Monday and Tuesday were those gross kinds of rainy days. I tried to ignore the weather and stay positive, which wasn't very hard, considering I had gotten to ride in a mustang all the way to the east side of town Sunday night. Man, the only other car I had even been in that was that tuff was Randy's. I hadn't even ridden in his, either, just sat in it. My interest in cars was developing rapidly, and riding in a couple of really tuff cars got me a little crazy.

When I caught sight of the brown flash in the halls on Monday, I ran towards it. Being incredibly crazy, I shot Sarah a grin and tried (unsuccessfully, of course) to cock an eyebrow.

"Hey!" I patted her on the back, "I haven't seen you all weekend. What's up?"

The reaction I was hoping for was immediate. Her face broke into a classic Sarah grin, and I knew I had finally done something right. "Hi, Pony! Nothing really is up, just spent the weekend doing random things and such."

"Tuff enough. How are you today?" I tried to ask it casually, but I was really wondering if she was still upset.

"I was a little stressed this morning, that is, until you made that crazy face."

"Crazy face?" I said indignantly. "Oh, you mean like this?" I repeated my eyebrow-cocking attempt.

"I swear, Ponyboy Curtis, you must be one of the craziest kids I know." She said, hardly containing her laughter.

"I'll take that as a compliment." I strode onward by her side until we came to the part in the hallway where I went left and she went right. "I'll see you later on, okay?"

"Sure, see you." With one last crazy look, we each went our directions. After that conversation, I knew everything was normal. The relief that I felt at that moment was long-awaited, and it felt great. I went through the rest of school grinning to myself, despite the crummy weather.

When I got home on Wednesday, I was surprised to find Soda lying on the couch. For the past couple of days, I had walked in the door to find him practicing hiding cards in various places for poker, or something crazy like that. He was getting restless, but Darry wouldn't dare let him go back to work until at least another week.

"Hey, Soda," I called, throwing my books on the coffee table and kicking off my shoes. When he didn't say anything, I walked over to him. "Soda?"

"Hi," he said, barely audibly.

"What's the matter? Are you okay?" concern was rising up in my voice.

"Yeah, I just have a headache."

"Well, stay there. I'll get you those pain meds, and it'll go away."

"No, don't. I'm too queasy."

"Okay." I said easily, though I was really worried. Worry was becoming a familiar feeling these past couple of weeks. The sermon on Sunday helped a little, but it didn't stop it.

I walked into the kitchen and started making some dinner for me and Darry. We had chicken, so I decided to cut the bones out of some of the really meaty parts and bake it with some seasonings. There was some chicken broth in the cupboard, so I decided to make Sodapop put something into his stomach.

I carried a mug with the broth over to Soda. "Sit up, Sodapop. I want you to drink this." He just moaned his response. "Come on, please?" I prodded.

"No."

I set the mug down on the coffee table and gently sat on the edge of the couch. "Is it that bad that you won't sit up?" I kept my voice even so he wouldn't get mad.

"Yeah."

"Soda, how long has your head been hurting?" Like everything else that had happened within the past few weeks, this wasn't normal for Sodapop. He never got hurt, never was sick, and even if he was, he never complained.

"Hmm, I don't know. All day…" he mumbled.

Glory! I had dealt with headaches before, but never all day, and not normally to the point of lying down and not wanting to get up. Darry would be home soon. He'd know what to do. I just had to stay calm until then.

"Try to go to sleep, bro. If you need anything, holler."

I tried to do my homework while I waited for Darry to come home. About diddly squat got done, because every few minutes I would look up from whatever I was doing, check the clock to see if Darry was coming home soon, and make sure Soda was alright. Then, I would lose my place and have to start over again.

The door latch clicked, and I jumped up from Darry's armchair.

"Darry! Something's wrong with Sodapop. He says his head hurts and he's queasy and I can't get him to eat anything. He's been like this all day. What do I do?" I was freaking out. All the worry and restlessness and excitement that had welled up inside me all came out.

"Whoa, take it easy, little buddy." Darry took off his coat and hung it up. "It'll be alright."

He made his way through the pile of books, clothes, cards, and other random mess on the floor over to the couch. He switched the light on and bent over Soda.

"Hey, Pepsi-cola, you alright?"

"Uhhnn," Soda threw his arm over his eyes to block out the light. I just stood there, arms akimbo, trying not to bite my nails.

