The horse race came and went, then a ball of Millicent's. She didn't really want to but it was tradition for every pureblood family to have one at least once a year. A lot of people were invited because she didn't want to talk to anybody much.

"What do I even look for in a husband?" she confided in me at the beginning of the ball whilst we were on the steps at the front of her manor, the ballroom alit beihnd us. The Bulstrode's lived in an ancient house where the ballroom was the first room one saw when they entered. It sat empty for most of the year except balls like this when it was lit with the most glossamer of light and music floating like honey on air. A crowd of guests danced happily behind us, I knew there were many couples forming. Daphne in her beautiful shimmering gown stood to my left, staring forlornly out into the night sky, and Millicent stood on my right.

"I didn't think much about the beginning of my life. It was like it was on easy mode. What do I do now? I've never had so much pressure...what are you even supposed to look for besides the, you know," she said because it was impolite to say how wealthy or pureblooded we were in public company. Besides wealth and blood status she meant but even then, there were multiple suitors to be indecisive over that fit the description of wealthy enough and pureblooded enough. The pureblooded thing was mostly to avoid scandals in our circles though, halfbloods were alright if they were of good class and looked up to us.

There was a silence that lasted for longer than it ought to.

"No one's really...looking for someone they like right?" Daphne said, she swallowed, "we've got deeper things to think about, like if our parents approve. I heard many marry someone for convenience but who even knows who they like..."

Daphne had always been the romantic one among us, the one who had the least nasty things to say about men, the one who fell into dreamy chatter about cute boys and married life the easiest. It sounded odd coming from her tongue.

"Well, it'll be someone that's good enough to carry on our class and bloodline, someone that would please the parents and everyone else in our social circle, we want to keep existing ties, and someone that we like and we'll just...know I suppose," I said before sticking my nose up in the air. I had never told them of any of my true feelings towards Draco so I didn't want to open the conflicting thoughts I had about romance in relation to him. I had very little to offer besides that and so stuck to the typical bossy, queen bee, slightly sharp and bluntly mean thing I would've usually said at Hogwarts.

"Come on, the dance floor's getting cold without us," I said before turning around and heading into the ballroom. As I expected, Daphne and Millicent turned and hurried after me after a few moments of processing it. We had only been out for a few moments near the very start of the dance so not much had truly happened yet.

"I guess," Millicent sounded alright with my answer for now.

"Always the wise one with all of this," sighed Daphne wistfully, her comfort tangible in the air.

Trying to ignore the fact that I was the ringleader of a feeling I didn't quite understand or was sure I'd felt with anyone else (what were my feelings towards Draco?) I headed to the dance floor where I was the envy of the room once again.

After a few dances, this time some fast foxtrot and tangos, though it was really only 2-3 ones from each that we danced repeatedly, there was no need to know a large number of dances, we were whisked away for some conversation among the attendees there of our age where we were praised admirably for the status that was evident was ours to hold for the night.

"I'm so jealous. Why aren't you two dating? You've been hanging out with each other more and more frequently for months," squealed Celestia who was no doubt going to write an article about us later.

"I know you're the typical 'purebloods that are so royal it's only natural for us to be each other's natural acquaintances'-" said Tracey to which Draco smirked, he took comfort in things reverting to their old order it seemed, "but there's got to be something more going on!"

"Fourth year! You guys dated right!" Tracey suddenly perked up as the memory hit her.

"Three weeks and two days, it was a time too short," said Draco with just enough hint of a wistful longing in his voice as he snaked his arm around me and put a hand on my waist that I felt my heart skip a beat. For a moment it almost sounded like he regretted letting me go (he was the one that broke up with me even though he said the reason was me), like he wished to be back in those moments. I felt all the nerves in my body fire up in excitement at that, like I so wanted some final signal or confirmation from him that he missed those days, he treasured that brief relationship we had, it gave him a spark, something, anything, and that there was hope for the future.

I felt like all the nerves in my body were on fire, tingling and waiting to be lit up it was never coming. There just wasn't enough from Draco to truly make me feel happy, but yet he gave a little more than nothing today. I felt my mood drop again, all of these feelings in just the space of a few seconds. Why? Did I always feel so wretched and yearning and desperate and yet happy and wild around Draco Malfoy and anything concerning him?

