17. A Brighter Trade of Quale.
Just when I thought I knew all the Answers – they changed the Questions.

Stark shadows sliced abyssal across the walls and floor of the cavernous room. Crypt-cold air stifled movement and stilled blood. The sound of my footsteps collected uncanny harmonics and returned discordant echoes, as I crossed to the altar of Keel's desk.

"Mankind has perverted the gifts of God," he intoned. Harsh light glanced off the joints of his prosthetic hands, clawed in steeple.

# We have turned Paradise into Hell by our rampant inconstancy, # agreed a Committee monolith, glaring red.

# The pure Earth is desecrated by sinful blood. #

# The inner hollowness of human lives is vented outward in violence, cruelty, egomania. #

"Only by eliminating ego, the individual fear and wretchedness, can righteous existence be restored," Keel declaimed. "Only through the erasure of petty Self will humans redeem ourselves in the sight of God. Only then will our torment – of ourselves, of each other – end."

"You've said that already," I huffed. I shoved the book I held closer in front of his face – he was seated, otherwise my child's frame would have been far too short to reach. "Tell me how babies are made!"

The Committee was silent a moment, and Keel's frown wavered toward a pout. Though the visor concealed his eyes, I sensed his gaze to be fixed on the book, on which a colourful cartoon family asked Where Did I Come From?

"…We have taught you how to read, Tabris," he said at last.

"The book is wrong!" I objected. "It only says the body things, and only the ape method."

Several of the monoliths flickered as their operators coughed.

# 'Ape method', # one of them wheezed.

I pointed at the illustrated infant and stood on my tiptoes to bring it closer to Keel's face. "It doesn't say anything about your souls! How do they get from Lilith's Tree to your bodies? Does it watch you copulate and then send one out once the baby is established? Why hasn't the Tree run out of souls yet, anyway? There are so many of you!"

# I thought only human children asked the awkward questions… # someone muttered.

A bead of sweat rolled down Keel's temple. "Tabris, this is highly irrelevant. I will not discuss it."

"Does that mean you don't know where babies come from?"

Another outbreak of coughing from the Committee. Keel spluttered and didn't answer.

"My soul was generated by my parent, deliberately as part of my creation," I said thoughtfully. "But Lilim don't do that – lots of them, even humans, don't even know that souls exist. So how do you make more of you?"

# Human reproduction, like all human endeavour, is flawed with inherent original sin, # one of them rallied enough to state. # You are an Angel, a true successor of this world – your existence is one of purity, unblemished. You are by nature incompatible with profanity. #

"Fuck," I contradicted them cheerfully.

A pause of palpable offense. The same mutterer as before pondered, # Is it too late to put him back…? #

# Regardless – this … topic … does not concern you. #

The book made an echoing thud as I deposited it carelessly on the tabletop. "Are your eyes as degraded as your spirits? I am in a human body! However it was constructed or changed to fit me, it had to come from somewhere, and so did yours."

I used the arm of Keel's chair to climb onto the tabletop and peer at his screen, which showed pages from the Dead Sea Scrolls.

"Tabris! Get down!" He attempted to shove me to the floor, but I blocked with my AT field – just a fractional summon, but still enough to make the electronics in the room, including his implants, frizz and short.

When the screen's image returned, I pointed at it. "That's wrong."

# What is wrong? #

"'The grief of destruction is also the joy of rebirth'. It should be fate. And it's wrong anyway. The Lilim aren't bound to fate – you have choice, like me. You choose to mourn what isn't even dead yet."

I yawned. "It's tiresome. To squander the gift of potential she granted you, her bequest of Knowledge – that is what makes you petty and wretched. And your texts wrong." I waved at the inadequate baby book, comrade in disappointment that it was.

# Mankind in its current form has spent its potential in these limited, isolated beings. We can evolve no further as flawed individuals. #

# We must transcend these vile bodies in order to attain the perfection of God's completed work. #

# And for that we can only use the power of the Angels – that is Might – together with the gift of Lilith – that is Wisdom. #

I clambered down from the table, grasping at Keel's sleeve as an anchor – he tried to struggle free, but a mild telepathic pressure was all it took to hold him conveniently in place. "Her gift is Knowledge, not Wisdom – I already said it was. You wrote that wrong, too."

