Chapter 24 New Beginnings

Belle woke up more than once on a beautiful summer's morning at Dark Manor, crying that she was feeling so ill and that she was not getting to spend as much time with Bae as she wanted to. She worried that Rowland would tire of her complaints, so she tried to only cry when he left to get Mary to bring her a breakfast tray-as she could stomach very little and smelling anything more than oatmeal and tea caused her to reject the whole lot. Rowland worried over how little she ate, so they had figured out the system of getting her to eat a bit in the mornings, and then again as soon as her nausea let up in the afternoon.

They had decided not to tell Bae as long as possible. Rowland would spend time with his son in the mornings, and once Belle could rise out of bed, they would go to the library, where Belle was not required to do very much. She encouraged Bae to read to them all, which he did and they found that he had improved so very much since he left that it made Belle's teacher's heart swell. Sometimes he would sketch them, or they would take down the heaviest of the books and work on pressing the flowers that he had picked while she had laid in bed that morning.

When Bae left to return to school, Belle was still struggling. Her sickness seemed to switch from morning to night, and she was apt to try to fall asleep early so that she could wake up without the constant nauseous feeling. One day she waited to feel nauseous but the feeling never came. She did not feel completely well, but she felt good enough to do some of the former things she enjoyed. She was somewhat weak from how little she had eaten, or retained over the last month and a half, but It was very nice to be able to take up sewing, or a book, or a letter, and not fall asleep, or have to run in a bout of sickness.

Rowland seemed relieved that she was eating and doing things again. Belle was still concerned, though her body was feeling so much better. For all that she felt horrible, her sickness was a sign that the baby was still growing. Now that she no longer felt as ill, she worried that yet again, she would lose her little one. She waited for pains to come, but they never did, instead, with her appetite came her inability to wear the same dresses she once did (having left off wearing corsets a while ago, due to her feeling so ill). Special dresses were ordered that would accommodate even future growth, and she cried when the dresses arrived, as sign that there was still a growing child inside her.

When she felt the baby inside her for the first time, she cried again. In fact, once Rowland felt the baby from the outside, they both cried together, and were now somewhat relieved that perhaps this child was just as stubborn as his or her brother.

The following Christmas found Rowland and Belle announcing to Bae once again, but this time it was because Belle was only a month away from giving birth, and they could no longer hide her situation. Bae was just as happy, and perhaps even more so, as a big boy of nine could understand even more than a young child of eight. He requested that they bring him home even if it was only for a few days after the baby was born, and his eyes were bright and it pleased Belle that he had received the news so well, and not skeptically since things had gone so badly the time before.

Before Belle was confined, she penned a letter to her dear friend, though she was sure he had guessed when he had visited them in the fall. He had given her several looks, though being a bachelor she wondered that he could know. However, the letter was written, she was confined, and now each morning she woke up with the feeling of today could be the day.

Mrs. Lucas had told her that childbirth was a hard and painful thing. She believed it. If having such early losses as she had brought the pain it did, she could hardly imagine what it would be like to give birth to a full grown baby. She was unable to walk very well now, her sickness had somewhat returned, and she could not stand up quickly without nearly fainting. She had fainted once, and it nearly scared Rowland out of his wits. He would not let her stand up on her own when he was not there any more and she laughed at his worry, just as much as she relished how much he cared for her.

Every day she woke up and wished that the day would arrive, but by nightfall, she was so fatigued that she hoped she would get a few hours of sleep before it was time for the work of birthing. Of course, as these things tend to do, it started just as she was drifting off to sleep.

As she had grown larger, she had aches and pains-in fact, it had worried her in the beginning, making her think the baby would come early, or that she would lose the child. The aches tended to go away, and she would be back to her normal self, or the newish sort of normal that she could have at the moment.

The pain that happened on this night started at her back and wrapped around her stomach, tightening in a sort of knot as it reached her abdomen. Once the pain had made it's way around her body, it went away completely. In fact, she thought perhaps she had dreamt the pain, as when it left it felt as if nothing had ever happened like that before. When it arrived again, and again and again, space only five or six minutes apart, she knew that this was no dream, and that before long, there would be a child.

