Theo wanted my help. He hadn't needed my help so far with the business because there was nothing to help with. He had picked it so perfectly but even perfect ideas didn't last forever and eventually he'd needed to do some heavy thinking about the business. "What do you think of this idea, and this one?" he asked, "the business managers are at a bit of a loss of which paths to go down and they asked my opinion but I do not want to decide without hearing your opinion first. You have an equal stake in this."

Theo talked me through the problems and profits of the business. They weren't doing badly but things were tricky and they needed to make a pick out of two choices. It was the most tiring talk I've ever had but after several long hours I had given all the opinions and insights I had about it, which was largely mirroring his own thoughts but a little of my mother's business wisdom which he apparently had not thought of and appreciated quite a lot. Towards the end of the night we had decided on mostly one option to recommend as the best and Theo had just finished penning the letter before owling it away. We were in the living room which was like a study.

As only Theo and his father shared the Nott Manor many rooms could be refurnished to their taste and he'd simply made one of the large living rooms a study because he needed to do a lot of officework and things typically done in a study in his manor a lot.

The living room had red rugs, red tapestries, with black stone, black wooden floorboards and a black fireplace with flickering red flames. It felt comforting to look away from the many sheets of parchment and paper we were pouring over for a bit, but the lush colour and grandeur of the place reminded me I was still on a business meeting of sorts and that this was very important. It had been a day spent talking about important things. And I was not able to truly relax nor 'switch of' yet.

"Something the matter? You seem different," he said.

"It's nothing. I'm probably coming down with the beginnings of a cold this time of year," I lied. Christmas was nearly here so it was colder.

"If it's anything to do with Draco and you being a bachelorette I have some interest in helping out," he said daringly.

My silence gave it all away. It still hurt so much I couldn't bring myself to instantaneously deny what happened between Draco and I although I knew everyone would know about it eventually when Draco and I were no longer seen in public together and if I was lucky they'd assume it was a simple breakup. If I was unlucky I'd be written savagely about and gossiped about for months and months after, but it would likely fade because I still had a good name and no one would think up anything too scandalous to do with me such as an unexpected pregnancy or cheating or anything scandalous like that.

I had merely froze still when Theo mentioned it and all the memories were bought up fresh again, and apparently that was all he'd needed to know.

"He broke up with you...you two are no longer dating..." There was a thickness of emotion to Theo's voice I hadn't heard before. I felt like groaning. I didn't need to read his emotions and try figure out what he was thinking or feeling about anything as well after Draco. He was confusing and I didn't want to be put through confusion or hell again.

"We were never dating in the first place. You heard him. In frequent contact because that's what members of the same class do. Let the news reporters get over themselves and interpret it however they like if they couldn't resist tripping all over that. It's not like we lied or said something and then retracted it. People just misunderstood us..." I tried to lay it out clear to him. Some of the complicated confusions around Draco and I's brief relationship, whatever you call it, that might've not been noticeable to other eyes or ears, including Theo for he wasn't strictly in the inside duo of just Draco and I and all the emotions between us, for Hogwarts and the brief year after.

Despite being a wealthy socialite pureblood he was distinctively outside of Draco and I, for a portion of the time anyway. Now I supposed I was in touch with him more because of the business and the lack of Draco.

"But it was your greatest wish to do so. You would've died to wear Draco around your little finger and had the whole world know he selected you to be his bride. It was your heart's desire ever since Hogwarts," said Theo.

And there I felt my heart breaking again. He'd touched on one of the crucial pureblood things that I didn't think anybody who wasn't magical for generations wouldn't know. Whilst I'd seen the looks of wonder on first-year muggle-born or even half-blood faces in the corridors, overheard the whispers of delight and whimsical speculations about the place from hoardes of enchanted younger students and even seen some older fifth to seventh years wondering about the school grounds like ghosts in a wonderland as if they were uncovering the deepest secrets and mysteries of magic right there and then, during their time at Hogwarts, it really wasn't that much of a paradise for us purebloods.

Our family's were magical for generations, some worked in intensely magical trades where we had workshops, lairs, dungeons, castles, or an entire host of magical residentials for it. Some stepped deeper and darker into the depths of magic, enchantment, than anyone could ever dreamed of. Some of us were born into roles or pushed into it heavily by family we had known no other path. Some of us dreaded our responsibilities when Hogwarts ended, because Hogwarts was where it was lighter for us. These were typically the working class purebloods who had to pick up a magical trade of sorts, and some of us only ever had the opportunity to learn so so much more branches of magic post Hogwarts.

