A/N: Ok...I'll admit it. I'm getting a little lazy with these stories...No, I'm not quitting, but I do need to get myself in gear and get to work. This is the last chapter before the twist comes, so I think that this fic is coming to a fast close. I really want to finish it because its becoming more of a burden than I thought it would. I REALLY want to get back to working on Gallan Return....Oh well....just R/R and I hope you enjoy it!
Disclaimer: I don't own any of TP's characters or ideas, nor do I own the contents of a certain document Daine shall come across in this chapter....those belong to Johnny Cash...
Daine made her way fast from Alanna, leaving the older woman alone back in the library. She had come to the conclusion that what had happened back there, what with Numair being there as plain as day; it had all been a day dream of sorts. It had been nothing more than an extremely strong day dream. Daine almost did not want to believe that. Though the idea of her lover still being in this tower in death frightened Daine to no end, it also comforted her that he could still be close to her, even in death. She did not know or understand how she could feel such complex, contrasting feelings, but she just did.
Sighing inwardly, Daine felt suddenly tired. She felt as if she were carrying an entire back filled with bricks strapped to her back. She did not know what had spurred this feeling, perhaps it was the events of the day. Emotionally, she had gone through a lot, she had to admit. She had felt him once again today, like she had not felt him in a while. His skin had brushed hers, warm and welcoming. He had stared down at her with those captivating midnight eyes that seemed to be calling to her soul. His soft lips had spoken her name today, and she had heard his sweet voice. Then he had faded away, vanishing from her grasp. He had been like a wisp of smoke, slowly being diminished by the wind. When he was gone, Daine had known that she had lost him again, and it had hurt. Why had she allowed that dream to go so far? Why hadn't she just turned away? If she had, it would not have hurt her. But if I had, then I would never again have felt all of those things and experienced him just this last time, Daine reminded herself. It had been a bittersweet memory that she both cherished and wished to erase now.
Before Daine had the faintest idea of where her legs were carrying her, she found herself standing before the oak wood door of her bed chamber, the bed chamber she had shared with Numair. Her heart thudded wildly in her chest as she stood there, staring blankly at the door. There was something forbidding about it, something that Daine could not begin to understand. Unconsciously, her hands began trembling at her sides. She was afraid to step beyond that door. She remembered clearly what had happened in the library, and what was to stop it from happening inside the bed chamber she had shared with him as well? A part of Daine longed to go inside, welcomed the memories and dreams of her lost lover. Another part of her though wanted nothing more than to run, to flee as fast as she could from this room, from this tower, from any place she had spent time with him. That part of her feared the memories, and wanted to simply forget. If she did not remember him, then he could cause her no pain. If she did not remember him, she would not notice that empty place in her heart that he had once filled.
"I have to do this..."Daine breathed, swallowing hard. If she was going to live here, or at least visit this place that had once been the home of her dreams, then she had to get his things put away so that she could stand it. She could never be able to handle coming here and always see his things they way they used to be when he was alive. It would chill her to the bone, she knew.
Deciding that she had no other choice, Daine reached her hand out, turning the brass handle. She slowly pulled the door open, letting herself inside. Her mind was flooded suddenly with memories of the last time she had been in here. A single tear formed in the depths of her eyes, and it took all of Daine's strength and will to simply push it back. She knew that if all of this was going to be done and over with soon, then she should get started as soon as possible. She had to stop feeling so sorry for herself.
Walking over to the bed, Daine noticed that it was of course exactly the same as it had been that night. The blankets and sheets were still thrown back, wrinkled and unruly, for the bed had not been made in the morning that followed. As Daine gazed down at the bed she had shared so many passion filled nights with her lover in, she felt her breaths become shorter and her heart beat faster. She could not help this tugging at her heart, this painful need to cry for Numair. Looking now at his side of the bed, the one closest to the window, she could see that there was still an indent from where he had slept that night. She gasped at her newfound discovery, approaching the bed all that much more. Before she knew what she was doing, she had sat down on the edge of her side of the bed, bringing her knees up to rest against her rapidly beating heart. Soon, she found herself reaching across the bed with her outstretched hand, letting her fingers lightly caress the silken sheets that were exposed since the satin bed cover had been carelessly thrown aside by the last person to rise from the bed.