"What hurts little buddy?"

"Everything," Soda croaked.

Darry felt Soda's forehead, then checked his ribs. He looked up at me with his normal, emotionless expression.

"Did you make dinner, Pony?"

"Yeah, it's in the oven staying warm."

"Good." He turned back to Soda and lowered his voice. "I'm gonna go eat dinner, kid. You just relax, and I'll be back to check on you. We'll be right in the next room, so yell if you need anything."

I grabbed some plates and served up the warm chicken. Darry and I didn't normally talk that much, and tonight was no different. We ate silently, cleared our places, and then Darry went to take care of Soda while I did the dishes.

When I was finished, I walked into the living room. Soda's head was in Darry's lap, and Darry was stroking it. They both looked at me when I walked into the room. Soda's eyes were wild-looking, almost frightened. I met Darry's gaze and silently pleaded for him to tell me everything was alright. It might have been Sodapop that was sick, but I felt like I needed to be held like that, too. Darry only gave me his expressionless look of ice cold, and then turned back to Soda.

"Feeling any better yet?" I asked Soda, breaking the silence that had been looming over the three of us.

He could only shake his head with a look of sheer pain on his face. "S'gettin worse," he finally managed. His whole body tensed up, and he moaned.

"Take it easy, little buddy, take it easy," Darry soothed. "Me and Pony ain't going anywhere. Shh."

I saw a few tears come from his tightly shut eyes. He finally relaxed all over, and I couldn't tell if he had fallen asleep or passed out. Looking to Darry for an answer, I tried to be as quiet as I could.

"Is he?" I whispered, not getting anything else out.

Darry nodded sagely. "The pain finally knocked him out. Help me get him into bed."

He lifted our brother off the couch, and I followed him to Soda's and my bedroom. We both made sure he was covered and comfortable before Darry walked out of the room. For some reason I didn't know, I decided to follow him.

"Darry?" I said to his back. He leaned against the wall and ran a hand through his short hair. "Darry, what's wrong?"

He managed a weak grin. "Nothing, kiddo. You should go to bed now. Come and get me if he wakes up."

"But Darry," I wasn't satisfied. "Do you think he's okay? I mean, well, shouldn't we get a doc or something?" I was nervous standing there in front of him, and I wasn't sure why.

A broad hand fell on my shoulder. "Ponyboy, it's okay." I didn't believe him. I shook my head, and my eyes started burning, which meant the tears might soon come. I felt like I was seven again, asking my dad if my dog was going to be okay. "Look at me, Pony." I looked up into Darry's icy eyes. "Soda's tough. He'll be alright. I know this has been pretty rough for you. We both worry about Sodapop a lot, but you have to believe me when I say he'll be okay." I couldn't look at him anymore. My eyes fell to my socks. There was a hole in the toe. Before I could stop myself, the floor blurred, and I felt the first hot tear roll down my face.

Darry didn't say anything at all. He just wrapped his arms around me in a tight, protective hug. It was then that I realized Darry and I were getting close. We were talking, helping, and comforting each other. For once, he wasn't tough old Darry who worked too hard and didn't give a rat's rear end about my feelings. He was my big, strong older brother, who would protect me from whatever he could. I could relate to him, in a way. I was secure right there in our hallway, just me and Darry.

Breathing a sigh of relief, I let go, and felt a wave of tiredness sweep over me.

"Goodnight, Darry," I yawned.

"Goodnight, kiddo. And Ponyboy…"

"Yeah?"

"Relax." He smirked. Darry smirked. I was taken aback, completely unaware that he owned that facial expression. Then I realized he was kidding, since we were always telling him he needed to relax.

I grinned, "Sure, Darry, sure."

"Morning," I walked into the kitchen and opened the fridge to get some chocolate milk.

Darry set down the morning paper. "Hey," he sipped his coffee. We sat at the kitchen table quietly for a little while, me drinking my chocolate milk, Darry his coffee. He was reading the paper, and I was thinking. There was comfort in the normalcy of the morning, especially since the night before was anything but normal.

"So," I broke the silence. I wasn't really sure what to say or think or do. Soda hadn't gotten up at all the night before, and I was figuring one of us should be home in case he needed something.

"What's on your mind, kid?" Darry had read my expression.

"I was just thinking, well, if I should stay home from school today. You know, to make sure Sodapop isn't alone."

