Disclaimer: I don't own Everwood, the town, or it's characters. I'm just a
college student.
Chapter 10 uses "I'm Lost Without You" by Blink 182
Chapter 10: I'm lost without you
"These candles aren't doing much, are they?" Ephram said as he extinguished one with his finger and tried relighting it. The two friends were still sitting only inches apart, as Amy had slid over earlier. "Amy, is that your phone ringing?" he asked causually at first.
"Probably. Oh, it's just Bright, it's not important. He probably can't find his soda or something."
"YOU HAD A PHONE THIS WHOLE TIME?!" he asked laughing.
She completely ignored what he had just said, smiling. "You'd think all the snow outside would make it at least semi-light in here," she responded sighing, "So much for Wendell's party."
"I don't think there really WAS a party," he said squinting to see her facial expression.
"That's ridiculous, of course there was," she said nervously. "He may have been trying to get my attention a little, but he'd never deliberately send us somewhere where we could get hurt."
"I'm pretty sure he knew there was going to be a snowstorm. In fact, it was kind of genius of him . . . in a way . . ." he trailed off as he saw the appalled look on her face. After a few seconds of silence, half laughing he shakily asked, "Amy . . .why aren't you saying anything?" He felt a small slap on his arm.
"Genius? Ephram we're stranded . . . snowed in even, in a cabin! It's two in the morning, we've broken curfew, you came against your father's will, and its cold!!" He smiled and pulled her a little closer to him.
"If it's not genius it's at least appreciated." He said taking in the mixture of candle smoke and her perfume. He rested his head on her shoulder. She started to get nervous, not knowing how much more she could take before she gave into him. It was as if the nervous energy was flowing from her into his head as it rested on her shoulder; making him get up and start pacing around.
"Is something wrong?" she asked worried that he was upset with her.
"No . . . I just . . . oh look! An old blanket!" he said shaking it to rid it of dust and laying it out on the floor where they had been sitting only minutes ago. "You can sit on it, I'll sit over here." He said timidly.
"We can both sit on it," she said pulling his hand so he'd fall to the blanket. He straightened himself and sat next to her. "Ephram, what IS the matter?" she said her eyes now clearly visible to him for the first time that night.
"You make me kind of nervous," he finally admitted.
```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````` ```````````````````````````````
"I swear that I can go on forever again
please let me know that my one bad day will end
I will go down as your lover, your friend
give me your lips and with one kiss we begin"
```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````` `````````````````````````````
She understood what he had meant but asked him anyway, just to see what he'd say. "I do? I . . . I don't mean to . . ." she said puling away from him now, letting go of his hand, blinking quickly.
He grabbed onto it instantly, "No, stay." He said running his thumb over her hand which was no sitting in his. "I didn't say I didn't like it," he assured her.
"If anyone should be nervous it should be me," she started then stopped trying to gather exactly what she'd say.
"Stop worrying about your curfew; it's no big deal, Amy. They'll get over it."
"That's not what I'm talking about." She said turning quickly and looking at him. "I'm not exactly sure why you came up here tonight. I think I have a pretty good idea from what you explained . . . and well . . ."
"You know, what you've done in the past has really hurt me," he said calmly.
"I know . . . and I'll never forgive myself for that. I don't deserve to be sitting here with you right now like this, my hand in yours. It's like I told you before, you're a better person than I am."
"That isn't even slightly true. If it were then I wouldn't have spent all those months trying to push you out of my life and failing. It would've been so much easier if I could've just forgotten you,"
"Maybe you should've . . ."
"No," he said the second after she finished speaking. "I need you. . . I miss you." He said now kissing her forehead. He waited what seemed like an eternity for her to respond.
"I'm sorry I acted the way I did. I know why I did it but that doesn't mean it was right. I did it because I was angry with myself. You shouldn't have had to suffer just because of that, and I'm sorry. I loved you," she said softly.
"I know you . . ."
"No. I mean I loved you after Colin woke up. I know that it didn't seem that way. I guess I did a good job of hiding it. I was angry with myself for loving you because it meant that I didn't love Colin anymore; not romantically anyway. And the thought of me abandoning him while he was incapable of doing anything to change how I felt . . .while he was in that coma . . . I couldn't. And so I forced myself away from you. At least I tried to. . . it was easier." She said now eating another animal cracker. He chuckled at how the moment could turn from a serious note to a lighthearted one with just one snack. That's what he loved about her.
She continued, after finishing chewing. "But seriously. Just because it was easier doesn't mean it made me feel like I was doing what was right. It killed me. The screaming, the ignoring, the fighting, that hurt so much . . . but the smiling and the small talk, even the pillow fight . . . that hurt a million times worse. It wasn't real, wasn't how we used to be at all . . . I wanted that back."