Before Daine knew what was happening, tears were streaming steadily down her face, landing effortlessly on the silk covered feather pillow that she had once rested her head on in peace after every day spent at the tower. She grasped the edge of the thicker, cotton bedding that the two lovers had used during the winter nights. Distantly, she allowed the folds of the material to slip through her fingers, intertwining them as her lover's own hand once had. With her spare hand, Daine let her fingers ripple gently over the space her lover had slept in. His form was still there, clearly visible. She could feel with her fingers the exact place he had rested that night, down to the exact position he had slept in. Daine soon found herself not just crying, but sobbing uncontrollably. Cleaning out Numair's study had been almost bearable, but this, this was bringing her such an excruciating pain that Daine did not know for certain if she could ever get through it without dying of heartbreak.
Allowing her eyes to drift up from the place her lover had once slept, Daine moved to gaze out the bed chamber window. Before they reached their destination however, they landed on an object that attracted Daine's interest. Immediately her eyes darted towards the bedside table on Numair's side of the bed. Each of the two lovers had a table on their side of the bed where they could keep their private things, or most commonly a book to read before drifting off to sleep at night. A small portrait of Daine, similar to the one Numair constantly kept in his focus bracelet was set atop his bedside table just as it had always been, but it was not the portrait that had attracted Daine's attention. No, it was something new that she could not recall having seen before. Sitting behind that picture, only slightly showing seemed to be a tiny dark colored box, though from this distance Daine could not be fully sure.
At this thought, Daine immediately scooted over to the edge of the bed, closer to the object of interested. Leaning forward, Daine gently moved aside the portrait with care and took hold of the small object, closing her fingers around it. Upon closer inspection, Daine realized that the object was a tiny wooden box that had been painted black. She examined it closely as it sat in her palm, curiously wondering what it could be. Daine knew that something was inside this box, but she was not certain that she wanted to open it. It had been Numair, of that much she was certain, for she had not put it there, nor would she ever put anything on his bedside table. If she did not know about it, it was likely the object had been private. At this thought, curiosity coursed through Daine's veins like wildfire, spreading madly where ever it went. By now, her tears had faded away. She had found a way to distract herself, thankfully.
Feeling as if she would die of curiosity if she did not find out the secrets of this box, Daine immediately grasped it tightly between two fingers and hastily lifted the lid to open it. Inside the box, wrapped delicately in a silk handkerchief was a tiny ring, It was the most brilliant ring Daine had ever laid eyes on, and the one that fit her taste the most. It was crafted out of the purest of white gold, looking almost silver as it glinted in the sunlight that leaked through the bedchamber drapes. In its setting lay a glittering diamond of considerable size, and two deep blue sapphires at each side. The ring was very simply, and it was likely that few noble women would take notice of it, but it was just as Daine preferred a ring to be, right down to the tiniest of details.
Little to Daine's knowledge, her breathing had slowed immensely at the sight of the tiny ring laying cradled inside the black box. It glinted menacingly at her, as if mocking her loss and her sorrow. Tears glistened in the sunlight as they fell down her face, alighting her cheeks with tear tracks. It was in this moment that she lifted the ring from its haven in the tiny black box. She held it closer to her face, examining it in finer detail. She could see now, that on the inside of the golden band was the tiniest of inscriptions, one that she could scaresly make out. As she looked closely at the tiny words, the ring now only a few folds of parchment away from the very tip of her nose, Daine could see now that it read, 'May you forever be mine, my Magelet'.
