Spoiler: no humans involved.

Disclaimer: Not mine. Playing with them anyway.

Not a sequel to Speechless. But thanks so much for the feedback for that story.

Thanks,

Sheila

Ghosts- Chapter 1

Sara sank onto the bench in front of her locker. It had been a long one, a triple in fact. Sofia, Greg, and Grissom had only pulled doubles and so they had already clocked in, probably sitting down and getting assignments by now. They had slept, she could tell. They had the fresh look of showers and rest. She knew that she would go home, and attempt to sleep, but then she would be up in a few hours, cleaning whatever closet or drawer hadn't been scoured in the last month. She would be lucky if she was able to string together 5 hours of broken sleep before her next shift.

Grissom had stopped her, a hand on her arm when they passed in the hallway minutes earlier. He had given her a worried look. He hadn't authorized the extra time. She had planned to not tell him, and just stay the shift, but his eyes told her that he knew she had never gone home. She tried to explain, but he shook his head and told her to go home. He started to say something, maybe to remind her that she needed to go through him when she wanted to triple, but her body tensed when he spoke and he noticed. So he stopped. Her eyes stared back at him, fierce and worn. He just shook his head and told her again to go home. She heard him call her when she walked away, telling her that they would meet and talk soon, but she kept going without any sort of acknowledgement.

Being angry with Grissom had become her fallback position whenever she was overwhelmed with the emotions of the case. She wasn't sure why exactly, but she knew that he represented a detachment that she couldn't seem to find. She resented the fact that he seemed to recycle this detachment conversation every time he saw her stress. For her, it was a redundant conversation, and one she had a hard time believing, even when it came to Grissom.

"Well, if it isn't Miss Sara Sidle." The deep, even voice startled her. She looked up to see Warrick Brown smiling down at her. "Pulled a triple, did you?"

"Yeah."

"Bet you didn't clear it before you did it."

She squinted at him a little. "What makes you think that?"

"Oh, maybe because Sofia knows and is grilling Grissom about why he authorized that much overtime when you could have gotten some rest and finished up the file work tonight, and how this is one of the ways Ecklie can get him."

"And how is Grissom responding?"

"He's just sitting there bent over a case file, acting like he never had any surgery for his hearing."

She wanted to smile back at him, but her face couldn't find one. "It was a tough one. Really settled in my gut. I can't seem to let go."

"Kid starved to death, and then finding his brothers in the condition they were in, it's not surprising."

She closed her eyes for a moment and let out a deep breath. Warrick sat down beside her. "There was this moment when I found one brother unconscious, and then there was this arm, and this other child reaches for me….I will never forget how hard he held onto me. And then he never let go. Paramedics had a hard time pulling him off me, and I wanted to tell them to stop because he had already lost so much. If holding me felt safe for him, then let him have it for as long as he wants. But they pulled him off and he cried and I cried. They wouldn't let me in the ambulance."

Warrick reached over and took her hand.

"I saw such a old look in his eyes. Even when he's healthy, he'll never lose that. His childhood is gone. Now everything will be about fear and suspicion and anger. I know this. Why do we do this to kids, Warrick?"

"I don't know." His voice was soft.

"They slept. All of them were able to sleep. Did you see? Grissom, Sofia, Greg. They all worked this case. They can sleep, but I can't."

"Which is what you need most of all right now. But before you do that, Nicky and I are going out for a bite, and you're coming with. Probably haven't had more than a sandwich in the last 36 hours."

Her head dropped, "I don't think so."

"That's okay, Sara. I do. You wait here five minutes. I'm going to pull Nick out of an ill-advised conversation with Mia. He seems to think he can shine it on with that girl. He has no idea what he's doing."

Head still in her hands, she nodded. Warrick gave her one last look and turned, almost running into Conrad Ecklie. He stopped , but Ecklie's attention was not on him. So he hurried past.

"Had a tough case, did you?" Sara's head flew up at the sound of his voice.

"Hi Ecklie." She managed.

"Going out with the guys late at night. Probably to a bar. Have a few. Relax. Do a little dancing, maybe." He stood in front of her, his arms folded. "It's a good idea. Really. Just make sure someone drives you home."

"You are assuming that I would be drinking."

