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Chapter FiveChakotay returned to Voyager, looking somewhat dazed, but determined, as if he couldn't believe what was happening, but was going to do what needed to be done. The EMH put a hand on his arm, as they strode from the transporter room.
"If this had happened to you, and I was dealing with Captain Janeway, I would order you to rest. You need some time to assimilate the situation."
"If you order me to my quarters, I will order your program wiped," Chakotay's voice was that of soul-weariness. "And would that it were reversed. I would give anything if it had been me instead of her."
"Just remember," the doctor said gently, "the crew is going to be looking to you, and you need to be capable of the leadership they need." Chakotay nodded.
"I know, doctor. Thank you." He boarded a turbolift to the bridge, and tapped his commbadge.
"Chakotay to the bridge."
"Tuvok here."
"I want you and Lieutenant Torres to meet me in the ca-captain's ready room." His throat closed up, and he almost choked on that word. Tuvok made no comment, other than,
"Aye, sir."
When he arrived in the ready room, the other two officers were already there. B'Elanna must have been at her bridge station, Chakotay mused. They both stood as he walked into the room.
"I take it that the news is not good," Tuvok observed.
Chakotay closed his eyes, swallowed, and, unable to speak without breaking down, managed to shake his head in the negative. There was a muffled cry from B'Elanna. When he looked up, she had one fist pressed up against her mouth.
"Have you decided on our next course of action...Captain?" Tuvok paused only slightly before the title, but it hung heavily in the room.
"I... I want a team down there with some anti-grav equipment, so we can recover her..her body," he said with difficulty. "B'Elanna, I want you to oversee how we can do that. The area is very unstable. I don't want to cause more damage, or risk more lives. Offer what assistance we can to the Torvalans, but I want to get our supplies and get out of here, as soon as possible." There was a silence.
"Are – are you okay, Chakotay?" B'Elanna ventured, after a moment. He met her gaze for the first time since he'd entered the room.
"No, I'm not." His voice was almost angry. "I loved her. Did you know that?"
B'Elanna almost smiled then. "Everybody knew it."
"I think even she knew it," Chakotay's laugh was bitter. "And we never did a damn thing about it. We always put it off, I let her put me off. We always thought we had time. Always time. And now...she's gone, gone." There was a note of disbelief in his tone. "And it's forever."
B'Elanna's eyes filled with sympathetic tears at the shine in her old friend's eyes. She enfolded him into her arms, and he went limp against her smaller frame, and cried. Heavy, wracking sobs shook his body, and she held him wordlessly, until the storm was spent. They both seem to have forgotten Tuvok's presence, until Chakotay finally straightened and stepped out of B'Elanna's embrace.
"Tuvok, I'm sorry." Chakotay was trying to restore his composure.
"I have found that humans often need an outlet for their negative emotions. It is good that you were able to do so in the presence of friends, and it will only help you to continue to cope with the situation in which you find yourself thrust." Tuvok looked at him for a moment, and appeared to be trying to transmit strength to him. Chakotay realized with wonder that Tuvok had known Captain Janeway for a long time, and this was most likely hurting him as well.
B'Elanna left then, with parting promises to be there for him whenever he wanted to talk, and began to assemble her recovery team and equipment.
"I'd really like to keep you at tactical, Tuvok, but I think you are the best choice for first officer." Chakotay said finally. "Lieutenant Paris would be my next choice, but he's a medic and the best pilot we've got. I don't want to overextend him. Can Ayala take the security chief job and man tactical?"
"Lieutenant Ayala is most capable. I have no doubt in his ability to perform the job to your standards." Chakotay nodded, all business, though his tension was still evident by the set of his jaw.
"Then, we'll give you field commission to full Commander, and Ayala and Paris to Lieutenant Commander. Put Paris as third officer, and Ayala as fourth." He thought a moment, and said. "Promote Harry to Lieutenant, and make him fifth." He stopped, and appeared to be steeling himself for some unpleasant task. "I guess now it's time to let everybody know. Open shipwide channel."
The computer trilled obediently.
"Voyager, this is Co- Chakotay. It is my unpleasant duty to inform you of the sad news that Captain Kathryn Janeway was killed in the explosion down on Torvala Seven." He was barely holding on to his composure. "I will be accepting the position as your captain. Commander Tuvok will be your executive officer. Other promotions are pending.
I know all of you grieve for the captain's loss as I do. We are making every effort to recover her body, and will inform you regarding a memorial service as soon as possible....Kathryn, we'll miss you. Chakotay out." He sagged in his chair as soon as the channel closed.
"Tuvok, are you okay?" he asked.
"Captain Janeway has long been someone that I have been proud to call friend. Her loss was untimely and unnecessary, and I shall always...miss her." Tuvok replied. "Vulcans do not experience grief to the extent that humans do..."
"You're lucky," Chakotay interjected, sourly.
"..and I shall be fine, Captain. Thank you for your concern." Tuvok finished, his tone as warm and gentle as Chakotay had ever heard.
"Thanks, Tuvok." Chakotay extended a hand, and, after a moment of hesitation, Tuvok clasped it. They shook firmly, each regarding the other, realizing that they were now the command team, and would have to work together to achieve Kathryn's dream of getting them home.
"Torres to Chakotay," came over Chakotay's commbadge. B'Elanna sounded extremely upset.
"Chakotay here. B'Elanna, what's wrong?"
"We're down here on the planet. And the captain's body is gone."
"Gone? B'Elanna, what?" Chakotay sat up from his slouching position on the sofa.
"You heard me. Gone. These p'takh bureaucrats have mislaid it or something. They can't find it," B'Elanna growled.
"Did they say they moved it?"
"Some underling did...he didn't realize she wasn't Torvalan, or some damn fool thing like that. She may have been taken with the other Torvalan victims."
"Well, where are they? B'Elanna, I don't want to leave without her."
"Chakotay... the Torvalans cremate their dead."
TBC