"No, you're going to school. I was planning on staying home this morning, just until he woke up. I have a few half-days to use up with work, anyhow." The way he said it seemed like he had already thought it through completely. When Darry makes a decision, it's best not to argue. I still try, but the results are never what I want.

"Okay. I'm gonna go get ready for school, then." Part of me was relieved to get out of the house. Any more excitement and I would probably have cracked.

I found an empty table in the cafeteria for lunch. Two-bit and Steve had gone to the convenience store, but I didn't feel like going. I also didn't really feel like talking to anyone, so I chose to lone it.

The alone-ness only lasted a few minutes. Sarah walked up and sat down at the table.

"Hey, Ponyboy, what are you doing all alone?"

I decided to keep the mood light by joking around. "They didn't tell you? I'm the school's official loner. It's my job to eat lunch alone once a month, just to keep up the reputation."

"Yeah, right," she rolled her eyes at me. "How are you?"

"I'm fine, how are you?" It rolled off my tongue easily, but I knew it was a lie.

"I'm alright today," she sighed. I wasn't really sure what to say, so I went back to eating my sandwich.

Sarah broke the silence. "Are you sure you're okay? You seem stressed."

I didn't want to lie to her again, but I didn't want to talk about Soda, either. "Yeah, I'm just a little stressed. It's nothing."

Her eyes said that they didn't believe me, but she dropped it. Instead, she brought up something that caught me totally off guard.

"Matt told me you were at church Sunday night." I couldn't detect what she was getting at in her voice.

"Yeah," I said suspiciously. "What about it?"

"Nothing. I just was a little surprised. I'm sorry I wasn't there."

"It's no big deal. Why were you surprised?" I didn't let her answer. "I may be a greaser, but I like church."

"I never thought you didn't."

I took a deep breath, knowing that my head wasn't clear, and I needed to be careful.

"You're not yourself today. Seriously, what's got you stressed?" There was concern in her voice. I looked up and met her big brown eyes with my green-ish gray ones.

"It's nothing. Soda just had a bad day yesterday, so I'm kind of worried. But it's nothing."

"Is he alright?"

I really hadn't wanted to get into this. "Yeah, he'll bounce back. How's Olivia doing?" I completely changed the subject, desperate to stop talking about Sodapop.

"She's doing good," I caught her half-smiling at the mention of her baby sister. "I've been trying to get her to crawl and stand up recently. We're not making huge progress, but it's fun."

"That's pretty tuff. I swear, she's a tough little girl." I felt some of the stress leave as we talked about Olivia. If there was any little kid that could make me grin, it was her. I normally wasn't very fond of kids, but this one was different.

"She sure is. Hey, you want to come over after school and see her? I'm sure with you there she'd be motivated to try harder."

"I'd like that just fine," I grinned in spite of myself. Sarah opened her mouth to say something, but the bell rang before she got it out.

"I've got to get to class. Meet me at the front doors when school is over."

"Okay."

We were pretty quiet on the way to Sarah's house. I had been able to clear my head a little bit during study hall by reading some more of The Iliad, so things weren't as tense as they were at lunch. She seemed to be in a pretty light mood, as well, which was great. Most of the leaves had fallen off the trees. They looked gray and barren. I noticed Sarah was looking at them the same way I was. Maybe she noticed it, too.

"Man, fall sure went fast. Not even a week ago these trees were half full of leaves," I commented dreamily.

"Yeah, it sure did." She seemed to only be half thinking about what she was saying, captivated by the look of the outdoors. "The trees almost look dead now, but I know that there is life under all the gray."

Dang, that girl was deep. She had just beaten my record of deep thinking, which had to be extremely deep. In a flash, I remembered Johnny and me reading gone with the wind. He got more out of it than I did, which was also surprising. Maybe, somehow, I was supposed to meet Sarah, so I could remember the good points of Johnny. Maybe I still had lots to learn from him, and she would help me. Or, maybe I was just crazy, and nothing had anything to do with anything else.

"Life under all the gray," I whispered under my breath, thinking.

"If you think about it, it's almost like people. Sometimes, they can be so cold, that you can't see they're human, but you just have to have faith that they really, truly are."

I though back to a year ago when I thought Darry couldn't possibly be human. I knew differently now. "You couldn't be more right," I breathed, the cold air penetrating my lungs.

We were less than a mile from her house. For some odd reason, a rush of adrenaline went through me.

"Race you," I drawled.