The average age of a witch or wizard was 137 3/4 so Hogwarts was just a very short time in our lives, and for many purebloods our adventures with magic came later. There would be no shortage of magic. It was one reason why we didn't care so much about Hogwarts.

Another reason was that we didn't need to because our connections and magic would ensure we would succeed no matter what. We didn't really need a good OWLs or NEWTs.

Another reason was that Hogwarts was only built so that muggle-borns would have some form of education, it was a systematic way for everyone to learn some magic and make sure we didn't have totally ignorant muggle-borns going around creating trouble with magic they didn't understand or control, but it wasn't anything much for the truly higher class family's.

We may have liked to do well at Hogwarts because we wanted to do well generally, stay out of trouble, or because the next generation was particularly studious, but the Hogwarts years were mostly not about enchantment, wonder, or awe for us. If anything the word 'chore' was actually somewhat fitting.

The only, only upside to Hogwarts was possibly the other pureblood family's. In pureblood, witching, wizardry, culture it was very important to marry well. Entire fortunes had been lost or won based on good or bad marriage decisions. The Sacred 27 were only the Sacred 27 because they married into the right family's to grow and keep their wealth, power and influence. A bad significant other would ruin you immediately, a good significant other was like chef's kiss - and also incredibly hard to find.

Of course the courtship started outside of Hogwarts. Balls, masquerades, hunting parties, horse races, murder mysteries, tea parties, a whole host of events to mingle and find the right person for a marriage, but within the 7 years we were forced to spend at Hogwarts, it was possible for feelings to develop, to become quite familiar with one another, to possibly etch away the fond memories that would later become a long-lasting romance for one's life. Even if it was a mix of other things outside of Hogwarts that ultimately chose the one we would be with forever, one could say a portion of those romantic years were in Hogwarts.

Lucky wealthy socialite purebloods found their significant others in Hogwarts. They never had any doubts. Never had to think about it. Only a kaleidoscope of fond memories to look back upon.

If you were lucky, if you were a wealthy socialite pureblood and your life went right...

It should've been a world of romance, sweet touches, tender glances, firsts, all at Hogwarts. Chasing each other in and out of the school grounds, peeping out behind ivy curtains to see the familiar face of a significant over that eluded you all morning. Laughing in each other's arms, catching bites of the morning sun and fresh air as we found our favourite hiding spot. Talking of glorious things to do in the future, on the large expanse of one's life. All the little moments of wondering down the corridors together, sitting side by side in the classrooms, catching up around Hogsmeade. Memory after memory of fond things, good moments, the little bursts of happiness that should've woven together like a long train that bought me no shortage of happiness to look back upon had it really been there...

Every wealthy socialite pureblood dreamed of finding the one at Hogwarts, just one person, no one really wanted to date around, that was for people who couldn't find the one, but most people just really wanted one person to love and one person only, that clean feeling of finality to it. The dream that almost everyone wanted, held in their heart, wished for...

The dream that if a Hogwarts' student wasn't a wealthy socialite pureblood they'd never know our views, our perspective, what we'd wanted, what we thought, throughout all our time at Hogwarts. Even though we were so close physically (but so mentally far apart.)

Theo had indeed touched upon something he should not have. My dream with Draco. That long spanning dream which started when I was in first year of Hogwarts and extended up til now. I wasn't sure of how many people that could've guessed or known this about me, Daphne was probably the closest person I would've picked for having similar dreams herself or understanding me, Millicent maybe but she would've had to be extremely quiet about it for she never mentioned anything near it, but Theo...

He might've been possibly one of the few other people who had some inkling of this ... sense, whatever you call it, however far of an idea he had of me in that sense, and I felt a stab of irritancy that he had mentioned it. This sacred and sensitive and intensely personal part of my life.

"I had wanted to get to know many people worthy of my acquaintance, to which Draco was just one of them and perhaps the shiniest. I had no intention to be in any sort of permanent one-sided relationship with him. I am above that in class," I said with a toss of my bob behind my head, "I do not want a relationship with anyone who does not want me. I was merely testing the waters with him. It is wrong to say I would've wanted him above all else, or given everything."