Only then, as she read those tiny little words, did it dawn upon her what this was, what this ring meant and what it stood for. Yes, it was a symbol of love, it would take no more than a blind man to see that, but it was much more than that. It was an engagement ring, a ring to symbolize a betrothal. At this new discovery, Daine emitted a tiny, barely audible gasp. Her hands balled suddenly into fists, the ring locked safely inside. The little black box, now containing only the handkerchief fell from her grasp, its landing muffled by the rug covered floor. Through her tears, Daine's eyes snapped down to the floor, to see that the box had fallen and the handkerchief had spilled out. Not only that, but now, poking out over the rim of the tiny black box, Daine could see that she had not found all of the box's secrets. No, now visible was a tiny piece of parchment that had previously been hidden under the handkerchief cushion.
Daine's tears did not cease to come, but she now found herself ignoring their constant presence as she reached down to lift up her discovery. Now that she had pulled it from the depths of the box, she could see that it appeared to have been folded many times to minimize its size so that it would fit into the box. Daine wondered what it could be, and what secrets it might hold. Gingerly, so as not to tear it, Daine began to unfold the piece of parchment. Thoughts of the ring and the proposal Numair had never gotten he chance to make had briefly faded from Daine's mind for the time being. All she could think of now, was what this piece of parchment could possibly be for and why Numair had chosen to keep it in that tiny box with the ring he had planned to propose to her with.
As soon as the parchment had been completely unfolded, Daine could see that it had been written on in what was clearly Numair's hand. Daine had not expected any less, but still, something about seeing such a reminder of her lost lover pulled at her heart, successfully tying it into a knot of pain. Looking down at the parchment now, going against all of Daine's better judgment, she began to read what Numair had written on it. She knew that this had probably been written shortly before his death, likely that very day when he was away at the palace. It read:
The first time ever I saw your face,
I thought the sun rose in your eyes.
And the moon and stars were the gifts you gave,
To the dark and the endless sky, my love.
And the first time ever I kissed your mouth,
I felt the earth move through my hands.
Like the trembling heart of a captive bird
That was there at my command.
And the first time ever I lay with you,
I felt your heart so close to mine.
And I know our joy would fill the earth,
And last till the end of time, my love.
The first time ever I saw your face.....
Will you marry me, Veralidaine Sarrasri?
Daine stared down at the paper in her hands with shock written clearly on her face. She could not believe what she had just read. He truly had wanted to marry her; it had all been real. Those years ago, at the end of the Immortals War when she had found him lying beneath a large willow tree, the things he had said to her, his proposal of marriage, she had thought that it had been a spur of the moment. He had never asked her the question again since that day, and he had scaresly even mentioned it unless he was teasing. All this time, Daine had wanted more than anything to marry him. She had made her decision long ago that she was ready to take that step. But she had never dared to bring it up, fearing that his boast of commitment, his promises to stay true to her were all things he had not truly meant. Now she saw how wrong she had been not to say something, not to tell him her feelings. Not for the first time in the past months, Daine was finding herself realizing just how much pain she had caused herself and her lover by not telling him everything. She swore to herself now, that if he could just be here with her now, if he could just be alive again, that she would never keep anything from him ever again.
Daine hardly noticed as the proposal Numair had written for her fell from her fingers and to the bedchamber floor. She was too far lost in her thoughts, in her grief. She could not understand why the gods had decided this fate for her, after all she had gone through and all she had sacrificed for the sake of their plan for this world. The saying that life was not always fair was becoming so much more of a reality for Daine as each new day passed.
"I can't do this anymore...." Daine mumbled to herself, voice stifled by her crying. "I don't want to..." It was the honest truth. She did not want to live anymore. But she had to. She had to be strong, if not for herself, then for Tortall. She was the Wild Mage, wasn't she? She had to keep going for the sake of the country she had given up so much for. Aside from all that, however, she knew that it would be what Numair would have wanted for her. Though he could never come back to this life to be with her, she would see him again. But if she took her own life now, the Black God could punish her; he could take away her chance to spend eternity with her lover. Daine had heard of such things, of the Black God taking away what is precious to those who took the easy way out when things became too hard. She could never take such a risk, for just these past ten days without Numair had been a living nightmare. She could never spend an eternity without him.