"We can have it back," he said staring at her. "I want to have it back." Again, the silence that had become so frequent was showing itself again.
"I can't believe you're just willing to pretend it didn't happen, that's not right, Ephram." She said sadly.
"No it's not . . ." he said moving closer to her running the back of his hand softly against her cheek, fading into a smile. "But it'd be more wrong if I pretended that I don't love you,"
```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````` ``````````````````````````````
"Are you afraid of being alone
cause I am, I'm lost without you
are you afraid of leaving tonight
cause I am, I'm lost without you
I'll leave my room open till sunrise for you
I'll keep my eyes patiently focused on you
where are you now I can hear footsteps, I'm dreaming
and if you will, keep me from waking to believe this"
```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````` ``````````````````````````````
Gaping at him, she wasn't sure whether she had heard him correctly. She didn't respond at first but it didn't bother him. And for the first time in over a year, Ephram Brown's lips met Amy's. Savoring every moment, he wished the snow would never stop falling, that they'd be stuck there together forever.
"That's the first time a guy has told me he loves me and I fully believed it. I know Colin said it. . .but it was STILL after he woke up from the coma. That, and he was just about to have surgery again. When you said it just now, I was completely at a loss for words. That's why I can't just be your friend Ephram. I thought I wanted to, but. . . you make it so hard. Every time I see you . . ." she said with her eyes closed.
"You don't have to just be my friend," he said kissing her again. The candles were starting to die down now from the swift gusts of wind that snuck in through the cracks of the cabin walls. The flames flickered in and out violently.
"This is real this time, I promise." She said slowly. She leaned her head on his chest as the sat on the blanket in the dimly lit room.
"Want me to check outside and see if it's stopped snowing?" he asked after about half an hour of quiet.
"No. I don't want to know. I'd rather just say we fell asleep and didn't know if the storm and stopped or not."
"I thought you were the town's good girl," he said kissing her nose. She gave him a puzzled look which turned into a smile within seconds. "Sounds like Wendell isn't the only genius around here."
They lay down after a few minutes, figuring they should get a little sleep at least. Amy rested her head on his chest and listened to his heartbeat. They covered themselves with the blanket and extinguished the candles.
```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````` `````````````````````````````
"Are you afraid of being alone
cause I am, I'm lost without you
are you afraid of leaving tonight
cause I am, I'm lost without you"
```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````` ```````````````````````````````
"I love you," he whispered in her ear.
"I love you too," she said kissing him now, relieved that she finally got to say how she had been feeling for all those months. Their kisses lasted for several minutes. "I'm really glad I'm breaking curfew right now," she said smiling.
"Me too," he said rubbing her back.
"There is one thing I've been wondering about though," she said, her voice soft as she started to drift into sleep.
"What's that?"
"That wasn't really Delia's Good Charlotte CD, was it?" she said yawning.
"You think I'd listen to that type of music?" he asked playfully.
"Yes. You knew every single word." She said gently laughing.
"Okay . . . you caught me. What's so wrong with Good Charlotte anyway?"
"Nothing! I like them too. At least you don't have Bright's taste of music. God."
"What? Mandy puts him in the mood." He said jokingly.
"You know what? I don't want to know how you know that." She said kissing him on the cheek and resting her head back down on his chest.
"Goodnight," he whispered.
"Night," she said and fell asleep within a matter of seconds. Resting in his arms, she was the most comfortable and happy she had been in over a year.
```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````` ```````````````````````````
"Are you afraid of being alone
cause I am, I'm lost without you
are you afraid of leaving tonight
cause I am, I'm lost without you
are you afraid of being alone
cause I am, I'm lost without you
are you afraid of leaving tonight
cause I am, I'm lost without you"
```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````` `````````````````````````````
As they slept they dreamt only of each other. And while it seemed everything could be perfect for once, they were oblivious to everything else . . . including what was about to happen in just a few hours. . .
"I just CANNOT believe that Amy would DO something like this," Dr. Abbott said as sat in the passenger side of the car while Andy drove them to the lodge.
"Well I can believe Ephram did. He'd do just about anything to be with her"
"You don't think they're doing anything stupid, Andy, do you?" Amy's father asked in a questioning tone.
Andy chuckled then said, "Well, two weeks ago they weren't even talking, one week ago they were having a pillow fight. God knows what they're doing tonight."
