This fic takes place about a month after the Season 10 finale, and Rachel didn't get off the plane, so she now lives in Paris.

Disclaimer- I don't own much besides a Stratocaster, a whole lot of CD's, and the computer I'm typing this on. So I definitely don't own Friends- that would be Bright, Kauffman, and Crane. I don't own this song either, it's Michelle Branch's, but I can play it on the guitar!!!

Chapter 1- Can't Go Back

Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything that I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to
The one thing that I tried to hold on to

I still get lost in your eyes
And it seems that I can't live a day without you
Closing my eyes and you chase my thoughts away
To a place where I am blinded by the light
But it's not right

-Michelle Branch, Goodbye to You

Another sob escaped Rachel, shaking her body as she pressed her forehead against the cool glass of the window she was gazing out of, at the lights of the city she had one dreamed about. That seemed like a hundred years ago. Now Rachel dreamed of being where she had been before this. Her home.

"Ross…" she whispered into the darkness, another flood of tears running down her already tear soaked face. Rachel knew she had done one of the worst possible things ever to do, even worse than leaving Barry at the altar years ago. She had walked completely away from the one man she would actually consider spending the rest of her life with, and now she was halfway across the world from him, and now there was no way he would ever accept her again. Rachel had done a completely cold-hearted thing to Ross, the one person she never wanted to hurt. She ran away when he poured out his soul, his life to her, and what did she do? She crushed it, probably for good. And why? Only because she was too afraid of herself. She knew she loved him more than words could describe, but she was just too scared of destroying herself with the sheer power of her love that she kept it all inside. And now all she was doing was destroying herself, worse than she ever could if she had stayed. Rachel banged her head on the glass, knowing that her heart was completely dead, feeling like she had been stabbed multiple times in her chest. Ross was the main point of her life before. Now she didn't have anyone or anything at all. She was completely alone, and for the first time, she didn't have a best friend, a boyfriend, or a parent to help her. She was dead inside. What was left for her?

Crying like this, it wasn't a new thing to her, she had done it every night since her arrival in Paris. It had been bad, but never like this. Rachel was terrified of what she was doing to herself, but she still felt herself slipping into the sea of agony that was all caused by her own fear. Rachel was lost, and had no idea what to do. How could Ross forgive her? How could she forgive herself?

Author's Note- Sorry it's so short, and there's barely any action, but I just had to get everything set up. Poor Rachel lol! Don't worry she doesn't die though!!  Next chapter- what happened to Ross? How does he feel now? COMING SOON!! Please review!!!

rock on,

vanessa b.