"The Dead Sea Scrolls are a true record of humanity's past, present, and future. They are not wrong." Keel's hands clenched.

"Your understanding of them lacks wisdom, and so you scribe it wrong." I collected my book from where it had fallen. "And you don't even know how your own children are awakened."

# Would you care to enlighten our understanding of the Scrolls? # The waspish tone of the speaker didn't conceal the deep fear that all their work might be wasted in misinterpretation.

"I am bored," I announced, "and there are profiteroles in the dining room." With no further ceremony, I turned to leave.

"Tabris, come back here!" snapped Keel, and closed the conference room door from his desk controls.

An idle electrokinetic pulse was sufficient to override this, and I pattered out into the hall on a much more appealing quest, ignoring his complaints as they blared after me, strident, nasal—

—Atonal, jangling; a ringtone jolting me from sleep.

# ~Hast du etwas Zeit für mich … Dann singe ich ein Lied für dich…~ #

With a struggle I disentangled my limbs from Shinji's enough to roll over and reach the bedside table; blearily I grabbed my phone and thumbed to pick up.

# ~Von neunundneunzig Luftballons—Ah, guten morgan, Kaworu! #

Asuka's face filled my screen and I realised belatedly that I had accidentally reciprocated the video call instead of audio-only.

"Um, guten morgan, Asuka..."

# /Wow you're lazy, isn't it like nine a.m. over there? And you're still in bed? You slug!/ # The view briefly closed in on her scorn-wrinkled nose.

"/It is also a weekend.../"

# /How nice for you. Meanwhile, some of us are working hard. It's after midnight here and I just got back from base./ #

"/That is very dedicated/," I agreed. "/Things are going well with Unit 06, then?/"

# /Superb, to say the least./ # She tossed her hair over her shoulder. # /Naturally, with the most elite and experienced pilot./ #

I smiled at her. "/I'm delighted for you. And NERV in general? Previously you said you were settling back in without difficulty?/"

She shrugged. # /I'm the returning hero, everyone loves me even more than before./ #

I could not resist the more personal concern. "/How is it being home with your mother and sister?/"

The omission in the sentence weighed heavy in a momentary silence. Asuka's eyes slipped to something offscreen in her parents' home.

# /It's … getting better. Mother keeps apologising that they went ahead with the funeral without me, but I honestly didn't mind. I visited his grave when I got here, and that was … it felt right./ # Her mouth quirked. # /I think Nina and I have been more friendly – more like real sisters – than we ever… /# She trailed off, then shook her head. # /It's getting better,/ # she repeated firmly, and I thought she was not merely attempting to convince me – or even herself.

Suddenly she scowled. # /But I do have one issue – with YOU!/ #

Her sudden shout made me jump, and in scrambling not to drop my phone I inadvertently pointed the camera back over my shoulder and directly at Shinji, who had been startled by my abrupt movement and jolted upright.

Asuka's screech made my ears ring. # /What the hell?/ Stupid Shinji? #

"Wh—augh! Asuka!" He ducked behind me, but far too late.

# You degenerate perverts! # she shouted, switching to Japanese to convey her outrage to us both. # I can't believe you'd be so indecent! Speaking to me while you're in BED together, disgusting! #

"We are fully dressed," I protested, and angled the camera to show that, indeed, Shinji and I were both garbed in pyjamas.

# Acchh don't show me more, you freak! Mein Gott... # Apparently overcome, she dropped her own phone, showing a view of an unfamiliar ceiling, and there was the sound of stomping and muttering offscreen.

Wincing, I propped myself up on one elbow. "I am sorry, Shinji. I had not intended to answer with video."

"Don't worry about it," he muttered, and emerged from hiding now that the strident assailant was out of range. Seeing my discomfort he gathered himself and helped me sit up. "Does it hurt?" He placed a pillow between my back and the wall, but managed to slip his arm amidst the arrangement as well.

"A little. Thank you for your support," I smiled, "both physical and emotional," and his gaze was soft.

# You know... # Suddenly Asuka was in view again, incandescent with disapproval. # I was going to ask if you idiots had gotten around to kissing yet, but clearly I underestimated how filthy teenage boys are. #

"How surprising," I rejoined, "since male crudeness is one of your most exhaustively expounded topics."

