"Ponyboy Curtis, if you don't get out of that bed THIS INSTANT, I'm gonna skin you!" Darry's voice was not a pleasant thing to wake up to. I rolled over and took a peek at the clock. It was 6:55 on Friday morning, and I was beat. School was going to be hard to endure.
The whole rest of the week had been so stressful that I was ready for the weekend, despite my break on Tuesday. Two days didn't seem enough for all the things that had happened. Soda, being the happy-go-lucky guy that he is, bounced back by Thursday. He insisted on going to work, although Darry pretty much ordered him to stay home. When Soda's got energy, there's no containing him. I knew it was a dumb move, him going to work, I mean. After I had a concussion, I had to stay in bed for a week. A concussion may have been different than broken ribs and stitches, but I figured if any difference it would take longer to heal. When I got out of school to Two-bit honking the horn of his car wildly at me, I got a sick feeling in my stomach. It turned out that working was definitely too much for Soda, and he had collapsed. We all knew it, but Soda was 17 ½, and we couldn't really tell him until he found out for himself. Steve had to bring him to the ER for the second time in a week. Once again, I had spent the night taking care of Sodapop. By 4:30, he was asleep and I could crawl into bed for another 2 ½ hours of sleep before school.
Darry trudged into the bedroom. "I was serious. Get up, kid, you're gonna be late for school."
"I don't want to go to school..." I mumbled irritably.
"I don't care. Get," he pulled the covers off of me and pulled the pillow out from under my head.
"Hey!" I exclaimed, and then realized Soda was still sleeping. Darry gave me his impatient look that he almost always is wearing.
"Alright, alright, I'm going." I rustled around and found some clothes. While dressing, I remembered a week ago when I went to visit Johnny and Dally's graves. Glory, it seemed way longer than a week ago. I could remember the whole dialogue. As I was pulling on a white t-shirt, a thought from that conversation stopped me dead. The decision. I had decided. Church and Soda getting hurt made me forget.
I dashed out the door after yelling to Darry that I was going to walk Sarah home after school.
It was a normal day, filled with the monotone of teacher's voices, the bustling of the kids in the hall, and that dang bell. There were very few days in my high school career where I hated that bell. That day was one of them. Every time it rang I wanted to throw something at it. I was relieved when it sounded its final call to signify school's end.
Seeing the flash of dark brown in the swarming halls, I took off towards it.
"Sarah, hey," I tapped her on the shoulder. The warmth of her body penetrated though my finger and to my heart. I shivered.
"Hello, Pony." She seemed focused on something else, like she was deep in though. That happened a lot, so I just walked beside her silently, enjoying the moment. Right then, there were no other kids in that hall. It was just me and Sarah, walking through a pine grove in the country...
"How are you?" her voice broke my fairy land of thought.
"What? Oh, I'm fine. What about you?"
"Okay." There was something about her tone that jogged my subconscious into thing that something was wrong. I ignored it.
"Thinking again?" I give her a grin.
"Yeah..." There was an attempt at a half grin. In the silence that followed I gather my thoughts and prepared myself. All day, I had been planning, and now I felt tongue tied.
"Hey... Can I walk you home? There's something I want to show you."
She turned to me and I thought I saw a faint flicker of curiosity. "Sure, what is it that you want to show me?"
"I can't tell you, you have to see."
Sarah stopped walking. "What are you planning, Ponyboy Curtis?"
"Planning?" I tried to look innocent.
"Where are we going?"
"I was thinking on taking the scenic route to your house. Unless, that is, you object." I was mocking her eloquent way of speaking, but luckily she didn't catch on. The graveyard technically was a long way to her house, in some odd way.