"You broke up for a silly reason," said Tracey, as she waved her fingers about a little. I could tell she was trying to sound like she was the boss of all this gossip but I told no one of the reason why Draco and I broke up, just that we had. "Because he didn't find you attractive or something?" she looked like she was trying to convince herself in all her confusion, "but then I said after you cried to me over your breakup with ice-cream, that you could get permanent body altering potions. There is magic for that. But then we both realised you were too pretty for that and you didn't need it so it doesn't matter anymore..."

They were lies she made up. Or perhaps believed it like a false memory. For people that didn't know me well, ugliness was my biggest flaw. The only people who knew me deeper were possibly Daphne and a few of my family members when we argued. And my mother. They were the only people who might understand my flaws.

"That's not true, you've always been a pretty girl," Anthony Goldstein said flatly, like he was reading compliments of a script of politeness he didn't dare let go.

"I'd date you," Ernie said with a little too much enthusiasm. The boys in our year had gathered around now.

"I'm sure he likes you more than he lets on," said Michael jovially with a confidence that I didn't dare have about the situation.

"Pansy, is by far the most superior girl out of all the girls here," said Draco and I could practically feel the smirk crossing over his lips without seeing it from my line of sight beside him. I felt his fingers tighten around my hip even more as he tucked me closer into the crook of his arm. Draco had this thing, where he was so arrogant about his position in society (when he wasn't dealing with tensions around his role in the war or the war, sort of his position without the death eater events), that he smirked incredibly fast, almost unconsciously, and you could hear it in his voice even.

"So it's a compliment to my taste that I have had the pleasure of her acquaintance for so long after Hogwarts. Still mine," he turned to smile at me but I could feel no warmth in it, just a performative politeness and a coldness in his eyes that lingered long after he glanced back away, a deepness to it that was untouched by any other emotion I'd felt all evening.

That was Draco. Again. Giving me a little something, these compliments, the immense politeness, the way he knew how to talk and play up things in formal society, but yet...never quite enough to make me feel...enough.

I had felt happy at this, happy at the little he added to our relationship in the public eye tonight, but...never enough...

Was this Draco's style? To casually taunt it, talk around it in small and subtle ways, and familiarise everyone with the idea of us as a couple or something for a very long time before he made his decision clear? It wasn't that I had never heard story's of other pureblood wealthy bachelors that preferred to court in this way, it was just that I wasn't sure I could handle it coming from a guy like him with the effect he had on me, for any longer...

Yet I still burned, both with good and bad feelings, on this night.

The crowd gathered around us gasped at this, a few wistful or envious sighs. I felt like I was back at Hogwarts again where everyone treated our relationship like it was something unattainable to them - they could never have it, could only glimpse it, and the feeling of novelty came flooding back once more. That feeling of speciality that I never quite got to feel enough around Draco.

"Not...quite," said Theo.

I almost jumped when I heard his voice and later found his features in the crowd. He was usually so quiet and such a loner at Hogwarts I had grown used to never expecting him around at these events, or at least any extended conversation with him. His form so closely tucked in among the other boys gathered around us surprised me a bit, but I managed to hang onto my graces and not let it show. I didn't want to look surprised at the sight of a Slytherin housemate in front of the non-Slytherins. I don't think they knew quite how much of a loner Theo had been at Hogwarts.

"You're interested in dating her?" Tracey looked like she had dug into juicy gossip.

Celestia grinned. The two of them were practically having a field day with all of this.

Mandy squealed, Lisa and Sue sighed together in unison. A general good feeling seemed to spread over the crowd.

"It is not unusual for the wealthy Slytherins to keep in contact or company with each other," I tried to say snobbily. I didn't understand why the idea of Theo and I dating would create this general good feeling that I sensed coming from the crowd. He was a Slytherin loner and I was the most popular bitch out of all of Slytherin. It was an odd thought to me the idea of us dating, especially as he was essentially a stranger cloaked in darkness and mystery to me, by comparison Draco was practically an open book, and I did not understand where the good feelings were coming from. Draco was definitely more polite and romantically on cue than Theo was.

This time Theo smirked and he didn't seem to stop. "Keep in contact or company with each other?" There was a nasty bite of bitterness in his sneer somewhere that I couldn't place. It wasn't altogether a nice smile he had about all of this. "Is that what everyone thinks my connection with the fellow purebloods are?"