A/N: sorry, I know that was WAY shorter than my usual chapters...I just felt bad for not updating, and I wanted to get something posted. I'm been having a bit of a crisis lately and its been taking up a lot of my time, which is why I haven't been updating...this fic should be done pretty soon I'm thinking....please review, even though it was short...next chapter will definitely be longer, I promise!
Disclaimer: I don't own any of TP's characters or ideas, nor do I own the contents of a certain document Daine shall come across in this chapter....those belong to Johnny Cash...
Daine made her way fast from Alanna, leaving the older woman alone back in the library. She had come to the conclusion that what had happened back there, what with Numair being there as plain as day; it had all been a day dream of sorts. It had been nothing more than an extremely strong day dream. Daine almost did not want to believe that. Though the idea of her lover still being in this tower in death frightened Daine to no end, it also comforted her that he could still be close to her, even in death. She did not know or understand how she could feel such complex, contrasting feelings, but she just did.
Sighing inwardly, Daine felt suddenly tired. She felt as if she were carrying an entire back filled with bricks strapped to her back. She did not know what had spurred this feeling, perhaps it was the events of the day. Emotionally, she had gone through a lot, she had to admit. She had felt him once again today, like she had not felt him in a while. His skin had brushed hers, warm and welcoming. He had stared down at her with those captivating midnight eyes that seemed to be calling to her soul. His soft lips had spoken her name today, and she had heard his sweet voice. Then he had faded away, vanishing from her grasp. He had been like a wisp of smoke, slowly being diminished by the wind. When he was gone, Daine had known that she had lost him again, and it had hurt. Why had she allowed that dream to go so far? Why hadn't she just turned away? If she had, it would not have hurt her. But if I had, then I would never again have felt all of those things and experienced him just this last time, Daine reminded herself. It had been a bittersweet memory that she both cherished and wished to erase now.
Before Daine had the faintest idea of where her legs were carrying her, she found herself standing before the oak wood door of her bed chamber, the bed chamber she had shared with Numair. Her heart thudded wildly in her chest as she stood there, staring blankly at the door. There was something forbidding about it, something that Daine could not begin to understand. Unconsciously, her hands began trembling at her sides. She was afraid to step beyond that door. She remembered clearly what had happened in the library, and what was to stop it from happening inside the bed chamber she had shared with him as well? A part of Daine longed to go inside, welcomed the memories and dreams of her lost lover. Another part of her though wanted nothing more than to run, to flee as fast as she could from this room, from this tower, from any place she had spent time with him. That part of her feared the memories, and wanted to simply forget. If she did not remember him, then he could cause her no pain. If she did not remember him, she would not notice that empty place in her heart that he had once filled.
"I have to do this..."Daine breathed, swallowing hard. If she was going to live here, or at least visit this place that had once been the home of her dreams, then she had to get his things put away so that she could stand it. She could never be able to handle coming here and always see his things they way they used to be when he was alive. It would chill her to the bone, she knew.
Deciding that she had no other choice, Daine reached her hand out, turning the brass handle. She slowly pulled the door open, letting herself inside. Her mind was flooded suddenly with memories of the last time she had been in here. A single tear formed in the depths of her eyes, and it took all of Daine's strength and will to simply push it back. She knew that if all of this was going to be done and over with soon, then she should get started as soon as possible. She had to stop feeling so sorry for herself.
Walking over to the bed, Daine noticed that it was of course exactly the same as it had been that night. The blankets and sheets were still thrown back, wrinkled and unruly, for the bed had not been made in the morning that followed. As Daine gazed down at the bed she had shared so many passion filled nights with her lover in, she felt her breaths become shorter and her heart beat faster. She could not help this tugging at her heart, this painful need to cry for Numair. Looking now at his side of the bed, the one closest to the window, she could see that there was still an indent from where he had slept that night. She gasped at her newfound discovery, approaching the bed all that much more. Before she knew what she was doing, she had sat down on the edge of her side of the bed, bringing her knees up to rest against her rapidly beating heart. Soon, she found herself reaching across the bed with her outstretched hand, letting her fingers lightly caress the silken sheets that were exposed since the satin bed cover had been carelessly thrown aside by the last person to rise from the bed.