# And deservedly so! Case in point! #

Shinji looked at me sideways with a rueful smile. "Is it weird that I've kind of missed this?"

"Somewhat weird," I confirmed, "but mostly sweet."

Asuka glowered at him. # Don't think sentimentality will get you back in my good books, Third Child. You either, Fifth. Guess what I found out the other day? #

A sense of foreboding ran chill fingers down my spine. "I guess that you are about to tell us?"

# Well, I was looking over Unit 06's info after the synthetic synch test – which was a total success, by the way... #

"Congratulations," Shinji piped up, and I echoed him.

She smiled, pleased as a cat with cream. # ...And I saw that there was dummy plug data installed. #

The foreboding screamed at me, but I knew it was too late to divert her.

# The label just said 'Mass', for mass-production unit, but I bullied Kommandant Heisenberg into going after Hamburg's records to find out whose persona they'd copied. And what name do you suppose that turned up? # Though her words and tone were playful, her expression was stone-hard.

I took a steadying breath. "Kaworu." Shinji's fingers dug into my side.

# Exactly! # She levelled an accusing finger at me. # Then I find out that you were a pilot candidate before any of us, and they took your data for dummy plugs and put it in all the mass-production Evas! What do you have to say for yourself, 'Fifth' Child? #

Much of what I owed telling her was the truth, so I related what I could. "My uncle was stationed at the Hamburg NERV base, and I was identified early, though not officially nominated. It was not something I was supposed to speak of – Germany already had their star, after all." I inclined my head towards the star in question, and she sniffed disdainfully.

# Buttering me up with flattery? You've got some gall, Nagisa. #

"No compliment is empty when directed at you," I declared, and she laughed.

# Wow, you're completely shameless! Flirting in front of your boyfriend like that. #

Shinji spluttered, and hid his reddening face in his free hand. "Asuka..." But he did not withdraw his arm from around me, and I took his wrist and squeezed in mute apology – not for the flirting, which I was beginning to suspect he enjoyed, but for having held back important truths.

Seeing this, Asuka rolled her eyes. # Lächerlich. You two dorks deserve each other, and that's not a compliment. Anyway, I made them delete it – I'm their pilot, so since they've chosen me, they better commit to it. Plus, I've seen what that messed-up system is capable of. # She shuddered.

There was a moment of uncomfortable silence. With my thumb I rubbed Shinji's wrist comfortingly.

"I apologise for not sharing this information with everyone sooner. It has been a strange time since coming to Tokyo-3, but that is not an excuse."

Asuka harrumped. # You're not forgiven yet, Wonderboy. For this or your general existence. # (I suppressed a pang of Angelic guilt; she referred only to my personal disagreeableness in her eyes.) # I expect a lot more grovelling next time we talk. Or better yet, poetry. #

Shinji giggled suddenly. "How about an arrangement for violin? Or piano?"

She gave him a quelling look. # Stop having good ideas, Stupid Shinji. It doesn't suit you. #

"Sorry." His grin was unrepentant.

"I will compose an appropriate expression of my remorse," I promised Asuka.

# You better! On double bass, so I can see you struggle. # After a moment her glare softened. # Hey. Sucks that you got hurt at Matsushiro. Feel better soon, you hear? Or else. #

I smiled. "You are too kind."

# More than you deserve,# she agreed, and turned to Shinji. # He's way too dense, so I'm going to assume you made the move. Found your balls at last, then? #

He spluttered again. "Asuka! …Um, yeah, I did." At her raised eyebrows he rushed to clarify, "—made the move, I mean."

She cackled. # Well it took you long enough! Half the reason I left was because I was so sick of you moping around all love-struck. Misato may have thought it was 'so sweet', but she's always been too soft on you. About time you finally listened to my genius advice, even if you did take forever to do it. #

"Is that your way of saying 'congratulations'?"

# Of course not! #

He smiled. "Thanks, Asuka. It means a lot to me, and I miss you too."

# Hnph. I guess you have your moments, few and far between. # She stifled a yawn. # Ugh! Your grossness is exhausting me, that's enough for today. #

"Rest well, Asuka," I said, and "Take care," Shinji added.

# Auf wiedersehn, idiots. #

"Guten nacht." The screen went blank, and there was a moment of silence.