"You're on! Starting now!" She took off without another word. I stood there shocked for a second before bounding after her.

Of course, I could have beaten her. I didn't want to, though, so I planned it that we would get there at the same time. As we walked through the door into the warm house, panting, Justin caught sight of us. He cocked his eyebrow and shook his head. Then, he gave me a nod and headed out the door. I nodded back. After that talk, the two of us were cool.

"Mom, Pony and I are going to play with Olivia," Sarah shouted to her mother, who was in the kitchen.

"Hello, Ponyboy," Mrs. Piatt said hospitably. "Okay, Sarah. She's with Jake reading a book right now, so you'll have to talk to him."

"Come on," she said to me, "Jake will probably be up in his room."

I followed her up a steep flight of stairs to a hallway with random bedroom doors. She went to one in the middle. It was half-opened, so she knocked, then went straight in. Low and behold, there on the bed (which was somehow still visible, despite the absence of seeing the floor) sat Jake, and with him, Olivia. I hadn't really met Jake before. I had seen him a few times, but he was normally out playing with his friends. Now that I got a good look at him, I noticed that he and Sarah could almost pass as twins. He was about her height, and they had the same hair color. Their face, nose, mouth, and ears looked almost identical. The only thing that set them apart was the eyes. Hers were a deep, soft brown. His were a stormy gray-blue, almost like the lightening sky of dawn, before the sun has really risen.

He looked up as we entered.

"Hey, Jake, done with Olivia yet?" she bounced over to the bed through the sea of clothes.

"Yeah, almost. We just got one more page." They were reading Dr. Seuss's: The Lorax. I remembered reading it when I was little.

They finished, and the little girl seemed mesmerized with it. She kept looking at the last page, then urging it to turn, as if to ask, "Isn't there more?" I think she was enjoying the company of her big brother.

Jake closed the book and picked lifted Olivia off the bed. Walking over, he handed her to Sarah and headed down the steep stairs. She almost looked confused that she had been moved from her brother's comfortable lap into Sarah's arms. Then, she recognized me and grinned.

"Hey, kid," I ran my finger down her check. She let out a giggle and then did something unexpected. She reached for me, like she wanted me to hold her or something. I took a step back, so Olivia would know to stay in Sarah's arms, but she only leaned over and kept reaching.

"I think she wants to go to you," Sarah grinned.

"Naw, I don't think so. I mean, why would she want me?" But still, the little girl persisted, until Sarah got tired of shifting around so the baby didn't fall.

"Come on, Pony, just take her." She was using her joking around, yet coaxing voice, and I just gave in, because I was starting to like the idea of Olivia liking me.

"Alright, come on little girl," I grabbed her under the arms and put her on my hip like a natural. The truth was, I'd only held her that one time, but I'd seen Sarah do it so many times that I knew how it was done. "Where to?" I questioned.

Sarah laughed.

"What?"

"It's nothing. Just, I'm surprised how right it looks, you holding her, I mean. It doesn't look funny or anything. I think you've got a knack with kids."

"Me?" I was shocked. Laughing it off, I said, "No way. It's just Olivia." After thinking about it, I added, "She gave me a chance." I wasn't really sure what I meant. Part of it was that she hadn't minded when I didn't know how to hold her. Also, she liked me without knowing me. She just smiled at me and that was enough.

Sarah gave me a doubtful look. "Let's head downstairs to the living room. We can sit on the carpet in there."

I followed her down the stairs and to her location of choice.

"So, what can she show me?" I asked after we were all situated on the cozy carpet of their homely living room.

"Well," Sarah took Olivia from my lap and set her on the floor between us. "We've been working on crawling…"

The three of us spent the whole afternoon play around and trying new things with Olivia. Man, that girl would tolerate pretty much anything. She half-crawled, half-dragged herself a little bit across the floor, and would take steps if we held her up in a standing position. I was genuinely having fun, and for a little bit I was able to forget the things I had been worrying about.

Finally, I realized it was time for me to get going. Darry would be home in less than an hour, and Steve would only be able to stay still for so long before getting wild and doing something crazy. Besides, I hadn't seen Soda yet that day, and I was wondering how he was.

"Bye guys," I called as I headed out into the brisk air. It was cold, and once again, I was only wearing a t-shirt. I began my long walk home, thinking to myself about different odd things, feeling almost light-hearted. Things were starting to look up. Or so I thought.