The atmosphere in Greasy's Diner continued to bubble menacingly. Almost like the fat from the deep-fried Count-Discounts that Susan had been experimenting with for the Summerween/Hallowe'en menu.
The smell was the only thing more menacing, to be honest. That and the excessive smoke.
"So, Mister Mayor. When are you cutting off this charade?" Susan said, placing the pancakes (complete with frowny face) in front of the little man.
"I w-won't." He stammered.
The diminutive public servant had his hands between his little legs, his head hung in shame. But as he realised everybody in the diner was staring - nay, glaring - at him, he felt like his time had finally arrived. Just as Blubs was about to speak, he clambered his cowboy boots onto the diner's counter.
"What do you think you're doin'?" Blubs tried to protest.
"People," Tyler said, firmly. "I understand why you're upset. The Pines and Pacifica Northwest have made a mark on all of our lives! But you don't understand what the story behind all of this really is."
Bud scratched his cheek as he spoke up. "Now see, I don't mean to contradict you, Mr. Mayor, but that simply ain't true. We do know."
Tyler faltered. "Really? Really now?! About Bill Cipher's original route into our world, about-"
"Yes." Everybody replied, simply.
"And you're willing to-"
"Mister maaaayor, everybody makes mistakes," Susan said, returning to her sing-song drawl. "The Pines and Pacifica have done more than enough to show they caaaare."
There was a pause as the townspeople murmured in agreement, while Manly Dan began verbally abusing an opossum that was attempting to steal from his plate. It was completely obvious to the diminutive mayor that he needed to put his foot down.
He took a deep breath.
"We can't just - just forgive people! This is America!"
"You've gotten too hard into politics, dude." Kevin snapped back.
"IF WE ARRESTED EVERYONE WHO DID SOMETHIN' CRAZY, WE'D ALL BE JAAAAIL!" Dan bellowed, thumping the counter.
"They wiped my mind! They wiped my brain! I keep - I keep my stuff in there!" The little man continued, particularly heartbroken at Dan's siding. He had always thought- well- he wasn't sure what he'd thought. "How can you just - just drop all of this? Bill Cipher turned us all into a chair! We thought they saved us, but-"
"Well now, again, I ain't one to contradict our elected official, but they did save us," Bud said, nervously - getting somewhat worried by Cutebiker's increasingly erratic behaviour.
Tyler's jaw dropped. "I - I mean sure, after causing it!"
"So nooo damage doooone!" Susan replied in her usual, flighty manner. "They made ameeends! They fixed it!"
"Are you - are you people all crazy?"
Tyler looked at the group of townsfolk scattered around the diner's cramped interior. Soos was pretending to be a walrus with a pair of corndogs, much to Melody's amusement. Dan was eating an entire ham next to a now unconscious opossum. Susan was pouring coffee into an omlette batter. Kevin and Gus were using their cutlery to sculpt the floating cliffs out of particularly thick mashed potato.
He looked to Blubs and Durland, who were colouring with crayons (and going complete outside of the lines).
He considered the fact that the Diner was inside a giant log, stuck on the remains of a cataclysmic railroad accident with mysterious causes. Considered the mysterious floating cliffs, the giant caterpillars, the gnomes, gigantic beavers…
Was the place driving them crazy, or did the place just attract crazy? Was he crazy?
Heck, no, you ain't crazy, Tyler! You just really like jean shorts, pumas, panthers and airbrush t-shirts representing the pair! Like any good, warm-blooded male! You're the mayor! You're as normal as they come!
R-right?
He was beginning to doubt everything. He was beginning to really wonder what, if anything, he knew. But he had held that paperwork in his own hands! He had pored over it! He had signed the warrants!
It felt like he had been thinking for hours - in reality, it had barely been a few moments. The little man felt dizzy.
"Look, mister maaaayor, I catered for your naming ceremonyyy!" Susan said. "Surely you can cut us a deaaaal!"
"I'm sorry. I can't - I can't let them get away with this. One way or another, no matter how much we love them, the Pines took us for fools."
"MAYBE WE ARE FOOLS! FOOLS TO LISTEN TO THE LAW!" Dan yelled. "ANARCHY IN GRAVITY FALLS!"
"Daniel. Daniel!" Tyler protested, holding the man's enormous hand. "We're being fair, they'll get a trial! If they're innocent, they can-"
"AND WHAT'S INNOCENT TO YOU?" Dan bellowed back.
"Daniel, if they prove they aren't the worst goshdarned people in town, doing the worst goshdanged thing in town… I'll set 'em free with no questions asked."
Blubs spluttered on his coffee. "Now hang on here, I don't think-"
"No questions asked, Daryll."
"Damn." The sheriff huffed. "You got me good with that one."
"No wonder he's a dad-gum politician!" Durland whispered, reverently. "He's a gen-ee-us!"
"Fact is," Tyler continued, "They are the worst. All of them. I can handle fraudulent child stars an' I can even handle age-old family conspiracies, but the lying? The deception? For all I care, for what they've done to this town, they deserve to be in Li'l Gideon's company!"
Susan slammed down the coffee jug on the counter. "How dare you liken Pacifica to that - to that - that monster! …No offence, Bud."
"Now, I ain't arguing. I think you're right on the money. Ain't no doubting my little cherub had problems, and that whole spying pin-badge? Way worse than anything the Pines did. He was even spying on me an' Mrs Gleeful."
"How is your wife?" Susan smiled.
"Well, I ain't heard from the institution, but I'm sure she's doin' just fine."
Tyler spluttered. "How can you compare spying on people to covering up the biggest conspiracy in this town's history?"
The townsfolk all exchanged a glance, fairly comfortable in their knowledge that the biggest conspiracy - that of the town's very origin - was still buried. How would Tyler react when he knew about that? How could one possibly reflect on the fact that the town itself was built on a lie?
"Well shucks, Mister Maaaayor! Sometimes hiding the truth is better for people."
The little man in the jean shorts twitched his moustache as he ruminated on the matter.
Tyler was a man in a position of authority. A position he earnt by being the one good man to actually run for the mayoral election. He was a man who, in his own mind, was acting as one of the town's finest public servants.
Yet now, he had learnt that his friends - his allies - his peers - they had lied. They had lied, hid information from him, and facilitated the loss of his memory. It all felt terribly, terribly wrong. Like the worst kind of betrayal had happened under his charge. And people supported them. People were against him on this, and it just - it didn't make any sense.
The courts. That was his answer. A jury of the Pines' peers. A trial for the ages. If only to make sense of his own, terrible internal conflicts.
Rather than saying another word, Tyler Cutebiker sipped on his bitter coffee with an even bitter-er expression on his face. And a cookie in the shape of an ickle kitty cat.