Shinji sighed. "If I hear the words 'dummy plug' again, I'm going to throw up."

My head bowed, accepting my shame – his already-granted forgiveness did not negate his sincere feelings, after all, and it was my due to witness them.

His eyes were on the bedroom wall, but focused far beyond. "Ever since I came here, there's been so much that people weren't telling me, secrets and agendas and plans – and it seemed like whenever I questioned anything I just got shut down, or dismissed. But what we were doing – what they were asking me to do – was so important, and dangerous and all that, and there was so much suffering, that I've always thought there should be more – that there was more to it. I just wanted to understand." His free hand was clenching and unclenching, and I found my eyes prickling with tears as I watched.

"Lilim are curious creatures," I said, "with a strong sense of justice as well as interest in their world. It is natural that these things should concern you. Not to mention," I entwined my fingers with his, "your own heart is gentle, even delicate – like glass. It was what first earned my empathy, and admiration."

"Admiration?"

"Your questioning nature is something to be valued, as is your kindness. I treasure them, as I treasure you."

Apparently overcome, he dropped his forehead to my shoulder. I did not press him further, instead letting my words settle until he was able to compose himself and lift his head to smile at me.

"I'm gonna make us breakfast, okay?"

"Your food-providing nature is also a treasure to me," I said, and he laughed and got to his feet.

We emerged to the kitchen to find Kaji smoking on the balcony. On seeing us, he immediately put out his cigarette and hurried inside.

"Everything okay, guys? Last night I heard arguing, and then this morning someone was yelling. What's going on?"

"Oh – nothing," I said, "or rather, things are all right now."

"Yeah, we're good," said Shinji. "And the shouting was just Asuka over the phone."

Kaji smirked, his posture visibly relaxing. "Fair enough, then. Glad to hear it."

Then he looked closely at me – at something on my neck – and let out a guffaw. "You're 'good', all right! Geez Shinji, you don't mess around, do you?"

"What do you mean?" I asked. An inquiring glance at Shinji showed him blushing deeper than ever.

Kaji reached out and his fingertip lightly connected with my neck on one side – unexpectedly the contact stung, and I realised I must have a bruise.

Then I remembered what had happened to put a bruise there, and felt my own face heat vividly. "...Oh!"

Kaji laughed again. "Ah, young love. Hope you've got some turtlenecks you can wear, Kaworu."

"Are other people likely to be able to infer the cause, simply by looking?"

"Oh yeah, for sure."

"And I suppose it would be inappropriate to allow it to be visible in public?"

"Oh yeah, for sure."

I nodded. "Then yes, I do own clothing with 'turtle' necks."

Whether or not I would actually wear them, I reserved the right to decide later. The idea of publicly displaying the testament of Shinji's affection for me had a certain appeal…

"Sorry," said Shinji to me, but I did not need telepathy to know that his contrition was a pretence, and he was pleased with his work.

I found I could not even feign disgruntlement. "You may apologise in breakfast form."

"Okay!" and he set about doing so, his contentment spilling out in spontaneous humming.

As I took a seat at the table, Kaji squeezed my shoulder. "Hey, I'm really happy for you."

"Thank you. I am really happy that Asuka did not notice the mark during our video call, otherwise she may have succeeded in reaching through the phone to slap us long-distance."

Kaji laughed. "If anyone could, it'd be her."

"And we would all be doomed."

"Oh yeah, for sure."

Plink … plink, plink … p—link … plang, CLUNNNG.

Shinji groaned. "I nearly had it that time."

"Nearly," I agreed (a lie as white as the keyboard's ivories). He was improving, and that was the important thing.

I keyed the chord transition he was attempting, slowly enough that he could follow the movements of each finger. Gamely he tried again, and this time only his pinkie betrayed him.

At the resultant discordance he made a face, and muttered, "More like 'Ode to Junk'…"

"No concert performance today?" I asked, and he laughed.

"Not until I've stretched my fingers so they're as long as yours."

"Hm…" Curiously I took his hand and pressed the palm flat against my own, extending all the digits. Mine were almost a whole knuckle joint longer than his, and for playing piano, every millimetre helped.

Shinji's face coloured as he shyly intertwined his fingers with mine, and I reflected in surprise that his bashfulness yet endured despite our increased intimacy – it seemed that familiarity had not yet dulled the affect I had on him, and though I did not understand, I did enjoy it.

