffling as she did. The tears still came, no matter how hard she tried to push them back. Sobs racked her throat as well, despite her constant efforts to put a stop to them. When the Lioness shot her a questioning glance, signifying that she did not understand the question Daine had presented her with, Daine forced herself to explain. "How d-did all of this......happen?" Daine choked out, utterly surprised by her own ability to do so.
Alanna looked over at Daine and was surprised by the forced bravery that shone in her blue gray eyes. The gods had dealt the young woman a terrible card, and Alanna hated to think that Daine would have to play on it. Gaining up courage herself, Alanna decided to answer Daine's question. "I had thought you would know more that I...." Alanna voiced, surprised by all of this. She had believed, and in truth hoped that Daine would have a full memory of what had happened, so that justice could be brought in. Alanna wanted desperately to know who or what had done this to her friends, so that she could make them pay.
"I- " Daine started to stay, but was stopped by an odd sensation. It generated mostly from within her own mind, causing her to gasp suddenly, but not in pain. It was almost a pleasant feeling, its coolness rushing over her like water rippling through a summer stream. Daine did not have to wonder for long what had brought on this sudden feeling, for soon it explained itself. It came on in a flood of memories. That night was coming back to her.
***FLASH***
"Daine!" she heard him call out to her. His call rang loudly in her ears, making her head spin. Her magnified hearing made his cries to her a hundred times louder, and she could barely stand it on top of everything else. "I'm coming for you!"
Her mind was now in a whirl. She had to ward him away, and yet he continued to come! It seemed as if all was in slow motion. It had to be the pain, for everything took longer when you were in pain. She had to stop him, but she was losing herself. She tried to make herself do something, but she felt trapped. Pain surged through every inch of her body.
***FLASH***
"N-no!" Daine shrieked, her voice choked and frantic. "You have to get out!"
"No! I'll help you-" Numair argued back, his voice firm, yet filled with panic such as he had never felt. He was taken aback as Daine fought his reaching arms, the arms meant to help her. Blood dripped down the side of his arm now. She had scratched him in her attempt to fight him off. He was completely taken by surprise at this, but would not give in to her pleas for him to simply flee. He would do no such thing.
"G-et out!" Daine moaned, subconsciously watching the blood drip down his arm. She could smell the fear on him. It was as if he were drenched in the substance, if it could even be called that. It generated from his face. Her lover's eyes were wide with fright, his face gleaming with tiny beads of sweat. The smell of his fear and newly shed blood was almost refreshing. That scared Daine.
"I won't!" He cried back, his movements frantic as he fought to get to her. He was afraid that he would hurt her further if he fought too hard to get to her, so he didn't. He would have to coax her into calming down. It didn't seem as if any of this was under her control to begin with, though, so he doubted this would help.
***FLASH***
She cried out loudly when she made contact with her lover's body. She landed on him with a thud, sparing him no mercy. Daine wished more than anything that she could get ahold of herself and stop this madness; she didn't want to hurt him! However, she had little choice in the matter. Her body was not her own. Tears streamed steadily down her face as she began swinging her arms around wildly, slashing her lover with untamed fury. She could feel her claws digging deep into his skin, tearing his clothing. His cries of pain and agony filled her ears and mind, and she begged and pleaded for herself to stop, but she would have no such luck. The wolf-like coat of fur that was now spreading up her arm in the stead of the skin that had once been there was slowly being sprinkled with her lover's blood. At the sight and realization of this, she thought she would be sick.
***FLASH***
"I... l-love...y-you....." With that, he was gone. His body lay lifeless before Daine now as the wolf she had become continued its assault.
When Numair breathed his last, it was as if the last chord inside Daine had been severed. Not only did she lose all of her mind, but she lost all of her form. Her body gave in, for it was weak. Painfully, she shifted fully into wolf form. Though she could remember none of this, the shift proved to have taken too much out of her. Before she could stray farther than a few steps, she passed out. As she lay in her forced sleep, Daine had no idea what sort of horror the morning would bring her.
****FLASH****
Daine was soon back in the present, her mind reeling with this new found knowledge. Pain seeped through her entire being, so much that she wished she could just die and make it all go away. The memories had come back to her so fast, like a flood of unwanted memory. Gods how she wished she could just forget. The sound of his voice played constantly in her mind now. He was calling out to her, begging her to come to her senses. He was repeating to her how he loved her, and how he would not run away and leave her in this state. Again and again, Daine could hear his dying breath, and more than that, his last words to her.