"Go away," said Draco all of a sudden, turning to him with a bit of a sharp glare, "you've done nothing more than talk about your stupid business exploits and bring up shitty Quidditch pitch victories that no one cares about now the whole night-" I hadn't even realised Draco was so attuned to whatever Theo was chatting about the entire evening until now, "you've been nothing but ordinary. Including your bland demeanour when it comes to keeping in company here. We don't need your stupid jibes complicating everything-"

"Only because you are afraid to the complication I bring to this. All of this," said Theo as he spread his arms about, as if he owned the place, "remember, I am a wealthy slytherin pureblood as well. These games and witticisms of courtship are my playground as much as yours." He did the thing where he both smirked and sneered again all at the same time, "I had never counted myself out of these fun games. I was just waiting for the right moment where it was the most interesting to insert myself."

"Great, we'll have to hear about your failed exploits with women, and general boring updates on your life now," Draco sounded drained and bitter. There was a sharp stab in his voice, similar to the anger or hatred he reserved for Potter and the gang that I sensed. Like he really didn't like Theo. I hadn't even realised just how strongly Draco felt towards Theo than the usual coldness and indifference he'd shown to everyone else until now.

"You can't resist knowing. Don't act like my news doesn't interest you," Theo was smirking like he was winning now.

"This is the most I've heard you talk," said Celestia, a mix of admiration, enjoyment and curiosity speckled all over her face.

"Heated. It's getting heated," commented Tracey excitedly.

"You guys are so intense," Lisa was giggling now, "I can't imagine being a Slytherin and surrounded by the intensity all day. I think I'd pop from the pressure-"

That got everyone laughing and the tension was deflated, even though Lisa looked unexpectedly surprised at manging to make everyone laugh so much. We shared a few more sentences of small talk and then Theo left and Draco and I danced uneventfully for the rest of the night. A gnawing feeling was present in my body.

I had not felt that Draco gave me any further real signs he'd liked me all night so I had no real reason to be terribly upset at him losing his interest in me due to Theo. I had not felt Theo liked me at all either, just that he was unexpectedly talking more. Since he wasn't like Draco in the sense of being polite or formal, it was a surprise that he said some things at all. Though I did not feel as if anything major had really changed. The one thing that stood out to me was...

"You really don't like Theo do you...?" I whispered to Draco towards the end of the ball when we were close to the night sky outside the balcony.

We had been twirling happily beforehand but this time, a silence crept over his face, and a deep dark flickering look flew up in his eyes. It was startling how dark they could look in the shadow despite being light, and the haunted expression of...something, twisted deep beneath his features. There was a very light throbbing of a vein in his temple. If I weren't for hearing the irritation and small sparks of emotion in Draco when he had been around the trio at Hogwarts all these years, or seeing how he was so cold and detached in comparison to everyone else, I would not have picked up his dislike of Theo even more.

I held my breath. It was suddenly becoming overwhelming over his cold gaze, and I could see the vein throbbing in Draco's temple a little further, as if threatening to release with a rant or just...something that would be wholly inappropriate for the ballroom here.

"Who told you to get involved in my circles of likes and dislikes huh little girl? Those matters are for me to deal with and only for me. Who told you at all..." Draco's tone sounded like an odd mix of disappointment, anger, something dark, grey and unmovably solid, as he gunned me down with his eyes. Who told you at all. Who told you at all.

I knew some wives cared a lot about who their husbands associated with and sometimes even managed things for them. I didn't mean it like that. I hadn't been intending to manage who Draco was friends with or not. I was merely surprised he hated Theo so much but...

"I wasn't intending to manage anything. Just surprised..." I tried to say in way of a little bit of explanation.

Draco snorted. "Keep. Managing things the way you are," he said before a couple more small snorts and smirks of indifference before he picked up his pace and wandered away towards the end of the ball.

I'd stood for a few moments, lost in my own thoughts and mixed feelings, confusion, hatred, anger, horror, irritation, sadness, like someone had smashed a sheet of glass somewhere within me and now all I was doing was staring at the sharp shards looking back at me, before Goyle asked me to a dance and I found myself accepting just to be polite and to have something to occupy my time with so my mind wasn't on Draco all the time.