Among Mrs. Lucas' talk on childbirth was the assurance that the first birth was always the longest and hardest. Belle took this to heart, and tried to ignore the pain as long as she could. She breathed silently through the pains, doing her best to stay quiet so as not to wake her sleeping husband. She also knew that husbands were not allowed with a birthing mother, and she did not want him to be gone too soon. The longer she could hold out on calling the doctor, the longer she could look at him, sleeping though he was, as a source of comfort during the pain.

Soon it hurt to lay, and she slid out of her covers, and went to her knees on the soft rugged floor. The pains continued to come, and while Belle tried to think of how each pain was bringing her closer to her little babe, she also worried at how bad the pain was then, and how much worse it must get before the baby would arrive. As she was worrying, she felt the pain begin again-it could hardly have been a minute or two since the last! It came harder this time, the pain that wrapped itself seemed vice like, clawing, and squeezing until she let out an involuntary groan. Rowland stirred.

'Belle?'

She could not answer him, she could not think of anything but the tunnel of pain she was experiencing.

'Belle!'

Belle hardly registered the fumbling of his cane and thumping sound that was now such a comforting sound, of him making his way around the bed towards her. As the vice loosened around her, leaving her in an exhausted state, she melted into his arms, not even recognizing that he himself was on the floor with her, his leg had to be screaming at the position.

'Oh Belle.' He groaned.

'I think-' She whimpered. 'I think you might ought to get the doctor. But Rowland.' She didn't want him to leave her just yet, but she had to stop speaking, as the pain was coming back. Why would they continue to come?! Each pain seemed to come quicker than the one before, leaving her unable to speak or think or do anything but feel the pain. Rowland was in a frantic state by the time the pain left her. He could sense Belle's need for him to be there, and he did not want to leave Belle himself. He rang violently for Dove to come, and then he rang for Mrs. Lucas. She only knew he did so because he told her after the fact, as she did not know anything happening around her for the next hour. If she had been aware, she would have heard her husband bark orders for Dove to fetch the doctor while Mrs. Lucas told him he needed to calm down. Belle felt the arms of Mrs. Lucas as she guided her back to the bed. Belle told her that she didn't want back on the bed-the bed caused her more pain, but Mrs. Lucas would brook no arguments, even pitiful ones like Belles, where it had quite broken down any resolve Rowland might have had on the subject. When Belle started saying she could no longer go on, Rowland put his hands through her hair and told her she could do it, that she was stronger and braver than anyone he had ever known. His voice was raspy and sounded pained, and made Belle want to comfort him. She could not-as every time a pain left her, it left her so exhausted that she blacked out each time, only for the pain to come back and her to wake with a groan. She knew she was groaning loudly and saying things that she would deem childish in any other situation, but she hurt so badly she could do nothing but squeeze his hand.

'Where is the doctor, why hasn't he come?' She said during one of the small intervals between pains. Her eyes were shut, and she gripped her husband's hand as a lifeline. She wondered that he was still there, though she was thankful he was. His words in her ear and his stroking of her hand, while Mrs. Lucas wiped her forehead with a cold cloth were the only things keeping her from giving up completely.

'He should be here any moment.' It was Mrs. Lucas' voice. She wondered that Rowland didn't answer, but when next he tried to voice encouragement, she could hear the shakiness despite his attempts to keep calm.

Belle could now hear them speaking to each other, even though her mind was simply trying to breathe between the pain.

'It's the snow, sir, no mistake. But I've helped my sister when it came time to deliver her little ones, and I can do it in a pinch, I know. I've got Mary coming with the hot water. How long was she in pain, do you know?'

Her husband's answer was smaller, less sure, so scared.

'I cannot tell you. She was in great pain when she woke me. Had she not made a noise I wouldn't have known.'

'I think that might be my fault, Mr. Gold. I told her these things take time, how should I have known the babe would have its own mind about the timing?' She chuckled.

Another pain seized Belle, only this time it was lower, it was stronger, if such a thing could be said, and it was as if she could feel the baby moving lower and desiring to be out.

'I think-' Her voice was so very tired, she was so very tired. 'I think the baby might be coming.'

'Alright, Mrs. Gold. Mr. Gold, Mary is here now, I think it's time that you leave, and leave the rest of this to the women.'

'No!' Belle wanted to shout, but her voice could only whimper the directive.