"Horselords, no....."Daine breathed, so shocked from what had just taken place in her mind that she had stopped crying all together. Tear tracks still showed clearly on her cheeks, though she cried no more. Her eyes were wide in sudden realization. What had she done?
"Daine?" Came the sound of Alanna's worried voice. The young woman had seemed to trail off, as if deep in thought. It was not long after that that her crying had suddenly ceased, her tears gone.
"No, oh gods no......" Daine began mumbling, her tears suddenly springing back. Sobs once again racked her entire body and the tears began falling once again down her face. Those memories, they could not be real. Could they? She would never do what she did in them, so how could they be true memories? Ah, a voice in the back of her mind said, but what you did in those memories wasn't by your own will. By the gods, it was true! She herself had killed Numair! "How could I? What have I done?!" Daine was frantic now, her arms thrashing violently. She shook herself out of Alanna's grasp, moving a distance away on her bed. She buried her head quickly in her arms, her entire body trembling with a previously unknown fear.
"How could you what?" Alanna asked suddenly, voice alight with concern. She did not by any means understand what the young woman was ranting on about, but she had every intention of finding out. "Daine, what are you talking about? Do you remember what happened, now?"
Daine's eyes snapped open at this last question. Roughly, she lifted her face from its haven within her hands and shifted her body to look at the lady knight. Alanna had been a trusted friend of hers for a very long time. She could trust her, couldn't she? Gods how she did not want to admit what had happened, but she knew how it would haunt her all the more if she did not find someone to tell. If it had to be told to someone, it might as well be the Lioness. Daine's only hope was that she would not be abandoned for the terrible thing she had done. Memorizes of being hunted back in Gallan flashed through her mind, arousing an unpleasant feeling. Chills ran down her spine, though not chills brought by pleasure.
"It was me," Daine voiced, quiet as a mouse. She kept her eyes glued to the floor, unwilling to look into the eyes of her friend as she made the most painful confession of her life. Her entire body shook with her next words as she prayed to every god she could name that Alanna would not hate her for what she had done, "I killed him." This last statement came out in nothing more than a ragged whisper, but the Lioness heard every word.
Alanna gazed back at her young friend in a sort of awed expression. Had she just heard Daine right? Did Daine really say what Alanna thought she had heard? "I'm sorry Daine, I must have misunderstood you-" She began, but was cut off sharply by Daine's tear-streaked voice.
"I did it! I killed him! What else do you want me to say?!" Daine shouted, voice laced with tears. Upon instinct, Daine threw her head in her hands, sobbing uncontrollably. She could not remember having ever cried so hard in her entire life, not even when her Ma and Granda were murdered. At least then, she had someone to blame, someone to hunt down and thus avenge the needless deaths of her loved ones. Now, she had no one to hunt down but herself. It was the worst feeling Daine had ever felt. She was now incomplete in more than one way, and it hurt terribly.
Alanna sat, staring fixedly back at her young friend, eyes filled with a sudden realization and shock. Though she had no way of knowing it, her lips were parted slightly, allowing a small portion of her mouth to gape open. What Daine had said, what she had confessed, it could never be true! Could it? Was it even possible for a black robe mage to be slain by a wild mage, no matter how powerful? Alanna had never thought it to be, or even begun to fathom such an idea, and if she was honest with herself, she did not believe it now either.
The lady knight opened her mouth as if to speak, but then closed it just as quickly, not knowing what the proper thing to say. She had so many questions, but before she asked them, she had to confirm for herself that Daine was not merely confused as a result of what ever terrible event took place that stormy night. "Daine-" Alanna began awkwardly, her voice shaking with a shameful weakness. Alanna hated nothing more than the show of weakness, but hear she was, showing it for the umpteenth time within the past few days. Gods, none of this was fair to anyone involved!
The young woman's head snapped up suddenly, realizing that Alanna had spoken to her. Daine's blue gray eyes gazed back at Alanna, bearing down on the lady knight. Eyes darting hastily away, not knowing what to make of the sentence, Alanna finished her previous thought. "Daine, may I have a glance at your memory?" she asked quietly, thought her voice shook a great deal less.
