How to Slide Down Horatio Caine's Chimney in 10 Easy Steps
By Carolina

Hope restored, Eric sighed as he stood in front of the A/V lab, his hand on the knob. Tyler was closer to Calleigh than he was to anyone else around the lab and that made Eric feel much better. Surely he would help him out if Eric explained his situation. Being Calleigh's cohort, Tyler would want to see her happy. Yup, he could deal with Tyler.

Hopefully.

Eric took a deep breath and opened the door, thankful to see Tyler was alone. The room was slightly darkened, as it always was, except for a couple of Christmas decorations Tyler had decided could liven the room up a little bit. A few strands of tinsel around the computers, a couple of pictures of Santa Claus on the wall... Eric frowned at the tiny Christmas tree that sat between two monitors. He was beginning to resent this holiday.

"Hey, Tyler," he greeted, coming around to sit beside the young tech.

"Eric Delko," Tyler said, his eyes examining the monitors in front of him as if Eric wasn't there at all. "What can I do for you?"

Eric hesitated for a moment, chuckling nervously. Tyler's words could sting when he wanted them to. He would have to proceed with caution. "Uh, you remember the Secret Santa draw?"

"The one that took place last night, yes," Tyler said.

And there is was. The sarcasm. When it came to affectionate cynicism, Tyler was the king.

"Right," Eric said, scratched the back of his ear a couple of times. Just to give his hand something to do. "Ryan told me you got Calleigh, and I was wondering if maybe you could switch with me."

Tyler finally looked at Eric and frowned. "Ryan said I got Calleigh?"

"He said you looked at Calleigh after you read your little piece of paper," Eric explained. "Apparently that means—"

"She was sitting right in front of me," Tyler explained. "Where was I supposed to look?"

"So you didn't get Calleigh?"

"Sorry, man," Tyler said.

Eric sighed. Another dead end road. Headache reaching a higher level of painful. Hope taken out back and shot.

"So, you want Calleigh?"

"What?" Eric yelped a bit nervously.

"You said you wanted to switch for Calleigh," Tyler explained.

"Oh," Eric said, looking at a surveillance tape Tyler seemed to be studying, glad it was there as a distraction. "Uh, yes."

"Why?"

"Uh, it's a long story."

"It's a slow day," Tyler said, paused the tape, and leaned back on his chair. "Begin."

Eric looked around the room reluctantly, foolishly. There was nobody in the room with them, but you can't be too careful in this building, especially with Valera lurching around. "Okay, a couple of months ago I found this... thing that I thought would make a great present for Calleigh. I wanted to give it to her for her birthday, but that's in two months, and I don't wanna wait that long."

"And this... thing," Tyler mocked him, "wouldn't happen to be a naked Eric Delko wrapped in a red ribbon, would it?"

"What?"

Tyler shook his head and went back to his surveillance tape. "I don't know why you can't just tell her, it's so obvious."

Eric frowned. Huh?

"What's obvious?"

"Your little school boy crush. Everyone knows about it."

Eric chuckled nervously. "I don't have a crush on Calleigh."

Tyler mimicked Eric's chuckle, sarcastically. "Right."

"I'm serious," Eric said, reiterating the last word. "And what do you mean everyone knows about it?"

"Everyone knows about it," Tyler said like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Eric frowned again. The hell? Everyone who? Everyone just walked around, talking about his personal life? When was this all taking place? Oh, he was gonna kill Valera.

"Well, everyone couldn't be more wrong, because there's nothing going on between me and Calleigh."

Tyler sighed in annoyance, giving Eric a look of mild amusement. "Look, this is cute, this is very cute. I'm sure it's warm and sunny over there in denial, where you spend most of your time sketching Calleigh's wedding dress and imagining what it would be like to have 32 half white, half Cuban, half French, half Russian kids with her. And in your pathetic dream you both sit back and relax under the sun during Christmas day as the little tykes run around in their little wet suits, shooting things and singing I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus Last Night. And I'm sure it's sad every time you wake up and realize what a coward you are that you can't even tell her of your forbidden love, but this whole Secret Santa deal, Eric? You've just reached a whole new level of sad."

Eric blinked. Wow.

"First of all, thank you for being so sensitive about it," he said cynically.

"You're very welcomed."

Eric ignored him. "Second, it's not sad because there's absolutely no ulterior motive behind it. I found a nice present and I wanna give it to her. What's the big deal?"

"Okay, then. If it's no big deal, just give it to her," Tyler said.

"I can't."