Before Daine knew what was happening, tears were streaming steadily down her face, landing effortlessly on the silk covered feather pillow that she had once rested her head on in peace after every day spent at the tower. She grasped the edge of the thicker, cotton bedding that the two lovers had used during the winter nights. Distantly, she allowed the folds of the material to slip through her fingers, intertwining them as her lover's own hand once had. With her spare hand, Daine let her fingers ripple gently over the space her lover had slept in. His form was still there, clearly visible. She could feel with her fingers the exact place he had rested that night, down to the exact position he had slept in. Daine soon found herself not just crying, but sobbing uncontrollably. Cleaning out Numair's study had been almost bearable, but this, this was bringing her such an excruciating pain that Daine did not know for certain if she could ever get through it without dying of heartbreak.
Allowing her eyes to drift up from the place her lover had once slept, Daine moved to gaze out the bed chamber window. Before they reached their destination however, they landed on an object that attracted Daine's interest. Immediately her eyes darted towards the bedside table on Numair's side of the bed. Each of the two lovers had a table on their side of the bed where they could keep their private things, or most commonly a book to read before drifting off to sleep at night. A small portrait of Daine, similar to the one Numair constantly kept in his focus bracelet was set atop his bedside table just as it had always been, but it was not the portrait that had attracted Daine's attention. No, it was something new that she could not recall having seen before. Sitting behind that picture, only slightly showing seemed to be a tiny dark colored box, though from this distance Daine could not be fully sure.
At this thought, Daine immediately scooted over to the edge of the bed, closer to the object of interested. Leaning forward, Daine gently moved aside the portrait with care and took hold of the small object, closing her fingers around it. Upon closer inspection, Daine realized that the object was a tiny wooden box that had been painted black. She examined it closely as it sat in her palm, curiously wondering what it could be. Daine knew that something was inside this box, but she was not certain that she wanted to open it. It had been Numair, of that much she was certain, for she had not put it there, nor would she ever put anything on his bedside table. If she did not know about it, it was likely the object had been private. At this thought, curiosity coursed through Daine's veins like wildfire, spreading madly where ever it went. By now, her tears had faded away. She had found a way to distract herself, thankfully.
Feeling as if she would die of curiosity if she did not find out the secrets of this box, Daine immediately grasped it tightly between two fingers and hastily lifted the lid to open it. Inside the box, wrapped delicately in a silk handkerchief was a tiny ring, It was the most brilliant ring Daine had ever laid eyes on, and the one that fit her taste the most. It was crafted out of the purest of white gold, looking almost silver as it glinted in the sunlight that leaked through the bedchamber drapes. In its setting lay a glittering diamond of considerable size, and two deep blue sapphires at each side. The ring was very simply, and it was likely that few noble women would take notice of it, but it was just as Daine preferred a ring to be, right down to the tiniest of details.
Little to Daine's knowledge, her breathing had slowed immensely at the sight of the tiny ring laying cradled inside the black box. It glinted menacingly at her, as if mocking her loss and her sorrow. Tears glistened in the sunlight as they fell down her face, alighting her cheeks with tear tracks. It was in this moment that she lifted the ring from its haven in the tiny black box. She held it closer to her face, examining it in finer detail. She could see now, that on the inside of the golden band was the tiniest of inscriptions, one that she could scaresly make out. As she looked closely at the tiny words, the ring now only a few folds of parchment away from the very tip of her nose, Daine could see now that it read, 'May you forever be mine, my Magelet'.
Only then, as she read those tiny little words, did it dawn upon her what this was, what this ring meant and what it stood for. Yes, it was a symbol of love, it would take no more than a blind man to see that, but it was much more than that. It was an engagement ring, a ring to symbolize a betrothal. At this new discovery, Daine emitted a tiny, barely audible gasp. Her hands balled suddenly into fists, the ring locked safely inside. The little black box, now containing only the handkerchief fell from her grasp, its landing muffled by the rug covered floor. Through her tears, Daine's eyes snapped down to the floor, to see that the box had fallen and the handkerchief had spilled out. Not only that, but now, poking out over the rim of the tiny black box, Daine could see that she had not found all of the box's secrets. No, now visible was a tiny piece of parchment that had previously been hidden under the handkerchief cushion.
