Author's Note 1: A little bit of a TW here. I give nothing graphic, but there are some emotional things here that might be triggering to some. Just a heads up.

Chapter 22 Comfort and Joy

Rowland's forehead wrinkled and Belle's heart beat furiously in her chest. She had been thinking about how she should broach the topic, it wasn't as if her mother was there to tell her all the ins and outs of this stage of marriage. She worried she was wrong about it, she was worried that he would not be as happy as she-she worried about a great many things when it related to this-this wonderful blessing. Most of all she was anxiously waiting for the understanding to dawn. Finally it did, and Rowland's eyes went wide.

'The-The nursery? Belle you don't mean? Are you?' To see the great Rowland Gold of Dark Manor rendered speechless would have been something she would have giggled at, if she wasn't so keen on knowing his thoughts.

She nodded, tears in her eyes. 'At least I'm fairly sure I am. I have asked Mrs. Lucas, who tells me she gave birth to a great brood of six healthy boys, I've asked many many questions and she seems to think…'

'So you're not certain then?' His face had become a sort of wild thing, he looked flustered, overwhelmed, and nervous all at the same time.

'I think I am as certain as a person can be, Rowland. I've not felt the baby yet, but that will come with time, I am assured. Are you happy, do you think?'

It was as if this snapped him back to who was speaking to him. He found Belle's eyes again, after having run his hand through his hair multiple times and looking somewhere over her shoulder.

'Of course I am, Belle. I just can't believe it-and so soon too. After everything that happened with-before-I always imagined Bae as my stubborn little miracle child. I never imagined I could once again experience-Oh Belle, yes, you've made me very, very happy.'

His cheeks were wet and Belle kissed his tears away.

'Come, let's go to bed. We are going to both need our rest for tomorrow. I'm sure Bae's energy will exceed the both of us combined!'

He seemed to think of something and grabbed at her hands.

'How are you feeling then? I remember with Bae, Milah, she, well she got rather ill-basically kept herself in her room the entire time. Are you well?'

'I'm a little tired is all. Mrs. Lucas says I'm lucky.' Belle beamed.

'And should you have been working so tirelessly this past week? That can't be good can it?'

'I don't see why not, as long as I feel well enough.'

'Hmm.' Rowland looked a little warily at her, as if not quite convinced, but allowed her to lead them to bed.

'Papa, Mama!' A bounding Bae rolled out of the carriage and headed straight for his Papa, who had been waiting, standing outside for the last half hour for him. The weight of the child nearly knocked his father over and Belle, who was standing near him, hurried to give him support, causing Bae to switch and give her a tight hug.

'I've missed you both so.' And they had missed him. There were tears of joy on a number of faces, including Mrs. Lucas, and though Dove would never admit it, he had turned around at some point to dot his own eyes with a handkerchief. The little master was home, to the pleasure of all.

His little voice squealed and wondered at the sights and smells that met him as he entered the Manor. He nearly danced up the stairs when he heard there was a surprise waiting for him, but Rowland had curtailed his enthusiasm by insisting that they be with him to gauge his reaction. He huffed and shuffled at the top of the staircase, waiting as Belle kept in step with her husband. Bae was ready and waiting to pull them along, but Belle reminded Bae to keep a slower pace, though she was already finding herself to be a bit winded at such a small excursion.

Belle covered Bae's eyes, and Rowland opened the door before they allowed a squealing Bae to leap inside. His eyes gaped and took in each detail that a boy his age would. Perhaps he didn't see the plush pillows with embroidered forest animal designs, or exactly notice that his sheets were made of the finest quality, but he did notice everything all at once.

'It's my very own forest-inside the manor! Oh thank you, thank you, thank you!' He was jumping up and down, his cheeks bright and smiling.

'You ought to thank Be-your Mama for the room, it was due to her.'

Now it was Belle's turn to be nearly toppled over and Rowland became at once concerned when she had to right herself against the heavy wardrobe to keep from falling over entirely.

'Be gentle, Bae.' His voice was firmer than usual with Bae and it caused the boy to dart up at once and apologize. Belle took it all laughingly and gave her new son a smaller hug but once filled with every bit as much love as was given.

'I'm just very glad you like it.'

Christmas came just two days after Bae arrived. It looked vastly different than it had the year before, and Belle enjoyed every second of it. Rowland worried over her far too much-he had hardly allowed her to take more than one trip up or down the stairs, and insisted she have the most comfortable spot in the parlor, and kept an eye on her in case she became too tired and needed to lay down. Bae noticed his father's strange behavior, as he seemed to have inherited his father's ability of observation.

'Is Mama ill? Why do you worry over her so?'

Belle gave Rowland a 'now look what you've done' sort of look, though she softened it with a bit of a smirk and a nod. Rowland on the other hand became wide eyed and started sweating immediately, running his hand through his hair.

'Well, we weren't going to tell you as soon as all that, for fear, well, we didn't want to over-excite you, but it being Christmas and all…'

'Oh Rowland.' Belle sighed good naturedly

'I imagine over the summer holiday you'll be gaining a little brother or sister.'

Bae lit up immediately.

'Do you really mean it? Oh how swell!' He was overjoyed, and gave them both very eager hugs, though for Belle it was much less eager as his father explained that Belle was more delicate now and he must now treat her gently. However, though he was such a big boy of eight, he found his new toy to be a little more interesting and much more tangible than the news, and went back to his play after only five minutes.