```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````` ```````````````````````````
"I'm lost without you
I'm lost without you
I'm lost without you
I'm lost without you
I'm lost without you"
```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````` ``````````````````````````
Chapter 10 uses "I'm Lost Without You" by Blink 182
Chapter 10: I'm lost without you
"These candles aren't doing much, are they?" Ephram said as he extinguished one with his finger and tried relighting it. The two friends were still sitting only inches apart, as Amy had slid over earlier. "Amy, is that your phone ringing?" he asked causually at first.
"Probably. Oh, it's just Bright, it's not important. He probably can't find his soda or something."
"YOU HAD A PHONE THIS WHOLE TIME?!" he asked laughing.
She completely ignored what he had just said, smiling. "You'd think all the snow outside would make it at least semi-light in here," she responded sighing, "So much for Wendell's party."
"I don't think there really WAS a party," he said squinting to see her facial expression.
"That's ridiculous, of course there was," she said nervously. "He may have been trying to get my attention a little, but he'd never deliberately send us somewhere where we could get hurt."
"I'm pretty sure he knew there was going to be a snowstorm. In fact, it was kind of genius of him . . . in a way . . ." he trailed off as he saw the appalled look on her face. After a few seconds of silence, half laughing he shakily asked, "Amy . . .why aren't you saying anything?" He felt a small slap on his arm.
"Genius? Ephram we're stranded . . . snowed in even, in a cabin! It's two in the morning, we've broken curfew, you came against your father's will, and its cold!!" He smiled and pulled her a little closer to him.
"If it's not genius it's at least appreciated." He said taking in the mixture of candle smoke and her perfume. He rested his head on her shoulder. She started to get nervous, not knowing how much more she could take before she gave into him. It was as if the nervous energy was flowing from her into his head as it rested on her shoulder; making him get up and start pacing around.
"Is something wrong?" she asked worried that he was upset with her.
"No . . . I just . . . oh look! An old blanket!" he said shaking it to rid it of dust and laying it out on the floor where they had been sitting only minutes ago. "You can sit on it, I'll sit over here." He said timidly.
"We can both sit on it," she said pulling his hand so he'd fall to the blanket. He straightened himself and sat next to her. "Ephram, what IS the matter?" she said her eyes now clearly visible to him for the first time that night.
"You make me kind of nervous," he finally admitted.
```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````` ```````````````````````````````
"I swear that I can go on forever again
please let me know that my one bad day will end
I will go down as your lover, your friend
give me your lips and with one kiss we begin"
```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````` `````````````````````````````
She understood what he had meant but asked him anyway, just to see what he'd say. "I do? I . . . I don't mean to . . ." she said puling away from him now, letting go of his hand, blinking quickly.
He grabbed onto it instantly, "No, stay." He said running his thumb over her hand which was no sitting in his. "I didn't say I didn't like it," he assured her.
"If anyone should be nervous it should be me," she started then stopped trying to gather exactly what she'd say.
"Stop worrying about your curfew; it's no big deal, Amy. They'll get over it."
"That's not what I'm talking about." She said turning quickly and looking at him. "I'm not exactly sure why you came up here tonight. I think I have a pretty good idea from what you explained . . . and well . . ."
"You know, what you've done in the past has really hurt me," he said calmly.
"I know . . . and I'll never forgive myself for that. I don't deserve to be sitting here with you right now like this, my hand in yours. It's like I told you before, you're a better person than I am."
"That isn't even slightly true. If it were then I wouldn't have spent all those months trying to push you out of my life and failing. It would've been so much easier if I could've just forgotten you,"
"Maybe you should've . . ."
"No," he said the second after she finished speaking. "I need you. . . I miss you." He said now kissing her forehead. He waited what seemed like an eternity for her to respond.
"I'm sorry I acted the way I did. I know why I did it but that doesn't mean it was right. I did it because I was angry with myself. You shouldn't have had to suffer just because of that, and I'm sorry. I loved you," she said softly.
"I know you . . ."
"No. I mean I loved you after Colin woke up. I know that it didn't seem that way. I guess I did a good job of hiding it. I was angry with myself for loving you because it meant that I didn't love Colin anymore; not romantically anyway. And the thought of me abandoning him while he was incapable of doing anything to change how I felt . . .while he was in that coma . . . I couldn't. And so I forced myself away from you. At least I tried to. . . it was easier." She said now eating another animal cracker. He chuckled at how the moment could turn from a serious note to a lighthearted one with just one snack. That's what he loved about her.
She continued, after finishing chewing. "But seriously. Just because it was easier doesn't mean it made me feel like I was doing what was right. It killed me. The screaming, the ignoring, the fighting, that hurt so much . . . but the smiling and the small talk, even the pillow fight . . . that hurt a million times worse. It wasn't real, wasn't how we used to be at all . . . I wanted that back."