The balcony door slid open, making him flinch, and Kaji staggered in bringing a gust of wind, and dripping water onto the carpet.

"Sorry – weather got too much for me."

Shinji had withdrawn his hand from mine, and slid along the piano seat to put distance between us. "It's fine…"

"Why are you apologising?" I asked Kaji. "You do not control the weather."

He gave a half-shrug as he tucked a box of cigarettes into his pocket. "Just didn't want to intrude."

"This is your home, though – you aren't intruding."

From the corner of my eye I saw Shinji look pointedly away.

"…Right?"

There was silence from both humans and it came to me that I was missing a cultural nuance.

"…Intrude on the blissful new couple," Kaji eventually explained. Shinji had reddened again.

"Oh – is that why you took so long at the convenience store earlier?"

He spread his hands helplessly. "It's not like I can go that many places without risking exposure to Section Two."

"I … understand." Not quite another lie; although I had not suspected a 'blissful new couple' could require or expect social seclusion, I at least could make sense of Shinji feeling more self-conscious in front of others, even someone as close to us as Kaji.

But how to solve this conundrum, and have him be more at ease? (and hopefully more inclined to kiss me again…) Kaji's point regarding his limited locative options was a valid one.

While I thought, my fingers had been lightly meandering over the keys, without pressing hard enough to make them sound; I realised Shinji's gaze was following them closely, and suddenly felt self-conscious myself.

"We could—" I began, at the same time as Shinji blurted, "I just thought—"

We each stopped short, and shared a laugh. "You first," I invited.

"No, you."

For a moment I was compelled to simply regard him fondly.

"…We could relocate to your home, if you don't mind?"

"Oh – no, that'd be fine. I was just thinking that I should probably change clothes, since I was wearing these yesterday." His brow furrowed. "But Kaworu, will you be okay to travel?"

"I think I will be all right – I did manage to get some rest last night."

In the kitchen, Kaji suddenly coughed. "Okay, now you're just bragging."

"Bragging?" I repeated, puzzled. "About what?"

Shinji's face flushed still further, and I reached another belated realisation as to my inadvertent allusion, and felt my own face grow warm in mirror to his.

"Um."

"That's-a-good-idea-okay-let's-go," Shinji said very quickly and got to his feet, almost toppling the piano stool.

"Right. Yes." More slowly I joined him.

Shinji had not brought anything with him on his impulsive late-night visit yesterday, so he waited while I put pyjamas and a change of clothes in a bag (and swathed a light scarf around my throat). As he took it from me to carry, his eyes drifted to my yet-unmade bed, and his expression softened.

"Shinji?" I said quietly.

"Last night was really nice." His voice was the gentlest murmur. "I'd never slept like that with someone, being all close and warm, breathing with them … waking up and knowing they're there. I guess when I was really little, before my mum disappeared, she must've held me like that, but I can't remember it.

"I felt so … at peace, so safe, so … loved."

I drew him into an embrace. "You are very deeply loved."

He snuggled into my shoulder. "I know." There was a pause. "So was that what you thought kissing was supposed to be? Y'know – exciting, intoxicating?"

"…Oh, from when Sugimoto—you remember that?"

"Remember? I was so jealous," he grumbled, but I grinned.

"Yes, it was everything I had hoped for. But I think we could still stand to make sure…"

As he lifted his chin I tilted my own down until we could kiss, and I felt again that whole-body sigh of contentment, the sense of melting that began at our mouths' contact and spread joyously outward; but before I had had my fill he drew back. I chased his lips, but he chuckled and shook his head.

"Let's go," he whispered, and I grinned.

"Let's."

As I opened the front door, Kaji called from the next room, "Bye! You kids have fun!" The innocuous phrase was somehow entirely undermined by an equally innocuous tone.

"Oh my god," Shinji muttered, and bolted out ahead of me.

"Enjoy solitude!" I called back to my housemate, and closed the door on a yell of outrage.

We walked slowly to the train station, the hoods of our rain jackets raised against the easing but still inclement weather, with a rest stop midway under a sheltering tree (and I showed Shinji the angry text messages from Kaji, making him smile).

