Brooke checked her wristwatch for the fifth time. It was twenty after ten and two minutes since she had last checked the time. It was official...Lucas was late. They had been working out at the gym every other day for a week and a half and the times they didn't ride together, he always met her on time. Punctuality was his and Haley's number one character trait, dating back to their Tree Hill days. But he was late and there was no sign of him showing up. Sighing, more at the waste of her new spandex Adidas workout outfit, Brooke climbed back into the rental car and headed back to Malibu. The new Jimmy Eat World CD, Luke's favorite, was playing. Brooke took a deep breath and smiled to herself, stepping a little harder on the gas pedal in order to get back to the house. She was surprised to see the front door open. Letting herself in, she searched the house for him calling out his name. There was no answer but the door to his bedroom was cracked and she could make out a figure sitting on the bed.
"Luke…"
The room was quiet and the shades drawn as he sat motionless on the bed with his arms folded, head down.
"Hey you, what's up? Did you forget about the gym? I waited 20 minutes for you."
"Something came up", he mumbled, avoiding her gaze. "Sorry."
"Okay. We're still on for Wednesday, right?"
"I don't know. We'll talk about it later."
There was a tense, dull tone to his already desolate, soft voice. Something wasn't quite right and Brooke could sense that.
"Is everything okay? Do you want to talk?"
He responded with silence.
"Lucas..."
He looked up at her, tears filling his blue eyes. He looked so sad and vulnerable at that particular moment.
"Hey, what happened?" she asked softly, kneeling down beside him.
"Just go away, Brooke. I don't want to talk right now.
Torn between concern for his condition but respect for his wishes, she quietly walked out of the room more than a little hurt. They had been getting along so well lately and his overall attitude had done a 360. Even the rehab seemed to be progressing and now…this. She hated when he got like that. When he retreated to that place deep within where nobody, not even her, could reach him. She worried about him and even her favorite daytime soaps couldn't take her mind off the situation. Eventually she worried herself right into a nap that lasted until almost evening. Scooping up Harmony, she went outside and took a seat on the sand, tucking her feet underneath her as she stared up at the setting sun. It had been a quiet day and she always like to sneak away around dusk to steal a look at the beautiful sky. The peace and tranquility of those moments with Harmony calmed her in a way nothing else ever had. Still she couldn't get her mind off of Lucas.
"Mind if I sat down?" a weak voice asked.
Brooke turned around and saw Lucas standing behind her. Shirtless and wearing ratty old jeans and bare foot, his normally handsome face was creased with worry lines and his eyes were red rimmed.
"Free country", she half smiled, motioning him to occupy the vacant space between her and their daughter
"The sky is so pretty", he remarked. "I love it out here on the beach. I swear this one spot here is the best place in the world to watch the sun set."
"It is beautiful but is that why you really came out here?"
"It's quiet and peaceful and I love it", he shrugged. "The beach has always been somewhere that I could get away and just be. I also knew you'd be out here and I guess I wanted to talk to you."
"What's up?"
"Sorry about earlier. I didn't mean to ditch you at the gym and I'm sorry you saw me like that."
"It's okay. I wasn't mad or anything, just worried. You've been doing so well. You kind of scared me. What happened?"
"I can't..."
"You can but you don't have to. I know it must be rough bottling all that emotion up inside. You were obviously upset. I know you're hurting very badly and something pretty heavy must be wrong. I don't want to push orbe nosy or anything but maybe it would help if you could talk things out with somebody, even if it's not me."
He was quiet for a while and she was almost sure he was ignoring her. Then in a voice barely above a whisper he began to speak.
"I miss it. I really miss it."
"What?"
"All of it", he answered truthfully. "I guess I've been feeling sorry for myself all day but I keep thinking back to the way everything used to be. Now everything is so different and I mean everything. Two years ago if you had told me that I would have a kid and a heart defect and that I wouldn't have you or basketball, I would have thought you were crazy."
"Luke, please. Don't this to yourself. Or me."
"It just hurts, Brooke. And I'm not over it, any of it. I don't know if I really ever will be. This is tough."
"I know it is. I'm here for you, Lucas, you know that. I'm your friend."
"But you're still my wife, too. At least on paper anyways. I know we're pretty much done and I accept that Brooke but this is weird for me. After everything we've been through and how long we've been in each other's lives, is it really that easy to be 'just friends'?"
"No, it's not. But it's something we have to work at. We have to Lucas in order to keep the peace and our sanity. I don't want to go back to fighting with you or even ignoring you. Not only does that suck for us, in the end Harmony is the one who's gonna get hurt the most and neither one of us wants that. I can still be here for you, I can still help you and we can still be friends. That doesn't have to mean that we hop in bed or try to go back to the way it was when we were married and happy. That part of our life together, as beautiful as it was, is over now. We both know that and we've known it for a long time."
"You're right, Brooke. You're absolutely right and I'm sorry for springing all this on you. Shit happens sometimes, I guess. Lifeisn't always a bed of roses and unfortunately things don't last forever. Most of it's my fault and some of it is yours but regardless of who is to blame, nothing is the same anymore and we can't go back."
"We didn't make up the rules in this world, we just have to live in it, Lucas. I'm sorry. Sometimes the hardest part is letting go."
"But I don't know if I can let go. I don't know if I even want to. It is unfair, Brooke. Everything that has happened to us has been so unfair. I promised you. Eleven years ago I took vows and made a promise to you that I would always love you and be here for you. I never stopped loving you but I did break those vows. I screwed up and now even if we want to, we can't get it all back. I just want to say that now is the time when I need you the most and you're here. You're here when you don't have to be and I know that and it means the world to me."
"You're right, it's not fair. But a lot of things aren't fair and we just deal with them. Sometimes the things we want the most we can't always have. You know, Haley always says that everything happens for a reason. I was never too sure about that. I don't know if things happen for a reason, I just know that they happen."
Lucas looked at her with the wide eyes of a child that didn't understand. Brooke knew he was in pain, they shared the same pain and she fought the urge to want to hold him and make all his hurt go away.
"Sometimes I don't think I'm gonna make it, Brooke. That scares the living hell out of me. It's the first time in my lifewhereI've ever felt like I couldn't do something. It's like I'm not myself. I don't know if I can make it through this."
"Yes you can. You have to. Lucas, you may have had a heart attack but you can't allow your heart to be weak right now. It takes faith and strength and courage sometimes you don't even know you have. But I know all that is inside of you. Both of us have been through hell and we've made it this far and we're still standing. I say we've come too far to give up now. I won't and I know you won't either. You're going to be okay. You can do anything", she whispered.
He took her hand and rubbed it in his own and for the first time in a long time, she didn't pull away. Instead the three of them set, watching the orange pink glow of the sky as the sun faded in the distance beyond the waves.