"We can have it back," he said staring at her. "I want to have it back." Again, the silence that had become so frequent was showing itself again.
"I can't believe you're just willing to pretend it didn't happen, that's not right, Ephram." She said sadly.
"No it's not . . ." he said moving closer to her running the back of his hand softly against her cheek, fading into a smile. "But it'd be more wrong if I pretended that I don't love you,"
```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````` ``````````````````````````````
"Are you afraid of being alone
cause I am, I'm lost without you
are you afraid of leaving tonight
cause I am, I'm lost without you
I'll leave my room open till sunrise for you
I'll keep my eyes patiently focused on you
where are you now I can hear footsteps, I'm dreaming
and if you will, keep me from waking to believe this"
```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````` ``````````````````````````````
Gaping at him, she wasn't sure whether she had heard him correctly. She didn't respond at first but it didn't bother him. And for the first time in over a year, Ephram Brown's lips met Amy's. Savoring every moment, he wished the snow would never stop falling, that they'd be stuck there together forever.
"That's the first time a guy has told me he loves me and I fully believed it. I know Colin said it. . .but it was STILL after he woke up from the coma. That, and he was just about to have surgery again. When you said it just now, I was completely at a loss for words. That's why I can't just be your friend Ephram. I thought I wanted to, but. . . you make it so hard. Every time I see you . . ." she said with her eyes closed.
"You don't have to just be my friend," he said kissing her again. The candles were starting to die down now from the swift gusts of wind that snuck in through the cracks of the cabin walls. The flames flickered in and out violently.
"This is real this time, I promise." She said slowly. She leaned her head on his chest as the sat on the blanket in the dimly lit room.
"Want me to check outside and see if it's stopped snowing?" he asked after about half an hour of quiet.
"No. I don't want to know. I'd rather just say we fell asleep and didn't know if the storm and stopped or not."
"I thought you were the town's good girl," he said kissing her nose. She gave him a puzzled look which turned into a smile within seconds. "Sounds like Wendell isn't the only genius around here."
They lay down after a few minutes, figuring they should get a little sleep at least. Amy rested her head on his chest and listened to his heartbeat. They covered themselves with the blanket and extinguished the candles.
```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````` `````````````````````````````
"Are you afraid of being alone
cause I am, I'm lost without you
are you afraid of leaving tonight
cause I am, I'm lost without you"
```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````` ```````````````````````````````
"I love you," he whispered in her ear.
"I love you too," she said kissing him now, relieved that she finally got to say how she had been feeling for all those months. Their kisses lasted for several minutes. "I'm really glad I'm breaking curfew right now," she said smiling.
"Me too," he said rubbing her back.
"There is one thing I've been wondering about though," she said, her voice soft as she started to drift into sleep.
"What's that?"
"That wasn't really Delia's Good Charlotte CD, was it?" she said yawning.
"You think I'd listen to that type of music?" he asked playfully.
"Yes. You knew every single word." She said gently laughing.
"Okay . . . you caught me. What's so wrong with Good Charlotte anyway?"
"Nothing! I like them too. At least you don't have Bright's taste of music. God."
"What? Mandy puts him in the mood." He said jokingly.
"You know what? I don't want to know how you know that." She said kissing him on the cheek and resting her head back down on his chest.
"Goodnight," he whispered.
"Night," she said and fell asleep within a matter of seconds. Resting in his arms, she was the most comfortable and happy she had been in over a year.
```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````` ```````````````````````````
"Are you afraid of being alone
cause I am, I'm lost without you
are you afraid of leaving tonight
cause I am, I'm lost without you
are you afraid of being alone
cause I am, I'm lost without you
are you afraid of leaving tonight
cause I am, I'm lost without you"
```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````` `````````````````````````````
As they slept they dreamt only of each other. And while it seemed everything could be perfect for once, they were oblivious to everything else . . . including what was about to happen in just a few hours. . .
"I just CANNOT believe that Amy would DO something like this," Dr. Abbott said as sat in the passenger side of the car while Andy drove them to the lodge.
"Well I can believe Ephram did. He'd do just about anything to be with her"
"You don't think they're doing anything stupid, Andy, do you?" Amy's father asked in a questioning tone.
Andy chuckled then said, "Well, two weeks ago they weren't even talking, one week ago they were having a pillow fight. God knows what they're doing tonight."
```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````` ```````````````````````````
"I'm lost without you
I'm lost without you
I'm lost without you
I'm lost without you
I'm lost without you"
```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````` ``````````````````````````