"What else do you do in Vegas at midnight? I guess you could gamble, and you are going with Warrick."

"Ecklie, please! This is not the night for this."

"You are under a lot of stress, Sara. It shows. Everyone sees it. Just tell me that you are talking to Grissom about it. Tell me that he has a handle on how you are doing right now."

"I talk to my supervisor whenever I need to."

"Maybe he should be the one deciding when you need to talk. I know you pulled a triple without authorization. Does he even see what the rest of us see?"

"I'm so tired, Ecklie. Can we talk about this later?"

"I shouldn't tell you this, but I am going to because I think you have huge potential that is being thrown away here."

Sara dropped her head back into her hands.

"I had lunch with the sheriff. He saw you on the news. Very, very touching. That boy clung to you while you rocked him. Another boost for law enforcement public relations. He has noticed you. Talked about you. Wants you for a statewide task force that he and the FBI are putting together. You'd be following serial criminals across jurisdictions. Exciting stuff."

Sara raised her head and looked at him.

"Really a great opportunity for you. But, unfortunately, I had to tell the sheriff that I can't recommend you for it."

"Ecklie!"

"I had to tell him that you don't have the right boundaries. You are a great CSI, but you cannot seem to separate your professional from your personal life. I told him that you would end up being a liability."

"That's great. Just great, Ecklie." Sara's voice trembled with emotion.

"I told him that you have had a crush on your boss from the moment you walked in this door. I told him that it has been daily break room gossip among your peers for years. I told him that you that cases with women or children as victims are difficult for you. Peers have to make allowances for you. You overwork yourself. Your insomnia is legendary. Your homicide liaison, Brass, doesn't even want to work certain cases with you."

"Are you finished?" She could only whisper at this point.

"People speculate that there is a trauma in your history. One you haven't dealt with. One that continues to haunt you."

"Whatever happened when I was growing up in Encino is nobody's damn busin…."

She stopped short. Something like a smile was growing on Ecklie's face.

"Well, Sara. As long as your supervisor knows what is going on, it certainly is not anyone else's business at all. I assume that he knows everything he needs to know in order to supervise you properly. It wouldn't look good if he was out of the loop on issues that affect your work."

"Hey Ecklie. What are you doing in here? Grissom needs you." Brass stepped out from the shadows.

"You are interrupting a conversation."

Jim Brass cocked his head slightly, something he liked to do when regarding a suspect. "No, seriously Conrad, Grissom got a heady problem with his bugs. Forgot how to dissect them or something. Says you are the only one who can show him the way. He was just looking for you."

"You know, Jim. We used to be friends."

"Actually Conrad, that requires two people liking one another. I don't remember ever liking you so I am going to have to conclude that it was only you liking me which is kinda creepy when you think about it."

"Brass, I need one more minute with Sara."

"Oh, I think your work here is done. Besides, Grissom's going to be heartbroken if you don't come and show him some of your incredible forensics skills."

Ecklie brushed Brass on his way out. Jim wrinkled his face as if encountering a very bad smell. Sara was pulling things out of her locker.

"Hey kid. Don't listen to him. I think his mother loved his brother better or something when he was a boy. He's an unhappy man."

Sara turned to him, her eyes red and wet. "He says you won't work certain cases with me."

"Not exactly true."

"Not exactly?"

"I just worry about you sometimes. Some of these cases take a toll, and you feel more than most."

The tears rolled down her face. "I don't need anybody covering for me or worrying about me. I don't need people to carry me."

"Oh, Sara. Believe me, you definitely stand on your own two feet." Brass stepped toward her.

Sara slammed her locker and backed away, shaking her head. Then she turned and was gone.

"Listen Warrick. She's good looking and I'm good looking. It's a match made in heaven." Voices began floating closer.

"Nicky, you're fooling yourself here. She talks to you because she feels sorry for you."

"No, no, Brother. Sara will set you straight on that. She knows the amazing effect I have on women. Hey Sara!" The two men turned the corner to find Brass staring off into the distance.

"Where's Sara? I told her we would be right back."

"Yeah, well she was really tired. Told me to tell you that she feels sleepy and just wanted to go home." Brass stayed focused on the exit.

"Everything okay?"

Brass blinked and turned around. "Everything's great."