I had wondered whether, as a 'blissful new couple', Shinji and I might hold hands while we travelled – it would not be the first time in our acquaintance, after all. On the train I saw another couple our age – though composed of a girl and a boy – with fingers intertwined, and Shinji's eyes strayed to them repeatedly. However his own hands remained both gripped on the shoulder strap of my bag, and I found myself feeling disappointed. It appeared self-consciousness had not yet been banished.

We took another rest stop for the final leg of the trip to Shinji's house, after he told me my face had turned the same colour as my hair. The ache below my collarbone was steady and difficult to ignore – though of course, far better than it would have been without Unit 09's patchwork.

A road embankment and bordering fence made an effective seat for me to lean back against and catch my breath, and in the lee of the wind it had even escaped much rain-dampening.

As I wondered whether it would be appropriate to apologise for the delay I had caused, Shinji suddenly spoke.

"You know, I thought I only liked you because you were nice to me."

I blinked my eyes open to look at him; he was staring down the hill before us to the city below. His fingers traced along the fabric of the bag's strap.

"I thought the reason I felt … drawn to you … was because you're the only person who's ever showed that you cared for me without demanding anything in return. I didn't have to fight for your smile or your kindness, you gave them freely." A sigh escaped him. "When I was with you … that was the only time I'd ever felt like I was enough, just as me. I felt accepted, and liked – loved, in a way I never remembered feeling before – and I thought that was why I wanted you, to keep that for myself, that place where I didn't have to do anything, just be."

Automatically I gathered myself to affirm him, to support and validate, but his words continued to tumble out, forestalling me.

"But then there was the fight with Unit 03, and the next Angel attacked, and you told me that I couldn't do anything by hiding, and I realised that I couldn't use you to escape everything else. I was still part of the world, still a person who could make mistakes and hurt people – and be hurt by them – and that was so scary that I thought I'd break.

"And then I found out that you're an Angel, and you can hurt me as much as anything ever had."

My breath caught in my throat, and my voice was bloodless. "I never meant to…"

"I know. But I realised that someone who loved me could cause me pain, even without meaning to – and I could cause pain to someone I loved, even though I didn't want to. And I had to decide whether I still wanted to be your friend, still care for you and ask you to be in my life, even though it wasn't 'safe' like I'd thought."

He shuddered. "Even though I knew I would never deserve you – never deserve forgiveness after what I did … for trying to kill you in Third Impact.—Don't say you asked me to," he said before I could interrupt, "and don't say I had to do it. None of that changes the fact of what I did, and I can't use excuses to run away from what happened, any more than I could with Toji.

"But hating myself for it, shutting down over it, wouldn't do any good either. So when the part of me that wanted to disappear forever got loud again, however much I thought about running away, I knew it wouldn't fix anything, and I still had to decide what to actually do."

A warm breeze ruffled his hair and the sleeves of his shirt, but he shivered as though it were chill. "I think, in a weird way, I needed that hurt to understand what you really mean to me – how much you really mean to me. That it was worth it, trying to keep you, trying to be honest with you, even though we could hurt each other. Otherwise I don't think I ever would've risked kissing you – and I'm really glad I did."

"I'm glad, too," I said, and though the sun chose that moment to emerge from cloud, far brighter to my eyes was the smile at last returning to Shinji's face.

"I'm going to keep trying," he promised. "I never thought I was brave, or strong enough to fight myself like that – but I've done it before, so I know I can."

He shuffled closer and leant against me, and comfort spread from the point of contact; it was not holding hands, but it was treasure in its own way.

Before too long, I felt well enough to comfortably resume our journey, and we made our way to Shinji and Misato's apartment at last.

The penguin greeted us noisily (and with only a token acknowledgement of my injured condition). He followed Shinji around as he helped me settle on the couch, badgering at his ankles in demand of fish – no, not that boring type, the nice one that pairs best with Yebisu beer.

"Beer?" I echoed curiously, and Shinji looked at me in confusion, but was distracted when Pen-Pen pecked him again.

"Ow! Damn bird, keep your feathers on!"

Having arranged my complement of cushions to his satisfaction, Shinji at last acceded to the penguin's demands, grudgingly emptying a can into the bowl labelled Pen2.

"You should be showing more gratitude," he instructed the bird, "after Misato rescued you and all."