Not daring to speak for fear of another outburst of tears, Daine merely nodded, her entire form looking weary. A single tear rolled down the side of Daine's face as she awaited the feel of her friend's chill fingers under her chin. In the back of her mind, Daine knew that this would likely be the last moment of 'peace' in Tortall for her. After the Lioness herself witnessed what she had done, she would be done for certain. How could anyone still want anything to do with her after seeing such a cruel, grim and completely horrifying action on her part? She had murdered her own lover for Mithro's sake! He had been the very person that she was supposed to be in love with, but how could anyone believe that now? Now, only she would know the truth, even if she did bother to explain. No, no one would ever trust her again, not ever. It would be just as it was before when she fled from Snowsdale. The mere thought chilled Daine to the bone.
Alanna's entire arm trembled as she reached out to place her fingers on Daine's temple. If truth be told, she was afraid of what she would find in Daine's mind. She did not by any means want to think that Daine was telling the truth. Alanna was certain that all of this was just a misunderstanding. It was obvious that Daine had been through a lot since that night, but it was impossible that she had murdered her own lover! Alanna had seen the two together on many occasions, and every time she had found herself awestricken over the amount of love she saw in their depths. They were in love, Alanna had no doubt of that. Daine just could not have killed him! Still though, Alanna was afraid. She did not want to witness her close friend's murder, no matter who had committed it. It was her duty though, and she must complete the task before her.
As soon as Alanna's hand was in place on Daine's temple, she entered the young woman's mind. There was a mess of memories and instances that flashed before Alanna, but the lady knight carefully sorted through them until she found exactly what she was searching for. She found the memories of that night. It was their anniversary, she remembered, and she could definitely see that from their formal attire. There seemed to be nothing wrong with the scene before her, and Alanna found this puzzling. Daine and Numair were simply dining together on a candlelit table, an entrancing scene. Alanna saw no terror, just pure, sweet romance. There seemed to be no tension between them, and how could there be on such a wonderful, romantic night as this?
Seeing that she was getting nowhere, Alanna sped the memory up a little, only to find that the night had indeed gone on just as she had seen it, with nothing to prove that anything out of the ordinary happened at all. Sighing in frustration, Alanna probed further into Daine's mind only to find that the two lovers had drifted off to sleep. Pushing it forward once more, Alanna received the shock she had been looking for. She watched as Daine stumbled out of bed, clearly feeling what Alanna assumed to be a terrible pain throughout her body. Alanna assumed from the few things that she already knew that this was the first sign of the barrier in Daine's mind breaking.
The memory continued, and Alanna found herself liking it less and less. She watched as Daine broke down completely, losing herself to the wolfish desires from within. The older woman longed to reach out to her friend, and to help her before it was too late. But she could do nothing, and it hurt. It hurt her terribly that she had to just sit and watch as her friends experienced what was most definitely the worst night of their entire lives.
Soon, Alanna saw Numair entering the scene and attempting to help his young lover. Alanna saw also that his attempts were in vain, for Daine was soon attacking him. Before long, Daine had lost herself entirely to her wild magic, and Alanna was then face to face with every blood freezing detail and image that that night had brought upon the two lovers. For what felt to the lady knight as forever, she watched her close friend come to his death, murdered by his own lover. When it was all over, and Numair had breathed his last, Alanna thought she might be sick. Her stomach turned painfully, making her wish greatly that she had not bothered to tap into Daine's mind. There were some things that no man or woman was meant to ever see, and that should definitely be one of those things. It had to hands down be the most terrible, heart wrenching thing that Alanna had ever seen.
"Goddess...." She breathed, feeling completely overwhelmed over what she had just witnessed. Daine sat next to her, crying softly to herself. Alanna noticed that the young woman had inched over as far as she could from the lady knight. Though Alanna felt for the Daine, she had to admit that even now, Daine showed much more bravery than she herself ever could in a situation such as what Daine now faced. If Alanna had every been the cause of George's death, she would have killed herself on the spot, knowing that she could not live a life without the one she loved. Alanna just prayed to every god and goddess she could think of that Daine would be able to think rashly, and see that Tortall needed her; for Tortall, she must go on.
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A/N: I'm sorry its so short.....I know to some of you this isn't short, but for me it is. I would like to make it longer, but I haven't got time. Also, I thought this was a good place to leave it. Just so you know and because I know this will be the first thing you ask: no, Alanna does not hold Numair's murder against Daine. She understands that Daine could not control her own actions. Just so you know, this story has like 3 to 4 chapters left, in which I shall pull off the happy ending.... So stay tuned, and don't give up on me! For once I actually know what I'm doing! REVIEW! ^_^