"Want to come out for some steak and eggs with us?" Nick asked. "This swing shift is something else. Nobody dies from 4p.m.-11p.m. We've been getting out on time all week."

"Sorry. We night guys have to pick up the slack for you daytime playboys."

"Okay, see you tomorrow."

"Hey! Wait." Brass walked after them. "You don't see Sara as much anymore, and I wanted you to know that she's having a hard time. Tough cases. She misses both of you, Catherine. You know how she gets when she's stressed. Just don't let her push you away, okay? She needs you guys."

Nicky looked at Warrick for a moment. "Jim, is there something you want to tell us?"

"Naw. Nothing in particular. But you know Sara. She doesn't like to share her problems with her friends."

"Yeah. I'll call her tomorrow. Make some time for her. Thanks Brass." Warrick turned to leave with Nick, but found himself unable to shake an uneasy feeling stirring in his gut.

………………………………..................................................................................................................

In her dream, she was falling, always falling deep into a dark hole. She screamed for her mother over and over, begging for her mom to catch her. And she could see her mother standing there staring at her, but never moving a muscle. Then her mother, her one chance at safety bowed her head, turned and walked away. Sara reached for her as she disappeared, and then she was alone. And falling.

She sat up in bed, heart pounding. The clock said 4:34 a.m. Her bed was a mess, sheets and blanket tangled and twisted, half off the bed. She pushed her tousled hair out of her face, and slid off the bed. Sleep would not be possible again for several hours. Sometimes after the nightmares, she liked to go out and climb the hill behind her apartment. There was a large boulder, and she would crouch on it, waiting patiently for the sun rise.

But today, she was agitated. Ecklie's conversation played over and over in her head. It had been a typical Ecklie conversation. He had dangled bait before and then snatched it away. But there was something about how he kept bringing Grissom into it that made her feel like he wasn't really after her at all. She knew Ecklie was intent on proving that Grissom was a bad manager. It was the only possible weakness in Grissom that Ecklie could exploit. The idea that he would use her to hurt Grissom bothered her immensely. None of her anger or frustration for the man had ever replaced her loyalty to him or her complicated feelings for the man.

Sara knew she had to talk to him, warn him about Ecklie. She knew that this conversation might have to include the truth about her. The thought of it made her stomach queasy. She reached for her cell. At 4:30 in the morning, he was most likely out of the field and back in his office. He picked up on the first ring.

"Grissom."

"Hi! This is Sara."

The phone was silent for a moment. "Have you even tried to sleep yet?"

"Yes, and I'm going right back to sleep the minute I am done talking to you."

"Okay. Well, have a good night then."

"Having a good night? Lots of cases?"

"Why? You feel like you're missing out on something?"

"No. Just curious."

"Sara, why are you calling me at 4:30 in the morning?"

"I…I had a conversation with Ecklie tonight. And it wasn't such a great one. And I think I should talk to you about it."

"What happened?" Grissom's voice lowered.

"I want to meet and talk to you. I am going to see you tomorrow night, but every time I try to talk to you…Well, it just feels like there is an interruption every two minutes."

"Your solution to this?"

"Meet me for dinner before work. Strictly business."

"Of course, I didn't imagine it would be anything else."

"Stanley's off the strip. 6:00."

"What are you going to eat at a steak house?"

"Don't worry about that. I'll manage just fine."

………………………………......................................................................................................................

"Mia says I'm sexy."

"Right, Nicky. And then you woke up." Warrick was changing into his work clothes.

"She says it with her eyes. You wouldn't understand that because you're not a subtle guy."

"Oh, you know what kind of lady's man I am then."

"Yeah. You're a suave talking, smooth walking brother who is too cool for school. But behind all that Barry White I know what's really going on."

"Barry White, huh?" Warrick laughed. "I need to definitely update you on your hip."

"Don't distract me man. I was making a point." Nick's smile widened as he continued. "Behind all that Barry White is just a skinny kid counting the days until the next lunar eclipse. Now you know Mia deserves something just a little more sophisticated than that."

"Yeah. She needs a down home, Texas boy with a cheesy smile and a weird obsession with the Discovery channel like she needs a hole in her head."

Nick threw his head back and laughed. "There's nothing weird about watching the Discovery channel."