I had been leaning back with my eyes closed (Shinji's cushion deployment was highly effective), but opened them to turn in his direction. "Pen-Pen was rescued?"

As he set soup stock boiling on the stove, Shinji explained, "He was being used in experiments at the place she worked before NERV. After they finished with him they were going to put him to sleep, but she took him with her instead. And now he has a home, here with us."

I looked at the penguin, happily devouring his food. "That sounds familiar."

- "Tabris, you will pilot Unit 04." "Tabris, sabotage the Tokyo-3 power grid." "Tabris, monitor the Evangelion pilots." -

"Kaworu?"

Shinji's hand on my shoulder stirred me.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

In his gentle face there was welcome and warm safety – a home of my own. I smiled; it was enough, for now at least, to know that it – that he – was mine. "Another time. Thank you for sharing your own feelings with me earlier – might I ask something more?"

"Of course." He sat on the floor next to my reclined seat. "What is it?"

"That you continue to do so. I am not familiar with romantic relationships, and I will certainly make mistakes, or miss cues, or fail to intuit the proper actions or words. You said you accepted the chance that we may hurt one another, unwittingly or unwillingly, but that does not mean we should not reach for understanding."

Shinji gathered my hand in both of his against his chest. "As long as you do the same, okay? I've never been someone's boyfriend either…" He laughed lightly. "…Let alone an alien's!"

"Alien?" I smirked. "We were on this planet first."

"Huh? I thought you said the Angels came from the moon?"

"—Which was originally part of the proto-planet now called Earth. Adam generated us as it formed, but after I was born came the Black Moon bearing Lilith, and we were expelled in the collision."

He looked dizzy, and said faintly, "Um … I'm sorry?"

It was such a typically and perfectly Shinji response that I burst out laughing. As he gave a crooked smile in return, I simply had to drag him towards me with a hand behind his head so I could kiss him.

"Mm! –Mmm…"

As the tone of his voice became richer he deepened our kiss, kneeling up in order to press me back down against the cushions. I buried my fingers in his hair as his hand drifted down my chest.

…And the swish of the front door opening froze us both.

"I'm home – ow!"

"Watch your step, Misato – the doorjamb didn't disappear just because you're an invalid now."

"You know, Doctor Ritsuko, your bedside manner sucks."

By the time Misato and Dr Akagi entered the living room, my shirt had been properly re-smoothed and Shinji was curled up in the seat furthest awayfrom the couch. He had snatched a random magazine from the coffee table to pretend occupation, but unfortunately was holding it upside-down. I hoped neither of the new arrivals would notice.

"Hey Shin'," said Misato cheerfully, though her voice was strained, then caught sight of me. "Oh – Kaworu, what are you doing here?"

The pages of Shinji's magazine crinkled as his hands clenched.

I managed to stop myself answering honestly; instead I waved a hand at the stove, whence a delicious smell evidenced Shinji's hospitable activities before we had become distracted.

"The catering and patient care are much better here than at my house."

She laughed, then winced. "—Nn, true that."

Akagi helped Misato to a seat at the kitchen table. "I'll put your things in your room and the laundry," she said, before turning to Shinji. "Will you be alright with two convalescents in your charge, Shinji?"

He nodded, half-emerging from behind his shield. "It's fine – thanks for taking care of her so far."

"Not at all. I happened to overhear Hyuga mention that he was planning to bring over some cooked meals, since Misato's domestically out of action. I didn't bother to correct his misapprehension that she was ever in action."

"Hey!" Misato had been leaning her chin on her propped hand, but jerked upright and scowled at her friend. "I know I said I missed hanging out with you, Ritsuko, but I think I've changed my mind."

Ignoring her, Akagi swept over to me and put her hand on my forehead. "How are you feeling, Kaworu? You look quite flushed, but it doesn't feel like a fever."

In the other seat, Shinji retreated behind his magazine again.

"I think I am doing all right, considering," I said, as neutrally as I could manage.

"Yes, considering," she agreed drily. "I'll come by tomorrow for a proper checkup—" turning to the residents of the household, "—if that's okay?"

Misato stuck her tongue out, but Shinji nodded wordlessly. Apropros of nothing, Pen-Pen warked loudly.

I sighed to myself. So much for privacy…