"And why would that be?" Tyler teased. "Because you don't want her to know of your forbidden—"

"Because this is Calleigh we're talking about," Eric interrupted him. "You know how she gets."

Tyler shook his head. "I never believed it was possible for someone to be handsome and dorky at the same time, Eric. But then I met you."

Eric rolled his eyes and shook his head disbelievingly. "Is there a special reason why everyone feels the need to insult me today, or is this a regular occurrence I wasn't privy to?"

Tyler raised his eyebrows and shook his head. Straight people. They had to be insane. "Okay, fine, think what you will. But you know what? I like you, so I'm gonna help you out. I think I know who got Calleigh."

Eric immediately rolled his chair closer. "Who?"

Tyler looked around to make sure no one was listening and inched closer to Eric. "A couple of minutes ago I walked into the break room and saw Alexx leafing through a holster catalog."

Eric blinked. "And?"

"And why else would she have a holster catalog, if not to buy Calleigh a present?"

"Holsters are expensive," Eric said. "The gifts are supposed to be less than thirty dollars."

"Yeah, but you know Alexx," Tyler said. "When she likes you she goes overboard. And Calleigh is her favorite. No way is she going to get her a thirty dollar present."

Eric thought about this for a while. Of course it made sense. Calleigh's holster was looking a little ragged these days. And now that Speed was gone, Calleigh had quickly moved into Alexx's Favorite Person slot to replace him.

Interesting.

"Am I right or am I right?" Tyler asked.

"Let's find out," Eric said as he stood up. "Thanks, Tyler."

Tyler watched him go, and as soon as Eric opened the door, he chuckled and called out, "Thirty two kids, you dog."

"Shut up," Eric grumbled and shut the door behind him.

Once outside, Eric sighed. Alright, this was starting to prove just a little bit harder than he had anticipated. Annoying as well. Where did everybody get the idea that he was in love with Calleigh? Fine, common sense seemed to disappear whenever she was around, his mouth tended to get a little dry as well, and true, he did forget his own name once, but really, it's not like he walked around behind her like some sort of pathetic love struck puppy. He was smooth. He was collected. He was a hell of a damn good actor and his parents had the video of his third grade production of Peter Pan to prove it.

So either Tyler was just teasing him, or Valera was beginning to spread her nasty rumors again. Eric shook his head. That woman was a force not to be reckoned with. Mental note: apologize to Valera twice – for Ryan's romantic incompetence and for whatever it was he had done to make her spread those lies.

As he crossed the hallway on his way to the break room, he could see none other than Calleigh herself from where he stood, cheerfully chatting away with Stephanie, leaning against the desk, providing Eric with a really nice rear view shot...

Okay, so maybe he thought about her a little too much. Maybe. But hell, he was straight. She was beautiful. Just simple biology, really. In his experience, guys who didn't think Calleigh was beautiful were either crazy or gay. And despite the fact that he tended to lose it sometimes, he wasn't crazy, and he certainly wasn't gay. Not that there's anything wrong with that. He was simply a pitcher, not a catcher. Nothing wrong with that either.

And really, none of that mattered at all, because if Eric was certain of one thing in his life it was the fact that Calleigh was not attracted to him at all. Elephants would fly before she even thought about him romantically. He knew that better than he knew how to blink. He had even come to accept it. So where everybody had gotten the idea that he was in love with Calleigh Duquesne was beyond him.

"Eric, you're not going to find the name of your shooter printed on Calleigh's butt cheek. Get back to work!" Horatio barked as he walked by.

Eric jumped and froze in place. By the time he turned around, Horatio was gone.

He frowned. Had that happened at all or had it been some horrible midday terror? Eric looked around to make sure no one had heard. Luckily, the hallway was empty, save for the pictures of Santa Claus that now stared at him as if he was the one wearing an unflattering outfit. And then there was Calleigh, who was now looking in his direction with an amused smile on her face.

Had she heard that? No, she couldn't have. Too far away. Plus if she had, she would've shot him by now. Men don't usually check Calleigh out, even if sometimes it's just an impulse, and live to tell about it.

Still, that was close. Too close to breathe a sigh of relief yet.

So he just stood there, almost statuesque like. Any sudden movements and she could attack at any moment. Better be safe than sorry. But Calleigh just smiled playfully and winked at him, looking happy and oh, so cute.

Didn't take long after that for his cheeks to start stinging. Suddenly his tongue was completely dry and getting worse at the mere knowledge that she was still looking in his direction. So he looked down and cleared his throat, trying to figure out which way was left and which way was right. Finally picked one at random and walked away.

Off to the break room to talk to... what's her face.