Daine's tears did not cease to come, but she now found herself ignoring their constant presence as she reached down to lift up her discovery. Now that she had pulled it from the depths of the box, she could see that it appeared to have been folded many times to minimize its size so that it would fit into the box. Daine wondered what it could be, and what secrets it might hold. Gingerly, so as not to tear it, Daine began to unfold the piece of parchment. Thoughts of the ring and the proposal Numair had never gotten he chance to make had briefly faded from Daine's mind for the time being. All she could think of now, was what this piece of parchment could possibly be for and why Numair had chosen to keep it in that tiny box with the ring he had planned to propose to her with.
As soon as the parchment had been completely unfolded, Daine could see that it had been written on in what was clearly Numair's hand. Daine had not expected any less, but still, something about seeing such a reminder of her lost lover pulled at her heart, successfully tying it into a knot of pain. Looking down at the parchment now, going against all of Daine's better judgment, she began to read what Numair had written on it. She knew that this had probably been written shortly before his death, likely that very day when he was away at the palace. It read:
The first time ever I saw your face,
I thought the sun rose in your eyes.
And the moon and stars were the gifts you gave,
To the dark and the endless sky, my love.
And the first time ever I kissed your mouth,
I felt the earth move through my hands.
Like the trembling heart of a captive bird
That was there at my command.
And the first time ever I lay with you,
I felt your heart so close to mine.
And I know our joy would fill the earth,
And last till the end of time, my love.
The first time ever I saw your face.....
Will you marry me, Veralidaine Sarrasri?
Daine stared down at the paper in her hands with shock written clearly on her face. She could not believe what she had just read. He truly had wanted to marry her; it had all been real. Those years ago, at the end of the Immortals War when she had found him lying beneath a large willow tree, the things he had said to her, his proposal of marriage, she had thought that it had been a spur of the moment. He had never asked her the question again since that day, and he had scaresly even mentioned it unless he was teasing. All this time, Daine had wanted more than anything to marry him. She had made her decision long ago that she was ready to take that step. But she had never dared to bring it up, fearing that his boast of commitment, his promises to stay true to her were all things he had not truly meant. Now she saw how wrong she had been not to say something, not to tell him her feelings. Not for the first time in the past months, Daine was finding herself realizing just how much pain she had caused herself and her lover by not telling him everything. She swore to herself now, that if he could just be here with her now, if he could just be alive again, that she would never keep anything from him ever again.
Daine hardly noticed as the proposal Numair had written for her fell from her fingers and to the bedchamber floor. She was too far lost in her thoughts, in her grief. She could not understand why the gods had decided this fate for her, after all she had gone through and all she had sacrificed for the sake of their plan for this world. The saying that life was not always fair was becoming so much more of a reality for Daine as each new day passed.
"I can't do this anymore...." Daine mumbled to herself, voice stifled by her crying. "I don't want to..." It was the honest truth. She did not want to live anymore. But she had to. She had to be strong, if not for herself, then for Tortall. She was the Wild Mage, wasn't she? She had to keep going for the sake of the country she had given up so much for. Aside from all that, however, she knew that it would be what Numair would have wanted for her. Though he could never come back to this life to be with her, she would see him again. But if she took her own life now, the Black God could punish her; he could take away her chance to spend eternity with her lover. Daine had heard of such things, of the Black God taking away what is precious to those who took the easy way out when things became too hard. She could never take such a risk, for just these past ten days without Numair had been a living nightmare. She could never spend an eternity without him.
A/N: sorry, I know that was WAY shorter than my usual chapters...I just felt bad for not updating, and I wanted to get something posted. I'm been having a bit of a crisis lately and its been taking up a lot of my time, which is why I haven't been updating...this fic should be done pretty soon I'm thinking....please review, even though it was short...next chapter will definitely be longer, I promise!