I had already told her about greasers and socs. That had come up Tuesday night when she had come back to bring us dinner. I had explained to her the whole rivalry, taking nearly an hour to complete it all. Steve caught the tail end of my history of the soc/greaser feud, and mumbled something about Dally being the toughest grease there ever was. Sarah had looked at me with puzzled eyes, which lead to a brief explanation of Dally and Johnny. I couldn't handle much more than five minutes of talking about it, but she was really curious. Steve helped me out a little. I think she sensed that it hurt to talk about, because she stopped asking questions after Steve explained a little of it. It wasn't completely about the pain of thinking about it. She thought pretty highly of me, as far as I knew. I wouldn't want to ruin that by telling her I had a best friend who murdered a soc, then we had run away, during which we accidentally set an old church on fire, and then attempted to save little kids who had gotten trapped inside. I assumed that some part of that story would make her never want to see me again. Someday, I knew she'd find out. Until then, I'd let her get to know who I was now that that was over. Maybe by the time she found out about my story, she'd trust me enough to know that I wasn't a criminal.
The October leaves were tinted all different colors in the graveyard. Minimal talking went on the whole way there. Normally, we would be talking our hearts out about something unimportant. It was on the way there that I allowed myself to wonder if something really was wrong. Before I had time to ask, the graveyard came up and it was time to explain why we were there.
We walked past the old tombstones, each covered in leaves and bearing their own story.
"What are we doing?" Sarah whispered. It was like breaking the silence would wake the people up.
"I wanted to show you this," I said as we approached the correct graves. "These were my friends, Johnny and Dallas. They died in the same night. Johnny was my best friend..." I paused, letting her ask questions if she had any. When she was silent, staring at the graves with her eyes wide open, I continued. "I didn't think I'd ever let someone get as close to me as Johnny was. He just understood me without having to say anything...."
"I'm so sorry, Ponyboy," she looked like she was going to cry. All I wanted to do was wrap my arms around her and tell her not to cry.
"Don't be sorry... Please don't be." That was all I could get out. Taking a deep breath, I forced myself to continue. "You're the first person I've actually wanted to let in. After they died, I just shut all my emotions off. I refused to feel. But, since the first day I saw you, I knew I could let you in. Sarah..." I saw a single tear escape her eye. "Don't do that. Please don't cry. I really like you. You're the first girl I've felt this way about." I faltered, but regained composure and continued. "Do you think, well, would you...? Would you be my girlfriend?" There, I had done it. I asked her. Now it was up to her. And I felt like a danged fool.
Her reaction was one I couldn't have predicted in my wildest dreams (and I did have some wild ones).
"You don't want to be my boyfriend..." the tears she had been holding back were slowly falling.
"But I do," I insisted. "I really do. What's the matter?"
"I'm not that perfect, Ponyboy." Her tearful eyes met mine. "I'll drive you crazy. Besides, I don't think you'd even want to try to get past my dad and Justin."
"Drive me crazy?! That's ridiculous, girl!" I softened my tone. "You'll never drive me crazy. Not ever, you hear? You're the best friend I've had in a long time."
"No," he tone hardened. "You don't understand. I can't possibly be a good girlfriend. I don't even make a good friend right now. How can help you if I can't even help myself?"
I was really confused at that comment. "What are you talking about?"
"Ponyboy, listen to me. There's something wrong with me. The doctor said it's something that scientists are just looking into. I can't control how I feel, I can't think straight, and I'm down without a reason. They think it's something with brain chemicals, I don't know. But I drive everyone in my house crazy, so who's to say before long I'll drive you crazy?" She was just standing there, looking so alone and confused. It made me love her even more, if this was love. "I have to go home." She turned and walked away.
I wanted to run after her as fast as I could and assure her that I would never push her away, ever. That I'd always feel like this, and having something messed up with body chemicals wasn't going to change anything. But something told me to say where I was, so I did. The silhouette of her body shook as she walked, and I knew she was crying.
"Why?" I turned to face Johnny's grave. "What the heck is wrong with me?" I wanted to kick something. Instead, I ran. I ran away from town, farther from my house, towards the country, or anything that would explain to me why Sarah didn't think I'd like her more once I knew her better. I already knew a lot about her, and I was yearning to know more. If she needed someone to hold on to, I'd be there. Didn't she know that?
When I calmed down, I headed back towards home. There had to be a way to convince her. If it meant just being her friend until eternity, I would do it.