"But he didn't like you...or at least he didn't make you feel liked. Draco's...many things. But he would make it clear if he likes you. If he likes anything. That's the thing about Draco. He's lukewarm towards most things, hates a few things passionately, but if he truly likes something, he would make it final and clear," Theo was now theorising about it, as if he could see the signs all along due to his knowledge of Draco. Almost sense that Draco had never ever truly liked me.

To my surprise I almost broke down and felt a flash of tears behind my eyes but choked them back before they could even hint at the outside world they existed at all. "I didn't know Draco's indifference to me was so clear..." I finally said, "well, if you must know. Draco and I were in more frequent contact with each other post Hogwarts to try things I guess. But there was nothing there. We'd be on good terms with each other, it'll be social suicide if we weren't, but from now on, we probably won't be...in contact in public as much. I suppose that's the way romance goes in life, ebbing in and out, it happens sometimes, it doesn't others. I guess that's the end of my chapter with Draco..."

Theo was going to find out or realise sooner or later. Same with everyone else. I was giving him no more information, the only thing I did was make it sooner, perhaps it was an easier way of getting that ugly realisation or truth out of the way faster.

Theo caught my eye and didn't let go. I felt a little overwhelmed. His gaze was so strong and it was so dark and the air was doing the funny thing where it started smelling differently as if it really was nighttime soon and my thoughts were consumed with how I was going to remember the route to the gazebo in the falling darkness where I might appariate home.

He took my hands in his and pulled me a bit closer to him.

"Pansy, Draco, might not like you. But I do. I didn't realise it until the recent months, but I believe I have always liked you ever since the day you first set foot in Hogwarts. And as someone that I like and have no shortage of goodwill towards, I want to treat you well as a pureblood wealthy socialite, and give you all the bubbly fun things you should've had with Draco. I want to get to know you as a person. I want to make life easier for the both of us when it comes to the shitty public relations we must all have. I want to like you, and I want the object of my affections to let me like you. Because to act upon it...is better...than just liking you..." he said.

I felt stunned. Shocked. Like I had been drenched in cold water and then plucked out and left to dry uncomfortably with a stripping cold breeze somehow. I felt suffocated, squeezed, constricted.

"I'm sorry Theo," I stepped away, "Draco was full of polite comments in society and all the right remarks until he wasn't. He sounded eloquent and meant well, he was just doing what he was expected to do, but I could never be so sure was I? Perhaps it is gratitude not pain I ought to feel to Draco for spelling it so clear to me that there is no hope for anything more between us in the future."

I looked at him sharply, "you're full of it too. You're equally as smooth, polite and well-mannered as he is. But I cannot play these games again. I cannot be swayed by words..."

"This was not beyond a possible range of responses I could've imagined from this..." he said as he too stepped back a little. It was hard to tell what he was thinking, "but I suppose I shall have to prove it. In my own way. When the time is right. Not invasively or forcing myself on you. But...you will see it, when the time is right..."

We left with a bittersweet standstill between us.

I had no doubt Theo may have had a crush. Some form of a crush. It was not absurd to think that but I did not have high hopes for anything coming out of it. Not when I had such high hopes for Draco and I misread and misinterpreted things and thought we could have a relationship for so long but the truth hit me in the face. I wasn't even sure I trusted myself anymore (Draco's words came back to me, you don't know what you want in a man, it might've been one of the truest or deepest things someone said about me all my life when it came to romance, something he glimpsed simply from the sheer amount of time we spent around each other...).

Trusted myself to read signs right, to read Theo right, to see him for what he was. I wasn't sure there was anything that could come out of it. Theo's revelation was a small surprise to me, though now I thought it was perhaps a little obvious, but it largely bought me no real comfort, didn't bring me out of the stupor I fell into after my ... whatever you called it with Draco all these years. My problems weren't solved, my mood wasn't all lifted, I wasn't...in any more of a paradise than I was at my happiest with Draco, my life had not magically become better...

It was simply in shades of grey, just with a new path littered in shards of grey I couldn't see nor fully trust myself to see and understand and well...

I put my head in my hands and closed my eyes for a few moments once I was in the study of my house, soaking up the refuge the darkness gave me before I had to open my eyes again and face the world laid before me, go to dinner and talk business with my family and do all my duties and obligations like I had to, and just...felt the tiredness of all of today wash over me.

My life was not better or worse. Just grey and in more shades with this new complication.

Author's Note: Thanks for the review, ooh I feel the same way about everything!