"Okay, then tell me what they have on tonight. You have the entire schedule memorized."

"Oh come on, Warrick. Everybody knows that it's Shark Week. Tonight is three hours on the great whites of the barrier reef. I tivo'ed it. Lots of people do."

"No Nicky. Trust me. Lots of people do not tivo Shark Week on the Discovery channel."

"Whatever, man. Hey, did you reach Sara?"

"Very unhappy girl. Demanded to know who forced me to call her. It took me a while to convince her of my own free will."

"So?"

"I got breakfast tomorrow."

"You?"

"Same treatment. I got mountain biking on Saturday."

"She's pissed at us."

"No. Even worse. She's pissed at herself."

"Operation Save Sara From Herself."

"Absolutely."

………………………………............................................................................................................................

"Stanley's has fish tacos?"

"Yup. New chef out of Cuernavaca. I love fish taco's."

"And you know Stanley's has this how?" Grissom was looking at her out of the corner of his eye.

"They're called newspapers, Grissom, and they can be obtained with an object called a quarter."

"Okay. Enough said on that." Grissom reached for the steak menu. "Tell me what Ecklie said to you last night."

"The usual. I have no boundaries. I am not objective. And therefore, I cannot be considered for any kind of advancement in the department."

"And he took this occasion to bring this up because…"

"I was tired, vulnerable. And he was fishing around for information on you and how you are supervising me on these issues."

"He's been doing that with everyone for weeks. That's nothing special."

"He wants to know if you know what you need to about me in order to properly supervise me?"

"What?"

Sara was tearing up a roll, piece by piece, and letting it drop to the table. "Do you believe that events that happened when you were young impact the rest of your life?"

"Yes." Grissom pulled his glasses from his face. "Nurture. Your environment inevitably impacts your growth and maturity."

"Did you ever have something impact you in a negative way when you were a child?"

"Yes."

"Do you like to talk about it?"

"Not particularly."

"Did you know that issues of emotional trauma or mental disease are under the purview of supervision if it directly or indirectly impacts your work?"

"Sara, what have you been reading?"

"The Federal Equal Employment Opportunity Act."

"Do you think that there is an issue that impacts your work that you and I have not yet discussed?"

"I don't know. I suppose. It impacts my sleep. It makes me unable to let go sometimes. It makes me…sad."

"Why haven't you talked to me about this before?"

Sara took a deep breath. "I wanted to, but it's…hard. You pride yourself on your detachment. I can't."

"So…why tell me now?"

"I think Ecklie knows something. And I don't want you caught off guard if he finds out something before you do."

"He could find something out?"

"All he has to do is google Westlaw- Sara Sidle."

"So you want to tell me now in order to protect me from Ecklie."

"Yeah, I do."

"No." Grissom put his glasses back on and fumbled around in his coat.

"What? What does that mean?"

"That's not a good enough reason to tell me." Grissom was opening his wallet. "I got this."

"Grissom!" Sara felt eyes from around the room staring at her.

He stopped what he was doing and leaned forward. "Look, Sara. I know there's a secret. I've known it for a long time. But you shouldn't share it until you are ready."

"I am ready."

"Not if you are afraid of my reaction."

"Those are my insecurities."

"And a lack of trust."

"Please let me do this." She reached over and held his arm.

"I want you to do this, Sara. Very much. You're important to me. But you have to do it for you. Not because of Ecklie. Not because it will protect me."

"I don't know what to do."

Grissom put his hand over hers. "I'm the last one who can effectively advise you about this. But it seems to me that you are stuck in this…place and it is hurting you. You have a lot of people who care about you, and it must be lonely trying to do this by yourself. You should let somebody in. And if it's me, then I will do my best to understand."

"Wow! That wasn't bad, Grissom."

"You are aware that I am human. Right?" He gave her the ghost of a smile.

"You won't listen to me now?"

"No. Think about it. I'll be there when you are ready."

"Ecklie?"

"Is Ecklie. Part of his power is in watching us scramble to compensate for his demands. I won't do it. Nor should you. Worst case scenario; I end up working somewhere else. Really not so dramatic when you think about it."

"I'm tired of changes. Why can't everything be like it was?"

"You really want that, Sara? You think things have been going all that great."

TBC