'She wants me to stay.' Mr. Gold's voice was stern, cold, so much like it had been when she first met him…

Mrs. Lucas was sterner still and insisted it wasn't proper at all. Mr. Gold groaned but with another pain, this one even stronger, the feeling of the urgency of the situation, she only grasped hold of Rowland's hand and held onto it with every bit of strength she had as she doubled over.

'The baby is coming-for goodness sake, let him stay, Mrs. Lucas, let him stay!' Her voice was at a high pitch, and she was almost screaming the last words out.

Everything was a chaotic rush, she only focused on the pain, and the feeling that she just wanted everything to be over.

What felt like only seconds, but it could have been five minutes or fifty, there was a rush of feeling over her and she felt a feeling of relief, and then a high pitched cry. Belle cried in relief and turned to Rowland, finally able to open her eyes and see him, the person who had been her rock once again, and how thankful she was that she had forced Rowland to stay.

'Congratulations, Mr. and Mrs. Gold, it's a girl.' As the baby was placed in her arms, she sobbed and sobbed. It was this time the year before that she had been devastated by the loss of the child she longed so much for. Now here was the child they had prayed for, and she was perfect.

'You did so well, my Belle, and she's beautiful, just like her mother. What will her name be, Mrs. Gold.' Rowland asked through his own sobs.

'I suppose I was so afraid to even give her-or him if that was what she would have been-a name, that I tried not to think too much about it. '

'What about your mother's name?'

She wanted to sob again, though her body had expelled every tear she had. 'Collete?' She wondered.

He nodded. 'Lettie for short?'

Belle beamed. 'Lettie for short.'

Ten years later…

Lettie was the first of three girls who were born over the space of only three years. If you spoke to Rowland for any length of time he would assure anyone who listened that the key to eternal youth was to have three energetic girls in quick succession, and he would say so as he wiped the perspiration from his forehead after limping after said girls.

The girls themselves were quite partial to their elder brother, and since he had returned from his business travels (he having decided to take up his father's business), there were a line of bow clad shadows behind him, insisting that he take them riding at his earliest convenience-which meant at that exact moment.

Belle had found newfound purpose in raising her four children. Bae had come to her at one point, soon after the second girl, Rose, was born and had wondered if she felt towards him what she felt towards her own children. Belle's heart broke once again for the little boy who had been cast aside by the woman who had birthed him.

'You were always first in my heart, Bae. I never even knew I needed a family of my own until I met you and your father and realized that it was your family that I wanted to be a part of. I love you, sweet little Bae-though you may have grown taller than me already-and I will always love you, no matter how many children God allows me to have.'

And she felt he had known it from that time on. No other brother doted on the little girls as he did. He read them stories and used all the voices, and brought them home trinkets once he graduated and went off on his own adventures.

Mr. Jeffrey had been quite put out when Lettie had been named without his input. He was only slightly cajoled when by the following year he had found a wife who loved him almost as dearly as Belle loved Rowland (or so Rowland told Belle, for no one had the capacity to love like his wife did) and the year after that-the year same year Belle and Rowland's youngest ,Margeret was born, had been able to choose the name Grace for his own little girl. Bae became Grace's godfather, and they continued to meet together for vacations and even family holidays.

Rowland never became a socialite, but with his wife's love and his children's hold on light, he began to be seen outside the walls of the Dark Manor. Belle had never set her sights on changing him, but she could only be proud of the man and father he had become. No longer would anyone ever dream of calling him the Monster of Dark Manor.

All those years ago as she first rode through Dark Manor's grounds, Belle had only hoped that she would find some bit of kindness at her new post; she was so very happy she had found her home instead.

Author's Note:

The End!

I feel only slightly bad that I totally went against all Victorian protocol and allowed Rowland in the room with Belle. I had to rely on some of my cousin's experience with pregnancy (all her births only lasted 3-5 hrs from start to finish) and not mine (mine are looooooong). My modern self just really wanted him in the room! The feelings of pregnancy and labor, are from my own experience, however. I did have a non-med birth and it was painful, but really allowed me to know how a Victorian might would feel here, lol

I also feel bad that Jeffrey didn't really speak over the last couple of chapters, but it just never fit in what I was trying to convey.

I hope you enjoyed this chapter and this story!