We danced, then I danced with more partners, vaguely aware of Draco doing the same thing and making polite small talk and connections with many other people at the party, before we came together again for one final dance to close of the ball, and then he wished me goodnight and that he hoped I would have a good time before we were to see each other again, and that was all for tonight.

I closed of bittersweet feelings about everything, smiled until my cheeks hurt with everyone, and then screamed into a pillow and rolled around, flailing my arms and legs at my sides for a bit before I turned back over, breathing in fresh air again, and was able to think about Draco in more of a relieved light.

He was doing the thing again. Not when he was detached, indifferent or lacking in emotion like he was most of the time I was with him. But when he was truly angry at me. I'd only felt it a few times before, mostly a sort of pre-anger, like he thought I was uncool, like he thought I was going to say or do something he didn't like, but I hadn't crossed that point yet. Like I was waiting for something bad to happen in the near future. Except in the past years at Hogwarts I'd managed to correct myself, managed to talk or act in a way that made him happy again, and so I'd only felt the brief embers or flickerings of what his anger might look like.

Tonight I felt it for real, and it was just like how I imagined it.

When he made remarks that should've been simple but they weren't. A meaning that should've been clear to me, beautifully wrapped up in his words like a parcel to be unwrapped, but I couldn't find the beginnings of the tape to pick away with my fingernails. A sort of sharp bitterness that he held no reverence towards pushing out, indifference to any pain he was causing me and just...casually soaking it up. His bitterness, his nastiness, his pain, and being unable to do anything about it but hurt. More than being hurt due to yearning for him, but being hurt due to him stabbing me with a blunt knife somewhere I couldn't quite fight back.

That feeling. The feeling of him being 'in a mood' 'angry at me' for an indefinite amount of time.

I got the first taste of what Draco's anger or irritancy might've looked like tonight and the only thing it did was make me wish we weren't like that, make me wish I could wind back time to when things weren't so sour, to the evening before the ball, and it was a pain that was more tortorous than the pain of yearning.

"Pansy?" a voice and a knock called at my door.

"What mother?" I tried to sound happy and light as I looked to her. I had not cried the night and I had let out my anger moments before so it was not easy for my mother to tell my mood.

"You have a meeting with one of the company's you were investing in tomorrow. I just thought to give you a reminder because you finished late and looked tired coming in. Don't forget," she said with a bit of care and tenderness in her voice.

"I won't," I smiled.

Then she smiled at me as if that was the only issue there was to talk about, a lightness in her face and spring in her step as she casually walked away.

I turned and stared at my pink walls that seemed to be grey in the darkness for the longest of times after she'd left, still feeling sad, hurt, bitter, miserable, everything, at all that happened that night.

I turned over again and tried to find another cool spot on my bed so I would feel more comfortable, even if momentarily. Tomorrow would be better. I tried to promise myself. A remark I'd repeated to myself many times throughout the years of my life when I felt down because Pansy Parkinson didn't feel down. Pansy Parkinson didn't break down. Pansy Parkinson didn't feel depressed or sad or lost for the future, ever, because that was such a halfblood or muggle-born thing, or poor common person thing to feel, and Pansy was a wealthy pureblood who had her all her life laid out in front of her, predictable, the same as previous generations for centuries; easy.

Tomorrow would be better. I would forget about all of this and the rest of my life would be smooth with the normal amount of ups, downs and confusions, I told myself.

In fact, it was only the uncertainty of Draco's feelings to a relationship and romance with me that was confusing me. Everything else in my life was going good. For some reason I gave myself some allowance for those feelings from Draco. I didn't know if it was because I romanticised romance for some reason, I believed it was one of the only acceptable reasons to feel this way, as if it was something so profound one could feel those emotions and it was acceptable, or maybe it was because it was Draco, and I seemed to harbour some deep feelings towards him since the beginning of the Hogwarts years but...

Tomorrow would be better. You would get over these feelings about Draco. Within time you'll feel like it's any other wealthy pureblood romance. Perhaps you'd look back and laugh at now naive you were to feel all these uncomfortable feelings near the start of what was to be a long relationship leading to a marriage and onwards. It'll sort itself out.

Tomorrow would be better. You told yourself once again.

Author's Note: And now Theo really starts to play a part in this story...