Belle and Rowland had promised each other-mostly Belle pleading with him-to not spend the entire two weeks looking wistfully at Bae, knowing how precious little time they had with him. Instead Bae was indulged with his parent's complete presence-Rowland refusing to do any sort of business during that time, Belle giving the household completely over to Mrs. Lucas for the two weeks. It had snowed, and the powdery stuff had given the Dark Manor a sort of quiet splendor. Bae requested time spent outdoors, though Dove was requested to help with much of Bae's play, as Rowland fussed over any 'play' that Belle might be inclined to do. They drew together, they read together, and even when Bae went up for quiet play in his bedroom, one or the other was bound to be there, even if they were engaged in something else. If Bae wished for privacy, he did not say-Belle seemed to think that he sensed, his father especially, their need to be near him, to soak up each and every moment to have it bottled. That way, when Bae was gone, the bottles of memory could be brought out and it would be to their satisfaction that they had spent as much time with him as possible.

The bottle was used up-it was time for Bae to be seen off once more. Belle realized that she was even more emotional the second time around. She imagined that the little one growing inside of her might be the reason, however, she was grateful that Rowland would not tease her for such emotions, but allowed her to be engulfed in his arms as they comforted each other with the loss.

Two weeks after Christmas it happened.

Belle was sleeping comfortably but woke up realizing that her abdomen was in some pain. It was not sharp, but more like a growing ache. If she didn't know she was with child, she would have suspected something else to be the culprit, instead, this confused her and gave her a little fear. She decided not to say anything to Rowland as of yet, worried for his own concern. The poor man was a ball of nerves as it was, and she would not add to it unnecessarily.

'Mrs. Lucas?'

The older lady had stopped her bustling, forever being out of breath with the way she bounded around the house, quite the feat for someone her age.

'Yes, Mrs. Gold.'

'I have a question.' Mrs. Lucas smiled a little, one of her rare ones, and this one had the look of one that she gave Bae when he was giving Mrs. Lucas the details of something he deemed the most interesting in the world, and she was simply enduring him. Belle felt a little like a child at that moment. A child who knew nothing about what she was experiencing. Mrs. Lucas was being good natured about it, and was enduring the onslaught of Belle's curiosity.

'Are there pains while being in the family way that are no cause of concern?'

Her face went all wrinkly, the lines already there deepening and creating more lines, her eyes narrowed.

'What sort of pain, my dear?'

'The sort that normally comes once a month?' The statement came out as a question, as she had no other way of describing it,and that seemed the closest and most accurate comparison.

Mrs. Lucas rubbed her forehead a bit and seemed to think long and hard about her answer-Belle's heart clenched, worried for the long pause that was given.

'It can be nothing, but it can also mean the babe isn't taking. I think you ought to lay down. I'll bring up the rubber bottle myself and you can use that to help with the pain. Should I get Mr. Gold for you?'

Bell could feel a storm of emotions raging, and she swallowed before they bubbled out and she caused a scene. She nodded, Mrs. Lucas understood, and went to fetch the things she spoke of. Belle haltingly went up stairs, praying on each step that the pain that seemed to come and go in waves was nothing and the summer would find a babe in their arms after all.

Even between the time that she went down to speak to Mrs. Lucas and the time she finally was curled up around the warmth of the bottle, and the room had been darkened, she found the pain to become steadily worse. It seemed to build and peak, and at the very tip of the worst parts, she would sometimes involuntary groan at the pain. It was thus that Rowland found her, and though she could not see him, the pain causing her to tense and close her eyes tight, she knew the wild look had been once again adopted, and the tap of his cane indicated that he was quickly coming across the floor.

'Belle! What is wrong dearest?'

His attempts of keeping calm were crumbling. The wave of pain subsided for the moment, she breathed in at the small reprieve. She turned to him, she worried so much for the words that would have to come. To tell a man who had lost so much that he must bear to lose something else-she felt much guilt for it. It was her body, after all that was rejecting the bundle placed there. She drew up courage she didn't know she had.

'I think, Rowland, that we might ought to expect the worst. Mrs. Lucas says it might be nothing, but I-I think I might be losing the baby.' Her voice broke at last and she sobbed into his shoulder. His breathing came heavy at the realization. He rubbed her back, then ran his fingers through her hair, he became the calm in the storm, but she knew it was breaking his heart too. When he tried to speak calming words to her, his voice was broken and filled with emotion.

'I'm sorry, Belle, I'm so so sorry.' He spoke over and over again.

'I'm the one that is sorry, Rowland. You've been through so much, why must you go through this again?' Her voice was becoming high and almost angry.

'It's alright, Belle, well, it's not, but it will be eventually, you'll see.' That he was the voice of reason and comfort was the rock that Belle didn't know she needed and she clung to it as the next wave of pain reached her and she felt for the first time, that tale tell sign that the babe had indeed been lost, causing her to sob all the more, and for Rowland to ask for a doctor to be fetched.

The doctor assured them that loss like that was quite common, and that many a woman had gone through it and gone on to have many children. Belle seemed quite healthy to him, and he wouldn't be surprised if by this time next year, she would not, indeed, be calling on him to assist in the birth of her baby. He smiled and his tone was warm, but his words seemed cold to Belle. Cold and collected, and full of factual reasoning she did not want. What she wanted were the comforting arms of her husband, which he gave her. They were on the seas of devastation together and it was three days after the start of their loss that Belle turned to him in a whimper,

'What shall we tell Bae?'

Author's note:

I hope you all don't hate me too much-I give you my word that there is a happy ending coming, and very soon too!
I am giving a lot of my own experience for the next couple of chapters though I'm telling it through the lense of Victorian culture. I'll give you more details once I share the next chapter, as I don't want to give too much away.
Rubber water bottles were quite common by 1875, so I thought that was neat, for some reason. Pregnancy wasn't really talked about in the victorian era, however, I thought that Bae being so close to his parents, would have had them talking about it sooner.
Thank you for all the amazing comments thus far, and again, I promise that I will make this better :)